Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.



Active Topics || Favorites || Member List || Search || About Us || Help || Register || Login
Tea and Conversation
 4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Subject Topic: Biting One's Tongue Post ReplyPost New Topic
Author
Message << Prev Topic | Next Topic >>
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
Posted: May 13 2008 at 4:25pm | IP Logged Quote JennGM

Probably at the top of my list of many faults my pride rears its ugly head through my quick-temper. I am impatient. I lose my head and speak my mind before thinking or praying.

In the early stage of reining in my fault, I find I need to physically remove myself from the situation or conversation, otherwise I know I will explode. But then I wonder if it's the right thing to do, since it seems very rude to just walk away.

I'm wondering if any of you have concrete tips on how to bite your tongue? How to think before saying? How to not be so attached to your opinions and way of doing things and be silent in some situations?

And how do you discern quickly when it's right to say something? If you disagree with something done or said by your dh in front of your children, do you try to make amends there (I don't mean arguing), or realize the harm was done and just bring it up later with your spouse and make resolutions to change?

__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
Back to Top View JennGM's Profile Search for other posts by JennGM Visit JennGM's Homepage
 
Maryan
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Jan 02 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3145
Posted: May 13 2008 at 4:57pm | IP Logged Quote Maryan

jenngm wrote:
In the early stage of reining in my fault, I find I need to physically remove myself from the situation or conversation, otherwise I know I will explode. But then I wonder if it's the right thing to do, since it seems very rude to just walk away.


I worked SO hard to get this vice in me under control and since I've become a mom with no sleep, I've had to start all over again. It's so humbling and embarrassing. It's like all of a sudden I get really mad and I have to walk away or I'll say something I'll regret. It feels like I don't even get a free will chance to stop it!!

I'll tell you my latest strategy -- from time to time, if I'm in a conversation with a group of people and I have something to contribute (nothing important), I swallow it... and just listen. And I can't even do this as often as I probably should.

I haven't seen the fruit of this yet... but I'm hoping it will temper me???

__________________
Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
Back to Top View Maryan's Profile Search for other posts by Maryan
 
MarilynW
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: June 28 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4275
Posted: May 13 2008 at 5:05pm | IP Logged Quote MarilynW

This is so funny - I am trying to write a post on this - I know the theory - cannot put it into practice. The number of bible verses there are on 'taming the tongue'...

Waiting to hear what people say...

__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God



Back to Top View MarilynW's Profile Search for other posts by MarilynW
 
Paula in MN
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Nov 25 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4064
Posted: May 13 2008 at 5:11pm | IP Logged Quote Paula in MN

I have literally bit my tongue, hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. Then I excuse myself. I've had a lot of practice with this technique over the last few months, and it works well. When I remember...

__________________
Paula
A Catholic Harvest
Back to Top View Paula in MN's Profile Search for other posts by Paula in MN Visit Paula in MN's Homepage
 
LLR4
Forum Pro
Forum Pro


Joined: April 10 2008
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 163
Posted: May 13 2008 at 5:53pm | IP Logged Quote LLR4

I can sympathize, because I am an outspoken person. Some people (well, a lotof people...) describe me as 'blunt'.
And more people than I can count have said to me at some time or another "Well, don't sugar coat it, Laura."...said in complete sarcasm.

So since I am so bad at it, I'll refrain from giving advice. Except for this handy prayer I ran across along time ago....I'm sure many have heard it.

"Dear Lord---Please keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth. Amen."

Works for me. If it comes out of my mouth anyway...maybe the Lord wanted it to? : ) lol

__________________
~ Laura
Blessed: Mama to dd{A}13 y.o., and 7 y.o. triplets ds{J}, dd{O}, ds{S} and wife to Michael
Our House of Joyful Noise
Back to Top View LLR4's Profile Search for other posts by LLR4 Visit LLR4's Homepage
 
PDyer
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: Feb 25 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1043
Posted: May 13 2008 at 6:08pm | IP Logged Quote PDyer

LLR4 wrote:
So since I am so bad at it, I'll refrain from giving advice.


Dit-TO.   

__________________
Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
Back to Top View PDyer's Profile Search for other posts by PDyer Visit PDyer's Homepage
 
guitarnan
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Maryland
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 10883
Posted: May 13 2008 at 6:40pm | IP Logged Quote guitarnan

Reread the part of Little Women where Jo and Marmee talk about quick tongues and self-control. I find I learn more from this wonderful book each time I read it. (I cry more, too.)

I like Maryan's advice, too - sometimes I find myself talking just for the sake of talking, and I've been trying to rein in my need to present my (often irrelevant) opinions.

__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
Back to Top View guitarnan's Profile Search for other posts by guitarnan Visit guitarnan's Homepage
 
Maryan
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Jan 02 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3145
Posted: May 13 2008 at 7:31pm | IP Logged Quote Maryan

LLR4 wrote:
"Dear Lord---Please keep your arm around my shoulder, and your hand over my mouth. Amen."




And I needed a book to read Nancy.

__________________
Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
Back to Top View Maryan's Profile Search for other posts by Maryan
 
Marybeth
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: May 02 2005
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
Posted: May 13 2008 at 7:39pm | IP Logged Quote Marybeth

My temper is terrible. I am very ashamed by it. I talked to a priest about it. He recommended reading a biography of St. Francis de Sales (as he had an explosive temper and learned to control it).

When I returned home I read on the internet about meekness and how Our Lord was very meek while being sentenced to die, the walk to Calvary and on the cross. I have been meditating on these images. If Christ can be meek during slaps, scouring, taunting,hanging on the cross, etc., I can try better with my family and gain some more self-control.

The priest also told me he counsels many young men who are afraid of marriage b/c their examples growing up were less than ideal with yelling and bitter words from their parents to each other. Ouch! That made me very sad b/c my ds has witnessed my temper on too many occasions!!!

I'm trying with my dh to set aside time to talk about things so "stuff" doesn't build up and really try to see his point and understand his perceptions. I think these areas grew weak with us during the past few years. It is hard to find the time for nightly chats with little ones require your attention and care.

My girlfriend has pictures of her dh in every room in her house. She tries to walk away before a confrontation can occur. She says it is hard to stay mad if you see a photo of a special occasion and remember how loving your dh was at that event.

Also, Queen Elizabeth turns her ring on her right hand when she is annoyed or bothered by someone. The security team know then to remove her from the situation. I wonder if fiddling with a medal around the neck would help keep us centered and feel a bit calmer? Sometimes I just chant in my head,"Holy Spirit help me not to go off on this person or wallop them in the head!!"



__________________
Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
Back to Top View Marybeth's Profile Search for other posts by Marybeth
 
Marybeth
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: May 02 2005
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1277
Posted: May 13 2008 at 7:42pm | IP Logged Quote Marybeth

Sprry! No time to proofread/edit my last post. My dd came booking in the room with only her diaper and leather boots on...she tried to out run her Daddy b/c bedtime is fast approaching! I guess the boots will help?!?!

Here's to journeying to a more meekness in our lives!!!

God bless,

Marybeth

__________________
Marybeth (Mb)
http://held-together.blogspot.com
Back to Top View Marybeth's Profile Search for other posts by Marybeth
 
KC in TX
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: Aug 05 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
Posted: May 13 2008 at 10:17pm | IP Logged Quote KC in TX

Since I fail so often at this, I don't have advice; I know where you're coming from. I'm trying to temper myself.

__________________
KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)

The Cabbage Patch
Back to Top View KC in TX's Profile Search for other posts by KC in TX
 
PDyer
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: Feb 25 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1043
Posted: May 13 2008 at 10:21pm | IP Logged Quote PDyer

MarilynW wrote:
The number of bible verses there are on 'taming the tongue'...


Oh I know. Eeek.

__________________
Patty
Mom of ds (7/96) and dd (9/01) and two angels (8/95 and 6/08)
Life at Home
Back to Top View PDyer's Profile Search for other posts by PDyer Visit PDyer's Homepage
 
Syncletica
Forum Pro
Forum Pro
Avatar

Joined: June 11 2007
Location: Canada
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 450
Posted: May 18 2008 at 11:19pm | IP Logged Quote Syncletica

I have the very same problem too. Things get so frustrating.

However, I've found what this lady wrote helps.
Fixing Ourselves First

It's from her website
Raising Godly Tomatoes

You will find some very good advice.


__________________
http://www.casciabooks.com

"Live as though your judge were to meet you today, and you will not fear Him when He does come." - St. Augustine
Back to Top View Syncletica's Profile Search for other posts by Syncletica Visit Syncletica's Homepage
 
MarilynW
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: June 28 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4275
Posted: May 19 2008 at 6:16am | IP Logged Quote MarilynW

Snycletica - thank you for that post.

__________________
Marilyn
Blessed with 6 gifts from God



Back to Top View MarilynW's Profile Search for other posts by MarilynW
 
Ruth
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Nov 04 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5007
Posted: May 19 2008 at 7:18am | IP Logged Quote Ruth

Making the sign of the cross is very powerful. Our dear priest has been talking to us about this. You can start by making the sign of the cross over your lips as soon as you feel like you are about to lose it. The book also says to make the sign of the cross over your heart when you feel anger. I can definately tell you it works!!! I have a very-quick temper and I'm also very impatient. Great, great book, btw.

__________________
Ruth

mom to 7 miracles

My family blog

Loreto Rosaries
Back to Top View Ruth's Profile Search for other posts by Ruth Visit Ruth's Homepage
 
ladybugs
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3732
Posted: May 19 2008 at 10:59am | IP Logged Quote ladybugs

Jenn,

I totally understand about the temper thing - aren't you a first born, too?

I think listening is the key and remaining silent - even if you want to say something.

Definitely a mortification!

I only mention listening because it's under-rated...

Now, back to cyber-listening (reading).

__________________
Love and God Bless,
Maria P

My etsy store - all proceeds go to help my fencing daughters!
Back to Top View ladybugs's Profile Search for other posts by ladybugs Visit ladybugs's Homepage
 
Donna Marie
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: New Jersey
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2530
Posted: May 19 2008 at 11:28am | IP Logged Quote Donna Marie

Oh I can understand...I am a first-born too Maria

I had a particularly trying person that was really getting to me. I tried listening more and was trying to imagine that between me and her was another me...so I imagined standing behind myself. It made it easier for me to keep myself composed as I felt more protected from the "wake" of this person. I use this in any kind of situation where I feel like I will say something I will regret later. I feel like I have the time to compose myself.

I am often reminded of my mother in difficult situations. She is a silent person. I thought at first that she didn't want to do anything about the injustice being done. She told me later, "I am silent because all they can hear is their own words and during that time I pray to the Holy Spirit. I know I would be too flustered to do anything better. That does more than I ever could."   Wise woman. It is amazing how even my Dad reacts to this!

neat topic!

God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 7dc +one more due 10/08!

__________________
God love you!
Donna Marie from NJ
hs momma to 9dc!!
Finding Elegant Simplicity
Back to Top View Donna Marie's Profile Search for other posts by Donna Marie Visit Donna Marie's Homepage
 
aussieannie
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star
Avatar

Joined: May 21 2006
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7251
Posted: May 19 2008 at 3:50pm | IP Logged Quote aussieannie

I'm a first born as well...interesting. Ruth that is such a lovely approach!

__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!

Back to Top View aussieannie's Profile Search for other posts by aussieannie Visit aussieannie's Homepage
 
Lara Sauer
Forum All-Star
Forum All-Star


Joined: June 15 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 679
Posted: May 19 2008 at 7:36pm | IP Logged Quote Lara Sauer

One little mantra that I teach my children from very little on is this: "Just because a thought enters my head doesn't mean that is has to exit my mouth!" My husband is also very fond of reminding our children that one doesn't usually get in trouble for what one DOESN'T say!

I find that when I practice this bit of temperance when I am in control, that it has been helping immensely when I start need to exert restraint when I am about to lose control. For example, this afternoon, my children were in their Scottish Country dance class, and I was noticing that one of my sons was doing a step incorrectly. I started correcting him outloud...and then tried to remind myself that his teachers were the ones who needed to correct him, not me! (That is why I am paying them after all!!) This was obviously an area where I could exert some self-control, because I wasn't under any stress. (In other words, "Shut your mouth and let the teachers do their job!!!)

So, I guess my advice would come down to this...practice restraint when it costs you the least. It will be in the little acts of self-denial, for instance, when you are in the middle of a conversation, and you know that you have the right answer, but instead of blurting it out, you give someone else a chance to give the answer first...it can be humbling, but it can also help to build restraint.

I will pray for you...please do likewise for me!

Christ's peace.

__________________
You can take the girl out of Wisconsin, but you can't take the Wisconsin out of the girl!
Back to Top View Lara Sauer's Profile Search for other posts by Lara Sauer
 
Pamin OZ
Forum Pro
Forum Pro


Joined: Sept 28 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 157
Posted: May 19 2008 at 10:36pm | IP Logged Quote Pamin OZ

Gosh,

another first-born here!

I tell my husband we need to be gentle on our oldest- He's the first-born of two first-borns, his personality and being a teenager- four strikes against him!

Pam

__________________
Pam in Sydney

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/paminoz/
Back to Top View Pamin OZ's Profile Search for other posts by Pamin OZ
 

Page of 2 Next >>
  [Add this topic to My Favorites] Post ReplyPost New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum

Hosting and Support provided by theNetSmith.com