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JennGM
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Probably at the top of my list of many faults my pride rears its ugly head through my quick-temper. I am impatient. I lose my head and speak my mind before thinking or praying.
In the early stage of reining in my fault, I find I need to physically remove myself from the situation or conversation, otherwise I know I will explode. But then I wonder if it's the right thing to do, since it seems very rude to just walk away.
I'm wondering if any of you have concrete tips on how to bite your tongue? How to think before saying? How to not be so attached to your opinions and way of doing things and be silent in some situations?
And how do you discern quickly when it's right to say something? If you disagree with something done or said by your dh in front of your children, do you try to make amends there (I don't mean arguing), or realize the harm was done and just bring it up later with your spouse and make resolutions to change?
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Maryan
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jenngm wrote:
| In the early stage of reining in my fault, I find I need to physically remove myself from the situation or conversation, otherwise I know I will explode. But then I wonder if it's the right thing to do, since it seems very rude to just walk away. |
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 I worked SO hard to get this vice in me under control and since I've become a mom with no sleep, I've had to start all over again. It's so humbling and embarrassing. It's like all of a sudden I get really mad and I have to walk away or I'll say something I'll regret. It feels like I don't even get a free will chance to stop it!! 
I'll tell you my latest strategy -- from time to time, if I'm in a conversation with a group of people and I have something to contribute (nothing important), I swallow it... and just listen. And I can't even do this as often as I probably should.
I haven't seen the fruit of this yet... but I'm hoping it will temper me???
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Maryan
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MarilynW
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This is so funny - I am trying to write a post on this - I know the theory - cannot put it into practice. The number of bible verses there are on 'taming the tongue'...
Waiting to hear what people say...
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Marilyn
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Paula in MN
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I have literally bit my tongue, hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. Then I excuse myself. I've had a lot of practice with this technique over the last few months, and it works well. When I remember...
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 Paula
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LLR4
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I can sympathize, because I am an outspoken person. Some people (well, a lotof people...) describe me as 'blunt'.
And more people than I can count have said to me at some time or another "Well, don't sugar coat it, Laura."...said in complete sarcasm.
So since I am so bad at it, I'll refrain from giving advice. Except for this handy prayer I ran across along time ago....I'm sure many have heard it.
"Dear Lord---Please keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth. Amen."
Works for me. If it comes out of my mouth anyway...maybe the Lord wanted it to? : ) lol
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PDyer
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| Posted: May 13 2008 at 6:08pm | IP Logged
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LLR4 wrote:
| So since I am so bad at it, I'll refrain from giving advice. |
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Dit-TO.
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Patty
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guitarnan
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Reread the part of Little Women where Jo and Marmee talk about quick tongues and self-control. I find I learn more from this wonderful book each time I read it. (I cry more, too.)
I like Maryan's advice, too - sometimes I find myself talking just for the sake of talking, and I've been trying to rein in my need to present my (often irrelevant) opinions.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Maryan
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| Posted: May 13 2008 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
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LLR4 wrote:
| "Dear Lord---Please keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth. Amen." |
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And I needed a book to read Nancy.
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Maryan
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Marybeth
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My temper is terrible. I am very ashamed by it. I talked to a priest about it. He recommended reading a biography of St. Francis de Sales (as he had an explosive temper and learned to control it).
When I returned home I read on the internet about meekness and how Our Lord was very meek while being sentenced to die, the walk to Calvary and on the cross. I have been meditating on these images. If Christ can be meek during slaps, scouring, taunting,hanging on the cross, etc., I can try better with my family and gain some more self-control.
The priest also told me he counsels many young men who are afraid of marriage b/c their examples growing up were less than ideal with yelling and bitter words from their parents to each other. Ouch! That made me very sad b/c my ds has witnessed my temper on too many occasions!!!
I'm trying with my dh to set aside time to talk about things so "stuff" doesn't build up and really try to see his point and understand his perceptions. I think these areas grew weak with us during the past few years. It is hard to find the time for nightly chats with little ones require your attention and care.
My girlfriend has pictures of her dh in every room in her house. She tries to walk away before a confrontation can occur. She says it is hard to stay mad if you see a photo of a special occasion and remember how loving your dh was at that event.
Also, Queen Elizabeth turns her ring on her right hand when she is annoyed or bothered by someone. The security team know then to remove her from the situation. I wonder if fiddling with a medal around the neck would help keep us centered and feel a bit calmer? Sometimes I just chant in my head,"Holy Spirit help me not to go off on this person or wallop them in the head!!"
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Marybeth (Mb)
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Marybeth
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Sprry! No time to proofread/edit my last post. My dd came booking in the room with only her diaper and leather boots on...she tried to out run her Daddy b/c bedtime is fast approaching! I guess the boots will help?!?!
Here's to journeying to a more meekness in our lives!!!
God bless,
Marybeth
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KC in TX
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Since I fail so often at this, I don't have advice; I know where you're coming from. I'm trying to temper myself.
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PDyer
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| Posted: May 13 2008 at 10:21pm | IP Logged
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MarilynW wrote:
| The number of bible verses there are on 'taming the tongue'... |
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Oh I know. Eeek. 
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Patty
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Syncletica
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| Posted: May 18 2008 at 11:19pm | IP Logged
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I have the very same problem too. Things get so frustrating.
However, I've found what this lady wrote helps.
Fixing Ourselves First
It's from her website
Raising Godly Tomatoes
You will find some very good advice.
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MarilynW
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Snycletica - thank you for that post.
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Marilyn
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Ruth
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Making the sign of the cross is very powerful. Our dear priest has been talking to us about this. You can start by making the sign of the cross over your lips as soon as you feel like you are about to lose it. The book also says to make the sign of the cross over your heart when you feel anger. I can definately tell you it works!!! I have a very-quick temper and I'm also very impatient. Great, great book, btw.
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ladybugs
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Jenn,
I totally understand about the temper thing - aren't you a first born, too?
I think listening is the key and remaining silent - even if you want to say something.
Definitely a mortification!
I only mention listening because it's under-rated...
Now, back to cyber-listening (reading).
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Maria P
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Donna Marie
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Oh I can understand...I am a first-born too Maria 
I had a particularly trying person that was really getting to me. I tried listening more and was trying to imagine that between me and her was another me...so I imagined standing behind myself. It made it easier for me to keep myself composed as I felt more protected from the "wake" of this person. I use this in any kind of situation where I feel like I will say something I will regret later. I feel like I have the time to compose myself.
I am often reminded of my mother in difficult situations. She is a silent person. I thought at first that she didn't want to do anything about the injustice being done. She told me later, "I am silent because all they can hear is their own words and during that time I pray to the Holy Spirit. I know I would be too flustered to do anything better. That does more than I ever could." Wise woman. It is amazing how even my Dad reacts to this!
neat topic!
God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 7dc +one more due 10/08!
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Donna Marie from NJ
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aussieannie
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I'm a first born as well...interesting. Ruth that is such a lovely approach!
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Lara Sauer
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One little mantra that I teach my children from very little on is this: "Just because a thought enters my head doesn't mean that is has to exit my mouth!" My husband is also very fond of reminding our children that one doesn't usually get in trouble for what one DOESN'T say!
I find that when I practice this bit of temperance when I am in control, that it has been helping immensely when I start need to exert restraint when I am about to lose control. For example, this afternoon, my children were in their Scottish Country dance class, and I was noticing that one of my sons was doing a step incorrectly. I started correcting him outloud...and then tried to remind myself that his teachers were the ones who needed to correct him, not me! (That is why I am paying them after all!!) This was obviously an area where I could exert some self-control, because I wasn't under any stress. (In other words, "Shut your mouth and let the teachers do their job!!!)
So, I guess my advice would come down to this...practice restraint when it costs you the least. It will be in the little acts of self-denial, for instance, when you are in the middle of a conversation, and you know that you have the right answer, but instead of blurting it out, you give someone else a chance to give the answer first...it can be humbling, but it can also help to build restraint.
I will pray for you...please do likewise for me!
Christ's peace.
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Pamin OZ
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Gosh,
another first-born here!
I tell my husband we need to be gentle on our oldest- He's the first-born of two first-borns, his personality and being a teenager- four strikes against him!
Pam
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Biting One's Tongue
