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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 9:06am | IP Logged
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Natalia wrote:
| There is so much more I could write but I won't bore you. |
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Bore us? No, Natalia. This is one of the most eloquent, straight-from-the-heart posts I've read in quite awhile.
Natalia wrote:
| What do you do to have fun alone or with dh? |
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Go to Cracker Barrell.  We do this at least bi-weekly.
Natalia, I have also begun taking an annual retreat (with my dh's blessing---he goes to a private men's retreat in April). It has been a blessings in disguise.  I wrote an article entitled When A Mom Runs Away about my retreat experience and I tried to be very honest in it (with myself as well as the reader). It was published in July's Canticle Magazine. If you'd like me to send you a copy, please PM your address to me and I'll be happy to send it.
Natalia wrote:
| What do you do when you want to laugh? I think I need a heavy dose of laughter in my life |
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I went through a terrible post-partum depression after #4 was born...long story. One of the instructions my mother gave me was to make myself laugh every morning or whenever I felt a wave of depair coming over me. Make yourself laugh, dear, if you have to. I could just tell you to watch a funny show but in a large hs household, sometimes the times you need to laugh are usually the times you're at your wit's end and don't have time to sit down and watch a funny show.
My oldest ds loves to listen to Jeff Foxworthy's *You Know You're a Redneck...* comedy tapes.  He'll bring them in the kitchen sometimes for us to chuckle over together. I rather like listening to something my ds enjoys and laughing with him vs. having what America considers the *typical* parent - teenager arguments. This works much better.
One really funny DVD I can suggest you watch that's absolutely hysterical is Bill Cosby's Himself. There is only one *potty* joke in it about getting drunk that some might not want their dc to view. But the rest is just so funny and relieves tension within a household. Now, when I get stressed and anxious, the dc remember how Bill described his wife and they just laugh at me...which is good because usually, later in the day, I regret that I got so frustrated in the first place.
But I'm very serious about forcing youself to laugh. It might sound silly...but it works. It really works. And it's a good habit to force which, with time, becomes second nature.
Praying for you, Natalia.
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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Cay Gibson
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Joined: July 16 2005
Location: Louisiana
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 9:13am | IP Logged
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Molly Smith wrote:
| Danielle Bean and I highly recommend reading her blog and getting her book, My Cup of Tea... the blog makes me smile every day. |
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Definitely! Definitely! Read her blog daily!  You'll feel much better after you do.
And, have you read:Please Don't Drink the Holy Water by Susie Lloyd? That's a fun read and very *real life*. Sorry if it's already been mentioned, which it probably has. 
And, of course, come talk to your friends here anytime at all. Email friendships are a modern blessing. 
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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BrendaPeter
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 11:28am | IP Logged
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Natalia wrote:
| THANK YOU, THANK YOU all of you. But then I get home and the kids are not in bed, and the house wasn't picked up... and all the peace of that hour is lost. |
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I try to remember to inform my dc & dh what I would like them to do while I'm gone. That sometimes works  ...
I love how Julie says "pick one thing". It's so overwhelming to try to "clean up" everything in your life! It probably works better when we do work on one thing at a time.
I can so relate to your situation that I could have written your post myself! Feeling "overwhelmed" seems to be a common emotion for homeschool moms, especially the ones with young children. The one consolation that I can offer is that God has shown me "my littleness" through all of the overwhelming times. If I had not had all of the little sufferings, I would not lean on Him the way I do. When I see how truly incapable I am, I know that I can only do anything "through Christ who strengthens me." I truly must rely upon His grace.
I'm currently reading "The Life St. Catherine of Sienna" by Blessed Raymond Capua (her confessor). The book is published by Tan. On page 79, our Lord said this to St. Catherine:
"Do you know, daughter, who you are, and who I am? If you know these two things, you will be blessed. You are SHE WHO IS NOT; whereas I am HE WHO IS. Have this knowledge in your soul and the Enemy will never deceive you and you will escape his wiles; you will never disobey my commandments and will acquire all grace, truth and light."
Talk about humbling! Particularly on tough days, I can see that I am also "she who is not."
Glad to hear you're doing better. I will continue to pray for you!
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Blessings,
Brenda (mom to 6)
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Mary G
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 11:57am | IP Logged
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Another thing you can do is just read something funny -- even if you have to do it in the bathroom. Soemthing completely out there like PGWodehouse or or Chesterton even. It helps get my mind off what I'm brooding/fussing about and it makes me smile......
Blessings!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Sept 10 2005 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
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Cay, I just finished Please Don't drink the Holy Water and laughed so hard I nearly cried, more than once. It was positively hysterical.
We also own Bill Cosby, Himself. :-) I love his description of childbirth, along with those goofy faces he makes. They just don't make comedians like Cosby, anymore.
Natalia, I really appreciate what you had to say about the sadness you've seen in life lately and its effect on your daily life. Don't underestimate its ability to make everything harder. My best friend's son (a hs mom of 4, my sponsor into the church) died of a brain tumor last Ash Wednesday. A dear friend of mine right now (another Catholic hs mom) is facing removal of a breast tumor, hysterectomy, and a possible pituitary tumor, too. I don't know if its a midlife thing, or if its just getting older and realizing that life is not what I thought it was when I was younger. These are deep waters for me, and I know they are influencing my own sense of heaviness. I am trying to learn to live in the moment. Tomorrow has enough cares of its own...Pray for me, and I will pray for you.
Peace be with you, friend.
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anncap
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| Posted: Sept 11 2005 at 11:28am | IP Logged
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Oh my gosh, you've all helped me pinpoint my moodiness! I feel terrible when the house is a wreck and great when it's clean! It seems so ridiculous to allow such a thing to control my contentedness, but there is no denying it. We are always picking up and doing the bare minimum, but eventually it all accumulates and must be shoveled out again. I am already getting discouraged at the state of my newly organized homeschool drawers and shelves!
I have been seriously contemplating getting some estimates on housecleaning. I don't know quite how we'd afford it, but I'm really thinking we can't afford NOT to. Just to have someone come and do the nitty gritty every couple of weeks would bring me much peace of mind. However, I'm very afraid we'd have the same dilemma that Elizabeth had; we'd need to clean before they could clean the house!
I wish I could feel differently about the household; I've tried denying it, but that didn't work. I, too, want to enjoy these days and years with my dc. I KNOW these are the best years of our lives! So I really need to find a way to not be a grouchy, nagging mom. See, Natalia, you have a TON of company. 
P.S. Mary, you also like PG Wodehouse? I love him; his books are laugh-out-loud funny, especially the Mating Season!
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Ann in Tucson
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Willa
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| Posted: Sept 11 2005 at 12:16pm | IP Logged
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Ditto Wodehouse and Chesterton, Mary!
About the clean house, I found that decluttering helps me feel more in control, too -- even if the house never gets quite "clean" -- just throwing out/giving out a bunch of stuff helps me FEEL like I'm taking charge and that is a stress-buster to me.
About dealing with crises -- two things have helped me in struggling with periodic depression and the let-down after emergencies.
One, is "resetting the counter to zero" -- in other words, rather than letting guilt and feelings of inadequacy pile up, just start where I am right now and figure out where to go from there, with no more kicking myself about not measuring up -- I don't know if that makes sense, but the concept of "starting at ground zero" helps me.
Two, is "focusing on brief moments of joy". THis especially helps me in crisis situations. Eg in San Francisco when Aidan's life was literally moment by moment or day by day. I struggled with so much grief and terror... so I learned to really zero in on small joys -- going to Borders with my husband and getting a latte and sharing it together; going to the beach for a few moments with my other kids and just watching them play in the sand. Connecting with the real goodness of life, just for a moment or two, and really appreciating that tiny little refuge.
Sometimes I have to analyze what state I'm in, to figure out whether the "brief moments of joy" or the "resetting" mode will help me more. And sometimes I'm surprised which one it is!
Natalia, I think your priest is right that "joy" in a way is a by-product -- but also, I think in some ways "joy" is something we need to claim as a heritage -- not necessarily a "feeling" of joy but rather a decision to seek joy and find it. We all have so many things to be grateful for and blessed by that in some ways, it's a matter of taking the time to be conscious of that. And that's a decision. The things I've mentioned above are some of my ways to find that connection to joy... there are probably lots of other ways that would work better for other people.... Elizabeth's idea of having a gratitude journal and listing five things per day, even tiny things, sometimes helps me too. It helps me change my focus to the good things and helps me turn my thinking and attitude around.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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Mary G
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| Posted: Sept 11 2005 at 1:44pm | IP Logged
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The clean thing happens here too -- sometimes when I'm "at the end of my patience a bit" -- we all stop and clean up a room or something. It gives us all cool down time, some activity, and often we make a game out of it (which then makes it actually fun..... )
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Cay Gibson
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| Posted: Sept 12 2005 at 9:15am | IP Logged
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WJFR wrote:
I think in some ways "joy" is something we need to claim as a heritage -- not necessarily a "feeling" of joy but rather a decision to seek joy and find it. We all have so many things to be grateful for and blessed by that in some ways, it's a matter of taking the time to be conscious of that. And that's a decision. ..even tiny things, sometimes helps me too. It helps me change my focus to the good things and helps me turn my thinking and attitude around.
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I think this has been the decision at Chari's "happy is the husband" eloop. We must find even the smallest things our dh does around the house and appreciate it in a BIG way. No matter how small.
And it's that way with our dc. We often hear to affirm the positive in our dc more than critizing the negatives. But it's so hard to do sometimes. Yet (and I've said this often), it is said that it takes 10 positives to correct the 1 negative thing we say to our dc.
"Think Positive" needs to be our motto as well as Covey's "Be Proactive", "Begin with the End in Mind", "Think Win-Win", "Synergize".
And that reminds me of another book that should be at your local library. Under Willa's recommendation, I read Stephen R. Covey's "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" a couple years ago.
Looking through it now, I am reminded about the *Emotional Bank Account* he mentions. With Willa's concept of starting at *ground zero*, he instructs you to get a mental "image of the Emotional Bank Account in your mind and heart, problems and circumstances are no longer obstacles that get in the way of the path; they are the path."
"...one of the most empowering and exciting aspects of the EBA idea is that we can proactively choose to turn every family problem into an opportunity for a deposit."
* Someone's "bad day" becomes an opportunity to be kind.
* An offense becomes an opportunity to apologize, to forgive.
* Someone's gossip becomes an opportunity to be loyal, to quietly defend those not present.
The overall concept of the EBA is:
"instead of making withdrawals...You make Deposits"
Out of time...
__________________
Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Where has the joy of life gone?
