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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 12:36pm | IP Logged
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Looking for some tips for the new year. I realize with the holidays I am supposed to struggle 
How do you get everything you need to get done, done? I am responsible for everything except earning the money. Bills are late, the house never gets really clean, there is clutter ALL over, schoolwork is a chore, etc. I need to do better. Some of the things I think are my hurdles-so maybe some can help me brainstorm ways to improve my efficiency:
--I only have 2 kids, 5 and 10 years. They can get tired of being with one another. I do a lot of play with each of them and try to bring them together in some things.
--We live in the country and there aren't many playmates to help with the only 2 kid problem
--we go to bed late and rise late. The kids are not really ready to "go" until about 9:30am. And that is pushing them.
--I have found that a morning walk gets some wiggles out, helps the dog settle so I can concentrate on the kids, but then it is lunchtime. It is 1pm and we can maybe start something school-ish.
--We probably have a discipline issue here. I am the only one trying to address it. Dh just thinks they should get it. But I think we need to go backwards and retrain. (It has been a really tough few years in our household)I wish I could just say something and the kids would "hear" me. But they listen to my voice ALL DAY. For everything-school,chores, asking for help during the day,etc. And dh doesn't "hear" me either and his example is not helping. They need A LOT of hand holding for chores and schoolwork.How can I get myself heard without nagging or screaming. It might help my efficiency to have a little help-right away.
--Schoolwork. Oh, I fight ds daily. He has lost a lot of his love of learning. I don't know what to do here. I have to follow some books to make sure he is getting most of what he needs. I am lacking the creativity and energy to make it fun anymore.
--Dd. She is 5 and tough. She can cause so much disruption and chaos. I thought of preschool but the drive of 30 minutes one way for a mere 3 hours-one of which would be in the car-- just didn't compute for me.
On the positive side I do feed us pretty well most nights and got that from my old FlyLady days. I just cannot get flying again  Her methods were working when I was pregnant and had one, fairly malleable and easy going, ds.
I do have a schedule. But I am putting out fires, breaking up fights, helping dd stay in time out, chasing the dog with forbidden items she has snatched, oh, and packing and unpacking from trips(and this won't change as it is the major reason we homeschool per dh), etc. I rarely get the few tasks on my list done.
So, I am asking for help from all your experiences, what works for you. I am willing to try anything and everything because I want to continue to homeschool, want a more positive environment in our household, and some more cleanliness would be nice too!!
As I plan for the new year I thank you!!
Anne
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lilac hill
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 1:41pm | IP Logged
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Anne,
A few ideas that have helped me.
I used to struggle with the start time of our day. I am a morning person so I want to get moving and lazy cups of tea and extend barn chores would make me "crazY' and tense, which of coure I shared. 
Once I set a realizitic start time, allowing for slower starters and the realities of country living, our days are smoother. Becasue this Morning person is tired in the afternoon, the understanding is that I am not available for teaching at that time, and evenings are not too great either.
I use the time in the morings to get a few chores done and do not feel the end of the day crunch.
My mindset had to change so I could accecpt the later start. DD needs to be flexible in her studies so she gets independent stuff done in the late afternoon.
For the dog, I would crate him or tie him out until he settles down. You have enough on your plate to deal with.
Hope your day today goes well,
V
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Viv
Wife to Rick (7/83), Mom to dd#1(6/87), dd#2(1/90), and dd#3(6/94) in central PA.
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 2:18pm | IP Logged
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I can completely sympathize with you. Your post really rang true with me. We all have times when we feel our lives slipping into chaos. Of course, that can make us very depressed, allowing things to slip even more. It also doesn't help when you feel like you've got the weight of everything on your shoulders alone. Here are a few things that I have been doing lately that are working for me.
1. Instead of a schedule, I have nine daily housework goals split among four times a day (before breakfast, between lunch and dinner, after dinner, and before bed). These are little things like loading/unloading the dishwasher and putting away toys and trash from main living areas periodically. Then I have one chore assigned to each day (with a catch-up day included). With the exception of laundry day, I avoid working on any chore for more than a half hour. I also have very low cleanliness standards.
2. I have five daily goals with the kids each day that includes things like being up and dressed by 10 am and 15-30 minutes of time with each child reading aloud, working on school, or just playing a game.
3. Set up a check-list of every monthly bill and its usual due date and amount. I usually write out bills as close to each payday as possible and check them off the list (just don't forget to mail them). I also immediately put all bills in one place as soon as they come in the house.
I would also recommend the books "Siblings without Rivalry" (maybe you can prevent fights before they occur and learn when to ignore them) and "Raising your Spirited Child". Your five-year-old may have a "spirited" temperament. If she does, it helps to know what triggers difficult episodes and prevent them when possible. It may also help you determine the best way to re-train discipline.
And I don't know your television or computer policy, but I am not above letting mine watch some here or there for my sanity as much as anything else. And the computer can be a very good learning tool, especially for a spirited child. I often put a short show on for one while I have personal time with the other.
Let me say, too, that it is easy to compare ourselves to others and feel like a failure. I see some of the wonderful ladies on here and the way they have their children trained to act and help, and I feel like I'm deficient in some way. We're all just doing the best we can for our family under our circumstances.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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vmalott
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
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A couple of things stuck out at me in your post. I'm thinking first that you and DH really need to be on the same page. Is it possible that the kids are picking up on the fact that DH isn't backing you up in addressing discipline issues?
Also, an idea regarding you being responsible for everything except earning the money. Perhaps it is time DH takes over the bill-paying? I remember being so stressed out by this early in our marriage when I was the one in charge of the checkbook. After a particularly stressful month, I finally asked DH to take over the bill-paying and finances, which he thankfully did and he has been doing it for the past 13 years. I think it makes a difference when the sole bread-winner takes on that responsibility. It is fair in the division of labor in the household. Just a thought.
Valerie
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Valerie
Mom to Julia ('94), John ('96), Lizzy ('98), Connor ('01), Drew ('02), Cate ('04), Aidan ('08) and three saints in heaven
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
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Anne, I think you're me!
I am waiting to hear other people's suggestions. My kids are almost 6 years apart and they still bicker nearly every day. I think that's pretty normal. But, it takes a major Mom Tantrum to get housecleaning help from the family. (Yard work is a bit easier, fortunately.)
Thanks for helping me realize I am not alone...sometimes I feel like I should be able to get so much done because I have only 2 dc (many of my friends have 5+)...but I just can't.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Anne McD
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 7:49pm | IP Logged
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From one Anne to another-- I could have written your post, too!! I finally asked my dh (who works in fincance) to please take over the bills, b/c I just couldn't do that on top of everything else. At least those go out on time now! I keep thinking that everything would go more smoothly if I just had a good routine/schedule. The kicker is that if I don't get up first thing, shower, and get moving before the family, then we're off track before the train leaves the station. I tried again on Monday, but I've got a four month old baby who thinks I'm an all you can eat buffet at Shoney's from 3am onward, so getting up at six am gave me nothing but a really bad attitude.
Mamma wasn't happy, and ain't nobody else was happy that day, either 
I lack self dicipline, but there is so much fire extinguishing and breaking up of fights and trying to pry one child off another who is trying to read a book that he's finally able to read. . . I really think God is trying to tell me something, but I can't for the life of me figure out what it is!!
I'm sorry to have taken over your thread-- I just wanted to sympathize and say yes, I'd like to hear more advice, esp. from those who were living in the chaos and got out of it.
Does this all stem from my seriously deficient prayer life????
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Anne
Wife to Jon
Mommy to Alex 9
James 8
Katie 6
William 3 1/2
Benedict Joseph 1
and baby on the way! 10/14
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Mary Chris
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 8:11pm | IP Logged
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You know I think it is just life with children.
Earlier this week I felt like I had hit rock bottom, the house a mess, couldn't find the checkbook, frustrated with my children....the whole drill. I think I need a schedule but what good is a schedule without the self discipline to follow through with it . I am still not sure what I am going to do as to getting my life together.
I am trying to go through room by room and declutter, you know limiting the children to only a few outfits.....the laundry is endless around here. I am feeling a little worried with my dh about to deploy and the chaos that can happen around here.
One of the things I am really worried about is taking over the finances, definitely not my strong suit. Luckily we do most online so I think dh can handle a lot of it.
I have been trying to get up earlier, I fell into a bad habit of sleeping in this fall when I was having trouble sleeping at night. It has been helping to be up before the children.
Well no help here but know that you are not alone.
__________________
Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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guitarnan
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 8:40pm | IP Logged
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Laundry! Ack!
I do a couple of loads a day and NEVER catch up. I think we need to toss about half our wardrobes (except ds, who only owns 1 pair of shoes...well, he has hiking boots, too, but hikes in his tennies). I've kind of turned our laundry room into a family closet (good, as I know where things are), but getting the crew to tell me that they're running out of socks is another story.
My biggest problem is being so tired that I can't get everything done. I can do the "must do" list but no more, and so mending, deep cleaning, mailing Christmas boxes, financial planning...they don't happen, at least not this week.
On the good side, our co-op had a beautiful Holy Hour today - truly a peaceful time, which made me wish so much that I could organize myself better and have more time to spend at church.
It's all very frustrating. Either I am a total lazy slob, or everyone else is just as disorganized and discouraged as I am. Neither option is appealing.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 9:57pm | IP Logged
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You all are making me feel so much better. A few good laughs too! I am going to try to implement some suggestions mentioned here. I am ready to try anything and have pretty much given up my perfectionist tendencies. Bottom line is the bills need to be paid(uh, on time) and the house needs to be a little cleaner than it is. Really.
Yes, I have some issues with dh. I wish I could give him the bills but he is not reliable. Tried a few years ago by giving him just one bill to deal with--worse than things are now We still joke about it. Hey, he does remember to go to work :)
Anyhow, keep the ideas coming--and the stories and glimpses into your days. So nice to know I am not alone.
Anne
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Maddie
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 11:37pm | IP Logged
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I can definitely identify with your post, I was a crying, whining mess about a week ago for the same reasons you mentioned. I would have NEVER, ever have considered hiring help to clean the house a year ago, never. I mean I have 8 kids, right? Why can't I train them to clean the house like the Duggars? Cause I'm me with my limitations and I need help so I can continue on this homeschooling journey I set off on 11 years ago.
I have hired 2 local Amish girls to come in 2 times a month and help me do a deep cleaning. I'm paying about $30 for each visit, but I believe it will be worth it. I can't function in the mess, I figure it's part of my h/s expenses. I'm not sure I will need the help on a continuous basis, but it's what I need at this season of my life to get me over the hump.
Just an idea I thought I'd throw out there for you to consider.
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~Maddie~
Wife to my dh and Momma of 9 dear ones
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kathleenmom
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| Posted: Dec 12 2007 at 11:46pm | IP Logged
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Having more kids doesn't necessarily make getting the work done easier . I have five 10 and under and most days I feel like a drill seargent. I bet the only difference between your house and mine is I have to shout louder to be heard over the din .
I have been struggling with this issue as well, because it seems like my children have developed some very bad habits. They are verryyy slow to start in the morning, which makes me crazy, and then they all mill about aimlessly, playing or fighting until Mommy the lion tamer comes along to crack the whip. Sooo...between dawdling, scrapping and general chaos and "where is my math book" stuff all day long, it seems like I am always yanking them from one task to the next...be it school or chore. They then complain at the end of the day that they had no time to "play", and my house is still a really BIG mess.
Anxiously awaiting some wisdom ,
Kathleen
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DH Daniel, Sophia Brigid (97), Russell Powers (99), Honoria Jane (02), John Patrick (05), Brigid Mary Feb. 24, 2007!
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Dec 13 2007 at 7:11am | IP Logged
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guitarnan wrote:
My biggest problem is being so tired that I can't get everything done. I can do the "must do" list but no more, and so mending, deep cleaning, mailing Christmas boxes, financial planning...they don't happen, at least not this week.
On the good side, our co-op had a beautiful Holy Hour today - truly a peaceful time, which made me wish so much that I could organize myself better and have more time to spend at church.
It's all very frustrating. Either I am a total lazy slob, or everyone else is just as disorganized and discouraged as I am. Neither option is appealing. |
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I so know this!! I have my "tasks" and add anything more and I can't do it. And no one in my household understands We have traveled a lot this year. The packing and unpacking has sent me into depression. I really dislike visitng people now because of this--very sad. I have to bake cookies for ds and his choir for caroling at a nursing home, I don't do it with the best "attitude."
Yes, staying out of the house helps. But when we get home. Yikers! Between all the stuff we picked up from errands, the kids being tired and just wanting to play-or eat, the dog bouncing around and needing a walk(if she didn't go to daycare), the mess we left behind to get somewhere on time, it is hard.
I think we all have too much to do in too little time. It is so hard to slow down though. My kids need some outside activities since we live rurally and there are only two of them and they are 5 years apart. I have tried setting priorities but it seems EVERYTHING is a priority. I mean I am doing the basics(feeding, laundry, caring and playing and schooling, etc.) and not even doing that well. And the funny thing is that school ends up being low on the priority list a lot of time. This year, I have tried to make it a priority as ds is in 4th grade and I see him falling behind. He is bright and it can be easy, if he would just do it and with a decent attitude.
I have thought of a cleaning lady and feel like others here that me and the kids should be able to do this. I did do FlyLady a few years ago and 15 minutes is not a lot to ask. I use my extra funds for daycare for the dog. I know, it sounds funny, but to go out for the day and pick her up tired from playing with the other dogs and well cared for is such a relief for me. I bring her home and put her to bed. And then I can go to bed!
Enough rambling. Thank you all for responding.
Anne
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stacykay
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| Posted: Dec 13 2007 at 7:58am | IP Logged
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Anne,
You described our house/life to a t!
Really, I am dealing with so many of the things you have mentioned, even down to the bills, which I am in charge of as dh is also in finances (a CPA! How awful is that, that a cpa's wife can't handle the bills well?  ) and is tired of it when he gets home.
I am slowly working my way through this muddle. I have been through every organization book in print. Tried Flylady, Denise Schofield (sp?), Managers of their own homes (MOTH), A Mother's Rule of Life,... I have watched organization on tv (while clutter lay all around. Written loads of schedules, to do's, made up home organization binders to beat the band. Nothing.
So, I quit trying on my own.
I have handed it over in prayer. I know God doesn't want my family to live like this. I am working slowly on what I think He is giving me (plus I prayed a 54 day Rosary Novena!)
Here are some changes I have made that I think have helped:
-No matter when my boys get up, I am
trying to get up earlier (6 or 7 am.) I find I can do more picking up without them underfoot.
-I made a list of all of our bills and balances, when they are all do, etc. and emailed it to my dh. Somehow, having him see where it is all going, and when things are do has helped me get them out better. Still not perfect, but working on it. If the funds are there, I try to pay the bills as soon as I get them, and I overbought on stamps so I don't have any excuse not to get it back into the mail.
-Last, for now at least because this is as far as I am!, I have been looking at how I have our house organized. We have 6 boys and four bedrooms, so all bedrooms have 2 people. No real extra space for anything besides beds, dresser, and a few books for bed reading.
We have had our schooling in our dining room, but as this is the biggest table, it is also where we eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. I took everything out of there (schooling-wise,) and love how it looks.
Schooling I am moving to the basement, so since we are working out of boxes that are somewhat scattered (thank heavens we cut back in Dec. anyways,) I have been working in the basement, throwing out/donating all that we don't need and that simply doesn't fit. I am setting up "areas" in the basement: history/geography, science, math, religion, and English (still working on an area for foreign languages and art will be in the middle at a table....when I get it done!)
My boys have actually enjoyed going down to the "dungeon" with me and pitching and cleaning.
And that is as far as I am. Baby steps. I just have to keep recommiting everyday. The thread about creating a haven for your family was very helpful, too.
Not sure that I have helped at all, but wanted to add that there is another mom in the same boat.
God Bless,
Stacy in MI
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Waverley
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Wow, Stacy, sounds like you're making incredible progress!!! I'm impressed and inspired.
One thing I have started doing that really helps me control the stuff that comes downstairs that really belongs upstairs is I bought a plastic laundry basket for each child at the dollar store and wrote their name on it with a Sharpie. At night I line the baskets up and as I walk around the house, I pick up the things that belong upstairs and drop them in each child's basket. When I go upstairs I carry the baskets and set them outside each child's door. The trick is to train them to empty out the baskets and bring them down!!
Also because plastic storage bins can get expensive, I wrap shoe boxes or whatever other boxes I can find in brown paper grocery bags and then let the kids use those to store their "treasures" and toys in. They enjoy decorating the wrapped boxes as well. Stacy, this might work in your new basment-i.e, wrap a shoe box in an old map to keep items in that belong in your geography nook, etc.
I love everybodies ideas and loook forward to hearing more.
Waverley
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Servant2theKing
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Training (or actually REtraining) is really helpful in this regard. Start with prayer, and then slowly focus on one or two aspects of your family life that are the most challenging or cause you the most stress.
Two things that stood out in your earlier post were bills and dealing with the clutter generated by coming and going to various activites.
For bills, you can easily establish hooks in a permanently established location in your home and designate them for bills needing to be paid, bills to be mailed out and receipts for paid bills (we use binder clips for each group and hang those from the hooks... our hooks are inside the door of a cabinet right beside our computer). It helps to sort mail near the hooks (keeping a wastebasket handy for junk mail, etc.) and immediately place unpaid bills in the appropriate spot. This system also makes bills waiting to be mailed out readily accessible the next time you venture out to check the mail. Storing stamps, address labels and a couple envelopes in the same area also makes bill paying much more convenient. Ideas like these flow from an organizing tip; "Only touch it once". If you train yourself to put things away or file them the first time it comes your way, you waste much less time and effort.
For trips to various activities, you can keep items packed and ready in a central location that makes it more convenient to gather everything you need more efficiently. We travel an hour for Mass so we have learned to keep everything we need for the weekly trip stored close at hand. This includes coolers, snack items in a plastic tote basket, backpacks with books, dress shoes, a shoe buffer, purse, prayerbooks, etc. On returning home everyone brings items into the house and immediately sorts and stores things in their established places for future use. The more your family practices this basic habit the less time and energy such activites will take.
Once you start training yourself, and your children, to streamline efforts in one area of life you will tend to find yourself doing so in other areas. Recently, while the children and I were doing our monthly shopping, I found it almost effortless to sort the items we needed for upcoming events as we put them on the conveyor; we grouped items for Christmas, a birthday, and a homeschooling get-together so that they were conveniently bagged in such a way that we could then easily transfer them to plastic tote baskets at home and place them in our small pantry or bedroom closet, where the items are already sorted and ready to use! An extra benefit of training our children to help with duties like grocery shopping is that they will be well-prepared for adult life.
You won't necessarily develop such habits overnight, (we certainly haven't) but you will notice various helpful habits slowly but surely creeping into your daily life as the grace of God leads you day by day. God will be faithful to bless your very desire to create a more peaceful and positive family life!
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Dec 14 2007 at 7:44am | IP Logged
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Do you think you put too much pressure on yourself to do too much with the kids because you feel isolated? I totally understand that feeling because we only have one vehicle and during the winter months there are very few activities within walking distance.
I've found, though, that the more we do outside the home the more chaotic life at home becomes (and the crankier my older dd becomes at home). Usually when my husband is on a school break, I run like crazy trying to get the kids to our homeschooling group and extra play-dates. By the time the next semester starts, I am usually thankful for an excuse to be stuck at home.
Right now my older dd does two activities a week, but when younger daughter starts being eligible for activities we're going to have to cut down to one a piece at any time. Plus, I think it's important for kids to learn that they can't be entertained all of the time by outside things.
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Barbara
Mom to "spirited" dd(9), "spunky" dd (6), "sincere" dd (3), "sweet" dd (2), and baby girl #5 born 8/1/12!!
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marihalojen
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Maybe the focus is too broad right now, do I school, or clean, or ??? What about taking this holiday time and focusing on one thing at a time like a week of intensive cleaning to prep for Christmas and then a week of Mom planning school and pegs (without teaching school at the same time or deep cleaning) and use this time to order your household for a fresh start after Epiphany.
Just an idea I've been tossing around myself...
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~Jennifer
Mother to Mariannna, age 13
The Mari Hal-O-Jen
SSR = Sailing, Snorkling, Reading
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mom2mpr
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| Posted: Dec 14 2007 at 9:09am | IP Logged
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marihalojen wrote:
Maybe the focus is too broad right now, do I school, or clean, or ??? What about taking this holiday time and focusing on one thing at a time like a week of intensive cleaning to prep for Christmas and then a week of Mom planning school and pegs (without teaching school at the same time or deep cleaning) and use this time to order your household for a fresh start after Epiphany.
Just an idea I've been tossing around myself... |
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This is why I came here looking for advice
We should break after next week. I hope to have a new "plan" after the holidays and do hope to get some order here at home and school. If I could get the home orderly and somewhat clean I will feel so much better. Than I will try to maintain.
Anne
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Stephanie_Q
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mom2mpr wrote:
How do you get everything you need to get done, done? I am responsible for everything except earning the money. Bills are late, the house never gets really clean, there is clutter ALL over, schoolwork is a chore, etc. I need to do better.
I do have a schedule. But I am putting out fires, breaking up fights, helping dd stay in time out, chasing the dog with forbidden items she has snatched, oh, and packing and unpacking from trips(and this won't change as it is the major reason we homeschool per dh), etc. I rarely get the few tasks on my list done.
Anne |
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I have been following this thread with interest and thinking and praying on it a lot because, like *all* of you, I struggle with many of these things.
Some of the things that have stood out to me are:
1) prayer. first thing in the morning - I know I need to get up and do it - get up before the kids, get ready before the kids to be one step ahead of them instead of setting myself up to follow them around putting out fires. I think perhaps I need to pray at night for restful sleep and the grace to get up in the morning!
2) discipline / self-discipline. We lead by example and so some of the issues I struggle with with the kids are due to my own lack of self-discipline. I have to get up and get going in the morning if I expect my kids to do it. I have to keep my messes and piles under control, do one thing at a time, clean up when I'm done with something, drop what I'm doing and come when my husband calls me, etc...if I expect my kids to learn the same habits.
Some advice I got from Danielle Bean was that to live our life with purpose - the way we want to be living is to write it down. What do you think your day should look like? Then write down what you actually do and compare your lists. That might help you see where you need to make some changes.
I agree with Servant2theKing's advice about having things ready ahead of time. It is SO much easier to get out the door when the diaper bag is packed and ready to go. When my father-in-law was dying of cancer, we were traveling to visit them often and all the packing and unpacking was really a struggle. It helped me to have "travel clothes". Like items (jeans & denim skirts/jumpers) and colors (all whites/light colored underwear and tops) so I could wash them in 2 loads when I got home, fold and put them back in the travel bags, ready for the next trip. A toiletry bag with doubles of all the items we needed was a very worthwhile expense. I also kept a list for other items like church shoes and coats to make it easier to gather the "extras" up the day we were to leave...I could also add things to this list that we'd "forget" for the next trip.
As for the bills - I'm guessing they're late because of all the traveling - I struggled with that, too. I did the best when I didn't set it aside to deal with later, but just paid it right away. If I had to wait for a paycheck, then I'd still "pay the bill" and tape it to the door with a sticky note to put in the mail by a certain date.
Clutter? that is something I'm really working on now - finding a place for everything so that it can get put away. As I'm doing this I'm PURGING to get rid of clutter - trying to make our home more peaceful visually so that it can be more...peaceful.
One more thing I noticed was "helping dd stay in time-out". Don't. I followed Dr. Ray Guarendi's advice and do "black-out" which means they don't get anything they want until they do their time-out...and when that turns into an out-of-control tantrum, I followed Popcak's advice and help them calm down by holding them still (and whispering "Hail Mary" over and over in their ear...) then they still have to do their time-out. It took a few weeks, but time-outs are much easier, now.
A lot of thoughts, here...I hope some of them help. It was helpful to think about all this and write it down for myself! Looking forward to more advice from everyone else.
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SusanJ
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Joined: May 25 2007
Location: New Jersey
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Posts: 1347
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| Posted: Dec 14 2007 at 1:17pm | IP Logged
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This is a really great thread . . . most of my ideas have already been said because I haven't had time to chime in. I, too, struggle a lot in this area but I'm really trying to develop good habits while I just have two littles.
The packing/unpacking part of your trouble really stuck out to me, too. We don't take that many trips but I know how much even the smallest excursion can throw us off in terms of prepping and regrouping. I would definitely second the idea to get doubles or extras of anything you can afford to and keep your bags packed all the time. You might already be doing this, but we have master packing lists for each person as well as a "household to-do" on the computer. I include any item and any task that might come for all the season and occasions of the year (i.e. "gifts" "sunhat" "turn down thermostat"). When we're preparing for a trip I print them all, cross off anything not applicable and pack. My hope is that once my kids can read and pack for themselves I can just hand them off. Wishful thinking, maybe . . .
My ideal is to be up awhile before the kids to get a jump on the day. It doesn't work in our family, at least not now. Dd won't stay asleep without me. Instead we've started going to 7:00 Daily Mass. This might not work for a lot of families but having a super-early deadline like that means we get everything out the night before, get up the exact minute we need to and do nothing but get ourselves out the door for forty minutes straight. Then we're all dressed and have been to Mass by 7:30 and we can have breakfast by 8:00. That's pretty amazing for our family and is doing a lot to beat discouragement in dh and me.
My last thing . . . and this can be sensitive. I dont' want to come across as insensitive or accusing, but are you sure dh can't take over the bills? A Catholic women's book group I'm in last year read, The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle, which is not a Catholic book, but we all found it very helpful in improving our marriage relationships (I'm not suggesting there is anything wrong with your marriage relationship, though!). One of the most important points in there is about finances. She feels strongly that the men should do finances. The wife should just say, "I can't do it," and hand over the checkbook. She believes that many men don't rise to the challenge because their wives will bail them out and then, since they've never risen to the challenge, the wife just takes over. Perhaps dh would be able to handle it responsibly if he knew it was him or no electricity? Just a thought . . . I found that book very helpful for fostering more mutual respect in my marriage and I hope that rubs off on the kids. Again--I don't mean at all to offend, just want to throw some ideas out there that have helped me.
And--I know this is getting long!--I've really learned lately that baby steps are key when things are out of control. Too often I set up a new plan and try to dive in all at once. I have more success when I pick one thing to improve and work on it for a week. Progress is slower but the results are more lasting.
Well, this was a good pep talk for me even if it doesn't help anyone else!
God Bless,
Susan
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Mom to Joseph-8, Margaret-6, William-4, Gregory-2, and new little one due 11/1
Life Together
[URL=http://thejohnstonkids.blogspot.com]The Kids' Blog[/UR
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Increasing efficiency in the household
