| Author | |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 1:18pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I am the queen of planning things that I never implement.  I have enough curriculum to raise a house full of geniuses, enough books and resources about the Faith to raise a house full of skilled apologists and saints, enough books about cleaning, organizing, cooking, losing weight, etc., to be living a beautiful, healthy, tasty and simple life.
And yet... my days slip by in a messy house, dinner is usually a last minute thought, homeschooling is often hit or miss and I am chubby and tired. 
I truly don't know how to move from the realm of great ideas to actions that make those ideas a reality. I am melancholic and SO easily discouraged! I get up some mornings and think I am in that movie Groundhog Day where Bill Murray keeps living the same day over and over.  I come down and say, "Yep, dishes in the sink already. Yep, more laundry. Yep, diapers again." I sit down to do school with one child and three other kids need me. I heat my water for tea five times before I remember to make it. Then it is cold before I remember to drink it. One child hates school and pouts while we do it, so I run to the computer or my books to figure out something better for him. I go to organize our school and computer area only to realize I don't have enough storage solutions.
It isn't just a case of wanting more of this or the perfect that. I just can't seem to stay focused and stay on task.
Has anyone risen above this who would like to share? I know many of you probably cannot understand and wonder what the problem is. I look at people's orderly homes and lives and wonder how they manage it. What am I missing?
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 1:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
well, most of the people I know that are perfectly orderly either have kids gone all day in school or are bordering OCD or both
Me with my ADD tendencies just can't compete.. BUT I get us to church every week and my children behave.. not perfectly.. but well enough that we're not annoying people too much  I can get the trash can to the curb the vast majority of the time. We all get fed and eventually dishes get washed.. but I no longer worry that they're not done at night.. I often can't get them done then. My plan is to cook dinner in a clean kitchen and I do manage that at least part of the time
I can get the laundry done but not on any schedule. I can get the house clean.. especially if I'm expecting company.. might close the bedroom doors
Right now my best tactic is timers.. my cell phone has a calender with reminder alarms.. so it goes off to remind me where I need to be today.. and it goes off to remind me to get the trash to the curb if hubby isn't home. And I might set the timer on the stove to remember I have tea steeping.. and if I have something early the next morning it goes off the night before to remind me to set my alarm for whatever it is.
The nice thing with the phone is that it doesn't just go off like an alarm clock but it has the reminder on it.. so when it went off at 9am today it reminded me that I needed to plan to get my daughter to her speech therapy at noon. I have it go off early so that I can plan my day to get things done earlier than I might otherwise.
But the big thing is that you can't change everything in your life or you'll get overwhelmed. If you just add/change one thing you're more likely to succeed.. and be sure to look for reasons it happens.. like dishes not getting done after dinner.. am I really just being lazy or is it that dinner ends up late most days and there's not time to have the kids help before they go to bed and by the time I'm done with bedtime I'm legitimately exhausted.. then it's setting myself up for failure to make my one thing.. always doing dishes before bed. Nope.. but if my plan is always have the kitchen clean and all dishes done at some point during the day.. that I might be able to really do. I might do them after lunch (my prefered time actually) then my kitchen is all clean for cooking dinner and it will stay clean for a bit since both breakfast and lunch are already done for the day. 
Or make your one thing to have dinner no later than whatever time.. then after you get good at that your next thing can be making sure the dishes are getting done each night.. and you might even find that it's not so hard to do the dishes if you start with setting up dinner to happen so that dishes can get done.
In some way everything builds off each other.. and you can't change the "structure" of your day if you move just the blocks on the top.. they won't have anything to hold them up.. you need to figure out what those bottom building blocks are.. and work at those to get those top blocks to really change.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Marybeth
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 02 2005
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 1:50pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
Hugs to you..this was me last year and it felt awful!!!
1. A very good cry was needed and done!  It felt better to let out the tears of frustration, anger at myself, etc. etc.
2. Talking to my husband and laying out all my feelings was the best thing for me. He helped me see things logically and stated some things which helped me see reality for what it was at that point for our family.
3. Writing down all my triggers which made my moods worse, frustrated me, made me doubt my self...then taking the books, websites and blogs which could help and utilizing them for my "problem" areas.
4. Purging all and any curriculum we did not use, would not use, didn't like, etc. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted getting rid of things which made me feel guilty for not using. I can't believe how many people tell me about books and curriculum I gave away which they really enjoy. It feels good to bless someone else.
5. Putting a pretty basket with liturgical books on our table in the living room (where we read the most) and using the basket to help guide our religion this year. We have so many books I kept forgetting about or not getting to in the year. This way I can rotate books, keep ahead in the liturgical year and ease the guilt of wanting to do more and then not doing it.
6. Making a list of what I need to do daily, keeping a gratitude journal and reading Mary Vitamin helps immensely!
My goal this spring is to start menu planning and getting a master list of what needs to be done around our home going. I am sick of projects catching us off guard or taking way too long to get accomplished. I am also going to make a list with dh and ds about places to visit this summer. I am hoping with these new lists we can strike a balance between fun and work this summer.
Don't know if any of these ideas will help...will offer my prayers for you and hope you feel better soon.
God bless,
Marybeth
__________________
Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 2:20pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marybeth wrote:
| 4. Purging all and any curriculum we did not use, would not use, didn't like, etc. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted getting rid of things which made me feel guilty for not using. |
|
|
I am just doing that right now and boy, it IS freeing! I thought I would miss my old shelf decorations -- things I liked but never was able to use -- but instead, I feel like I've lost several pounds!
When I get discouraged (I'm a melancholic with ADD tendencies) I remind myself that my strategy has to be "management". I try to recalibrate my expectations. Not that I aim lower, but that I acknowledge that I am going to need more streamlined, careful strategies and coping devices than most people because efficiency does not come naturally to me.
Then I try to notice the small successes and build on those.
Nice topic ! I don't think you can become someone you're not but I do think you can learn habits or strategies that help you make up for your weak areas. Or at least, that's what I keep trying to do.
ETA: I know enough very orderly people to know it's not heaven, either. Naturally orderly people are usually almost involuntary -- they crave it! They will stay up till 2 am ironing or straightening. This is not me -- so my purposes for being orderly and achieving things won't look the same as theirs, because I'm a different type.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Birdie
Forum Rookie
Joined: March 02 2009
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 60
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 2:37pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I play a game with myself called "three things". I list three things I need to do in my journal. Do them, cross them off and list three more. It works.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marybeth said,
" My goal this spring is to start menu planning and getting a master list of what needs to be done around our home going"
That is my goal at this point in the far too quickly passing school year; an eye towards NEXT year as far as meal-planning, stocking the freezer this summer with frozen meals for a jump-start for the new school year, training the kids in new jobs and trying to force myself to LET them actually DO the jobs!!! (I tend to just do it myself after awhile since I feel guilty for making them work for some strange reason since they complain about it. )
As far as becoming a do-er Molly, I tend to have the same problem you described. I always seem to search for the perfect curriculum for this or that child and really enjoy the process or should I say DISTRACTION of the search. I think melancholy types, to which I think I am somewhat inclined to be, tend to want to distract ourselves from our reality. If the real problem is the child's attitude in doing schoolwork, which I have plenty of too, then off we run to make them happy or to just escape the uncomfortable situation for a time instead of just facing the reality of the moment head on. I have come to this realization over much thought recently. I sort of figured it out when I came to the decision to go full circle back to the curriculum I dropped last year, finally realizing I think, that homeschooling is just really hard, and there is no escape from that. So, I decided to face, head on, the real problems in the situation which was mainly ME! (I am not saying you are the problem, but here is what I mean.)
I sat down for a moment and thought about the problems with my "school" for example regardless of the curriculum provider. I am:
- hopelessly disorganized
- always loose important paperwork
- forgot certain key assignments that needed to be
- sent in for quarter work for some odd reason
- procrastinated on getting the kids to do their book reports. (They would read a book and then not write a report till a few months later.)
-poor with follow through on having kids hand in excellent work
- not dilligent enough in keeping up on grading the kids work.
As I sat and looked at these problems, the hard to solve problems I always try to escape since they have to do with changing ME and not a curriculum, I realized exactly that...that these major problems that mess up each school year and wreck my peace will be the same with EACH AND EVERY CURRICULUM I ATTEMPTED TO USE. That brought a mix of peace and despair once I realized this. Peace in that I knew I should probably stop searching, pray about the correct curriculum to use, which I think I have settled on, and then face the problems ONE by ONE until I come up with a solution for handling them. Despair in that I didn't know if I COULD change me.
Organizing a house with a lot of littles is just really hard, and probably impossible, but there are things that help. For one thing, my new hobby is organization. Not necc. having the RIGHT things to organize with, although I might get to that, but to be honest, right now I am just working on GETTING RID of things I don't need or use. Wow, that sure sounds simple, but it is hard to do with someone like me who can't make decisions very easily!!! So, I decided the girls have too many miss-matched toys. I noticed that little "bits" of things, which is my new term for all the misc. little pieces of junk that a mom seems to have to decide about and pick up each day HAD TO GO! So, if it is on the floor, and it serves no purpose, like that Polly Pocket outfit, when there are no Polly Pocket dolls (???) then I toss it with all the stuff I am sweeping up.
In the schoolroom, I have educational type toys and toy dishes etc for them to play store etc. That is IT! Then, upstairs, out of their room so as to keep it failry clean with 4 in one room, I used a spare room for their other toys and two dollhouses. I tried to pare down all the toys to JUST doll house toys and dollie toys. I threw all the barbies away! I was tired of her laying around with no clothes on all the time!!! And, I didn't think it served a purpose as a roll model for the girls.
As far as the house being a mess too, do you have too many clothes for the kids??? I tend to shop at thrift stores lately and I get a cute piece here and there, but that results in a bunch of cute "orphan" clothes that don't go with anything. Or, how many tops does a kid need really? I can't decide about things like clothes, except for me and if it doesn't fit, out it goes. (Those darn traitor clothes that decided to shrink in the wash!!!! ) So, with the girls, unless I really, really loved the item, I just stuffed it into the thrift store bag. I did this with about every 4th item I came across and I have 4 large lawn trash bags to take to the goodwill tonight!
So, I have found that some action is better than no action. I tend to overthink things and just end up frozen due to not knowing which job is more pressing. So break down each part of your life. And, sadly, it is the things we do not want to face that are the ones we try to distract ourselves from. I am overweight currently, hate to exercise (although I used to be a big track "star") but I forced myself to just walk this morning. I may not tomorrow, but I did today. It is in the end all the things we don't want to deal with that pile up and make life frustrating, or we think we can escape them by distractions, yes, even curriculum planning which IS so fun, but then I get the long coveted curriculum and I feel SO depressed about having to go ahead and actually USE it and it ends up sitting there, untouched. I completely understand that!!!!! So, break down WHY you (we) aren't touching it? Are you overwhelmed by having so many things to decide between? Are you afraid it won't live up to your very high expectations that were set up for it when we decided it was the PERFECT curriculum, or are you (we) afraid that it will just be another failed curriculum too, further proving that it is something OTHER than the curriculum that is the problem and we don't want to face that.
I did this with my 2nd grader this year. I honestly had about 30 books for that poor child in her little tote by her desk. A reader for this, a cool book on butterflys, another reader for the same class that "might end up being better". Now, she has 4 books. FOUR! But, I get her school done each day now, whereas hers (or at least it seemed as if most of it since who can do 30 books!!! for school) used to get back-burnered a lot due to probably not wanting to decide what to do that day. So, break it down, which will take time, and honesty with yourself. It is so freeing though when you can just be honest and say, "Hey, I am terrible at organizing. What tools can I use to help myself since this seems to be an ongoing theme in my life? (Get rid of what you can't organize is one thought. Ask someone for help who can....or live with it..What CAN you do to help the situation RIGHT NOW. )
Action is helpful, and if you take it one step at a time, soon you will start to see results. I can see my daughter's floor now, and I am not always tripping over things that I used to trip over! It is very nice. I feel a bit of peace knowing that I am a major part of the problem. I don't have to freak out about that or get depressed. I just have to try to figure out solutions now, so that is sort of fun, just like choosing curriculum!! (BUT MUCH CHEAPER!!! ) What can help ME be a better ME? I don't have to feel guilty that I am disorganized. I just have to DO something about it though, which is much easier than feeling like a failure all the time since my life seemed to be spinning out of control all the time. (And it still does here and there, but now when that happens, I just have to step back and ask WHY? And then, I try to find a solution.
I hope something on here made sense, but I completely know how you feel!!!! Also, realize that the currculum search etc. is probably a symptom of your being a problem solver by nature. I have this. I like to solve problems. But, then I never know how to go about DOING what I decided would be a good solution. My husband is a solver AND a do-er so I always use the poor fella for all my "good" ideas since I don't know how to DO things. All we have to do is have our problem solver side become best friends with our hopelessly disorganized side and try to slow down and make decisions to become a DO-er. It is IN there, but we are afraid to try and fail etc. since we tend to be overthinkers!!!!Anyway, my point in all that originally is that trasnfer that problem solving nature to something ELSE in your life other than homeschooling curriculum. I think I chase the original "high" I used to feel thinking about homeschooling in the early years and all the hopes, dreams and possibilites that don't often translate into my reality!!! Dishes are pretty in windows, untouched and propped up, but once you buy them and bring them home....YA GOTTA WASH 'EM! KWIM? I think sometimes the window shopping is so fun, but it may be an escape from real life and how hard it can be and our disappointments when the child doesn't dance and squeal with delight like we thought they would, or it doesn't change our life when we use it since it wasn't really the problem to begin with. (And, in the end, we love our children and want them to be happy, but maybe school is just sometimes hard too and they won't always have fun. Will they expect life to always be "easy, fun, JUST RIGHT???" Is that training them for success or for disappointment and hardship?? Just thoughts to ponder.
Good luck!!!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maddie
Forum All-Star
Joined: Dec 27 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1804
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I haven't read everyone else's responses but I am struggling with exactly the same problem. I read on another post you wrote about waking at 10 am being an early rising time, that is/was so me. Last month, I took the bull by the horns and started a Mother's Rule of Life, I am getting so much more done, the kids are in Seton which means no planning on my part to school them. If we get off a day or more, Seton is waiting for us. I have resources out the ear but they just collect dust because of my scatterbrain ways. I need structure and accountability and MROL and Seton provide that. I'm happier, the kids are happier, and I know they are getting a decent education.
It works for me and the temperament God gave me, I needed radical structure, it's not perfect but I am just amazed at what I accomplish in a day. I will also say that I have made our family prayer life the priority, everything else falls under that. Rosary time, Angelus time, Chaplet time, evening/morning prayers, regular confession, an extra Mass a week, all is primary. I am so weak on my own, I can NOT do it all, but making sure that grace is flowing into the house has made a world of difference for me. We (my family) are Catholic homeschoolers, Catholic coming first, that was the whole reason I started homeschooling and that seemed to fall by the wayside in the last few years.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll find what works for you and your family.
__________________
~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lauri B
Forum Pro
Joined: March 11 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 208
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 3:56pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Are you older children still at home? Because mine do the dishes and the laundry, and often make me tea. They also can do lunch, watch the little ones while you work with others, etc. :) I only have three, though!
One thing that always helped me is to think Work Before Play. I do what needs to be done before I get on the computer. I might not get on the computer for days, if necessary.
I agree that there is TOO MUCH INFORMATION out there, and the more info the less I do. I remember when I had two homeschool books (1993ish) and I was so much more creative then. Now, instead of improvising a recipe or craft, I'm tempted to spend two hours surfing for the Perfect Recipe or Ideal Craft. It's a huge temptation for all of us, I think. It's difficult to be mindful in that way. It's something I have to keep in the forefront of my mind, and control myself! :) :) Lots of empathy!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
LisaR
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2226
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 4:47pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Marybeth wrote:
4. Purging all and any curriculum we did not use, would not use, didn't like, etc. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted getting rid of things which made me feel guilty for not using.
|
|
|
I did this/am doing this and it is a GREAT feeling!!
We have two bookshelves with 5 shelves each on them for all of our school supplies, books, materials, etc. and they are 1/2 empty! I used to have boxes and boxes of books in rubbermaid tubs in the basement, too, at least 8, and I am down to one and 1/2.
I spent untold hours shuffling/reorganizing/reconfiguring books and educational senarios with all those darn books! now we use up and make do in many ways.
I am praying for you Molly. I have similar tendencies as you. everyone has such great advice!
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 5:28pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Didn't get a chance to read the responses yet.
I've joined Messies Anonymous. One email per day and its pretty inspiring and seems more real than Flylady.
I'll let you know! Or better yet
Someone else can join and we can be buddies since they say you can have a "buddy" but I didn't opt to get one because I didn't want some random person.
They say being mutually acountable to your buddy is helpful.
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CKwasniewski
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 31 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 601
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 5:39pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
What everyone says is good, but I also want to add a few ideas.
1. prayer. Ask God to help you get things under control. You can only do it with His help!
2 list priorities, goals--household, family, etc. Pray over them and put them in order. Listen to the Spirit, who "orders all things sweetly," who was present at the primordial chaos, and find out what HIS priorities for you & your family are.
3. Start with doing the number 1 priority. Ask for help with it.
4.Baby steps. Add one thing in at a time, as you feel able.
DO NOT give up because you fail for one day or one week. Just get up and try again.
--------------------------------------------------
I just want to ask the ladies who got rid of unused curriculum--What did you do with it? Golly, I feel guilty just chucking stuff in the trash, though that is what I'd like to do!
ck
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 5:48pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
CKwasniewski wrote:
I just want to ask the ladies who got rid of unused curriculum--What did you do with it?
|
|
|
There was a thread about this awhile ago.....lots of different options listed....i'll see if i can find later.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
SuzanneG
Forum Moderator
Joined: June 17 2006
Location: Idaho
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5465
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 6:13pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
A question about selling used curriculum
sell or donate?
This doesn't exactly answer the "HOW TO SELL" question....but has some interesting things to keep in mind as your sifting through things, trying to decide what stays and what goes.
__________________
Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
hmbress
Forum Pro
Joined: April 19 2007
Location: Maryland
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 313
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 6:33pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I can so relate! I also joined Messies Anonymous, and have also found lots of great info at Clutterers Anonymous, and especially at Procrastinators Anonymous. These sites are helping me to get to the reasons WHY I struggle. Perfectionism, fear, etc. Sorry - no time to write more at the moment, but check these resources out - they may be helpful to you as well.
__________________
Heather Rose (ds13, ds10)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
saigemom
Forum Pro
Joined: March 18 2008
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 187
|
| Posted: April 01 2009 at 6:48pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Here is what I found that works for me around the house with my ADHD:
1) Get the kids to help. Ds 9 throws the laundry in and starts it every morning. Dd 7 throws it in the dryer and starts it. I fold and ds 6 carries the load to the appropriate room, where each child puts their own laundry away.
2)Just do it. I have found with schooling, chores, exerercise that just getting started was what I needed. Then I have to focus on completing whatever that thing is. I used to get so distracted by all of the other things that I needed to do that I would either do nothing or I would have bits of 400 things started and nothing done.
3) Check out the workbox thread. It's working amazing over here. It's partially created for ADD kids, but it works wonders for ADD mommies!
The thing I found most important was to incorporate more prayer into my day. The more focused I am on God and what I think He wants of me, the more I enjoy what I am doing and actually get it done.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
ALmom
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3299
|
| Posted: April 02 2009 at 12:05am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
This will be my shortest post yet - hugs and understanding.
Three things that have helped me a lot:
Prayer and husband's input - he keeps me sane, on track and realistic! The biggest reason I don't accomplish things is that I have no realistic sense of time or my or the children's limits. We can do it all is the underlying tendency here. Then when it doesn't go perfectly, I get discouraged, tired and worn out - and even crabby. I'm learning, slowly, that I need to rely on someone else to help me prioritize and set realistic goals. Dh to the rescue. Also recognizing temperment and learning style clashes helps. Some of my school haters simply needed the discipline to buckle down and do - and suddenly they don't hate it so much anymore. Others needed a real change. It is hard for me to tell the difference because I can get so emotionally wrapped around the axle and feel responsible for my children's feelings (a big mistake). Dh is calm and collected at all times (never,ever even raised his voice in his whole life). He is much better at this and is my guide.
One or two goals per year - don't try to fix everything at once. I figured out what was most critical to our family (ie the biggest disaster in homeschool, in our house and my own life - JUST ONE and focused on that. I got my dh to help me come to the most critical 3 things - one for each area. Then don't focus on the rest, just accept whatever happens there until the first things are tackled. (Funny thing - I heard the same thing in Confession about my Lenten resolutions - just pick one and focus on that for a week).
Delegate - my children are responsible for their schooling. They help me plan, etc. and of course I am available to help, find additional things if something is really not working and I'm not saying neglect here - but put them in charge. They check off and note when things are done. They are responsible for keeping up with papers. If they don't have something when it is time to go over work, then they get to either find it quickly or do it again. They are responsible for their chores. Now, granted, you cannot do this with the younger folks but from about 4th grade on up they really are capable though it may take the more distracted and disorganized types a few natural consequences to figure it out. I try to set these up for me too - If I have to call on a child to cook dinner because I got sidetracked, then I need to help them out with one of their chores. (It is different if I have 3 sick children and must delegate!). I ask dh to help hold me accountable. It helps. Real life consequences help us all.
Janet
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: April 02 2009 at 6:40am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Molly,
I woke up with Molly on my mind (instead of Georgia) and wanted to make sure that my post came across as a positive thing and not negative. For starters, my apologies to everyone for the VERY long post! I don't get much time on the computer anymore, and obviously I had been saving up!
Also, I thought about what the advice I gave you this morning, and I realized since it is sort of by email, that it may have seemed a little "left-fieldish." I was just very excited when I read your post since I am the exact same way and I had a "I know what has helped me!!!!! OOO OOO!! Pickme!! (hand raised so the teacher will answer me since I am so annoying) sort of response. The questions I asked are the introspective questions I keep asking myself this year since it was SO very ironic that you mentioned the movie Groundhog Day, because I kid you not, ask my kids, I ALWAYS use that same expression and the kids say, "What IS Groundhog Day, Mommy?????"
So, in reality you don't have to change a thing. I bet if the Sisters of Charity were asked to watch the movie Groundhog Day and they asked if their day were sort of like that, they would sort of agree!! And thank GOODNESS there day is like Groundhog Day since that is what God wants them to do each day! Same with you and me. We are doing everything God wants us to do each day because with such a large family, that we are both so blessed with, the unimportant gets weeded out pretty darn fast! So, anything you accomplished yesterday was probably perfect in God's eyes since I am sure you did it with love. But, it is just our ability to cope with things remaining undone that I was dealing with since they do tend to make you (meaning me) feel like a failure most days. We do live in an accomplishment oriented society. It is ingrained in our culture to have things be "just so" in our house, in the way we look, the way we dress. I grew up in a Protestant home where the roots were very Victorian and things were definately just so, and don't act like that sweetie, people might think your weird...etc. And, the house always smelled of fresh linen sheets, meals were always perfect and on time and very tasty!!! (This goes back a generation or two.) Anyway, I have a lot to live up to in my own mind when really, just holding my kids on the couch all day would probably accomplish more than any of that sort of accomplishment. So, my advice was how to move to the next level, (which I may find out is a dead end in the end and I will be back at my blessed Groundhog Day ) but an attempt I should say to figure out how to function as the domestic head of a large family with no idea how to go about doing it!!!! So, I thought since things always came back to the same starting point, my feeling frstrated, lost, overwhelmed etc. that maybe it was more of an INTERNAL issue with ME than an EXTERNAL issue. KWIM? So, I thought I would "try something new" instead of just shoving things in a closet in a panic which is actually one of my cleaning methods!!! (I feel much better after doing this when someone stops by unexpectedly into my "joyful chaos" and when they leave, I clean up this way and feel a little better.
Anyway, so I hope my ideas were inspiring, not depressing. They were not meant to be and as a mother of 10, you are doing more than most women do in a lifetime so no wonder you feel so darn tired!!! But, if you keep doing the same thing in some areas the same way and still feel frustrated, maybe try to figure out what is behind the frustration which would be a "see my previous lecture star **)
I think life may go by too quickly in a large family to have too much perfection as far as our surroundings or how we are able to get through the day. Yesterday, I was hanging out with the little ones during lunch break and realized it was time to "get back to school." I really resisted and didn't want to. I often feel as if school robs me of the little kids childhood! I am home, but with so much going on, am I missing as much as a working Mom? So, I lingered there a little longer since the last time I went down to the basement and back up, by oldest "little boy" ended up being 14 and HUGE! (Still a very depressing and sensitive issue for me! ) So, with that shock fresh to my system, I try to savor each minute now, while trying to work towards order where I can, and if we love curriulum shopping, we should indulge, but I was just saying it might not Change anything.
Hopefully that makes the first note make more sense since it was supposed to be a lifeline, but I think it seemed more lecturing as I thought about it yesterday (but I had obviously used up my playtime) and I woke up first thing thinking of you since you are a kindred spirit, I am sure!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Willa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3881
|
| Posted: April 02 2009 at 9:53am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Kim makes a good point about Groundhog Day -- it struck me as a very Catholic movie precisely BECAUSE he is stuck having to do it over and over till he gets it right, so to speak. Who knows what time we are carving out of Purgatory by dealing a bit with it in advance?
I was thinking about you too, Molly --
A book I'm reading by a Monsignor called COunsels of Perfection for the Christian Mother -- makes the point that a Rule can help. Not a complex one that will just discourage you -- but a few essentials.
I've been trying that, with mixed success. Again, realizing that I'm a melancholic phlegmatic helps me be realistic -- I'm just not going to be as energetic and driven as a choleric type.
__________________
AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: April 02 2009 at 10:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you so much for the responses! It has been a long day and I hope to respond specifically tomorrow.
Kim, you crack me up! I loved both of your posts.
Sarah, I get the Messies emails. How do we pair up?
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
|
| Posted: April 02 2009 at 11:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Fun Molly. I think we should pick a couple things and report weekly how it went.
For example, this week you would do X (make your bed, or put away all school supplies or whatever) and you would try to do it each day.
Then say every Friday we'd say how it went.
I'll pm you tomorrow with my goals.
You sound like me so it should be funny as well as maybe productive!
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: How to become a doer?
