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crusermom
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| Posted: Feb 06 2009 at 7:38pm | IP Logged
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I really don't worry about it too much. Maybe I should. I agree that God wouldn't have called me to this and not give me what it takes to do it. Maybe I just need to adjust my expectations. Since I will be 47 1/2 when this babe is born, I will probably still be nursing when I am 50. But on the other hand, I have more drivers than cars, and more cooks than room in the kitchen. We have less financial stress than when the first few came along and I am not working now. I think keeping in shape is key to your health and your energy and your outlook on life. This is a great topic, and I have enjoyed reading all your responses.
Mary
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Mary
Army wife and Crusermom to 8 wonderful children!
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teachingmyown
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This is great timing for me as well. I have been thinking about this lately. I am 39 and feeling pretty wiped out as well. But I love Bridget's point that when we are 50 our lives won't look like this, diapers, nursing all night, babies on our hips and toddlers hanging on our aprons.
I look forward to a more mature time, but I am sure I will miss this stage too even if it seems hard to believe now. Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be so all or nothing. Today, motherhood is constant "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" and I get worn down. Years down the road, it's going to be so quiet all the time. I wish there were some middle ground. Not that I have any idea what I mean by that.
Anyway, back to the race, I do worry about all those things mentioned, but not enough to let that be the deciding factor when it comes to trying for more children.
I do have one other thought/worry. What is it like to have more children once your older ones start leaving the nest? That just seems so weird to me. My oldest will graduate high school this June and most likely enlist. So, if we were to have another baby, he wouldn't be part of its life like he has been with all the others. It feels so heartbreaking. Even now, I hate doing things as a "family" without him. When we go places like apple picking and I get the kids together for a picture and he isn't there, the picture isn't right. Will I get over this?  When people count my children when we go places I want to tell them that there is one more, that I have eight not seven because I feel like they don't see the whole family. (Not that it should matter what strangers think, but it is just my feeling slightly empty.) Kind of a tangent, but I would love to hear your thoughts!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Leonie
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Okay, I am turning fifty this year ( freaky!) and am still homeschooling...My youngest is thirteen, have three teens still homeschooling and four homeschool graduates.
Life just changes gradually, I find that I am still enjoying our form of homeschooling ( unschooling). I see God has a plan for our life and we just keep on being faithful.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Bookswithtea
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teachingmyown wrote:
| I do have one other thought/worry. What is it like to have more children once your older ones start leaving the nest? That just seems so weird to me. My oldest will graduate high school this June and most likely enlist. So, if we were to have another baby, he wouldn't be part of its life like he has been with all the others. It feels so heartbreaking. Even now, I hate doing things as a "family" without him. When we go places like apple picking and I get the kids together for a picture and he isn't there, the picture isn't right. Will I get over this? When people count my children when we go places I want to tell them that there is one more, that I have eight not seven because I feel like they don't see the whole family. (Not that it should matter what strangers think, but it is just my feeling slightly empty.) Kind of a tangent, but I would love to hear your thoughts! |
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Not a tangent at all, imho. This feels really weird to me, too. My ds is often not at the usual hs-ey things we do during the week (he's 15/sophomore) and I always feel compelled to tell people there's one missing, too! 
I wonder about what it will be like if the Lord gives us another. I read 10 Circles on the Pond several years ago (not the best book, but interesting). She said she almost felt like she had 2 sets of families, even though they didn't really have a big gap between the first 5 and the second 5. She said it just sort of worked out that way because of who they spent their time with. Her littlest ones didn't know the big ones very well...That made me sort of sad, but I wonder if its unavoidable???
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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SaraP
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Quote:
| Her littlest ones didn't know the big ones very well...That made me sort of sad, but I wonder if its unavoidable??? |
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Oh no, definitely not!
My youngest sibling is 14 years younger than I am - nearer in age to my oldest child than to me - and he and I are very close. He is even closer with my DH who is almost 20 years his senior, but has been a part of his life since he was 6 or 7 and is interested in many of the same things. In my family, anyhow, personality and geography have had much more impact than chronology on sibling relationships.
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Mama to six on earth, two in heaven and two waiting in Russia. Foxberry Farm Almanac
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ALmom
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Ok, Books, I'm almost 50 with children from 21 to 6. Things have changed for me - but not the homeschooling and loving to be with the children. Some things are harder, some things are easier. My energy level has never been high. Gotta go - dinner is late cause I put it in the oven without turning on the correct oven   . Things like that happen - before I'd be in tears, now I tend to laugh at myself more and we all move along.
When dh is out of town and the toilet overflows or the sink is clogged because someone put a popsicle stick down the drain, I don't even have to say a word - my 14 yo son takes care of it. I have wonderful conversations with daughters and sons and listening to several teen and above discuss things.
I probably feel oddest when I visit dd at college. I know we are the only ones with youngers - and they get exposed to more just from having older siblings. But, God seems to know what he is about. The youngest tells me everything and hugs me all the time. He is such a cuddler. Sometimes it is harder - folks with just older don't understand the family dynamics and that I just cannot drive to all the events with the littles - or the littles are kind of seen as in the way so it is hard. Or, for coop, it is hard to do the fun, light co-op with olders who need to have that study time. We juggle and balance and discern when to do what and don't worry about how we fit - most of the time.
As far as being close - oh my yes. My 21 year old and 6 year old are the best of buddies. She trains him to open doors for her - and her friends and they ooh and aah over him. He can talk her into goodies. We do have to go through an adjustment after every break from school when he is missing her. He talks to her on the phone and says all kinds of funny things to make her laugh.
Better go eat.
Janet
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Bookswithtea
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ALmom wrote:
Ok, Books, I'm almost 50 with children from 21 to 6. Things have changed for me - but not the homeschooling and loving to be with the children. Some things are harder, some things are easier. My energy level has never been high. Gotta go - dinner is late cause I put it in the oven without turning on the correct oven . Things like that happen - before I'd be in tears, now I tend to laugh at myself more and we all move along.
When dh is out of town and the toilet overflows or the sink is clogged because someone put a popsicle stick down the drain, I don't even have to say a word - my 14 yo son takes care of it. I have wonderful conversations with daughters and sons and listening to several teen and above discuss things.
I probably feel oddest when I visit dd at college. I know we are the only ones with youngers - and they get exposed to more just from having older siblings. But, God seems to know what he is about. The youngest tells me everything and hugs me all the time. He is such a cuddler. Sometimes it is harder - folks with just older don't understand the family dynamics and that I just cannot drive to all the events with the littles - or the littles are kind of seen as in the way so it is hard. Or, for coop, it is hard to do the fun, light co-op with olders who need to have that study time. We juggle and balance and discern when to do what and don't worry about how we fit - most of the time.
As far as being close - oh my yes. My 21 year old and 6 year old are the best of buddies. She trains him to open doors for her - and her friends and they ooh and aah over him. He can talk her into goodies. We do have to go through an adjustment after every break from school when he is missing her. He talks to her on the phone and says all kinds of funny things to make her laugh.
Better go eat.
Janet |
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This is so encouraging, and just what I needed to hear, tonight. Thank you. It is definitely weird when I work the nursery at homeschool events. Everyone else has 4 kids 9 and under and all the moms are under 30. In the Catholic hs circles, our family size is average, but in the protestant hs circles, we are definitely the oddballs. I'm the only one with a high schooler and a jr. higher in that nursery, yet I still have those littles! 
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~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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stellamaris
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Well, I feel like an antique! I'm 52 with children ranging from 26 to 5, and two grandchildren! I'll be 64 when the youngest leaves home. It has been wonderful, and difficult, too. My oldest left home before my youngest was born, and now his children are friends of my little ones. The family changes, but yet the ties of family are always present. Now I really understand that our children are not ours, but only a loan from God. Our stewardship of our children must be conscientious, and yet we must prepare to let them go and live their own lives outside the immediate family circle. You all wondered about exhaustion...it's where I live! I have six children at home still! When I was pregnant with the last few, I was really struggling to accept it. I wanted to "do something" with my life, then I realized, what could be more important than guiding an immortal soul? I am learning to accept my limitations, do what I can and leave the rest, and simplify my life. The Lord's curriculum for me seems to be humility! One last thought, it is weird to have most of my hsing friends moving on to another stage in life, and it is true that I have less in common with the younger moms, but I have found I am enriched by them, I am always learning from them, and their hope and enthusiasm counteract my (occasional) discouragement and fear.
Caroline
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time4tea
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teachingmyown wrote:
I look forward to a more mature time, but I am sure I will miss this stage too even if it seems hard to believe now. Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be so all or nothing. Today, motherhood is constant "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy" and I get worn down. Years down the road, it's going to be so quiet all the time. I wish there were some middle ground. Not that I have any idea what I mean by that.
I do have one other thought/worry. What is it like to have more children once your older ones start leaving the nest? That just seems so weird to me. My oldest will graduate high school this June and most likely enlist. So, if we were to have another baby, he wouldn't be part of its life like he has been with all the others. It feels so heartbreaking. Even now, I hate doing things as a "family" without him. When we go places like apple picking and I get the kids together for a picture and he isn't there, the picture isn't right. Will I get over this? When people count my children when we go places I want to tell them that there is one more, that I have eight not seven because I feel like they don't see the whole family.! |
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Oh, Molly, once again - are we twins?! I could have written this! I already miss "these years" and my youngest is just 21 months old! My oldest just turned 16 and I already cry when I think of him not just "not being here" for our littlest one like he has been for all of the others. I agree, it is really heartbreaking and YES, I definitely DO know just what you mean by all of this!
Elizabeth - I, too, have come to regard my life as a mom as one "extra long career" as you describe. I always thought I would go back to school, work, whatever after my dc grew up and left the nest, but that was before it became apparent to me that my dc would not all be out of the nest until I was much older than I had initially calculated . Now, I figure I will just gradually transition from motherhood to active grandmotherhood as time goes on. My eldest niece, who is only about 10 years younger than me, is expecting her first baby in July, so I already am starting to have a real "feel" for this gradual transition at this point. It is kind of a strange feeling.
Books - Yes! Exercise and nutrition definitely make a huge difference! When I was growing up, our next door neighbor was an older widower who was in his 90's by the time I became aware of him. He had a huge vegetable and flower garden that kept him very active. He was always working around his yard or house, very, very active even while coping with arthritis. He was a wealth of knowledge who never tired from the constant questions of a curious 6 year old girl. He kept his mind and body active. Then suddenly one Spring, he developed a cold that turned into pneumonia and he died. His life is a testament to me of what living a full, active life can look like. So yes, definitely staying active is important to maintaining vitality, especially as we get older.
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~Tea
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stacykay
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I guess I don't worry about it (I will be 59 or 60-depending on how K goes this year- when my youngest graduates high school,) because my own dear mum was 59 when I graduated high school. We were so very close her whole life.
And my oldest (21) has managed to stay very close with the littles, even though he is away at school. When 21yods came in the door on Sat. (home for my #2ds's graduation,) my 4yo ran to him, threw his arms around his legs, and said, quite emphatically, "I LOVE you, Matt!"
Over the years, I have always had a day a month set aside for each boy, taking them out for lunch or something special we could do together, just "us." My older boys are now doing this with their younger brothers.
I also remind myself that our time is in God's Hands, and His plan is perfect. I do this often, but especially yesterday, as one of my ds's classmates lost his mom yesterday morning, hours before their graduation.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
dss 21, 18, 14, 11, 7 and 1/2!, and 4-almost 5!
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kris
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She said the weirdest thing for her is that most of her hs buddies are done hsing now, and she doesn't feel like she has much in common with the new sets of moms that have children similar in age to her youngest 2.
--This is where I am at and I've been thinking a lot about this lately. The moms of my older kid's friends are mostly done with babies/littles and the moms of my younger kid's friends are running about to every conceivable activity since they don't have the time constraints of homeschooling teens. (Which I did, too, when I had all littles :) We stay home most of the time and really limit *outside the home activities*, so in a sense I feel like I am shortchanging the younger. On the other hand, I know now, having teens & young adults, that kids being around other kids all the time ( even homeschooled kids) is not the be all and end all either.
I will be 60 when my youngest is 18. I am definitely a little more pooped having 3 under 6 @ 44 along with the seven others, but as they get older, I see I may be allowed a slower pace ( at least not chasing babies and toddlers :).
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Kris
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Suzy
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Oh, Ladies, I am so glad I found this thread! I have been feeling so out of touch lately. Mostly moping around feeling sorry for myself and not counting the incredible blessings of having eight children!
But, I'm tired. I will be 48 in October and my youngest will turn 3 in November. And like many of you have said, most of my friends are done or about to be done homeschooling and the moms with kids my little ones ages are younger.
In the back of my mind I pictured myself with a new career but have realized this is my career for life!
I'm also going through this crushing depression. Well, crushing for me because I've always been able to think positive. I'm having trouble doing that these days. I'm sure it's hormonal. But that thought doesn't quite get me through my days.
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StephanieA
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I am 45 and newly expecting #9. It has wiped me off this side of the planet. I feel NO where near getting ready for school in a few weeks. Schedules are so slow going. This is a bit of a downer for me. I know my attitude stinks, because I am SO looking forward to a this little one. But #8 is nursing like a trooper and it is just, well, hard.
Some family members think I am totally irresponsible and at times, I feel that way. How am I really going to care for 9 kids, all living at home, homeschool 5 of them and take care of the other 2? Seriously....I am running way out of energy.
But...I know it is an opportunity for grace and truly I am blessed beyond what I can realize right now.
My husband will be over 70 when this one is an adult.
My 21 year old laughed and said...no one will believe Dad is the dad. He should be grandpa. HA!
Blessings,
Stephanie
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Donna Marie
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StephanieA wrote:
| I am 45 and newly expecting #9. It has wiped me off this side of the planet. I feel NO where near getting ready for school in a few weeks. Schedules are so slow going. |
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{{{{{Stephanie!!}}}}
Congratulations!!! I am so very happy for you. Don't worry too much about school. Drink plenty of ginger tea and hit the library. Work on math. Sleep whenever you can and get lots of sunshine and fresh air.
I am praying for you!!
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God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 9dc!!
Finding Elegant Simplicity
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Elizabeth
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StephanieA wrote:
| I am 45 and newly expecting #9. |
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Yippee!! Stephanie, I am soooo thrilled for you! This news brought tears to my eyes. All that yucky stuff will pass. I know how much you will love, love, love having this baby. And you know it too! Adding you and baby to my prayers every day. Much love to you!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Suzy
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My 21 year old laughed and said...no one will believe Dad is the dad. He should be grandpa. HA!
Congratulations, Stephanie!
We have had this happen a few times. Also our 16 yr old dd gets mistaken for her mom. :-)
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joann10
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Congratulations, Stephanie!!! 
Prayers headed your way!!!
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StephanieA
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Gosh, thanks so much, guys
I SO much appreciate the prayers. BTY, I tried the ginger tea...whoooh...how do you drink the stuff 
I am getting back to the point where water is not horrible tasting. But I did find a trick that worked....really watered down 100% grape juice. Tastes like the bottled vitamin waters.
I think I will be fighting to hold this little one I have 14 and 11 year old girls that are going to find a WONDERFUL excuse this February for not doing school.
AND the plus side to being so sick at dinner is that....YES....the kids CAN fix supper! If they want meat, they know that they must fix it. Otherwise, it is veggies, veggies, veggies. Not the meals that 21, 19, and 17 year old guys go for
Again, thank you SO much!!
Blessings,
Stephanie
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jdostalik
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Congratulations, Stephanie! You are an inspiration and incredibly blessed. Hugs! 
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God Bless,
Jennifer in TX
wife to Bill, mom to six here on earth and eight in heaven.
Let the Little Ones Come
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4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
Topic: finishing the race
