| Author | |
Sarah M
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 06 2008
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1423
|
| Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Mackfam wrote:
Aren't you all proud of me?  I restrained myself this time to less than half a page! |
|
|
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Mackfam
Board Moderator
Non Nobis
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: Alabama
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 14656
|
| Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 3:14pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Eight Wonders wrote:
| thanks to everyone and special thanks to you Jennifer. |
|
|
You are so welcome, Kim! Apparently it is a subject I could ramble on for days.
Eight Wonders wrote:
| After reading all the posts this morning, and printing them out to look at throughout the day for ideas, I felt I had the strength and some tools to tackle it all again! |
|
|
I am soooo glad!
__________________
Jen Mackintosh
Wife to Rob, mom to dd 19 , ds 16, ds 11, dd 8, and dd 3
Wildflowers and Marbles
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
cornomama4
Forum Pro
Joined: June 20 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 189
|
| Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 11:10pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Disclaimer: I was going to PM this, but the I realized the only one who might feel uncomfortable about my post was ME so I said "Whatever!":
OK, I can't even imagine what having 8 is like (I have 4)but about 9 months after #4 was born, I "discovered" that I had all the classic signs of post partum depression. I say "discoved" because my oldest ds was seeing a counselor for anxiety issues and after talking with me a few times, the counselor mentioned that I was a textbook case of high-functioning PPD.
The main reason I'm mentioning this to you is what you said about not caring about the meals and stuff. Did you care before? Sometimes, the baby hormones just make us not up to the task...for anything! And my #4 I think is payback for all the easy babies before him, so I hear you on the "frustrated with messes" front!
You seem to have a really positive and proactive stance about all this though, realizing that it is a "season" that will pass (I tell myself this daily) and asking for advice. My advice would be don't try to do too much now and have the kids help you with the babies on a rotation system so you can have some focused time with the olders for school. And look at what things annoy/frustrate you the most and fix the ones you can first. I'm a typical "don't do anything unless you can do it perfectly". So I cook one real meal a week, but it's a really good meal! I have learned that this attitude is not going to get me anywhere, because life is about the day-to-day stuff and perfection is in the eye of the beholder.
Sounds like you have a great husband...maybe ask him what his "bare minimum" standards and goals are. He seems very supportive and could maybe give you an opinion that is not clouded by days full of diaper changes and mac'n'cheese faux finishes on your walls.
It's been about a year for me since my lowest point and though I am pretty darn happy I still have many changes to make. But I'm trying to make them slowly and always checking for "child approved feedback" in that the kids seem peaceful and content (not always happy, since daily chores are part of the deal here!) but when my 7 y.o. says he thinks we need to do math tomorrow, I know I'm letting the HS work slide 
I wish there was a perfect schedule or HS plan or diet or whatever that I could follow and everything would be fixed. Asking advice is good and important, but listen to your heart..who are the "must do's" for? Your family or outside observers and perceived standards? What's best for the family, overall, during this particular time? Can you discuss your concerns honestly with your mom and ask for her help? Like can she watch the babies when she "pops by" while you catch up on laundry? If not, hope you didn't mind me asking. My parents are 650 miles away, so neither the good nor the bad is an issue!
Hang in there, and thanks for asking because I'm getting all sorts of good advice too! You know how sometimes a child will have a time where he/she is really a mess and we say "oh, they're teething" and chalk it up to a developmental issue? Maybe us moms still have that at certain times...."she's going through a growing phase...at 41!"
cm4
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 22 2009 at 11:23pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
cm4 that's a wonderful point to make.
and it seems to me that I did read something about adults still going through stages.. it was in relation to how some adult stages clash with children's stages... but that's the sum total of what I remember
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 6:01am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Sarah wrote:
I met a women recently who let me in her house to show me the curriculum she used with her 2 children. They were homeschooled all the way through and are doing wonderfully at a popular Catholic college. Even though she had the time to do more with her 2 kids (she married late and could only have 2), she simply did math, a language arts lesson of some sort, and one other subject each day. They practiced piano and dad read catechism questions for 15 minutes before bed. She assigned a chapter book and gave them 2 weeks to finish it! If they were done early then they still had the remaining time for their own leisure. I couldn't believe her simplicity. She told me that she asked little, but what little they did had to be done well. How often do I ask a ton and its all done poorly because I thought I was too busy to really help the child.I know my life is very different than hers since I have 6 children, but I could learn something from her simplicity. She also said she did not watch the clock. They were done when it was done right, not when the clock struck a certain time. She said that the fact that no lunch would be served was a good motivator. But she emphasized that the checklist for the child needed to be realistic.
Maybe they really do not have to be doing as much daily as we think they do! |
|
|
This is essentially what I do. The only addition is that I read picture books to my littles about an hour a day. If you look at this, it's simple but it's rich. We're talking about math, language arts, and five other topics done until they're done well.The difference in my house (in addition to having seven more children than she did), is that I write my own curriculum and choose those five topics from there. But that's not necessary; it's just my own weird choice of a hobby.
Is this successful? A friend recently reminded me that we don't know if we're successful until we all get to heaven.But I can tell you that my first child was essentially educated this way and he's yet to get anything less than an A in college--he'll graduate next year. He was well prepared to learn and study in that environment.I've only launched one,so I can't go much further than that with testimonials.
I really appreciated Jennifer's posts. Gave me much to think about. My hunch is that the key to making Jennifer's lists work for me would be to seriously de-clutter. That's the simplicity in her plan.More time for people if we are less encumbered with things.
And I think that coronamama's points are really important ones. I've lived through PPD, too. When we educate our children at home, the stuff of life becomes part of the curriculum. And perfectionism is the kiss of death. Don't expect that you will be able to follow a curriculum plan, a housekeeping plan, a chore plan, and a meal plan all perfectly--especially after having a baby. Use the plans as your tools. you are their master, not the other way around. Finally, don't let anyone else define "success" for you. That definition is between you, your husband and the holy spirit.What does God want for your family during this season in your lives? We say we're educating our children, but I really think it's we women who grow the most during the years of homeschooling. Pare it all down to what is essential *in your home, for your family.*
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 6:48am | IP Logged
|
|
|
All good food for thought. I probably am a bit depressed since, as a perfectionist, my glass is always half empty!! Some of my closer friends tell me "you don't give yourself enough credit" so maybe it is how I perceive my environment. Perhaps smaller things seem larger in this world I live in. Can you have PPD so long after having a baby?? (She is 15 months old now, but I do still nurse and my sleep is quite interrupted at night.)
To answer cm4, I did used to enjoy cooking, but I have lost interest in it over the past year or so I think due to fatigue and having to deal with and handle meal prep so many times daily with the ensuing messes, cleanup etc. I know that must sound horrible, and I obviously love feeding the family, but due to it not being streamlined, and the kitchen being disorganized etc. it just seems so stressful 3-4 times a day to have to muster up the strength to go through it all. Give me laundry, bathrooms to clean, kids rooms to de-clutter. I LOVE doing that sort of thing for some reason, but I don't like the meal prep and the sticky cereal in crevices of chairs and the wiping off of cabinets and walls. That sort of thing id disheartening to me. My upstairs is usually MUCH cleaner than my downstairs for example. I love to do laundry and smell the fresh clothes and put them away in drawers all nicely folded and they STAY that way, at least for a day or two. The beds made with little stuffed animals on them. I can step back and enjoy them for a moment, but the kitchen YECK! I don't know. It just bothers me in there. I do think I will take the advice of Jennifer and put my picture of Our Lady of Perpetual Help back where I used to have it hanging in there before I moved her to the family room. I have a few small statues of the Blessed Mother on a shelf in the kitchen, but there IS something about the gaze of Our Lady of Perpetual Help that I just love, so perhaps that would be something I could look to when I am scraping cereal or syrup off of this and that! Also, my kitchen is the first thing people walk in when they come over (using the side door) so I think it instantly embarrases me if I have an unexpected visitor and that is their first impression. I also recently purchased a radio for the kitchen, which I have yet to use, but I noticed that I really like music and relaxing to that. (I listed to music more as a young person and that has tapered off over the years) So, I thought music in that space might be helpful to me.
Anyway, I do tend to get stressed with others opinions or perceived opinions. Elizabeth made a good point about the definition of success being between my husband, myself and the Holy Spirit. There have been several things my husband has asked of me concerning relationships I have with outside family members for example that I think I know better about. I was just thinking this morning about two situations that I woke up worried about and I thought, "I wonder if I just trusted my husband on this?? What would happen? Would the sky really fall so to speak??? " So, a very ODDLY timed post from Elizabeth and cm4!!! Lots of food for thought since I am sure the Lord works in "mysterious ways!"
On a happy note, I made dinner on time last night (salvaging my 8 lbs of boiled chicken into a really yummy BBQ chicken!) and even "helped" the girls make cake and icing and relaxed with the kitchen being such a mess afterwards  As I washed about 15 pans (why there were this many after making dinner I do not know??) I thought someone must be praying for me because this seems sort of fun!! So, thank you for any prayers offered. And, I got the lesson plans for next week all prepared while a lot of the older kids were at the March yesterday, freeing up a little of my time, (since I enjoy lesson planning, but it seems to take so much time!) I played Wii fitness with the middle children who really enjoyed Mommy being availible to them fully since the bigger kids were out and about.
I do think my husband and I are both a little "burnt out" since there isn't a lot of sleep, exercise etc. lately. I have tried to figure out how to add exercise to my day, but can't really seem to get there. This is from a former "track star" who has no enthusiasm for exercise any more. I know I should just do something simple, faithfully each day, and not make it a big deal. I used to just walk the large circle which is my drive-way each day, but I had a tendon injury a few years back that still annoys me and put a damper on that. I should possibly attempt to start doing that again since I do know that evercise can make a world of difference with depression and our mood/outlook etc.
I also like your ideas about doing a few things in school well. I had the exact same thought as I was making lesson plans concerning the smaller things like vocabulary. I thought if they are reading good books, do we have to have an entire class devouted to vocab.??? The same with map skills etc. (Which some of them just enjoy, but as an exercise in thinking....) If they study the maps they use in history or look up what they are reading about, would they have to have this separate class??? Things like that. So, that is food for thought. &nbs p;
My husband came home from work yesterday since I had given him my schedule etc. and asked for advice. He had new chore charts for all the kids, a daily "rough" schedule (i.e. not too tight) that he posted in the kitchen, and he walked me through it all etc. He is definately happy to help in any way, so that is a blessing. I just think that sometimes I get turned around and defeat myself instead of just thinking God probably has a plan for this season in life as Elizabeth mentioned and I should embrace the little crosses and focus more on the huge blessings.
Anyway, sorry if this was a ramble!!! You all are such a blessing and filled with such wisdom. Thanks again for putting things in perspective and for the organzing advice!
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 7:17am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Eight Wonders wrote:
| All good food for thought. I probably am a bit depressed since, as a perfectionist, my glass is always half empty!! Some of my closer friends tell me "you don't give yourself enough credit" so maybe it is how I perceive my environment. Perhaps smaller things seem larger in this world I live in. Can you have PPD so long after having a baby?? (She is 15 months old now, but I do still nurse and my sleep is quite interrupted at night.) |
|
|
Yes. You can. And if you suspect it, get it checked out. And then, be very, very gentle with yourself. Don't let anyone tell you to give yourself a good shake and get over it, already. Don't let anyone tell you that you can have one baby after another without it eventually taking a hormonal toll. It does.Jessica recently posted that a Vitamin D deficiency was causing her depression. For me, a huge magnesium/calcium imbalance has been a problem in the past. And after awhile, we get so used to be sleep deprived that we don't even recognize how sleep deprived we are.For what it's worth, my closest friends tell me all the time that I'm too hard on myself and they see it most when I'm down. it's a spiral.
Eight Wonders wrote:
| Anyway, I do tend to get stressed with others opinions or perceived opinions. Elizabeth made a good point about the definition of success being between my husband, myself and the Holy Spirit. There have been several things my husband has asked of me concerning relationships I have with outside family members for example that I think I know better about. I was just thinking this morning about two situations that I woke up worried about and I thought, "I wonder if I just trusted my husband on this?? What would happen? Would the sky really fall so to speak??? " So, a very ODDLY timed post from Elizabeth and cm4!!! Lots of food for thought since I am sure the Lord works in "mysterious ways!" |
|
|
I think that perfectionism is a trait lots of homeschoolers have. We homeschool in the first place because the other alternatives aren't good enough. Then, we are tempted to spend the next 18 years questioning whether we are good enough and answering ourselves in the negative.
Try this experiment today: Don't say anything in your head to yourself that is negative. Talk to yourself as if you were the parent of you as an adult. That is, be the good mom, the encouraging mom, to yourself. if your daughter were in your situation, would you beat her up? Of course not, you'd offer practical suggestions; you'd pray for her; and then, you'd encourage every little baby step. Do that for yourself today.
About trust: for perfectionists, trust is a long time coming. We have a hard time trusting even our beloved husbands. That's because perfectionism is rooted in pride. Even though we're hard on ourselves, we don't believe anyone else can do it right either
. You can trust him because you can trust Him! God is in this and the sacrament of marriage is really miraculous. You'll be amazed at how well your husband can take care of you if you allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Gracious! I need to get going. I'll never stick to jen's schedule today if I don't back away from this keyboard
Many blessings to you, Kim. I'm praying for you all day long.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cay Gibson
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5193
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 8:49am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Mackfam wrote:
 How embarrassing...that was way too long! I'm sorry, Kim!
sigh...I'm going to be concise when I grow up!  |
|
|
Jennifer,
I think you (and your post) are marvelous. 
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CatholicMommy
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2007
Location: Indiana
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1254
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 9:18am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Going back to the original post - one thing that made a HUGE improvement in our household (especially when I was doing family daycare and had multiple children in and out at all times), was to have the general routine posted someplace very conspicuous. This way, I saw it whenever I passed and it was easy to locate. I printed it all out in large, bold font. It was pretty routine stuff, so nothing I'd be embarrassed to have a visitor see (and it wasn't in THAT obvious of a location).
I LOVE all the suggestions posted here and I'm culling what I can.
I did something similar with my kitchen a while back, and that has made a HUGE difference as well.
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 12:52pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agree with Elizabeth. I avoid ppd by keeping up well with my prenatal vitamins while nursing. So pretty much all the time (since I've been pregnant and/or nursing for the last 12 years) except when I don't and then eventually it hits me that I'm likely feeling ppd and haven't taken my vitamins and so I start again and it goes away
Think about how what you notice when you go to other people's houses? You're probably much more critical of your own house.
And one more thing.. even if my house is a total disaster.. and while I might make a mention of it (appologizing because _______ whatever reason I can give that day for being behind).. mostly I try and focus on the person and making them welcome.. (and excusing myself for the bathroom and making a very quick swipe at it ) But they'll definately remember you welcoming them (or being embarrassed with them there) more than they'll remember anything about your house.
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 3:05pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I think Elizabeth hit the nail on the head with mentioning pride. I know that is a big part of it. Even pride within myself as far as being a harsh judge of myself, or trying to live up to too high of expectations.)
Once you all mentioned the pre-natals, I went and started taking them again today. I haven't been taking them for months actually, and have had all sorts of cravings for orange juice and hamburgers at odd hours of the night and I am NOT pregnant, so maybe I am "missing a vitamin" as my Mother used to always say for an unexplained illness etc. So, that might help with the ppd. (I just started taking them this morning after I read that post, so maybe they will kick in soon?)
I am never bothered by messes at other people's houses, in fact, I feel a bit of relief when they are messy and I tend to feel more at home in messy houses. (of others) So, why I think others wouldn't feel the same here is really silly.
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Elizabeth
Founder
Real Learning
Joined: Jan 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5595
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 3:11pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Eight Wonders wrote:
I think Elizabeth hit the nail on the head with mentioning pride. I know that is a big part of it. Even pride within myself as far as being a harsh judge of myself, or trying to live up to too high of expectations.)
....
I am never bothered by messes at other people's houses, in fact, I feel a bit of relief when they are messy and I tend to feel more at home in messy houses. (of others) So, why I think others wouldn't feel the same here is really silly.
|
|
|
So, now don't beat up on yourself for being too hard on yourself . And i feel exactly the same way about other people's houses. James Dobson once said he thinks the cruelest thing women do to one another is frantically clean for company.
__________________
Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 3:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
yeah, silly or not.. it's hard.. and it's not something you can just "realize" and change.. but it's something that I like to keep in mind as I'm rushing around trying to get ready for company I keep telling myself to just do the things that bother me the most.. that it's ok to not do this or that because no one else is really going to see it.. they're coming to visit not to inspect..
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
|
| Posted: Jan 23 2009 at 4:38pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Idk, I mean, I understand about pride and not beating yourself up (that Dobson quote is great!), but dh and I kind of like the rush for company just because its nice to see our whole house looking clean all at once. We joke that we should have people over more often because we enjoy our home being clean!
Granted, we should do it whether people are coming or not, but accountability can be a good thing
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
nicole-amdg
Forum Pro
Joined: April 16 2007
Location: Georgia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 387
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 12:11am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I love this thread. I see myself in so many of these posts, too, and I wish there were some virtual cup of tea to share with all of you!
I am definitely finding more suggestions to put to use than I can give, but I will offer this one little thing about the kitchen conundrum. I have noticed the difference sunlight makes, too, but there's the flip side that says "everything looks better by candlelight." Maybe as it gets dark you could light a couple of tapers, maybe on a pedestal, or a wonderfully scented candle [aromatherapy]? I learned this from my husband. Any time he takes over evening chores to send me to the store or give me a "night out" for a moms' tea or something, he always has candles lit in the kitchen when I get back. Candlelight always seems to be more pleasant, and I am able to get the bulk of the work done in the low light of a few well-placed candles. It even manages to feel romantic to do the dishes together with my husband or in anticipation of our down time together. I don't do this as often in the summer, but it's great right now--it even generates a little extra heat! Something small, but maybe it will help.
__________________
Nicole
Wife to
Mom to   
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
ALmom
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3299
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 3:19am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Ok, your detailed lists were a wonderful exercise in recognizing what was impossible. I've done it and continue to do it - but the difference is now I've finally accepted it as an exercise for me is simply - a reality check to keep me from trying to do too much. I've always been someone who just keeps on taking on more, just figuring we'll get it done and then totally neglecting my health and needs to get it done because by golly once I've said I will, somehow I will. I always have dh look at any plans I make and finally realized I had to plan large break times as well. If they couldn't or weren't happening then we were doing something that we weren't supposed to be doing and I needed help discerning what it was because honestly my natural tendency is to just assume it is all doable. Now these plans are detailed in the first step so that I see what is impossible . Then as Jennifer said, the plans we live by are much more loosely formed, once I know that I'm not trying to cram too much in the day.
When I sit down with my dh sometime in the summer (and again when things seem to be crisis mode), we try to set priorities for lots of things:
Housework - this must be what is needed for our house to function, for my husband and children to feel like they can relax and recreate at home. I have to begin where I am now and pick one or two things that really would help us achieve the most important goals and then move from there. Set yourself up for success making baby progress one step at a time. My dh is the clue to the 2 things that would mean the most to him. In achieving this, utilize your workforce! Children are capable of far more than we think when given responsibility, training and the expectation. Many people gave great ideas on organization, chore charts, lists, etc. Jennifer's binder ideas really have been helpful here. Mine don't look as beautiful as hers (and I haven't gotten the whole home management plans down) but just getting scraps of paper out of piles has eliminated some of my biggest eyesore stressors in my kitchen!
Some timesavers here: very, very simple and nutritious meals that stretch for many days. Dinners become the next days lunch. Breakfast is something very quick - no bake. I liked what Jennifer said about having some crisis meals. I have a very quick and easy beef, vegetable soup recipe that I use often and that stretches very, very far. If I'm really good I can keep browned hamburger meat frozen in the freezer, a bag of mixed vegetables and then all I have to do is put on a pot of tomatoe sauce with spices and dump it all in. It is done as soon as it is boiling. (My dh doesn't like soft vegetables so these come out very crunchy). What usually happens is that I get one of the dc to brown it for me while I finish up a task that just must be finished - like therapy. I make a huge pot and then have some in the refrig for the week and some in the freezer. I can do something similiar with chili. We are not good morning people so we do well to be up and pray morning prayers and start school by 8 (this is a real help). I do things like have boiled eggs already in the refrig. and anyone can help me boil eggs. Sometimes breakfast at our house is a mish mash of leftovers - as long as there is protein in the meal we seem to function better. Most of my dc would take after me. If it took too long to eat breakfast, we'd skip it (which isn't healthy) so we keep it quick and very, very simple.
Really the best thing for us, though, is to have a few things that the children can manage to make on their own - so they can help out in a pinch. I have gotten over feeling guilty about delegating some of this if I need to. It is not anyone else's assigned chore but sometimes in the timing of things, one of the children can get dinner going while I work with someone. Perhaps it has been an advantage that I am not a good cook. I don't mind at all if someone else takes over in the kitchen. Many of my children learned to cook by experimenting in the kitchen. The one rule is that they must clean up after themselves and I have to call them back at first to get that habit. Most are much better cooks than I am and enjoy it more. I think we all like what we are competent at better than what we are not. I was such a bad cook when we first married that I think it has taken me this long to even begin to feel ok in the kitchen. I'd rather do clean-up than cook and my dc would much rather cook than do the clean-up. However my grandmother was the opposite - a great cook but kitchen clean-up somehow was always done by my grandfather and mom and she used every pot in the kitchen for every meal. My mom and her dad were the dishwashers and they made memories doing dishes together after the meal. My mom is the most efficient cleaner I have ever seen. I need lessons from her - but she reminds me that when she was keeping house with all of us, we weren't home living in the house 24/7. That does make a difference.
Getting everyone in the habit of doing simple things like taking the plate to the sink, rinsing it, putting it in the dishwasher. We lock our dishwasher if the dishes are clean. Otherwise it is unlocked. Whoever takes out the first clean dish is supposed to help unload - or it is an assigned chore depending on the mode at the time. Cups, plates, etc. are stored on a low shelf so that even the smallest can help unload the dishwasher or set the table. They don't need me to get anything down from high up. I don't hesitate to ask for help with a specific task as needed.
My dh used my plan (the one that was ridiculously impossible to fulfill) to really emphasize to the children that there is only so much time in the day and things aren't going to work without them working alongside me. We divied up chores (something that honestly needs revising since I've lost the list and don't remember who had what chore). We try to do things like schedule a break to occur right after lunch - but break doesn't start until the kitchen is clean. I've seen the kitchen whipped into order mighty fast when they realized they could take a pretty long bike ride for break if we were efficient.
Academics - I have 6 children and even if I spent 1 hour with each - well it cannot happen. I have to find a way to meet their needs without driving us all insane trying to do the impossible. Some folks combine students. I have never been able to do that due to age spread, some personality things, huge one subject passions that are all very different and widely diverse levels even among children close in age. We have done several things to help here:
Prioritize what really needs my help. I will not be able to discuss every subject with every child. I try to set up very independent study in areas of strength that requires minimal time from me and focus on assisting in areas of weakness.
Delegate tasks that consistently eat my time and energy without providing significant real assistance to the children. I sign up for someone to grade my highschoolers papers. (I still determine the papers she writes and hold final say, but sure do like someone with more skills in this area to provide the feedback. They point out things that simply would have slipped by me). I got lesson plans for individual subject for one child who kept avoiding the subject and we found a teacher for our highschoolers science class (my dd is trading housework help for the tutoring). This is a trickier thing because there are years when it is impossible to delegate - no one I am comfortable with is available; we cannot afford it or other such things. Obviously if it isn't possible, you at least know where your biggest trouble spots are. I am a lousy science teacher. This is the first year we've had science help. We came up with 3 part cards and homescience kits one year because we had to take me out of the teaching department in science. I really wasn't much help anyways and trying to figure things out to explain them was taking me untold hours. I just cannot do it.
I set up plans for children that work for them -a combination of structure and open ended exploration in subjects. Some years not everything works wonderfully but we tweak and make adjustments as best we can accepting that we are all striving to do our best, while keeping an eye out and asking advice for new ideas or a better way to tackle something. Not everyone is keen on plans. My children needed something to check off to stay on track and everyone is happier with them being mostly independent and coming to me only for what really needs explaining. We had to find good fits. I had to make sure my children knew where to find me, how to communicate with me (I cannot remember anything from one second to the next right now so post it notes from the children in a conspicuous place help. Without this the children often thought I heard them when I was deep in work with someone else - or I'd forget that so and so needed something hours ago) and that they must come to me. I review work rotating children and prioritizing. Having some sort of detail in the plans reminds me what it was I wanted to make sure they understood.
The one thing I do not have time for is searching for answer keys, the assignment sheets. One year we spent hours hunting finished work, never to find it and having to have the child redo it. We had to come up with an organizational aid for us. I needed to have all the teacher materials and plans for a given child all together in one place for that child and I needed this for each and every child without it taking over our living space. We've tried filing systems, baskets, bags, a shelf by each child's work area, etc. It seemed we were forever battling the disappearing materials, work, important papers. It seems that what works best for me is to have a pile for each child on a shelf by my work area and let them be responsible for their own books, etc. which they bring to me when we go over work. Once we discovered that there are a number of vertical organizers in our house (pile makers) we could look for ways to organize. My son cannot find a single thing sitting upright on a shelf but put it in a pile and he'll pull it out in an instant. Of course too many piles everywhere looks ugly so we've found shelves with doors that close and that is where his piles are . It works for us.
Time outside the home is tricky but I have to be realistic about what can and cannot be accomplished on those days when we have music lessons, therapy or the need to drive dd to her science classes. Car time wears us all out - except one very outgoing child who thrives on it. Crock pot meals, less discussion with mom subjects and really efficient mornings are a must on those days.
Oh and because I am so totally oblivious to time, I have at least 3 timers in this house. The children use them for timing their schoolwork, etc. but I need to use one to time my "break time" or discussion time with children. Not that I want to limit them if we get off in some wonderful conversation - but what usually happens here is that I get excited, we start discussing and my dc feel like they cannot tell me that we've been talking for over 2 hours and they really have work they need to get done. Now that I've informed them of how totally unaware of time I am and let them know I really don't mind them expressing surprise at the time or bringing their timer to our discussions, they are relieved. They understand my temperment more and don't feel like they are on the spot and discussions are more natural.
I am not good at focusing on much more than one thing at a time. I get overwhelmed and extremely stressed if I'm trying to juggle too much at once. Having a clear plan helps me feel like I'm doing one step at a time and thus I'm not so stressed. It also helps me remember what goal I had in mind for various things we're doing academically and which books and what order we planned to tackle things. Without my plans, I'd be lost and unable to remember which child was doing which thing and what it was I was planning to accomplish with this task. With that amnesia, I am prone to jumping with the wind. With my plan, I can be more flexible and confident because I remember the purpose and know whether or not it is really serving that purpose or whether the activity that turned up at my door would simply distract or would serve us.
Oh and outside visitors - that would be a huge distraction on a regular basis. I think I'd be sure to discuss with dh and come up with a plan. My mom comes at least once per week. Now she is a wonderful help, but sometimes a rut develops where the kids are all derailed or where she is doing all their chores for them and such. I've learned to ask her for specific things that truly help me or I've noticed that we get more done if she comes to help in the afternoon instead of the morning, so I suggest the afternoons. That way I am free to visit with her more as well.
You are not alone! I think the choleric in me takes on the challenge without thinking and the melancholic in me rapidly begins to see everything that is not right and becomes exhausted by the endless work without reflection time. I have found that the only way to have my private prayer is to do it first thing. I know I keep being told to get up earlier than the rest of the family and this is a real task for me as I'm the biggest night owl. But making this one adjustment in the schedule is a real blessing. It also helps a lot that my nephew comes promptly every morning to work here at our house and I have to be up to let him in the door. That accountability in being up consistently at the same time and getting all the dc up has had a huge positive impact on what we are able to accomplish. Of course, I obviously need to work on the other end of it and get to bed earlier.
Boy this post is very long. I sure hope it has some helpful ideas.
Janet
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
CrunchyMom
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 03 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 6385
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 8:56am | IP Logged
|
|
|
ALmom wrote:
| Oh and because I am so totally oblivious to time, I have at least 3 timers in this house. The children use them for timing their schoolwork, etc. but I need to use one to time my "break time" or discussion time with children. |
|
|
Janet, one thing I got for Christmas this year (so we haven't had it very long) is a chiming mantel clock. It wasn't cheap, but I got one that has a programmable nighttime setting, so, it is also my "alarm clock" so I know it is 6:00 during those early morning hours when the baby is nursing a ton. This way, if he is nursing, I don't have to turn off the clock, but if he isn't, I don't have to wake up enough to read the clock to know its time for me to attempt an escape. Our morning just goes better when mom can get up and get things going before everyone else wakes--and it give me some quiet time alone.
Anyway, it also chimes at 15 minute increments (though, I could set it for just the half hour) with a different chime at each increment (so, I know if its the half hour or a quarter to just by listening wherever I am in the house). Something like this might be a pleasant (and passive, no setting of the timer or having to have it on hand) way to help you keep track of time.
__________________
Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
My Symphony
[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
|
| Posted: Jan 24 2009 at 12:27pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Lindsay,where did you get that clock? That sounds great!
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: scheduling issue-running out of time?
