4Real Forums: What's the difference?

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Topic: What's the difference?

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guitarnan
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Posted: Aug 22 2008 at 11:00am \| IP Logged

Truthfully, you can't support your entire extended family. It really does make sense to set reasonable limits. You can always offer other types of help (budgeting, frugal shopping tips, helping to sort items for a yard sale) that don't involve them constantly taking your money without working to improve their financial situation. (Or...what about a revolving fund...there's always $x available, provided you've repaid it from the last time I lent it to you, but that's the limit...one loan at a time?)

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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.

JodieLyn
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Posted: Aug 22 2008 at 11:25am \| IP Logged

I was just thinking about what Nancy said.. if you had a fund that was only for lending.. and then if there's $0 in that fund.. then you don't have it to lend.. and if they pay it back then it's there to lend again etc. Then you don't have to feel bad either way.. sorry there's no money in the fund until it's paid back. but if there's money then you don't have to feel bad about lending it either.

At the moment it seems like you feel bad if you lend AND if you don't.

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PDyer
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Posted: Aug 22 2008 at 11:36am \| IP Logged

Michaela wrote:

I think it boils down to this: If a family member asks for $100, I can't get past the thought that if I can get it, then I should help. I feel like a liar (choices are either be helpful or a liar) when they ask, "Do you have $100 that I can borrow?" The reason I stumble is because it would be a lie to say no.

I don't think a No answer is a lie. Not at all. Maybe it would be helpful to break down "Do you have $100 that I can borrow" into the two questions it is.

First question: Do you have $100?

Answer: Yes, I do.

Second question: Are you willing to lend it to me?

Answer: under these circumstances, no, I'm not.

You are not lying by declining to lend someone money. As others have stated, you may be loving them MORE by not lending them money.

I think the Boundaries book recommendation is a good one.

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Patty
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