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Willa Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 09 2009 at 9:06pm | IP Logged
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missionfamily wrote:
I am not quite there in having to navigate the teens and technology thing just yet either, but I thought it worthwhile to mention this. Shortly after I joined Facebook, I received a message in my an inbox from an old sorority sister. When I clicked on it, the pop-up window was a horrificly pornographic image. ...
Just a warning in case any of you were not aware that this could happen on Facebook without any wrongdoing on the part of your child or his/her friends. |
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That's really scary, Colleen. Do you mean that spammers can co-op someone's account and send things out without their knowledge?
__________________ AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Willa Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 09 2009 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
That's a great idea, but if you have 3 teens or so and lots of little kids, you just don't realistically have the time to keep up with the tempo of teen facebook posting. Better not to go there at all. |
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I suppose though that a parent could limit times when the children log onto Facebook. I keep the computer locked with a password, not because I distrust my kids, but because I don't want them to get used to casually logging on. And generally we try not to hang out on there, but only check once a day.
My two teens are on Facebook but only have family members as "friends". As with everything else to do with modern tech, I can see the good in these communication forms. We've had fun playing some of the FB games as family. It makes me sad to have to think in terms of dangers and limits. I feel the same about things like video games and rock music. I see good in these things when they are done well. I do see why it's necessary to do so. However, I have trouble steering the balance. In a lot of ways I wish the whole media thing wasn't around. I guess the main challenge of the last century or so has been dealing with technology that advances faster than people can keep up with. Sigh...
__________________ AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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missionfamily Forum All-Star
Joined: April 10 2007 Location: Louisiana
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 5:08am | IP Logged
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Willa--Apparently these messages can be sent without people knowing it, or they try to send some other kind of message and this gets sent instead. It was happening quite a lot a few months back but seems to have slowed now, so I think maybe Facebook admin worked on it a bit...but it's only a matter of time before spammers find a new loop hole.
__________________ Colleen
dh Greg
mom to Quinn,Gabriel, Brendan,Evan, Kolbe, and sweet St. Bryce
Footprints on the Fridge
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Lisbet Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 5:46am | IP Logged
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I have had a facebook account for a few months, and I have definetly noticed an increase in the amount of spam in my email since then - even pornographic stuff...
__________________ Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Elizabeth Founder
Real Learning
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 7:25am | IP Logged
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Maria mentioned confiscating cell phones and Willa talked about limiting time and password protecting the computer. These are painfully obvious guards. I just want to issue a caution from experience. When you do the counter-cultural and embrace a large family and that means having babies and teens at the same time, you pique the interest of the evil one. And in the sheer stretching and exhaustion that comes with meeting the needs of many, he finds a way in. We have to be more vigilant. My boys got cell phones when I went on bedrest. They were a safety measure. I was able to call them anywhere in the house quickly. They were sternly told never to be without their phones and to answer immediately. We were so focused on staying safe with this baby and keeping everyone in touch when I couldn't get up, it never occurred to me that now they had ready access to all their friends too. And six weeks is a long time to cultivate some bad habits and do some damage.
Our computer was password protected, too. And then we unlocked it because I couldn't get up to do that every time. I thought my kids were so well-trained and so sensitive to not abusing computer time that it wouldn't be an issue. And I do have great kids. I underestimated the power of the draw. And it's no simple thing to put the water back under the bridge.
Bedrest is extreme, but the time and attention a newborn takes is not. I'm offering my experience because I would have been very grateful for the perspective just six months ago.
__________________ Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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MarilynW Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 7:50am | IP Logged
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Elizabeth wrote:
When you do the counter-cultural and embrace a large family and that means having babies and teens at the same time, you pique the interest of the evil one. And in the sheer stretching and exhaustion that comes with meeting the needs of many, he finds a way in. We have to be more vigilant. Myo cultivate some bad habits and do some damage.
Bedrest is extreme, but the time and attention a newborn takes is not. I'm offering my experience because I would have been very grateful for the perspective just six months ago. |
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Elizabeth - you have expressed so well what is on my mind. I just find now because I don't feel well and rest upstairs a lot more - there is a lot more computer time.(our computer is downstairs) Even the children who are not usually disobedient are drawn towards the computer. The bedrest thing always looms over me - I would not want the computer to be shut down totally but how to monitor. There are a lot of good things about technology. Also another thing about bedrest is how you have to kind of let go of your children - other people give them rides, take them places etc, and you do lose touch a little (and this is not considering the whole technology thing)
__________________ Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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MarilynW Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 7:53am | IP Logged
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I have a question for all your Facebook ladies - I don't really understand the point of it? I am trying to understand why anyone has an account. If one of my children asks me, I want to be prepared.
thanks!
(and I am not even getting into twitter yet!)
__________________ Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 7:56am | IP Logged
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Every time I contemplate how to monitor or control technology in our home I keep coming back to me. How am I modeling this behavior? Am I always in front of the screen? Do I feel the draw to check online several times a day or more?
Right now my son doesn't know exactly WHAT I'm doing on the computer, but he does see I spend an awful lot of time on it. He'll want to do it just like me, because of my example.
So, for me, I need to work on controlling my urges and setting personal parameters so that it won't become "Do as I say, not as I do."
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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MarilynW Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 8:00am | IP Logged
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JennGM wrote:
Every time I contemplate how to monitor or control technology in our home I keep coming back to me. How am I modeling this behavior? Am I always in front of the screen? Do I feel the draw to check online several times a day or more?
Right now my son doesn't know exactly WHAT I'm doing on the computer, but he does see I spend an awful lot of time on it. He'll want to do it just like me, because of my example.
So, for me, I need to work on controlling my urges and setting personal parameters so that it won't become "Do as I say, not as I do." |
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Wise words Jenn. So true. (so let me sign off and get on with my day!! )
__________________ Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Maria B. Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 8:29am | IP Logged
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I'm sorry I missed the rest of the discussion yesterday and I don't have much time to post now, but let me just say a few things. My thoughts will be scattered, but here goes ...
First, please don't use the word "confiscate" when referring to cell phones. I just don't see it that way. Like with so many things, my kids know there are rules and limits. When we are at home, the use of the cell phone, in most cases, is not necessary.
Secondly, the guidelines I posted on my blog were just that - guidelines for the reader to consider. They can be adapted to your family, your child's temperment, behavior, etc. These are not the exact rules I use with my kids. I have only scraped the surface of what the "rules" are in our family about these gadgets. And the rules often change.
Also, there is a level of trust here that has to be assumed on the part of the parent or none of these rules will work. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be monitoring every detail of any of these things, whether you have two or ten kids. Most kids can figure out a way around this rule or that. My kids are much more tech saavy then me or my husband. If I ever suspect or know of an abuse of the rules then the phone, Facebook account, whatever is taken away for a long period of time. I consider that a violation of trust. For me, that is a serious thing. It has happened here and it was treated extremely seriously.
Thirdly, I am not advertising Facebook for anyone - parents or teens. Believe me, I wish all these new gadgets would go away. They complicate life a
great deal. If Facebook had never come up in our household, I would not have even suggested it to my teens. But like Willa mentioned, it does have some benefits. For instance, the college my daughter is going to in the fall uses Facebook to communicate with its incoming freshman. She's learning a lot about what is ahead of her.
Elizabeth is right in the sense that it is impossible to monitor every detail, aspect of these gadgets and what are teens are doing. That is why TRUST is a key factor. I have faced a situation where I found out things were being posted that were inappropriate. I dealt with it immediately and monitored it for a month or so to be sure it was rectified.
But let's face it ... this is not just the case for Facebook, cell phones, Ipods, etc. It's the case with so many other things. That is why it gets harder and harder to parent as the kids get older. You literally have to put them in God's hands as they walk out the door, drive away in the car. "Are they really going where they say they are going?" "Is their friend really a nice girl?" You could go nuts monitoring all that. You will go insane second guessing your kids.
This goes back to the question Elizabeth or someone asked about whether or not I monitor all my kids "friends" pages on Facebook. No I don't. Yes, there is a chance that there could be harmful stuff there. But again, my daughter is eighteen. At some point, I have to trust her judgement and then constantly "beef up that judgement" through discussion, mentors, books, prayer, etc.
Isn't this similar to music (Ipods/radio/CDs). I can't possibly keep up with every song my daughter downloads on her Ipod. Again, I have to trust her.
Yes, we have to be prudent. We have to be very aware. We have to take safeguards to protect our kids. We have to train them and prepare them. And we have to be vigilant. All of these things are true. But we are not suppose to be paranoid. Believe me, the teens will pick up on that. That starts a level of breakdown between you and your teen that you don't want.
That's why this whole process starts way back when they are little ones. All the things that you teach them about right and wrong and instill in them over the years starts to be put into action when they become teenagers.
A key thing in this whole discussion is the age and maturity of the child. When you let your child have a cell phone, or an Ipod, or whatever depends on all of these things. Only the parent is the best judge of that.
But know that once you allow your kids on the computer, even in the safe, innocent forums that have been mentioned in this discussion, they are at risk of being exposed to something harmful. You need to prepare your kids for that. Tell them that there is filth out there. Tell them what to do if they see it. Tell them never to open anything that they are unsure of.
Marilyn, it is scary. It is overwhelming. It is time consuming. But I am leraning more and more that that is just the way it is and it is getting harder and
harder as the devil figures out ways to infiltrate the minds and hearts of our kids.
Gotta go. Sorry this is so rambled. Between being in a hurry and nursing a baby ...
__________________ Maria in VA
Proud Mom to 10 Great kids!
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Cay Gibson Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 8:44am | IP Logged
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The first thing is to remember that our children will be exposed to things we wish they weren't whether we like it or not. We have to teach them how to handle it properly.
Don't think your children don't already know the issues. They do. Now they need to hear it from your perspective.
Second thing is to remember that our children will (more than likely) always be more knowledgeable than we are in things technical. When the computer goes down I always ask my 15 yr old son to look at it first. He can usually get it going.
My older three are 21, 18, and 15. I've jumped through just about every hoop there is, and I don't like the circus. The clowns and all that...
I don't want to invade my own children's privacy but some of the largest issues we had were problems involing other hsed children...good hsed children from very good hs families. I never say never...
We're dealing w/ an issue right now that started the very night I shared this. See how the evil one likes to tear us down?
My oldest ds was so burnt by one ugly incident several years ago (with a real life friend, no less) that he has next to no tolerance for the computer. He uses the computer for his online classes and has a small "MySpace" page a friend set up for him. He checks his mail maybe...maybe...once a month. Other than that, he has little use or need for computers. Do I worry about him treading his way in this technical-savvy, obsessively hyper-linked world? Not really. This semester he is having to take a Computer Science class on campus and has two online classes. At work he has to log everything into a computer. I know he won't be walking around w/out some knowledge. Perhaps more than me. And he does love his IPhone.
Regarding cell phones, my children were not allowed phones until they had a part-time job and could pay their own bill.
My 11 yr old dd is begging for one with each bday. It's easy to tell her "When you have a job and can afford it" when you've held onto your guns with the older three.
Of course, she wants to start babysitting this summer and already has some pet-sitting jobs lined up. I might have to eat my words.
Regarding pictures and images being shared, I worry more about this w/ my college age daughter than w/ my 15 yr old son. I caution her constantly. I feel that daddies need to take a bigger role in talking w/ their daughters regarding this.
Sometimes upfront, brunt conversation is the best you can do. It educates them, makes them more aware, and they will think twice before crossing that road again.
We are fallen parents raising fallen children in a fallen world. It will only be by the grace and mercy of God (and perhaps by our example) that they stay focused on "outside the box."
__________________ Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Cay Gibson Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 8:57am | IP Logged
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MarilynW wrote:
I have a question for all your Facebook ladies - I don't really understand the point of it? I am trying to understand why anyone has an account. |
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I really don't know, Marilyn. Other than...it's fun.
Back in August a real life friend sent me an invitation to join her at Facebook. I didn't have a clue but I floundered through making an account and a page. Then forgot about it...
Earlier this year, or was it before Christmas? my 15 yr old son started a page and, to follow him, I got back on and learned my way around it.
At first it was mind-boggling but the more you use it the more you learn. I enjoy it. And it's really neat, in a weird sort of way, to have people you went to school with...as far back as second grade who you haven't seen or spoken to since you graduated from high school...get back in touch w/ you.
I recently shared that I like Facebook because I don't have as much time online as I use to...certainly not enough to write thought-provoking blog posts...and Twitter's word limit limits my expression too much. Facebook is a nice medium...for me.
I don't care for Twitter...probably because I haven't used it enough to stay "in the loop" but, all all communication outlets, I really LOVE my blog best of all.
If you really want to get to know me and visit me in this 21st century, go to my blog. It's the "space" I feel most comfortable.
__________________ Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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PDyer Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 9:10am | IP Logged
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My (much younger) sister in law and cousins invited me to Facebook. I have appreciated being in touch with them if only superficially. I spend little time *on* Facebook. I have a blog but it's mostly to share pictures with family and to have one place to keep links, etc.
__________________ Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
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JennGM Forum Moderator
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 9:23am | IP Logged
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Maria B. wrote:
A key thing in this whole discussion is the age and maturity of the child. When you let your child have a cell phone, or an Ipod, or whatever depends on all of these things. Only the parent is the best judge of that.
But know that once you allow your kids on the computer, even in the safe, innocent forums that have been mentioned in this discussion, they are at risk of being exposed to something harmful. You need to prepare your kids for that. Tell them that there is filth out there. Tell them what to do if they see it. Tell them never to open anything that they are unsure of.
Marilyn, it is scary. It is overwhelming. It is time consuming. But I am leraning more and more that that is just the way it is and it is getting harder and
harder as the devil figures out ways to infiltrate the minds and hearts of our kids. |
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Maria, I'm enjoying all that you wrote, just quoting a bit that really hits home for me. And really, no matter how hard we try, we do have to trust God, like Cay said. We are human and we will make mistakes. Our parents tried very hard, and still we were exposed and sinned. I have to remember to never underestimate the power of grace in our children's lives.
Cay Gibson wrote:
At first it was mind-boggling but the more you use it the more you learn. I enjoy it. And it's really neat, in a weird sort of way, to have people you went to school with...as far back as second grade who you haven't seen or spoken to since you graduated from high school...get back in touch w/ you. |
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While it's nice to be back in contact with some people, don't you find you're not in contact because sometimes you can barely tread water in the regular day and friends and family that are in constant contact? Everyone says this is so attractive to make all these long-lost contacts and for me the idea is overwhelming. (I know it's my exhaustion talking.)
I've noticed that Facebook or LinkedIn and Twitter and blogs are also marketing tools. But then again, Bill Gates no longer uses Facebook, so maybe we're behind the times. AGAIN.
I enjoy reading the Wall Street Journal, especially the reviews and articles on the new technology. I found this interesting, A reminder to watch what is on your Facebook page. And this article talks about the dangers of these online communications -- crashing your computer, stealing passwords, etc.
Dh and I talk so much about this area. I started thinking this week about why are we driven to keep adding more technology? For the adolescents, it's definitely peer pressure and the drawn of the media, but what is it for me as an adult? Is it the same reasons, not wanting to be left out, wanting to be "in"?
I have a few friends that either don't have email, or only check at the library on web email once a month. They seem so free.
I was recently trying to confirm for an upcoming retreat, and all communications are so "archaic" in my mind. While my husband's retreats are communicated through email, instant responses, I have to wait through snail mail for confirmation. And I had to wait 2 weeks, because the first date was full, so I had to remail another date.
I found it frustrating, but then started wondering why was I so frustrated? This was an exercise in patience, as I couldn't have an immediate answer. And that seems to be what this technology brings me: Instant gratification. And is that always a good thing to nurture? It sure does help when you're stranded or forget your wallet or lost when out on the road to have that cell phone for instant help. I'd say a necessity. But can I trim some of the fat to help me and my family?
Sorry, just rambling. Off to be with the real world.
__________________ Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Mackfam Board Moderator
Non Nobis
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 10:38am | IP Logged
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This topic is on my mind a great deal lately. I don't want to run or hide from technology, and I think doing so does a disservice to my children. Even the Holy Father offered his input and some valuable guidelines for the use of new technology. So, everything in perspective, technology offers a great deal of potential for good - blogs, facebook, forums, cellphones - can be good.
My husband and I had a conversation about this last night. Through talking together, we both came to the conclusion that technology and its appendages can be used as tools in a way that is good, much as the tv is used around here. It is an appliance. Abuse it, and it can be an opening to evil and influence in areas we try to steer our family away from. Used prudently, and with care and watchfulness, it can offer good. If a tool or an appliance becomes an obsession or the only outlet to social interaction, an unhealthy perspective is formed. This is where I sense danger.
My thoughts are really only just forming on this. We have not allowed facebook, twitter, or other social connection sites into our home yet. We have allowed our children to write on blogs (which I see as an opportunity for expression of creativity and a good thing.) I see this as a prudential decision that will vary and can be lived in good ways from family to family. In allowing these technology tools into the home, my husband and I feel it is important to know and understand all angles, and the potential, both for good and evil within. Also important in our decision is our ability to place restrictions and guidelines on using these tools - healthy limits - and be willing and able to really follow through. My ability to offer my time to technology, whether here, or my blog, or in emails, or otherwise is limited. And, my first priority will always be my vocation and the daily duty. If I can't offer it the guidance needed, it would be like allowing my teen out on a rocky cliff with no safety net. The view might be spectacular, but one mis-step and there is grave danger. I can offer safety rails, as Maria has done, but first I want to be sure my teen has the maturity to respect these safety measures. My biggest concern is what if my teen breaks trust and climbs over willingly or because the other side is too great a temptation. Have I allowed an occasion of sin to enter the home?
I don't like dismissing the forums or facebook or any other medium as bad just because they live on this screen. There's a real person behind a screen somewhere else. There is great good here on these forums, on all of your blogs, with your facebook accounts. We have the opportunity to build up the Body of Christ through our words in cyber-space. The danger is when it becomes all about me, or impersonal, or an unhealthy obsession and outlet for connection, or worse yet - removes me from my vocation from loving and serving the real people around me. I think these are good guidelines to use for our teens - and I say this with the full disclaimer that I am only at the very beginning of this great journey and treading with extreme caution and watchfulness.
I don't deny the very great concern I have for pornography transmission through this computer. All I can say is that we are vigilant, and we will continue to be. It is a great part of our decision to allow technology tools into our home and our children's lives, and always considered when we decide on the manner and extent to which we will allow a tool to be used.
I'm rambling...but thank you all for letting me work these thoughts out of my head.
As Elizabeth rightly points out, it is hard to put this water back under the bridge. I want to consider this very, very carefully and prayerfully with my husband, and I'm very grateful to all of you for sharing your individual perspectives and how you live with this technology! This has been such a helpful thread for me. Thank you.
__________________ Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19, ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
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MarilynW Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 11:12am | IP Logged
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OT: Colleen - your pm box is full. Not sure how else to let you know.
__________________ Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God
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Cay Gibson Forum All-Star
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 11:22am | IP Logged
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Well said, Jennifer.
Macfam wrote:
If a tool or an appliance becomes an obsession or the only outlet to social interaction, an unhealthy perspective is formed. This is where I sense danger. |
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I think, in a nutshell, it comes down to "everything in moderation." That includes food, book buying, curriculum buying, blog reading, etc.
Mackfam wrote:
My biggest concern is what if my teen breaks trust and climbs over willingly or because the other side is too great a temptation. Have I allowed an occasion of sin to enter the home? |
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Let's be careful not to step into the utopia that Thomas More warned us about. Technology is here to stay. We must teach our children to deal with it and know that even in the most vigilant of parents and the most good-hearted of children, things can (and do) happen.
To avoid this "near occasion of sin" we would have to throw-out the computer completely. Some families already do that w/ the television.
And if our children don't learn to guide themselves within the home under our guidance and safety nets towards all that is offered out there then they will surely learn when they step outside our home and are confronted with it, ill-prepared to handle it at all.
What I'm saying is we can't blame ourselves and beat ourselves up over these things....when they happen. Though it's almost humanly impossible not to.
They happen. And, when they happen, we deal w/ them. I don't see a mother here is is saying they don't take precautions and keep vigil. Yet, even then, sometimes things happen.
That's when we have to fall on our knees and admit our humanness, know that we can't do it all or be everything to everybody. And ask God for His mercy...on us and on our children.
It's in how you deal with your child when it happens that counts.
Thank God for St. Monica's example. Thank God for His mercy!
This world is very sinful and I'm afraid we don't live in a cave in the desert. We live in the 21st century w/ televisions and computers and Internet and cell phones, etc. etc. etc.
Like I wrote earlier, the times my family has had to deal w/ stuff was brought into our home via way of other friends. Come to think of it, it is never brought into our homes by a stranger. It is always by someone the children trust (to some degree or other) and we usually do too.
My 15 yr old is now part of a wonderful, stellar group of hsed children. These are great kids from great families. All the parents are on the same page. Often the group does things as a whole.
But it is a "group" of children. The drama is there and I can't turn my head and say it isn't.
So do I lock my child away and not allow him to be part of it? He has had offered to him something my oldest never had. Our hsing group was just getting starting and just getting its feet wet when I began hsing my oldest. We were all unsure of what we were doing and what defined us.
Yet...both then and now...the "drama" has happened. And how am I to know that God did not allow it for my child to eventually see the ugliness in it, turn away from the "drama" and yet, in the end, was prepared for the reality of the workplace that is not always nice or virtuous or "safe." Many times not.
I agree with Maria. Age and maturity of the child has a lot to do with it and only the parents can be the judge of these things. But don't be caught blindsided. Even then...things happen...
I'd like to throw in this one word of caution.
The biggest trick that Satan plays on us is in deceiving us to think it will never happen to us or our children. That's the biggest deception of all.
I think I've said all I can say on the matter. Back to my real life planning.
__________________ Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Willa Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 28 2005 Location: California
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 11:30am | IP Logged
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Mackfam wrote:
As Elizabeth rightly points out, it is hard to put this water back under the bridge. |
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Yes, I think this is very true. Living with teens and young adults now I feel like time has speeded up and gained momentum. These are personalities in the house now with their own interests and their own, almost-grown wills. I wouldn't want to minimize the difficulties.
At the same time, what DO we do again and again in our Christian life and our parenting life but put the water back under the bridge, again and again?
There is the parable of the talents. I don't like to take risks, but I've always realized reluctantly that the guy who buried his money and was condemned for it was playing it as safe as you can. The guys who went out and invested were taking some risks. They could have lost it all. It sounds silly to compare this to using tech. Obviously we can get through life without a computer or cell phone. Just as obviously, it would need to be a decision made out of love and desire for something better, not out of fear. I don't think we can live a risk-free life -- if it's not tech it's something else. My son hears a lot of bad language during athletics and sees some things that are morally problematic. I'm trying to think of a place that is completely safe. One's own room? No, not even there, because sin doesn't just come from outside.
I think we try to trust our children provisionally. If they make a mistake we do what Elizabeth did and rein them back in. The vexing part with tech is that the results of the mistakes can be disproportionate to the intention of the mistake. A child can very quickly get into something that no child can handle well. And children don't like being reined in.
However, I don't really think that's altogether new. I'm thinking of how until relatively recent times a young person was considered an adult at age 14 or 15. Very young people were employed, married, soldiering, running their own businesses. Young people went away to boarding schools where they were not always supervised adequately -- CS Lewis talked about the homos*xuality that was ever-present in his school environment, though he loathed it personally.
I'm not saying to just let go, not at all. I think it's thoroughly appropriate to monitor, to retract privileges, to ban these things from the home if you feel called to. They are not necessities. However, I really worry about avoiding laxness (not good) at the expense of developing a kind of fearful, bunkered down approach (also not good). Ever since alcohol was invented, God has given us things that could be devastating if used wrongly. This is not new.
Teens are basically men and women in many ways -- which makes parenting them tricky, though extremely rewarding in many ways. There are some mistakes I'd rather have them make (or better yet, learn to guard against) while they're still in the home environment rather than delay until they are out on their own without the direct connection to our guidance.
I DO worry and that's why I'm following this discussion. I am glad that Elizabeth shared her concerns and opened this discussion. I think it is right to be concerned about the possibilities of harm. I just think this is something inevitable in our lives. Maybe realizing it and knowing that it's impossible and undesirable to shelter completely from everything is a good reminder to spend a lot of time praying and instructing. I know that's the line of thought I'm taking right now. I have been overly naive sometimes so it's good to have the cautionary side out there.
__________________ AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Cay Gibson Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005 Location: Louisiana
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 11:31am | IP Logged
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Well, I thought I was finished. I quickly read this link provided by Jenn and, in turn, I will share it w/ my 15 yr old who I spoke to about this very thing just last week.
And I know we will both guard our "space" a little more proactively.
__________________ Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Cay Gibson Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005 Location: Louisiana
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Posted: March 10 2009 at 11:34am | IP Logged
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Willa, you always say things so well.
Basically we were writing the same thing at the same time. But I adore your version.
__________________ Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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