| Author | |
Becky Le
Forum Rookie
Joined: June 11 2008
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 91
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 10:41am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I realize this is a little bit different in every family and much of it depends on your individual children but generally at what age did you teach your children about abortion?
My oldest two are 9 and 8 and last October my son (then 8) came home and announced that Barack Obama "kills babies". We had never told our children about abortion because I didn't want their sweet world tarnished with the knowledge of such evil. How do you tell a child that a mother would kill her own baby!?!  I had to say something though because my son was sincerely frightened that Obama would come into our house and kill our babies. 
I gave him a really basic lesson in abortion that I don't think really sunk in.
Now our hs group wants to offer the children the chance to protest at a local abortion clinic. I'm just not sure whether or not this is appropriate for my children (4, 8 and 9), what I should explain to them, if I should continue to avoid the issue until they are older or what. Help!
__________________
Becky, loving wife to Chris and mom to Stephen (11/99), Elizabeth (04/01), Catherine (08/04), Natalie & Samantha (10/07)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Philothea
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 15 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 824
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 10:56am | IP Logged
|
|
|
The eight and nine year old need to know. They're at the age where they're going to hear it from someone else (however well meaning) first if they don't hear it from you. Hopefully someone who has had this discussion will be along momentarily to tell you the HOW -- and me, too. My oldest is almost 5, so I haven't told him yet, but I know I'll have to soon because he's learning to read and our parish is very active in the pro-life movement so the info is everywhere.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Tami
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1066
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 11:02am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm jumping offline now, so can't say much, except that I would be cautious, even hesitant to take young children to a local clinic protest. It depends on how it's handled, really. My concern would be a potentially hostile environment (because of passers-by) and graphic photos some people bring to them. Your children are very, very young. And it sounds like your son has been frightened enough.
If it's just a prayerful presence, then you can do that at home yourself. Much safer for the children.
Just my .02
__________________
God bless,
Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LLMom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 19 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 995
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 11:25am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I would explain it to the older ones. We pray for an end of abortion everyday and most of them ask us by the time they are 6 what it is because they have heard the word every day but don't know what it is. Like Tami, I recommend NOT taking them to clinics for those reasons. There is time for that when they are older.
__________________
Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
homeschooling ideas
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maddie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1804
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 12:02pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I would be very cautious in taking my children to a clinic. I was very involved in pro-life work when I was much younger and the posters I saw there still haunt me. Also, depending on where you live, there are some proaborts who will actually spit on your children to get you to go away. I know and saw it happen.
As far as telling your children, I wouldn't give details, just that some bad doctors can give mommas bad medicine to hurt their babies. They don't need to know each horrid procedure.
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maddie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1804
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 12:03pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Maybe if you feel led, taking the children before the Blessed Sacrament to pray for mommas and babies would be a better and more effective option. (IMO)
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
folklaur
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2816
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Becky Le wrote:
| I had to say something though because my son was sincerely frightened that Obama would come into our house and kill our babies. |
|
|
.
that is so sad.
Becky Le wrote:
| Now our hs group wants to offer the children the chance to protest at a local abortion clinic. |
|
|
i think this is disgustingly inappropriate for young children. not only would i be worried about the safety aspect of it, but the whole thing is way more about the parents making a point then about the children. ick. i don't like it when anybody uses children, and that is what this is, because really, how can a 4 or a 5 year old "hold a protest" for goodness sake??? and if you have a child with the kind of mind where images they see will be burned in their brain forever, i would be even more hesitant.
but then - i am not one who feels the need to share the horrors of abortion in detail until my children are much older - tween/young teen age. before that, what we share is much more vague.
but - due to the fact that so many people feel the need to explain things in detail to very young children (who then don't know that it isn't always appropriate to share their knowledge with everyone else - because for kids - knowledge is power, and they like to feel powerful, so i don't blame the kids at all, but the parents who teach these things without also checking to see if their kids have acquired tact yet) we have had to discuss these things with our children earlier than we would like to.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mellyrose
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 12 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 939
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My boys are just 7 (last month) and 8 (will be 9 in Nov) and they know what an abortion is. I believe we had the discussion during the elections, as they had overheard a conversation about abortion.
I believe they needed to hear from me & DH so that they weren't confused by things they may have heard elsewhere. For us, it's an entire "culture of life" ideal that includes respect and love from conception to death and that's how we explained our beliefs.
They understood how a baby may not be born, because of previous miscarriages, but they had a difficult time understanding how someone could make the choice not to let a baby be born. I approached it gently, (didn't go into details!) but explained that there were people in our society who didn't understand the preciousness of life. And, how it was very important for us to always pray for life -- and for those facing difficult decisions. We also discussed adoption, as I have a cousin who gave up a child for adoption, and how that was a noble and difficult choice - but one that still respected that child's life.
It's not an easy discussion, but we really focused on the culture of life that we believe in fostering, and how we need to do what we can to help others to respect all life.
__________________
Melanie in AZ
Colin (11/00), Nate (05/02), Lydia (04/07)
My Little Patch of Sunshine
Pictures of our Life
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I explain in very small amounts with no detail. When children ask questions, they are generally ready for some kind of answer, but not necessarily the entirety of the details. For my children, the horror of the realization was enough to stop all questions. I explained simply that there is something called abortion. It is a great evil. It is possible for a mommy to kill the baby growing inside her. This is profoundly sad for a child to hear. The next question is often how can a mommy want to do this. I want to explain this with all compassion - I cannot speculate as to the level of culpability of these moms. In other words, hate the sin, love the sinner. My answer was that I don't know, I don't understand, I would never consider the thought, and that we must pray for all involved.
I like Maddie's idea of bringing the children to the Blessed Sacrament for prayer on behalf of all the unborn. I would not take my children to a clinic. It is always good to turn to the positive action we can take with our children that still protects their innocence and fosters a spirit of prayer.
The way you discuss this is an area of prudence for you and your husband to decide. My husband and I feel very strongly about protecting and fostering the innocence created and placed in our children by the Creator. I don't dance around evil. It is there, I acknowledge it when the time is right and in measured ways.
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 1:11pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I come at it in a "they don't understand what they're doing" kind of way. Which is how I approach the idea of grownups who should know better comminting obvious sin of any type. They're scared or they've been convinced it's ok and it's very sad.. but they need to let God in to change them. I always always bring it around to how SAD it is. and that God will do the changing. Because when we're sad, we can pray for them and not confront them because it's often NOT appropriate for a child to confront an adult no matter what.
And definately no details on abortion other than the most basic part that they take the baby out before it can live on it's own so it dies.
We do participate in the Chain of Life.. but we're in an area where it's ok for the kids to do so. It's pretty rare for someone to even make rude gestures and the only people coming by are in vehicles not on foot. And all we do is hold signs saying things like to pray for the end of abortion. It's one hour and the kids usually spend about 15 minutes and then go to a park just down the street 
But same thing.. that's why I love this type of explaination.. if they see someone making a rude gesture, it's easy to come back to the "they don't understand, and it makes them mad and we need to pray for them"
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Michaela
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 25 2005
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2052
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Honestly, I don't know exactly. My oldest is a child who will grab a dictionary to look up a word he has heard or read somewhere. I recall a very vauge discussion was needed when he asked how to spell abortion. I think he was 9. My twins didn't learn at the same time, it was a discussion kept between DH, me, and oldest ds. My twins do know about abortion now, but I can't tell you exactly when or how they found out. When I say vague, they know a mother chooses to kill her unborn child. Details on the procedure? Absolutely not.
Becky Le wrote:
| Now our hs group wants to offer the children the chance to protest at a local abortion clinic. |
|
|
I'm not sure I see what the concern is here. There is no obligation to participate in a "protest" or in peaceful prayer outside of an abortion clinic just because you are a member of a homeschool group or parish that plans to. After the recent killing of the abortion doctor, I wouldn't subject my children to the high emotions outside of a clinic.
I've peacefully prayed outside of an abortion clinic and also participated in the March for Life. The behaviors mentioned above didn't take place outside of the abortion clinic, but did at the March for Life. I was ignorantly blindsided by what takes place. It's not all the smiling faces, pro-life banners, and balloons I had seen on blogs. My children heard and saw the otherside (vocal PROTESTERS against Prolife marchers...them) on that day than at any other time regarding abortion.
__________________
Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Tami
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1066
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 1:30pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I prefer to phrase it in terms of something that a doctor does - not the woman - out of concern for the sentiment towards women in this situation. And then clarify, of course, that not every doctor does this, and no, we do not go to doctors who would.
__________________
God bless,
Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LucyP
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 05 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 791
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 1:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My son who is 5 knows that an abortion is a bad medicine or a bad operation a doctor does or gives that kills a baby in a mummy's tummy; he knows that it is wrong and terribly sad and to pray for the babies, the doctors, the mummies and the daddies, and in his own way he tries to help - he has written a letter (dictated) to our prime minister and asked guest at his party to bring gifts to support the Cardinal Winning pro-life iniative. He does ask more detailed questions about how it is done, but I tell him he doesn't need to know, just to pray and make sacrifices for an end to abortion. He knew this from about 4 years old I suppose - having asked what it was, I told him in a way suitable to him.
I would not want to take him to a place where he may experience violent words or scenes, such as a clinic, as I think 5 (with a 2yo in tow) is too young - and I don't really know where any clinics are in the UK. But his prayers and the witness of his sweet innocent faith in all pro-life matters are valid at home, at church, anywhere.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Becky Le
Forum Rookie
Joined: June 11 2008
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 91
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 1:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you everyone for your input.
Let me be clear, I don't have any problem whatsoever with the group offering the opportunity. There are children of all ages in the group, including babies who would be blissfully unaware and teens who want to do what they can to make a difference. I'm sure the mother who suggested it had the absolute best of intentions and we did discuss some alternative works of mercy the children could do instead, like a baby shower for birthright, that sort of thing.
I love the idea of taking my children to pray before the Blessed Sacrament for an end to abortion. I will definitely approach it from the aspect of everyone involved needs our prayers and they (the people involved in abortion) need to understand how much Jesus loves them and will provide for us.
I think for now I will let the topic go until it comes up again. I want them to maintain that innocence as long as possible. At least now I have a better sense of how I can approach it with them. Thank you all!
__________________
Becky, loving wife to Chris and mom to Stephen (11/99), Elizabeth (04/01), Catherine (08/04), Natalie & Samantha (10/07)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm in the minority but I have only just told my 15yr old. Living in rural Australia it is less in our face I guess. I still haven't given details, I offered, she declined. We do however offer an Ave Maria daily for all the unborn babies, God knows what the intention really means. I just can't do it, I'm a wimp. Like you Becky I want them to be children as long as possible before they have to deal with adult issues.
(please no one take this as a criticism in any way for different choices; our situation is rather different being in rural Australia. And my older children tend to miss 'clues' now my 12yr ds is not so 'clueless.')
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 2:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
If anything I think I'd have to be envious of you Erin
I certainly don't tell mine before they bring it up.. and I'd much rather it come from me with the right tone than from who knows where.. you know.. the little girl at church who overheard from this other person who dissents from church teaching who...
Another thought, is that when I keep it very gentle that my older kids model that to the youngers.. so that if they do mention it to the younger kids (or a younger asks an older) that it's done the way I modeled it to them. I find that if I try and put limits on them "don't talk to your younger siblings about this or that" that it's like hanging a red flashing light on the topic and they olders want to poke and prod at the topic more to find out why it's so hush hush and the youngers are more likely to be drawn like moths to a flame. And being gentle does eventually translate to the older kids that we are gentle with those younger with distressing information.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
crusermom
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 09 2007
Location: New Jersey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 878
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 4:04pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
When I was very little, my mom got involved in the pro-life movement. She brought me along to clinics, march for life, etc. My parents would just bring us along. My cousins, whose mom was also involved, were never brought along. She didn't think it was appropriate. Now - my family - 12 children - are all very pro-life. My cousins - 10 of them - not a one of them. It could be many other factors that have led to this sad state with my cousins.
With my own children, I am more in the middle. We have gone to the March for Life in D.C. We have prayed outside the clinic during a prayer vigil that my parish was sponsoring. We donate items to the crisis pregnancy center.
It is so sad that we even have to explain this to our children.
__________________
Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 4:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We've been praying outside clinics as a family since our second child - so 12 years now - nearly once a month at our local mill, much more during the 40 days. We explain age appropriately. And yes, it is a shame we have to explain at all...
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
12stars
Forum Pro
Joined: April 25 2008
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 372
|
| Posted: June 11 2009 at 7:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think that we have to be honest with our children. Not divulge in all the horror of course. My children are 13,9,6,3, and 1, the 3 oldest are very pro life. Most of our extended family is pro choice and it was imperative for me to let them know our stance.
When we say family prayer, our girls are usually the ones praying for all the victims of abortion.
I do understand though the misunderstandings of children. This election was such a
  for everyone here at our house.
__________________
Claudia in Southern California
Wife to George,
Mom to DD 14, DD 10, DD 7, DS 4, DS 2, 1 in heaven, and now due 5/11.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: June 12 2009 at 1:01am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Nope- we don't even go to the Walk for Life, because I know my 7yo will ask too many questions, and I don't think she's ready to hear the answers. So we support the pro-life movement as we can (financially, etc) in this season of life. When the children are older, there will be many opportunities to attend pro-life rallies and pray outside of clinics. I don't really think that most children under the age of 9 or 10 are ready to hear even the generality: some mommies kill their own babies. That is so evil and so opposite of what they understand. To small children, especially, mother = love. That's an image that I work hard to preserve. I want to guard it for as long as I can. There will come a time when they are ready to hear about it all. And I know we will weep together when we have that first discussion.
As for what your son heard... hmmmm... not sure where to go with that. We have said things like, "We are voting for so-and-so because he does many good things to protect babies." Once, my 7yo asked why a certain candidate did not protect babies. I told her that I had no idea.
It's true. I don't.
She seemed content to leave the discussion there.
Praying for you as you discern what's best for your family, Becky. I know that we all do this a little differently, at different ages/stages, and in different ways. I'm sure God will show you the way for your family.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Talking to your children about abortion
