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folklaur
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| Posted: July 16 2008 at 3:48pm | IP Logged
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Michaela wrote:
Ladies, I am sorry with all my heart.  I'm still learning. There is much I don't understand...or have a full understanding of. |
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I can't see where you said anything wrong.
???????
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albeto
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| Posted: July 19 2008 at 2:58am | IP Logged
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Are we twins separated at birth? A few weeks ago I took my kids to the Sacrament of Reconciliation because on a family vacation I didn't bring them to Mass. I, like you, would rather lean on the mercy of God rather than stand up to my husband's whinging. I think what I was leaning on wasn't mercy as much as presumption of mercy (and a handy justification), and that, I understand, isn't acceptable for it is far too easy to justify what we want, justifying it with the mercy we expect we're due. A scary road on which to find oneself comfortable.
After our individual confessions I took the kids to get an ice cream cone to celebrate "clean and happy souls" (sadly, I am worried to bring them to confession often and they worry before hand because it isn't familiar). My kids had apparently confessed they missed Mass because "it would stress Daddy out too much." All three reported the priest said the same thing - which happened to be the same for me, namely: Stand strong in your faith and be a good example of sacrificing free time for the awesome opportunity of receiving the Eucharist. In other words, when your husband (speaking to encourage me, too) sees the sacrifice of vacation time devoted to receiving the Blessed Sacrament, not only will he see the importance it holds in your life (as our priest said, why would you want to miss that opportunity?), but your kids will practice the "normal thing to do" in situations like this.
I know how hard it is. I too have avoided the dreaded "conversation" rather than hold my head up and walk out the door anyway. Now my kids and I have a pact to attend Mass regardless of where we are, even if their daddy is irritated. He'll get over it and an hour and a half (there and back) isn't that much time to ask. I want to raise my kids trusting their Heavenly Father more than fearing conflict.
I think the trick is doing this with utmost humility and charity - no arguing, no defending your position, no otherwise unpleasant comments regarding worship styles, child rearing, or anything that might turn volitile. Just simpley walk out the door with a smile on your face and come back with a treat for him to thank him for his patience. Then enjoy a different kind of worship Sunday morning. You can always use this as a discussion spring-board with your kids as to what the similarities and differences were between the two.
Because your husband might be feeling defensive and nervous that you will raise the kids to harbor a kind of righteous superiority agains his protestant formation and family, this would be a good opportunity to show the kids that the although the Catholic Church contains the fullness of the faith, it is not the only repository of faith. Explore what the two worship services share in common (love for Christ) and where they differ (spiritual only vs. spiritual and tangible presence). Enjoy a Baptist Sunday as a field trip. Think of what you and your kids will learn.
Oh, and I don't blame you for not separating with them during the service!
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MommyD
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| Posted: July 19 2008 at 9:24am | IP Logged
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When I was young, my Mom was Catholic and my Dad wasn't anything. He would get very upset when we had to go to Mass during vacation or when things were busy. This was especially true when none of my 'catholic' relatives were leaving the family vacation to go to Mass  (guess what? none of their kids are practising Catholics anymore). Mom always stuck to her guns and risked Dad getting upset to raise us in the Church. Dad has mellowed now and even made sure my youngest sister made it to Mass when the two of them were on his truck for a week.
What would I do? Follow my Mom's example, try not to argue just explain that there is no choice and make sure my kids made it to Mass.
Melissa
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graciefaith
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| Posted: July 19 2008 at 12:20pm | IP Logged
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I would attend on Saturday night and attend with his family on Sunday morning.
Is there a Sunday evening Mass available that you could go to if you cant make it on Sat. morning? I would definitely not miss Mass just to please his parents though.
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Blessed wife and mom of 3 girls, Sept. '01, Dec. '02 and Oct. '07
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asplendidtime
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| Posted: July 21 2008 at 10:36am | IP Logged
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I haven't read the replies, so I am just answering the OP. I would literally go along to the Baptist church, and keep dc with me.  I would consider this act of charity the same as staying home with a dc who is sick. It is the circumstances.
I used to "die on the hill" defending the church, my rights, what I thought was right, it literally sucked every bit of wonderful out of my marriage. I started out with a passionate wonderful marriage, I literally killed it with legalism. I made a serious about face, God restored everything to us, and more. My dh didn't need me to be a legalist (I am not accusing anyone of that--I haven't read the responses)I was one, believe me. I won my dh over to the faith by loving him, and laying down my weapons, I was good to him. I think that is entirely scriptural.
I would suggest to dh if I was in your place, that we could go with his parents, and skip the Sunday school. Then ask him what his thoughts were. Compromise, compromise, compromise. This is the heart of charity in a family. Don't put your dh in the rotten place of me vs your parents... You cannot win that one, and you don't want to.
If someday my son became a Baptist, I would be so thrilled if they would respectfully come to mass with me, of course not take the sacraments, but come out of respect.
I used to think that my dh needed to jettison his evangelical roots to be a Catholic, but I realized I was a better Catholic just being married to someone with his background. We have a richer tradition I think.
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Rebecca~Mama to
Noah 17,
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Tim 13,
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Zoe 9,
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Laura-Mae 4,
Emily-Joy 2,
Genevieve & Gabriella 1
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 8:06am | IP Logged
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Thank you all for your responses. I ended up going to mass alone that weekend. I went Sunday at 8am and arrived back to family eating breakfast around the table and mother-in-law making a comment that she was impressed I went. In a nice way. She, of course, had to let me know they usually went every Sunday. Dh was great as when I woke, got dressed and was ready to leave, I found my car boxed in. Everyone was asleep, including his step sister-owner of the car. He found her keys and moved it for me!
This past weekend we went away again to my best friends home in PA. They do not go to church at all and I had to drag my kids away from a wonderful time to go to church Saturday evening. Well, wouldn't you know, my friends kids offered to come with us. So, we had all the kids and went to mass. I hope we planted some seeds...
Anyhow, thank you all for your support and help...
Anne
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
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You made my day! Thanks for sharing, Anne.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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Michaela
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
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Thank you for taking the time to come back with the update, Anne. I needed to be reminded, espcially today, that it's not just what I say, but what I do that plants seeds. You've put a smile on my face.
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Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
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MichelleW
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| Posted: Aug 12 2008 at 2:42pm | IP Logged
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That is so wonderful! Thanks for the update Anne!
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Michelle
Mom to 3 (dd 14, ds 15, and ds 16)
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: what would you do?
