| Author | |
Stephanie_Q
Forum Pro
Joined: Aug 25 2007
Location: Nebraska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 479
|
| Posted: July 09 2008 at 3:34pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
Just reading this makes me feel like maybe I don't have it so bad. I know that's not terribly encouraging, but I was feeling like everything was "all too much" earlier this week. I called my dh almost in tears with children who were fighting, arguing, and just being plain mean to each other. We boxed up all the toys. Every. Single. One. We put away all the crayons (which were all over the floor and being eaten by the baby). We locked up the books. (They can pick out ONE at a time). Now the kids are helping me out around the house more (instead of running off to color, read, or play, which inevitably ended up in them fighting and a big mess). It has been such a blessing. We work, read, eat, and play together - I am much more "present" to my children - and the bickering is greatly reduced. Plus, the house is not littered with stuff. I need that uncluttered visual space to feel a sense of peace, even amidst the chaos of many small children...which leads me to agree with Irene's tangent - I was also raised in a small family (I had one younger brother) and I have found the "transition" to a larger family very difficult. There is just so much more noise and motion...I swear that it literally makes me dizzy - especially when there is a lot of visual clutter around and even more if I have not had enough sleep. I'll offer up my little crosses for all of you!
__________________
Stephanie dh 6.01
dd 6.02, dd 8.03, ds 3.05, ds 12.06 at Catholic school.
dd 12.09 at home.
Baby boy due 10.13
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
amyable
Forum All-Star
Joined: March 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3798
|
| Posted: July 09 2008 at 4:22pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
teachingmom wrote:
This is a really interesting tangent. I wonder how much the size of the family we grew up in plays into this? |
|
|
I think it really does, here. I was one of two kids, 6 years apart. My family was VERY quiet. It was extremely important (still is!) to my dad that everything be "just so" and very quiet (he's kind of OCD  ). This life of mine is so far from that it's laughable!  My dad was an only child, my mom one of two...
Dh on the other hand was the youngest of 4, and his parents were both from larger families (youngest of 6 and youngest of 4, I believe?). He take all this much more in stride, but even he goes a little  when more than one person is trying to talk to him at the same time (so, ummm, like 95% of the time he's home )
__________________
Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Lisbet
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 07 2006
Location: Michigan
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2706
|
| Posted: July 09 2008 at 4:55pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Amy, we have so much in common that it's almost eerie! I could have written your post, almost word from word...
__________________
Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
teachingmyown
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5128
|
| Posted: July 09 2008 at 6:59pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Well, I am one of seven and I am still completely overwhelmed by eight children!  Perhaps it is because I was #6, so I missed much of the chaos. 
Great thread! I am going through my own "it's all too much" right now as well.
__________________
In Christ,
Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: July 09 2008 at 7:55pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm the oldest of three girls. We were always pretty noisy and active...but my mom kept the house neat and clean...(in spite of my dad, lol).
DH was the 11th of 13, and he has a far more "laissez faire" attitude about it all. He says (not proven, his sisters refute this) that his mom only made them clean their rooms every 3-4 mos. MONTHS. NO WAY I could go that long.
Personally, I think he's got selective memory. LOL.
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Erin
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5814
|
| Posted: July 09 2008 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Rachel and other dear ladies in similar situations,
May I offer you many  . My heart just aches for you.
I have been there, I do agree with Irene though it will become easier when you have a few more older children. Mind you is that really consolation now? I don't quite think so, I remember being told that myself back then and it all seemed so distant and you need support now!
Sleep deprivation is the big issue, chickens etc can be coped with if you have had sufficient sleep. You may have to get tough in this area, looking back on that period I wish I had, wish I'd known how to. Marilyn really gives excellent advice, I would second and third her post.
juststartn wrote:
I'm the oldest of three girls. We were always pretty noisy and active...but my mom kept the house neat and clean..
|
|
|
I really do hope you are not comparing yourself to your mum, may I remind you that you and your sisters went to school, your mum had six hours plus per day to clean and tidy, life was different then, different demands on mothers' time. 'Sides I think they forget, my mum tells me her children were perfect, not how I remember it!
We have children home all day to re-mess what we clean. Add to that we are homeschooling which is a full time job in itself. In your situation you have children needing therapy etc, plus twins! Cut yourself plenty of slack. Frankly we're all mad! We're superwomen! We are just brilliant!
__________________
Erin
Faith Filled Days
Seven Little Australians
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Bookswithtea
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
|
| Posted: July 10 2008 at 7:26am | IP Logged
|
|
|
***She admits there were times when she yelled (I remember her saying: Go outside and don't come in til I call you! ) and times when she didn't get her own dinner until late at night after all the kids were asleep. Also she says she often had my brother in one arm and her rosary in the other, praying he would sleep.***
This quote above really made me smile. Real life mothering...I am in a phase right now where I am often eating my dinner at 9pm after everyone is finally asleep (and I have to eat fast before the baby wakes up!).
There's a lot of good advice here. I just wanted to add that I think the Enemy of our souls likes to give us homeschool moms the impression that everyone else is doing everything so gracefully while *** (insert your own name here) am failing miserably. Its a classic strategy and it works, most of the time...mostly because we are too tired to even notice we are under attack. The truth is that we are all struggling, none of us are perfect at this lifestyle we have chosen. And we often don't talk about the difficulties because...well, people who aren't living this lifestyle don't understand and tend to blame us for our trouble (if you had less kids or put them in school...blah blah blah) and we don't want to tell the families with lots of kids because we think they are doing *so much better* than we are that we are embarrassed to speak up. Catch 22.
There is no sure fire way out of these peak overwhelming times...only through them.
Most importantly, be gentle with yourself.
Remember you aren't alone...we are all muddling our way through this too, and Jesus leads gently those who are with young (baby eating my arm on my lap as I type so cannot find the scripture reference).
Try playing soothing Christian music throughout the house, *all day long* at a low volume. Something like John Michael Talbot. When you have a moment to pay attention to it, it will raise your heart to Jesus and it helps with the negative "everyone else is doing this better than me" feelings.
Peace be with you.
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: July 10 2008 at 10:14am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Oh, Erin, I am so not holding myself to my mom's standard.
LOL. And you're right--she did have dc in school, so she had a lot more "free" time--at least, once my youngest sister was in full time.
And my dc are good helpers...so that is good. I know that they will only get to be more so as the years pass. But we're still on the cusp of that reallly really great helpfulness.
That being said, it *is* easy to get overwhelmed with all that has to be done in a day...or a week....or a month...sigh.
I need to go start making my jam for today (strawberry peach jam, followed by some peach jelly, God willing).
Rachel
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Michaela
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 25 2005
Location: Washington
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2052
|
| Posted: July 10 2008 at 1:09pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Everyone has given you such wonderful advice.
When my twins were younger, I honestly thought I was going insane from the lack of sleep. Even the little things were too overwelming to think about doing. At the time, I didn't know the problem was from lack of sleep though.
About a week ago, I kicked our seven chickens out of my laundry room. I thought I had made such a mistake getting them. Having them in there affected my mood a great deal. I felt like my house had turned into a barn. The coop is almost finished, but the run isn't. I don't care...they free range in the back during the day and come back in at night when they are roosting. They are still very nervous about roaming more than 10 feet from a bush they sit under. So, I don't have any worries about them getting out of this suburban backyard. It's cleaner...smells better (I couldn't keep them from tipping the water into everything)....my mood is so much better. They don't need a coop. If you don't want them to free range, consider taking whatever you have them in and set it outside in a cool spot.
juststartn wrote:
| I need to go start making my jam for today (strawberry peach jam, followed by some peach jelly, God willing). |
|
|
Seriously now, you need a blog so that I can see what's growing and cooking. Just kidding (sorta).
__________________
Michaela
Momma to Nicholas 16, Nathan 13, Olivia 13, Teresa 6, & Anthony 3
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
doris
Forum All-Star
Joined: April 24 2006
Location: United Kingdom
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1103
|
| Posted: July 10 2008 at 4:19pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I'm not really qualified to comment as I have a mere four children and no multiples... but, feeble as I am, I certainly have (long) moments of feeling overwhelmed.
What has really helped me is getting in outside help. I realise that this isn't an option for everyone. It shouldn't really be for us, either, with a huuuuge mortgage -- but we're just really economical in most areas (secondhand everything, cheap food, cheap holidays) -- and pay for a cleaning lady once a fortnight, and someone else to help with the children a couple of evenings a week. It makes such a difference.
__________________
Home educating in London, UK with dd (2000) ds (2002), dd (2004), ds (2008) and dd (2011).
Frabjous Days
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: When it's all too much
