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insegnante
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 11:51am | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Michaela - this situation troubles my heart deeply, and I offer you my prayers.
Michaela wrote:
Tonight, he gave away all of his beloved toys to his brother. He told his brother that he won't be needing them anymore.  |
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My conscience will not allow me to go to sleep without telling you how concerned I am about your Nicholas. |
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That concerned me too, especially since he's 12. Praying for you, Nicholas and everyone involved, Michaela!
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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Matilda
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OK, other women above, more courageous than I, have inspired me to say that I too am seriously concerned for your son's emotional and mental health right now. This is an intolerable situation and I hope you have the strength and support you need to rectify it quickly for your family's sake! Your family must come first! If there is anything we can do, please let us know.
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Charlotte (Matilda)
Mom to four (11 , 10 , 9 & 5 ) an even split for now
with bookend boys and a double girl sandwich
Waltzing Matilda
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MarilynW
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Matilda wrote:
| OK, other women above, more courageous than I, have inspired me to say that I too am seriously concerned for your son's emotional and mental health right now. This is an intolerable situation and I hope you have the strength and support you need to rectify it quickly for your family's sake! Your family must come first! If there is anything we can do, please let us know. |
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Micheala - I feel the same. This has been worrying me all morning. I would talk to your pastor if you can. I have never been in the terrible situation you are - but I have had problems with extended family - and I have finally got to where I do what is best for my children, my family and me - I will not put my children in situations that are damaging to them in any way. I get criticized a lot - but I know I have to safeguard my husband and children and marriage.
Hugs my friend. Continuing to pray
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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SeaStar
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 12:40pm | IP Logged
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Michaela-
How hard this is... when home is no longer a haven. It is heartbreaking to see your dc suffer. At times like this I always ask God to bring some good out of a bad situation. He never fails... I have been surprised many times how He can bring good things out if even the worst situations.
I will be keeping your family in my prayers.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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trish
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 2:25pm | IP Logged
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Praying Michaela.
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~ Trish ~
Wife to Les
Mom to 8 Wonderful Kids
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Marybeth
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Michaela,
What Nathan did is a sign of depression and quite honestly a huge warning sign of suicide. I taught for many years at the middle school level and this what was always told to us. Sorry, I must be frank out of my desperate anxiety about your poor son.
I will channel my worry and upset into praying for all of you and for a peaceful resolution to this situation.
God bless,
Marybeth
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Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
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SaraP
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 3:50pm | IP Logged
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Quote:
| The situation you face in your home has exceeded a normal level of "merging two families" stress |
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I have to agree. We opened our home to a family of 7 for 6 months last year and it while it was definitely difficult and stressful at times - and my children definitely complained about it - it never came anywhere near the level of unhappiness you describe.
My prayers will be with you!
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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Philothea
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
Michaela - this situation troubles my heart deeply, and I offer you my prayers.
Michaela wrote:
| Tonight, he gave away all of his beloved toys to his brother. He told his brother that he won't be needing them anymore. |
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My conscience will not allow me to go to sleep without telling you how concerned I am about your Nicholas. The situation you face in your home has exceeded a normal level of "merging two families" stress and is offering some unsafe and troubling circumstances. I think Leonie's suggestion to talk with your family priest is very good and would offer some healthy, outside perspective.
I am imploring the saints, and especially St. Michael to offer his protection to your Nicholas and to extend it to your entire family. And, I am begging dear St. Joseph to offer you and your husband guidance and wisdom in this situation, that you might be able to protect your family and keep them close to Jesus just as he protected the Holy Family on the Flight to Egypt.
May Our Lady wrap her mantle of protection around your family, and especially Nicholas.
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy. |
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This. Completely.
ETA: Your first obligation is to the children God has entrusted to you.
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Red Cardigan
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| Posted: April 02 2009 at 5:46pm | IP Logged
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Michaela, adding prayers and concern; I do join others in their worry and advice in re: your son.
One thing to remember is that you do have rights in this situation, rights within your family as well as rights legally. If your in-laws can't abide by your house rules then you have the right to ask them to leave.
I read your other post, too. A year is an unacceptably long time for another family to live with you, IMO. I would talk to your DH about giving them a deadline. If they need to arrange legal things (food stamps, WIC, unemployment benefits, children's health insurance etc.) I would suggest letting them have three months at the most.
I read about a man who went from being the CEO of his own company to delivering pizzas for $7/hr. (I think his wife has to work too.) While this is hard for his family, and they're losing their house etc., this man is not at all too proud to take what work he could find to pay rent on a modest apartment and put food on his family's table. Unless your BIL is physically incapable of doing this kind of work, he should be able to find *something* to pay the bills and support his family; nobody has the luxury right now of waiting for an ideal situation to open up.
I know times are tough for a lot of people, but that doesn't give someone else the right to turn your home into a place that is no longer a sanctuary for your children. I'll pray that you can resolve things soon.
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Christine
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Michaela, you and your family are in my prayers.
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Christine
Mommy to 4 girls, 5 boys, & 2 in God's care
Memories of a Catholic Wife and Mother
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Chari
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| Posted: April 03 2009 at 11:57am | IP Logged
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I am joining Willa in saying that Saint Joseph prayer for you!
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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11
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insegnante
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| Posted: April 23 2009 at 3:47am | IP Logged
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Any updates, Michaela? Praying!
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Theresa
mommy to three boys, 3/02, 8/04, and 9/10, and a girl, 8/08
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Jen L.
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| Posted: April 23 2009 at 8:16pm | IP Logged
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Just seeing this and i am praying right now for your son and you and the rest of the family.
I am not a professional, but after reading your other post and this one I think that even another month is too long. Is there anyone that YOU can go visit for a month? I see that you have very graciously opened your home but the situation is just not acceptable.
Please do update us.
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Jen
dh Klete,ds (8/95),dd (12/97), dd (11/00), and ^2^ in heaven
"...the best state in which to glorify God is our actual state; the best grace is that of the moment..." St. Peter Eymard
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MarilynW
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| Posted: May 12 2009 at 9:52pm | IP Logged
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insegnante wrote:
| Any updates, Michaela? Praying! |
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Anyone hear from Michaela? I am still praying Michaela - please check in with us and let us know how things are
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Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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MarieA
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You are all in my prayers.
Marie
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Carole N.
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| Posted: May 13 2009 at 3:13am | IP Logged
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Seeing this and praying for you and your family!
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Carole ... in Wales
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Mackfam
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| Posted: May 13 2009 at 9:12pm | IP Logged
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My prayers continue, Michaela. I too would love to hear how you're doing, how Nicholas and the children are doing.
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Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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jdostalik
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| Posted: May 13 2009 at 9:14pm | IP Logged
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Michaela,
Offering prayers for you, Nicholas and your precious family.
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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Michaela
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| Posted: May 18 2009 at 1:24am | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your support through your prayers, phone calls, and letting my children come to your home for playdates to get away from what has been going on in our home for the past 2 1/2 months.
We haven't been the same....from "jokes" w/ knives on Nicholas, accidents with bats, restricting our children from interacting with their cousins even though they live in the same home, to constant belittling when we did cross paths. I have certainly failed Nicholas by constantly trying to smooth things over.
Finally, after being unable to change them and unable to protect my children, it came down to telling my husband that I planned to take our children and move out or in-laws had to get out. It isn't something I did flippantly. In our 20+ years of marriage, I have never done anything like that, but our life in our home was horrible. Especially with learning they planned to live with us until they had enough money for a down payment to purchase a home. I knew we couldn't make it one more month, not even one week....we'd never make it at least one or two years. We stayed out of the house most days, filled our days with classes and friends who had time for extra playdates.
My husband finally told SIL that they had to get out. It took two weeks for them to find a place, BUT
Last night, our in-laws moved into a rental home!!!!!!
Thanks be to God! I know it's not very Christ-like, but I don't know what else to do but thank God that I can now focus on repairing my children, especially Nicholas. This was so confusing to me. I didn't understand how to love them and be Christ like when they were breaking my son. I failed. I just didn't understand. He was the one they couldn't stand. The one all of their garbage was directed towards. He couldn't say a word without getting shot down and I failed more than once to stop it because of the way those boys did it. Nicholas literally lived in his room! It was where he felt safe. So, I have a child who I am begging to come out now and spend time with us.
To give you an idea of what we are dealing with......last night, when they loaded up to leave, Nicholas was told by the youngest that he would ride his bike the 3 miles over here to break in the back door and come to get him in the night. The older boy told Nicholas that another cousin will be coming up from CA to kick his butt. I feel like I failed by not protecting him from it, but I had no idea until they left and we all were going to bed. Nicholas just started crying and told me all of this. He'd take it all and withdrew from us. They decided to pick on one child ---- the one child who would never ever do anything -- who would take it and try very hard to be kind back to them only to be shot down.
I failed. Only your prayers and my friends saved us. There is no other way to explain how my tenderhearted child hasn't gone off the deep end. He shows signs of being deeply hurt, changed, but I'm hoping to repair it. All of our hearts are broken. Nicholas has told both DH and I that we did this to him by letting them move in and not standing up for him. (We did, but.....all I can say is that we failed often. The way the boys did it and many times Nicholas wouldn't tell us right away.)
Again....thank you all so much for your prayers. I ask for your forgiveness in not coming back to update. I see my IM box and email are quite full with wonderful 4Real friends. My life really turned upside down. The most important part of this update is they are OUT. Forgive me for taking so much joy in that. I just don't know how else to feel right now.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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aussieannie
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Michaela, you acted out of supreme charity towards your in-laws and unfortunately things unravelled once they were already there, not an easy situation to pull out of at that point, well certainly not quickly.
I can't imagine your pain and trauma while watching your children's..particularly Nicholas' trauma unfolding, being enveloped in it. I will be praying that they will heal completely, with God's grace and with you and your dear husband's love and care.
IMO you have have been Christ-like in a way that most would not..you acted out of love for your in-laws not dreaming that something horrible was about to happen. You came here for prayer and would have turned to prayer to be freed from what was hurting your children so deeply. I can only see a very blessed mother doing her best under very complicated circumstances.
I admire your goodness and charity greatly Michaela, very sincerely so, you have my prayers in the weeks to come. Your family and particularly your children will be in my morning offering each day.
Welcome back, it SO GOOD to see you here again!
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Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
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4Real Forums : We Pray to the Lord
Topic: for my son - my family ***UPDATE
