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Tina P.
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| Posted: July 15 2008 at 8:10pm | IP Logged
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Speaking of courage, I finally drummed up enough to post on this thread. For a few years, I thought I was a failure as a parent. Then I noticed that my second child was not only matching, but exceeding what her older brother did in school. And the third, while he doesn't exceed #1 in ability, has a great attitude. #4 is similar to #1 attitude-wise, but he finds everything easy. #5 has a "let's get this done" attitude. And #6, who is currently 5 yo, thinks a *limited* amount of school is fun. 
I don't know whether I did something wrong (maybe over-extending him school-wise in early years?) or whether our personalities just clash when I challenge him to think. Or, another option is that when I started to feel a little funky about his progress started at or just prior to puberty. But he's my oldest, my guinea pig, and we just don't do well together as far as school is concerned.
Bless you, Marianne. Your post is a timely reminder to me that our first had us *completely* to himself for 1.5 years.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Sparrow
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| Posted: July 15 2008 at 8:33pm | IP Logged
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Oh gosh, yes!! I've talked about this with many friends, too. I half-jokingly refer to dd1 as my "tester baby." I was only 18 (and dh was only 21) when I had her, I just wasn't prepared. I still feel like a less than stellar mother to her, and she's almost 7! There were almost 4 years between her and our second child...I think in a lot of ways I feel more like her big sister than her mom. And she's SO much like me, we butt heads all the time. Sigh. But yes, I would have done so many things different, and there are things I regret. Dd2 and dd3 got it much better!
I have an older friend who has 10 children, the youngest is 17 and she says that #10 was when she finally felt like she "had it," like she had parented her the way she wanted to parent the others. Her kids are all great so it gives me hope that I haven't ruined dd1!
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Katie, blessed wife to Tyson and mom to all girls! Bailey (7) Riley (3) and Rory (3/17)
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Tina P.
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| Posted: July 15 2008 at 9:35pm | IP Logged
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Katie:
I was 27 when I had my first. It doesn't matter *what* age you are when you have your first. I think that first one always throws new parents for a loop! 
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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AnaB
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| Posted: July 16 2008 at 6:52am | IP Logged
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I have to agree with some of the other moms who feel that they were better parents to their older ones. I have 4 children: 12, 10, 10, and 4. The twins are boys, the rest are girls.
I did yell back then but I still do sometimes. But I had more energy back then and I was more consistent. I was more engaged with their age level, and I find that I tend to be more engaged with them still. It's "hard" for me in a way, to be engaged with my 4yr old because I'm busy with the oldest 3.
So, my youngest doesn't know her letters or all her numbers. She has a busier mom than the others had at her age. I'm really working on changing this, but it is a struggle for me.
Just had to admit this.
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His By Grace, AnaB blessed WIFE to Jeff and mama to 4 blessings!
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chrisv664
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| Posted: July 16 2008 at 3:08pm | IP Logged
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My oldest is 20 and #6 is just 5. I think I am more relaxed, in a good way now. Whenever I see someone with just one or two little ones and they seem completely stressed out and trying to control everything I think to myself "Boy, they need a few more kids to calm themselves down!" Unfortunately, many people stop after two children, so they never get to the point of relaxing and feeling more confident about their own parenting... Oh yes, and actually ENJOYING those beautiful little ones! I would have to say I am enjoying number six a bit more than the others because of all the other five have taught me. No guilt here!
P.S. If guilt ever does start bubbling beneath the surface I remind myself that #6 has a much richer (in people, not $) environment than the older ones... so in a way, even though it is not always coming from me, that youngest one gets more attention and love than any of them ever did!
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Chris
Loving Wife of Dan and Mom to Kate, Jessica, Ben,
Rebecca, Thomas and Hannah
Burning The Candle At Both Ends
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Tina P.
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| Posted: July 16 2008 at 4:28pm | IP Logged
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chrisv664 wrote:
| P.S. If guilt ever does start bubbling beneath the surface I remind myself that #6 has a much richer (in people, not $) environment than the older ones... so in a way, even though it is not always coming from me, that youngest one gets more attention and love than any of them ever did! |
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That's so true! *I* don't read aloud as often as I want to anymore, but my older kids read my younger ones stories all the time. They teach the littles how to do chores the way I taught them. And they are there sometimes when the littles hurt themselves or need compassion or attention.
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Tina, wife to one and mom to 9 + 3 in heaven
Mary's Muse
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Topic: Speaking of guilt...
