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Courtney
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Congratulations, Kathryn! You're right...we never know what God's plan may be! I'm so happy for you!
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Courtney in Texas
Wife to Mike since 3/94 
Mom to Candace 10/97 ,Christopher 4/00 and Connor 11/11
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Kelly
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Bravo, Kathryn! Great news.  I was 44 when my "baby" (now 3) was born. My mother had her eighth at age almost 49, and a gal I grew up with, a model, no less, had her second child at 48.
As for us, I'm from a big family, and wanted a big family. Always. DH was open to...one! I told him to hit the road, I wanted AT LEAST 11 children. Just about had to pick him up off the floor. Still,given that we married at 30, he's done well as a father of six, something he NEVER, in his wildest dreams, EVER envisioned I keep hoping for more, but it just hasn't happened, tho goodness knows I'm open to it. Like Elizabeth, I fully expected to have another baby by now, and haven't, which has been emotional. OTOH, I'm so grateful for my little basketball team.
Kelly in FL (still hoping for twins!)
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Marybeth
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Kathyrn,
Many many best wishes for you and yours. I was just walking down the baby aisle yesterday at the store....I love everything for babies! 
I am so thrilled for you and your family! God bless.
Marybeth
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SAHM24
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I started this post, but haven't replied, yet...
Dh is the oldes of 4, and never felt close to his siblings (until adulthood) and didn't want that for his children, so wanted 2 or 3. I only have a sister and always, always admired large families, especially the one down the road with 16 kids! I always said I wanted 10 children! Most people just humored that comment, and didn't really believe me (unless they knew me).
After two children, we had a boy and a girl. So, of course, we get the "rude" comments of our having one of each, and most people assume we are done. We even consider being done. We are doing some real soul searching at this point, and praying. But, I have this NEED to have a 3rd. It was very strong and odd. I actually grieved at the thought of not having a 3rd! It really ate at me. But the thought of not having a 4th or 5th (at the time), didn't bother me. I thought I'd be fine if we stopped with 3. I discussed this with my husband and we felt it might be a sign from God that we should have one more. DHs comment was that this child is meant to be someone, then. My thought is that we all affect everyone in our lives... so this 3rd child could be the "affect" on our other children making them more special or being special themselves... Now that she is 3 we seriously think that she, herself, was telling me, "Hey, mom, I need to be born." In fact I told this to someone recently, and this one came over to me and said, "No, mommy, I didn't say 'hey', I just said, 'I need to be born'!" She IS amazing.
After she was born, we decided we were having so much fun being parents, who cares if we have more?! We sorta' left if up to God and had our "own fun". We were hoping for another boy. And I prayed on that. I had always wanted twins, so I prayed on that a lot! Well, turns out I got prego with identical twins! So, dh loves to tease, "Be careful what you pray for!" and if I told someone I'd pray for them, he'd ask me to back off a little on the prayer so it wasn't so intense... and I offered to pray he had an easy day at work once and he told me not to, because he didn't want it too easy that he was bored! He wanted something to do! 
Well, one twin died in-utero 3 months before they were due, and the other had to be delivered by emergancy c-section to save her. She was in teh NICU for 55 days, had brain bleeds, and is now 13 mos. old, brain injured, developmentally delayed, and at the functional level of a 3 or 4 month old. BUT she is making progress and we love her dearly!!! And you know, despite the sorrow of the past year, it has been an amazing blessing, all the same, and I wouldn't trade these experiences. Our marriage is better than ever (and I never thought we could get closer), our family stronger than ever, and my faith had increased 10 fold or more! And so many other things have fallen into place this past year, I can't be bitter. It's just amazing how God workds!!!
When I was prego with the twins, we kept saying this completes our family. Afterwards, we thought we had way too much on our plates to have more. But slowly over the summer my heart started to feel I could have a son or, at least, have more love in my heart for others. We went back and forth discussing the pros and cons and wondering if we should, if we were being responsible, what if? etc. etc. Then I thought, God will provide... he always has. So, I prayed for my husband to accept and I didn't really speak about it, unless he brought it up. Then one day he came home, after a hard day, no doubt, full of peace and smiling. He said we should go with the flow! If it happens, it happens. He reasoned that he won't be afraid, because the worst has already happend. We lost a baby and we have a baby with severe brain damage. What could happen that we can't handle after that?! Any birth deffects, syndromes, what have you... would be handleable. We've partially been there, we know where to turn, and God will most certainly be there.
Now, he just looks at our preschooler, dancing around the house (our 3rd), hugs our brain injured infant who is finally content to sit with dad, watches our older two get excited about learning, and looks at me and simply says, "I want more." and smiles...
God is Good...
God Bless,
Love,
Jen (in Ohio)
__________________
~~<~~@ Jen @~~>~~
married best friend 93
SAHM to ds 3/14/98, dd 11/8/99, dd 9/16/02, dd 9/7/04 (twin angel)
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Taffy
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Jen
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your post! I've been struggling of late with my oldest who is autistic. I keep having thoughts that if I just work with him hard enough, that if he just could get ABA, that if he had a better teacher, etc. that he would get over his limited ability to communicate and be able to have a happy life...
Thank you for reminding me that I am not the one in control. God is. The only thing that I really have to teach my children is to understand what love is and know how to give it and receive it (in appropriate ways of course). Vic will eventually learn to communicate and if he's always dependent, it won't be the end of the world. As long as he knows he's loved, he will be happy.
Thanks
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Susan
Mom to 5 on earth and 1 in heaven
Susan's Soliloquy
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Rachel May
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Taffy wrote:
Jen
Thank you for reminding me that I am not the one in control. God is. |
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This is so true, but why do I have a hard time accepting it? In college I used to tell everyone that I wanted 14, somewhat truthfully, a little for shock value. Well now I'm married for seven years with #6 due in the spring. With 21 months between kids--except for the twins--I'm doing the math and thinking, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I could have 17 by the time I'm the age that my mom had her last baby." And then I remind myself, God heard you all those years you asked for 14 kids."
I think it's a little easier for me coming from a family of 6 kids than for my husband who is an only child. He thought we had enough when when we had the twins, and they were our first!
Last year when Bill was deployed, we did a lot of reading and praying on this subject and decided to stop NFP and just let God be in control. Then I got pregnant right on our usual schedule and I think it sort of freaked us both out. I wish we could regain the peace and reassurance we felt when we first completely put our fertility in His hands.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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Elizabeth
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Dear Rachel,
I will pray specifically that you will find peace with you decision to let Him plan. In all honesty, I've been begging him for a baby for two years now, after 14 years of very predictable pregnancies.
EVery month, I'm, disappointed but I have taken great comfort in the fact that we were always open. I'm sad now--but that sadness isn't compounded by regret. I know we held our arms open wide for every single soul He had in His plans for us. And there were definitely times that I felt they were coming too quickly and I couldn't quite catch my breath. But--it's really not a cliche--it doesn't last forever. It doesn't even really last very long. I have found that, like Kelly, I'm begging God for twins!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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teachingmyown
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Elizabeth wrote:
EVery month, I'm, disappointed but I have taken great comfort in the fact that we were always open. I'm sad now--but that sadness isn't compounded by regret. |
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These were my thoughts earlier this year. I really struggled after having my sixth, who turned two in August. Except for my first two, the babies have all been less than two years apart, number 5 and 6 were only 20 months apart. Kateri, my sixth was a handful from the time she started moving. (She is still a handful, but just so cute too!)I was overwhelmed and prayed for more time before getting pregnant again.
We used NFP briefly. But I looked at Elizabeth's struggle and others who have had similar experiences, and it hit me that I didn't want to put off another child now only to find that I couldn't conceive later. So we decided to just be open to God's timing instead of ours.
Funny thing is, it took over six months to get pregnant! After all of these years of never even getting the chance to try to get pregnant (much to my husband's dismay!), month after month I was shocked and a little disappointed that I wasn't. A big part of me was grateful, but there was a nagging fear that perhaps this was it.
Really, looking at it now, I believe that God heard that prayer and gave me some extra time. I am still not feeling "ready" for this baby but I trust that when he or she arrives God will give me the graces I need.
As for the original question: am I where I thought I would be? I always wanted a large family. I came from a family of seven and never questioned it. Six was always the number that stuck in my head so there wouldn't be a middle child,  but I know now there is no perfect number or combination. I will take it one at a time and see where it takes us!
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In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Leonie
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I feel the same as Elizabeth - sadness over no more babies, sadness over miscarriages, but no regrets with being open to life.
I treasure the seven living dc that we have, and the other little souls or angels.
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Willa
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It is good to read these large-family threads.... so much love for life.
I treasure my seven living dc and 3 little souls too.
DH and I know we will have regrets as well as sorrow that there aren't any more; we already do feel those regrets as our youngest turns 3. Sometimes we wish there wasn't NFP  ; I know it's a blessing for many but for us, coupled with the Church's counsel to be prudent in childbearing, it is a cross. Perhaps a holy one but still a cross and a grievous one.
I don't think we could find a priest or NFP counsellor that wouldn't think we were a bit insane to even consider another child, because of the extremely poor prognosis the child would have after Aidan and Paddy's diagnosis. We are a bit of a textbook hard case and it is painful for me to so often read NFP literature that talks about the reasons a couple CAN use NFP, as if it were such a relief and privilege! and doesn't talk about the couple that CAN use NFP for perfectly classic "grave and serious" reasons, but wishes they COULDN'T or didn't feel obligated to.
Sorry to vent a bit . I am a bit of a weakling about this situation but don't know what the "strong" choice would be -- continued prudence in avoiding a catastrophic health situation, or Christian audacity in welcoming the possibility of an 8th child into a largely unsympathetic and incredulous world where intensive pre and post-natal medical intervention is inevitable (and possibly not covered by insurance). The Church's teachings on NFP don't seem to make clear which is the better choice and I feel we (DH and I) are moving ahead in darkness a bit, which I suppose is the definition of faith in married life!
I believe fertility is SUCH a blessing and more of a privilege than our society realizes! I hate feeling that my fertility is slowly trickling away and that we are letting go something of great value But I'd sacrifice that and more willingly if I KNEW it was what God wanted. I guess if there's a point to this it's that I'm grateful to be reading on a forum where our privilege in procreation is realized to be a privilege, not a disease or an annoyance
Well, looking back over this I think I need to say a novena, and I'll include you all with your sorrows and concerns/questions in my intentions.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Bridget
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I think God calls people to different levels of generosity. He very well could be calling you to heroic generosity. There were many saints who did not appear to be prudent to those in the world around them. But they obeyed God as they heard Him calling them .
I think I understand a little of what you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you. And I admire you so much for seeking God's will and looking beyond worldly wisdom.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Marybeth
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Willa,
I am so sorry to say I never even realized the cross you are bearing (and others too) regarding NFP. I just focused on my own cross of being infertile and never took my eyes of my own pain to see others suffering along side me.
I will add your heart's intentions to my daily prayers. May God bless you in all you do for your family and others.
Thank you for your post and in sharing your sadness with us.
You are so correct in stating how beautiful fertility is and how society places such little value on its beauty.
Marybeth
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ALmom
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I always wanted a large family - just assumed it would happen as all my family is very fertile, but never had a specific number in mind. I did tell dh I wanted 10 when we were dating because he had his mind set on waiting 3 years for the first and then only 2 dc. He was not raised as Christian at all, but I believe God had always had a special mantle of protection over him. Anyways, we were just barely into our 1st year of marriage and through communication, etc., he was open to life (we always used NFP, have actually taught it for years).
Our first preg ended in miscarriage after struggling to achieve pregnancy, and then we finally had our dd after 3 years. I prayed and prayed for that dd asking and begging God to send us just one baby - even selected baptism readings before I knew the church had set ones (I guess the dear priest didn't have the heart to tell me otherwise - so the reading for her baptism was the one where Hannah thanks God for answering her request and dedicates the child to Him). My cycles didn't even return for almost 3 years, then I miscarried again, then 2 dd (had bleeding in her preg early on and thought for sure we were losing her - I stayed in bed for 3 - 4 days doing nothing but praying, crying, and mom taking care of me and first dd.
As much as I asked God for just one baby - I've never stopped asking for babies - and we've never tried to prevent preg. since the first few months of marriage, and probably have been nursing, preg or miscarrying or trying for preg our entire married life.
With 2 dd, I've often wondered if she was a twin as I passed huge clots and she ended up being 9 pounds. I'll not know in this life, but twins do run in both my family and dh. Anyways I always suspected something hormonal as temp was very low, short luteal phase etc. I continued to miscarry every other pregnancy and struggle to get preg - always seeking to find out what is wrong.
It is very hard for a physician to take you seriously when you have more than 2 dc and want to know why you have so much trouble getting preg. They really think I'm nuts now with 6. I've been told all kinds of nutty things - like the time after a miscarriage when my temps were elevated for prolonged period of time, the doc told me I had a psychological preg. Turned out blood tests indicated a virus of some sort, and I got preg shortly after that with 3rd dc.
I have requested thyroid tests, hormone tests - nothing shows anything wrong. But unless we time things picture perfect, by charting there is no way I get preg. and even then we often don't or miscarry. I have often prayed for a surprise. I continue to have frequent miscarriages - at least every other preg. Doc recently found nodule on thyroid. We had it biopsied (and ultrasound) due to radiation exposure as child but also because I felt it was the first possible medical evidence that maybe what I've known all along (but cannot get any medical help for because no one believes me and tests don't confirm it)is true. The lab report said "consistent with goiter" but no thyroid disease . The endocrinologist (whose nurse dropped the gloves on the floor and then picked them up and used them while doc did biopsy and yelled at me for suggesting that they get new gloves)claims there is nothing in any findings that would explain my miscarriages and his only recommendation was that we have a repeat ultrasound in 6 months and a comment that preg would probably make the nodule grow.
At one point after a miscarriage and before preg with the last ds, I contacted Marilyn Shannon again. (She had given me vitamin recommendations which we had followed and which I believe helped us achieve preg with second dd and maybe helped her survive) In all my miscarriages I become so overwhelmingly tired (but blood always good) that I cannot even lift my head from the couch. I am so afraid to do much of anything at all but sleep in the first trimester. I have many (actually most) of the classic symptoms of low thyroid, but thyroid hormones that test right in the middle. Anyways, she recommended some additional vitamins and kelp. This is the only time I can remember in married life that I have had a really normal energy level. I was a different person. But a doc told me all her vitamin recommendations were safe in case of preg except for the extra kelp. We always hoped for a preg, and with our history, I didn't want to take any chances so I stopped the kelp just before my preg with our last child (now 3). He was 11 pounds and I have been really struggling since. We were excited when cycles returned and have been hoping (which in our case means trying) for preg. - then with the thyroid thing we want to know what is going on. I'm about to give up on doctors and just take kelp, I'm so frustrated. I think they are waiting to see blood tests showing thyroid problem before agreeing to it and they certainly are not taking our desire for more dc seriously - they think we are nuts and say and do everything to discourage that possibility. We have a consultation appt about the thyroid nodule - but will not go to our one endocrinologist in town again(for obvious reasons). We'll see what happens.
I can say with Elizabeth, that I grieve thinking that our ds may really be our last dc (I'm 45). I think that the hardest part for me is that God didn't just send us a surprise and neither of us was ready to say we were finished with babies. Our joy would be to continue having babies until we start having grandchildren, but we are having to struggle to accept that though these are our plans, they may not be God's. I struggle with that - but realize how blessed we are. Without our knowledge of NFP and the alternative routes, and God granting us success through these means, we might easily have been childless.
Oh all you moms that have ever struggled with fertility, a big hug to you. I certainly identify with the roller coaster of hope, tears, grief and then some attempt to accept that this cycle a baby isn't coming.
Also, Willa, the struggle in your heart touches me so much. There is so much suffering expressed in this thread and somehow the burden is lighter when it can be shared with those who really value life and can understand the joys and agonies described here.
The story about the adoptions - I cry to this day when I read the story of my dh cousin's adoption of dd from China. Her dd had double ear infections which they did not know about until she was checked out in the states, but she never cried on any of the flights. She was delayed at first, but is a thriving, beautiful girl dearly loved by her parents. I sincerely believe that she would have been left to die in the orphanage had she not been adopted.
I never dreamed we would struggle with all this infertility and miscarriages all our life - and still end up with 6 dc. Sometimes I think God is still trying to teach me that he is in control and I'm a slow learner - or a very rebellious one, I'm not sure which it is sometimes.
Janet
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kingvozzo
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Here is a book that we have enjoyed a great deal at our house (even though we only have 3). The only fault I have with it is there's no mother to be seen in the book, but none of my kids picked up on that---hmmmm, should I be worried about that?
Anyway the book is "The Father Who Had 10 Children," by Benedicte Guettier
I hope this link works....
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/014056831X/qid =1130186253/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-4661219-8509760?v=glance &s=books&n=507846
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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Willa
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| Posted: Oct 24 2005 at 4:42pm | IP Logged
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Noreen, it works, but I like doing those little URL things so here
The Father Who Had Ten Children
Thanks you all for the kind words which truly touched me --here's a novena to Anne and Joachim I'm going to say for all your intentions:
The Novena Prayer:
Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary, grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
When life seems barren, help us to trust in God's mercy.
When we are confused, help us to find the way to God.
When we are lost in the desert, lead us to those whom God has called us to love.
When our marriage seems lifeless, show us the eternal youth of the Lord.
When we are selfish, teach us to cling only to that which lasts.
When we are afraid, help us to trust in God.
When we are ashamed, remind us that we are God's children.
When we sin, lead us to do God's will.
You who know God's will for husband and wife, help us to live chastely.
You who know God's will for the family, keep all families close to you.
You who suffered without children, intercede for all infertile couples.
You who trusted in God's will, help us to respect God's gift of fertility.
You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother, inspire couples to be co-creators with God.
You who taught the Mother of God, teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.
You whose hearts trusted in God, hear our prayers for ... (mention your requests here).
Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time, talent and treasure to this good work.
Hail Mary... Our Father... Glory be...
God of our fathers, you gave Saints Anne and Joachim the privilege of being the parents of Mary, the mother of your incarnate Son. May their prayers help us to attain the salvation you have promised to your people.
We ask this through Christ our Lord. Amen.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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kingvozzo
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How did you do that? 
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Noreen
Wife to Ed
Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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MaryM
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kingvozzo wrote:
How did you do that? |
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There is a good explanation of how to add links like this in the FAQ section. It's the 4th box down.
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Mary M. in Denver
Our Domestic Church
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Rachel May
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Elizabeth,
Thank you for your prayers!
On another board someone mentioned that Mary's fiat was "Let it be done according to your will" and not "I'll take it if I can handle it." A very good reminder for me! I have to say that today I keep thinking about how ungrateful I am, and I've been more grateful for this baby. I have a friend who has almost my exact life and we have talked about this subject a lot. Today she's being rushed off to the hospital to find out if she has ovarian cancer. I feel so ungrateful and whiny for complaining about morning sickness. But as I was praying for her and her family, the Holy Spirit gave me peace that I haven't had in a while.
It looks like no matter who we are we have some struggle with fertility, too much or too little or timing or trust. It has been helpful for me to see everyone else's story. Thank you to everyone for sharing. I'm not one of those people who loves holding babies, but I do have a deep appreciation for God's letting us be a part of this creative process, and it is a relief to be in a group that feels the same way.
And, I will keep you all in prayer also especially those wanting twins. My husband and I have really enjoyed ours, and every time we get pregnant I'm secretly hoping for a repeat. I never believe the doctors until I deliver.
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Rachel
Thomas and Anthony (10), Maria (8), Charles (6), Cecilia (5), James (3), and Joseph (1)
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saintanneshs
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jenngm67 wrote:
| I do things in my house still set in the mentality that I have a large family. I don't know why I can't shake it exactly...maybe because I felt like I raised my siblings and I'm on my second family now? |
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Hi Jenn!
...me too! I feel like this is my 2nd family and I've already done this before! I've never had anyone tell me they felt like this too...so nice to know I'm not alone. It's almost as if I always knew a big family was for me... not like I was choosing it, but it was choosing me since I was already so prepared (funny, huh?). From what you wrote, I can tell you have a great attitude about accepting God's blessings in His time. I admire that. Your little guy is lucky to have a Mom so prepared for anything!
Our story- dissenting Catholic girl meets floundering Baptist boy. Happy couple dates 5 years, marries & contracepts 4 years. Couple then "decides" to have a baby (being so convenient and all). After severe PPD and near collapse of marriage baby #2 is on the way and an NFP course, thought taken with great resistance at first, begins to turn our heads back toward the Church. Baby #2 is born and NFP class #2 is taken (yes, I'm a slow learner and I was so resistant to it the first time that I needed to take it again with a new attitude). Baby # 3 is born and couple embraces NFP with full and open heart, which coupled with homeschooling and the Catholic homeschooling environment, has changed our lives for better, forever. Thank God for the CCL and NFP and for the people He has surrounded us with in the last 6 years! Still can't completely shake the PPD but I'm willing to carry the cross of enduring it through subsequent pregnancies. I don't want to say no to ANY of God's blessings, ever again. My heart is sad when I think of how we could have "allowed" God more room to take charge of our lives and change who we were much sooner in our marriage, but instead chose to contracept and make our own way, destructive though it was...
Baby # 4 will be a year this month and I'm already having baby fantasies...now if I can just get Dh to clear his schedule so we can take the NFP instructor classes...
__________________
Kristine
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Erin
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Joined: Feb 23 2005
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| Posted: Nov 01 2005 at 1:09am | IP Logged
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When my husband and I married we both wanted a large family I jokingly said 13 and he said 8. Dh is one of 7 and I'm the oldest of 8.
Our honeymoon baby was born 39 weeks after our wedding . When we were engaged we went to learn Family Planning. My grandmother insisted she said "get along there, you don't want to be having as many children as your mother" I knew for sure her plan backfired when we walked into the clinic and my fiance announced to the teacher "Hi we're here to learn how to have a baby" I was mortified. Well we sent her an invitation to dd's baptism and she was delighted, we were the first Catholic couple she'd had in years.
We have 6 children thus far (and 1 in heaven. I don't know about 13 anymore, it sure is alot of work However we are more than willing to have more after all I still have lots of years to menopause at 33
However I have always been conscious that fertility is a gift from God and I have never taken it for granted. I suppose particularly as I am a Billings teacher it is often bought home to me. My heart aches for all families in this situation, some of you ladies also I know.
jenngm67 wrote:
| I only have one, but I have a large family mentality. I came from 7 siblings, and I NEVER wanted an only child. I think the "big picture" -- I do things in my house still set in the mentality that I have a large family. I don't know why I can't shake it exactly...maybe because I felt like I raised my siblings and I'm on my second family now? |
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I so relate to this Jenn. When we were first married it took me years to learn that I was only cooking for two, and then three.
So many other areas that it has affected us that are unconcious. I'll think of more later.
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Are you where you thought with #?
