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Martha
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| Posted: April 23 2008 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
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oh holly! 
I'm right there with you in understanding and frustration!
I want to clarify that I am NOT saying I am looking for crosses to give our children. Not at all!
But our society says ALL crosses are bad and many parents think that being a good parent means you remove as many crosses or potential to encounter a cross as possible.
I want my children to learn to embrace their crosses and yes, to help others carry theirs. I do not want them to live life avoiding crosses and looking the other way when they see someone struggling to carry theirs. The world is in desperate need of couragous men and women to not only avoid sin, but to combat it at every turn. One day I hope my children grow to be those kind of men and women.
I don't want them to despair.
I want them to know they CAN do something.
And I want their hearts WILLING to do something.
None of my comments have been about anyone in particuliar or in general on the board. 
I think myself, and others, are simply trying to put our ideas and emotions on this topic into some form of coherent comcept. And it's not easy to do.
Got to go noe, house is filling with lots of little people company and their parents!
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
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Leonie
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| Posted: April 23 2008 at 4:39pm | IP Logged
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Martha wrote:
I want to clarify that I am NOT saying I am looking for crosses to give our children. Not at all!
But our society says ALL crosses are bad and many parents think that being a good parent means you remove as many crosses or potential to encounter a cross as possible.
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Martha, I certainly would never think that you are looking for crosses for your children - you sound like a loving, thoughtful mum.
I was thinking of myself when I made that comment - I tend to err on the side of trying to avoid crosses for my kids, trying to make everyone happy all the time, I hate conflict - and I think this is an impossible dream. And it does my kids a dis-service. That is why I am pondering the Pope's quote...
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Leonie in Sydney
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Leonie
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| Posted: April 23 2008 at 4:46pm | IP Logged
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Cay Gibson wrote:
I do not need to expose my children to hate and violence and drugs and abortion and porn, etc.
I do need to warn them about it.
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Nodding in agreement.
And with, you, too, Molly ~ real life and suffering defintely gets thrown into the laps of my children. Even with just all my health woes and many miscarriages....
So perhaps I worry about these issues too much? I tend towards too much introversion and too much questioning of self, when it comes to my vocation, I guess because I had few good examples as a child.
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Leonie in Sydney
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Martha
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| Posted: April 23 2008 at 4:54pm | IP Logged
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Leonie wrote:
Martha, I certainly would never think that you are looking for crosses for your children - you sound like a loving, thoughtful mum.
I was thinking of myself when I made that comment - I tend to err on the side of trying to avoid crosses for my kids, trying to make everyone happy all the time, I hate conflict - and I think this is an impossible dream. And it does my kids a dis-service. That is why I am pondering the Pope's quote... |
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Oh I didn't mean you or anyone in general! Just umm clarifying my own thoughts. For some reason there is this oh idea that if a parent isn't removing crosses from child's life - then the parent is placing them in their life. I don't think that is neccessarily the case.
You describe precisely what I have to balance.
Constantly having high expectations, however reasonable, with thei natural development - which may or may not be in line with their ability to fulfill my high expecations.
It's not a question of whether my oldest is capable of something - it's a question of whether it's natural for him to do it. I was capable of many thngs at a very young age. I have to weed through that as I raise this first child to figure out what of that experience was natural and good to pass on and what of it should have been beyond me in the natural course of a growing up and of my expectations are worthy, but must be attained differently.
*sigh*
clear as mud I'm sure...
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Martha
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Leonie
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| Posted: April 23 2008 at 5:02pm | IP Logged
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Martha wrote:
It's not a question of whether my oldest is capable of something - it's a question of whether it's natural for him to do it. I was capable of many thngs at a very young age. I have to weed through that as I raise this first child to figure out what of that experience was natural and good to pass on and what of it should have been beyond me in the natural course of a growing up and of my expectations are worthy, but must be attained differently.
*sigh*
clear as mud I'm sure... |
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No - Very clear  - I am constantly weeding through my own childhhod and emotions ( or trying to tuck those bad memories away  ), so that I don't let the negatives influence my children. And my dh.
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Leonie in Sydney
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Willa
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| Posted: April 23 2008 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
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Martha wrote:
It's not a question of whether my oldest is capable of something - it's a question of whether it's natural for him to do it. I was capable of many thngs at a very young age. I have to weed through that as I raise this first child to figure out what of that experience was natural and good to pass on and what of it should have been beyond me in the natural course of a growing up and of my expectations are worthy, but must be attained differently.
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I think I understand what you mean. I have a friend who had a very rough time growing up and has to discern the same type of thing with her child. No doubt that is exactly why God gives us sacramentnal graces in marriage, because we couldn't balance it out on our own.
It seems to me that a family trying to live by principles, be open to life, and be a Catholic witness is NOT going to have kids who are oblivious of the difficulties of life or unprepared to suffer.
I think that they become aware that life doesn't owe them a free ride -- and that their parents are learning and growing, too. And that there are more important things than comfort, and that suffering can be worthwhile.
I guess I am trying to say that it doesn't seem necessary to TRY to expose children to hard knocks. When your family life is an authentic Catholic one it will be difficult in many ways. Part of being authentically Catholic is stepping out a bit, going beyond the comfort zone. The kids will learn from this as long as they aren't padded in cotton wool and treated like they are made of china. They will suffer in ways that a child can handle, but I don't think it's good for a child to be forced to suffer without protection or support, or feel that his parents are complicit in unnecessary suffering.
Sure, we have to do things that aren't fun for the kids -- I have to take Aidan for monthly blood draws. I am sure he doesn't really understand WHY it's necessary, but he does trust that we are sympathetic and that he can turn to us for comfort. Probably the main consolation in suffering is that we can turn to someone -- God if no one else -- for comfort.
Just printed off the Pope's address and am going off to read it now! Thank you so much for the link!
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Willa
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Topic: Suffering?
