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LucyP
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I was worrying that my friend, the wife of a reformed pastor, would reject me for being Catholic. She is one of my few real-life friends, and she has four children who our son loves. She wanted to call over to visit ds for his birthday and meet dd - but I thought I must tell her about our Catholic faith, as she would see rosaries, statues of Christ and the Virgin, crucifixes etc, so I could not carry on being "discrete".
I told her we were becoming catholic, and that we would never try to preach or say Catholicism was the only answer to her children etc, to respect their faith etc.
My answer came today. The pastor sent a newsletter and a leaflet all about how the Church is blaspehmous, idolotrous, the priests are paedophiles and homosexuals, and the church is still persecuting and holding inquisitions etc. I know they think all catholics automatically go to hell, but stupidly I really thought our friendship over 7 years would last.
I just don't know what to do. It doesn't help that same post brought letters from ds birth family, which always makes me feel down. Should I give up? Keep reaching out, showing I am ready to be friendly?
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Veronica's Veil
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I have no advice, but I am praying for you. I am sorry you had to suffer such a reaction, and I do think you can attribute this attack on the faith to the Evil One. Cling to Christ. Ask the Holy Spirit to come unto you and illuminate your path. I will keep you in my prayers.
P.S. I also have 2 adopted sons, I know the pain of the birth families...I find St. Joseph a tremendous help in ANY adoption issues we have.
God bless you!
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guitarnan
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I'm praying for you and your family. I am always, always astonished by how many lies about the Faith are out there...and that otherwise educated people believe them. I am not sure what to tell you to do (other than read a beginning apologetics book so you have answers if someone confronts you in person), but I know that, were I in this position, I'd pray, pray, pray. Some people really can't rise above their lack of knowledge...but God can do wondrous things, and so it's best to lay all unsolvable problems at His feet.
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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Kathryn UK
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Lucy, I'm so sorry you have to deal with such prejudice  . In my experience it is quite rare here in the UK. We were members for several years of a Christian homeschooling group where all the other members were Baptist, and it was never an issue. I have several good friends who are Baptist or evangelical Christian and have never encountered anything anti-Catholic or any attempt to "convert" us. I find most Christians here are too much of a beleaguered minority to want to attack other Christians.
I think I would be inclined to simply reply to your friend (or her husband) and point out that if you were not already thoroughly satisfied that all those accusations were untrue you would not be becoming Catholic. And maybe add a couple of links to websites that counter such daft allegations. Nothing to lose, really, if they are going to take such a prejudiced line.
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Angie Mc
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I'm sorry, Lucy. This is a very hard and sad. In addition to the excellent support above, you may find some consolation here.
In their way, your friends are showing their concern for you - I hope you know that. This must be pretty shocking and disturbing news to them. I remember having to "break the news" to friends that I was returning to the Catholic Church. It was very uncomfortable for all involved. I did my best to be upbeat and to only answer questions that were asked (which were nil.) I went the extreme St. Francis route, "Evangelize always. When necessary, use words." Pray for your friends. Hold your head high. Show them your courtesy and joy. Give them time.
In the mean time, nurture your faith and build your relationships with the communion of saints. And, of course, come here because we get what you're going through  .
Love,
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Angie Mc
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CrunchyMom
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Well, just remember that your friends really are worried about you. They don't understand at all. Before I converted (I was So. Baptist), I had a completely skewed idea of Catholicism--like it was a cult or something. A family friend actually said, "What did you do wrong?" to my mother.
My sister actually joined RCIA to learn more about Catholicism so that she could convert me back, and she ended up converting herself! However, she received a lot more grief for her decision than I did--I think because she was still local and single and I was across country and married, yk? She got lots of awful e-mails from people.
While it was hard at first, even my good friends who didn't alienate me slowly drifted away. We are still in touch, but it is hard to be as close since we can't relate regarding the things that matter most.
And, who knows, pray for her, and after the shock wears off, perhaps she will realize you are the same loving friend you were before she knew.
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Anne McD
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Hi Lucy,
I'm afraid that I don't have any advice, but I will pray for you-- this must be so difficult to go through. I can't imagine dear friends treating me this way, but I do think what everyone said above is true-- they love you and are concerned about you. Jesus told us in the gosples that this wouldn't be easy, that He would turn families against each other, and this is just another example of that. When one person really tries to live the Faith, it causes waves. But you know that  -- I will pray for you today!
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Anne
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LucyP
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Thanks for the advice and support and prayers, ladies. It makes me feel less alone. I have been feeling physically sick and crying this afternoon - this morning an email arrived from my friend (although obviously mostly authored by her husband - I know his sermon style well!) saying that my faith is blasphemous, idolotrous, absurd...and more.
I replied (as per advice here :o)]that I knew this was genuine concern and I appreciated the time taken to formulate the thoughts, but that dh and I read, researched, debated, met with our pastors (we went to my friend's husband's church for a few years, then left and went to another reformed church when the pastor got into hot water over support for BNP) and we were convinced of the correct path for our family.
Then I got another email, saying that I had brushed aside all their "serious objections about the errors of the church of rome" and they would see me tomorrow. I hadn't realised that they seriously expected me to go through point by point and refute them. I am not called by God to be an apologist as far as I know, and therefore to take on a pastor is not something I feel I could do. I don't have the time either. And, they think I am going to hell, and that everything the Church teaches is lies and abominations [think Ian Paisley!] so all my efforts would be wasted anyway. Whole shelves of books have been written on these issues: they say I will be worshipping Mary, and in a line I say "honouring not worshipping in the way I worship God" and where does that get us. I know what they want to say - I am assuming their studies would indicate to them what I would want to say. I have prayed and asked God if I should respond, line by line, and still haven't had "A Sign"...
I am just so crushed. This lady was my one real life Christian lady I knew who was an actual friend as opposed to someone I would smile at in church. Shyness and lack of social skills is a fault of mine. I haven't been able to meet any friends yet at church. And my son has just lost his only friends - their four children.
I feel I am not naturally confrontational or assertive but I have to admit I am sick of the lies and nastiness spewed by Catholic-haters to me. I've been told by our last pastors "Catholics aren't allowed to read their Bibles" [he was taught this within the past three years at a major Bible college] and "Catholics never grow in their faith". I've been told that Catholics want to see the gutters of our city running with protestant blood! I've been told that I am a blasphemer, an idolotor, a supporter of murderers and torturers, that there is somewhere still "Spanish Inquisition" style activities going on, that I am going to condemn my children to hell-fire and in the mean time am allowing AIDs infected paedophiles to hold them...
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lapazfarm
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Wow, Lucy. That is horrible!
Sounds like a clean break is the only way to go with these folks. I think you are right in that even if you responded perfectly line by line it wouldn't matter. Their hearts are hardened and their minds are closed.
You will find new friends. Besides, as the saying goes, "with friends like that, who needs enemies?"
I know it hurts to lose a good friend. But at least they are up front about it and not smiling in your face while berating you behind your back.
This too shall pass, but when it hurts the most, think on this:
"Blessed are ye when they shall revile you, and persecute you, and speak all that is evil against you, untruly, for my sake. Be glad and rejoice for your reward is very great in heaven. For so they persecuted the prophets that were before you. "
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Taffy
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Well Lucy, feel free to vent here as often as you need to. What a lot of trash you are going through! And I'm SHOCKED at all the misconceptions these people have!
Maybe, if these "friends" are really so concerned for your spiritual welfare, you could suggest to them that you won't listen to any more arguments until they have attended a Mass and taken the RCIA course? At least then they could make more logical information and quit treating you in such a bigoted manner!
As Theresa mentioned, a clean break sounds like the right thing to do. Find ways to involve yourself with your new parish and you'll be sure to make some new friends.
Praying for you, Lucy. And for your family.
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Susan
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guitarnan
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How sad. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's really astonishing that someone would say such hateful things.
I wouldn't bother to respond line by line to the email you received. It isn't worth your time. I like Susan's idea of asking them to do their own legitimate investigation of the Faith instead. Then the onus is on them to learn the truth...that Catholics aren't wacked-out inquisitors or baby-killers or whatever. (How medieval. Don't these people read history books?)
I wish I could say I am shocked by all of the things you've had to endure, but I am not. With the whole Catholic League/Golden Compass thing, all the Catholic-bashers have donned the cloak of electronic anonymity and are oozing vitriol all over the Web.
At least your former friends are honest enough to say what they thing to you and sign their names to it...not that this excuses their behavior.
Hugs from afar to you, Lucy, and I will pray hard for you today!
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Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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CrunchyMom
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guitarnan wrote:
| How medieval. Don't these people read history books? |
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Yes. History books that have a lot of misinformation about Catholicism.
It isn't worth your time to answer an e-mail like that line by line.
I think that being honest that way ("I read many many books before making this decision and there is no way to summarize it in an e-mail. If you want to know what I believe about the objections you raised, may I recommend x for you to read about these teaching from a Catholic perspective.") is the way to go.
It is funny how so many Protestants seem to think, "Once saved always saved unless you convert to Catholicism..."  I don't mean to make fun, but I look back on my own preconceptions about the Catholic church, and they truly were laughable (if it wasn't so sad  ).
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Lindsay
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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doris
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Gosh, Lucy, that's absolutely horrible.
I can't say I'm entirely surprised. My dh and I are converts from evangelicalism and some of our supposed friends dropped us pretty quickly once we converted. (We even, memorably, got expelled from a Scripture Union camp after dh did a Bible study which was deemed 'inappropriate' because it drew parallels between OT sacrifice and communion...! During the showdown afterwards, the leader told dh that 'No-one has ever come to Christ through the Catholic church'  )
The thing is, there is just so much misinformation and prejudice. As you say, it's not your job to sort all that out. You can pray for this family and we will pray for you! Also know that God *will* provide you with the friends you need, for you and for your son.
There is a big difference, I've found, between the culture as well as the doctrine of Catholic vs Protestant churches. In our evangelical days, when we started going to a new church, we were invited round to lunch with some parishioners within weeks. Here, in London, we've been going to our church for over a year and I still feel that only a couple of people would notice if we stopped going. I felt lonely for ages and prayed hard for friends. God really answered and now, while I don't have loads of friends, I do have a few very good, Catholic friends -- same for my dc.
Chin up! I will pray for you.
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LucyP
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Ladies, thank you, thank you for prayers and support. They helped!
I have invested the whole evening in answering this email. I felt that was what God wanted me to do, so I am showing a willingness to engage with my friend. I was honest and shared the unhappiness I feel, the nausea/tears and how I cannot stand confrontation [interestingly, God is sending me LOTS, including a man who committed a crime against me and my children on St Andrews day and has me facing fear of physical confrontation each time I go out - I am thinking this is practise to find inner strength!]
I know I am emphatically not an apologist and that I cannot change her opinions/her dh's opinions; but with a bit of online apologetic help/theology 101, and God's help as she reads it, I pray it will at least show that I am being dilligent to weigh things and use scripture as a measuring stick etc. And, maybe, be the first time someone has shared the Catholic faith in a positive way with her, for all I know.
I actually felt peace, telling her how precious her friendship and Christian witness was to me over the years, but that if the stresses and conflict meant the friendship withered here on earth, I would love her and pray for her and happily open my hands and stop clutching at water.
And, wonderfully, tonight I had a call from a lady from church, and unbelievably for typically English me I was able to really chat to her and we could natter comfortably, share deep things, laugh etc, and the children and I are going to meet her at her home and she will help me meet people and make friends (help I sorely need!)
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Pamin OZ
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I'm not a Catholic Lucy and I'm so sorry you've experienced this. My heart goes out to you. I will pray that your relationship will be restored and that you will have the chance to understand one another.
Pam
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Barbara C.
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If you haven't read it yet, I really recommend "Rome Sweet Home" by Scott and Kimberly Hahn. It chronicles their journey from evangelicalism to Catholicism. Scott himself was vehemently anti-Catholic for much of his youth. It also discusses the pain they faced as he converted before she did and as long-time friends rejected them for their conversion.
It might really lift you up; and maybe you can send a copy to your less than open-minded friends.
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Barbara
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Servant2theKing
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Dear Lucy,
It's quite fitting that you are facing these issues so close to the feastday of St. Lucy (Dec. 13). May she intercede for you in a powerful way as you prayerfully discern how the Lord would have you respond to your friends' words. We have dealt with the hurtful and ignorant, (though well-intentioned) attitudes and beliefs of non-Catholic family and friends in tha past, especially before my husband converted several years ago. Most conflict between Protestants and Catholics arises from the fact that Protestant beliefs are founded on protesting that which is Catholic...if a belief system has negative roots, then it goes to follow that it will bear more negative fruit. The entire tone of your friends response to you is negative and critical, and bears no resemblance to the type of messages our Lord Jesus Christ taught.
It might benefit you and your family, during this tender time in your journey into the Catholic Faith, to focus on that which is good and right and holy, rather than allowing yourself to be pulled into the mire of negative and useless debate. I would imagine more people are brought to the Catholic faith through exposure to the beauty and wonders of the Faith, and through the Holy Spirit guiding them to the Truth, rather than through argument. It would seem appropriate to distance yourself from your Protestant friends, and their obvious hostility toward the Faith, and instead focus on the new blessings God is bringing into your life. Welcome to full communion in the Mystical Body of Christ!
St. Lucy is the patroness of the blind...may she intercede in Heaven on behalf of your friends and all those afflicted with spiritual blindness.
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lapazfarm
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Lucy, you handled it beautifully! And what a blessing to have a new friend from church step in and offer help!
God is SO good!
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Theresa
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Nina
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That is a sad situation.I'm very sorry.I can somewhat empathise.We are going through a similar situation.The people who stopped speaking with us are fellow catholics.We attend the Latin Mass and they don't like the fact that we do not go to a SSPX chapel.I understand how you feel.I think that it is despicable that they sent you such hateful propaganda,if I'm reading that correctly.
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SallyT
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Dear Lucy,
No advice, just prayers, for this situation and for the more joyful intention of your journey to Rome.
Sally
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Feeling so sad - what to do?
