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humanaevitae
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| Posted: Oct 24 2007 at 10:52pm | IP Logged
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I also have a spirited 2.5yo and I'm not great with younger kids either.
We are in the process of training him to stay in the playroom at certain times. Sometimes we gate the doorway so he can still see out but must stay in. He now understands that if he stays in there and plays I won't put the gate up.
At first one of the children would play with him modeling different ways to play. Now he is starting to play independently. Many times lessons are done right next to the playroom door so he can still see us and doesn't feel quite so sad.
Mine won't fall asleep either but he has learned to play quietly for a period of time in the afternoon.
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Nicole-Zane 10, Elizabeth 7, Xavier 4, and John Patrick 2
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SallyT
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| Posted: Oct 25 2007 at 10:40pm | IP Logged
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On sleep patterns and quiet time --
I wasn't suggesting changing sleep patterns! My oldest was one of those non-sleepers, too, from infancy. By the time she was two, she had long since given up EVER sleeping in the daytime (and she's still a night owl today, at almost 14 -- and also very, very lovely to be with, despite having been a nightmare at times, as a little child). But I did enforce her staying in her room for an hour after lunch every day, just to give us both some space from each other. It didn't always work, but I tried to keep it a consistent habit, and it helped.
The title isn't as positive as Raising Your Spirited Child, but I also like Stanley Turecki's The Difficult Child. The title sounds far more negative than the book actually is, and it offers some very good and reasonable strategies for dealing with a child whose personality is over the top in one way or another, as well as valuable insights into why certain difficult behaviors are happening. I have found this book to be a great help in not losing it with certain children, and in not seeing them in a negative light.
I really do feel for you and continue to pray for you. I have four children, and three of them are extremely intense personalities (and the one who isn't gets "prodigal son's older brother syndrome" when the rest demand so much of my attention!). My firstborn was like several people all by herself, and it's probably providential that there's a 4-year gap between her and my second. My thirdborn also, in terms of sheer energy, is five people for the price of one. It's tempting, when you have fewer children than other people you know, to think, "WHY can't I manage half as well as this other mother who has 9?" At least, I find that very tempting! But fewer does not mean easier, by any means.
God bless you, and I do hope things will begin to seem easier soon.
Sally
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Kristie 4
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| Posted: Oct 26 2007 at 2:06pm | IP Logged
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I hear you. My youngest is almost 5 now, but oh I remember the days of two year olds. My oldest was the dream two year old, then I had the other three. There were days where the term 'pulling my hair out' became not just a figure of speech. I would pray, freak out, pray, etc. It was so difficult. I did have a friend I could phone at the toughest times to just let off some steam. This did wonders. Mine also didn't nap past age 2- otherwise they were up after 8 and by then I was a little Jeckle and Hydish. I preferred to have them all tucked in and struggle through the no naptime.
It sounds like God has let you know how he feels- that he loves you when you are patient, and when you are less than stellar in that department. I needed to hear that too, so thank you for blessing me with this today.
I pray that you are able to have some time to step back a little and drink from the streams of living water, and that they refresh your soul.
Being a mother is not easy. Being home with our children all of the time is not always easy either- sometimes it is not easy for a while. But this is the long race, and I am sure that there will be peace around the bend.
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Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
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Kristie 4
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| Posted: Oct 26 2007 at 2:07pm | IP Logged
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I am sorry I hope that didn't sound trite. It is hard to get the tone through the computer.
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Kristie in Canada
Mom to 3 boys and one spunky princess!!
A Walk in the Woods
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Sarah
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| Posted: Oct 26 2007 at 2:59pm | IP Logged
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Don't be hard on yourself for trying an anti-depressant. They say if its chemical then its gives you a boost to really be YOU (not "you on drugs"), but rather YOU how you are supposed to be-just like a person taking a medication for high blood pressure.
I have the hardest 2yo I have ever seen in my life. He is so wonderful, but so energetic. My dh is beyond busy. There is never a break from him for me. He's up throughout the night. 
You are not alone and I'm glad you reached out.
2yo's are wonderful people but they are hard. I once heard someone say that 2yo's are difficult because they are making the transition from babyhood to childhood and teenagers are hard when they are transitioning from childhood to adulthood.
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Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
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hereinantwerp
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| Posted: Oct 26 2007 at 7:47pm | IP Logged
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THank you so much for all the encouragements!!
I have not been on here for a few days. We had a whopper of a day yesterday eve & today--my 8 year old with a "probably fractured" elbow (they couldn't tell from the xray, so they put on a splint and we go in again next week), everyone has a cold, and today my dh's leg "went out" for a mysterious reason, terrible pain and he had to drag it to walk--it is slowly coming back, but that certainly hasn't happened before, and he had to cancel a very important meeting and stay home.
bleh!
I understand what is meant with the "spirited" child--I read that book about 10 years ago when my firstborn was 2. He is definately my spirited one!!! After him the others have seemed a piece of cake!
My present 2 year old is actually very sweet and not particularly difficult. She just doesn't need much sleep! She is always willing to snuggle up with a ba ba (yes 2 year olds should not have these but she absolutely loves them, so I think at 3 I'll "insist" on a cup, but for now I let it go!), and will lie down with me---she just pops right up cheerful as can be as soon as the milk is finished! But sometimes I can lay in her bed and watch her play for awhile.
It is not going particularly well with the boys watching her. It may be that they do not have the maturity to do it. For my oldest, servanthood is NOT something that comes natural. He also lacks basic common sense at times, and is very impulsive. As I said, the "challenging" one, and I have to choose my battles with him. I'm not sure if I want to make this a "battle". My 8 year old does much better in many ways---on a good day. But there the lack of maturity comes through sometimes.
I think when she is a little older (3+) we can do story tapes or something. It does not help that one of my boys told her there is a cougar/monster in her closet  ! (We had a long talk about that, but the idea was planted!!) For now I just might have to take the breaks when they come. She tends to be happy to go off and play for a while right after lunch. I did not have the "break" scheduled for then, but maybe I will try it and see. And she watches "Mr. Gregor" almost every day in the late afternoon (Beatrix Potter videos, so sweet!! Very "low intensity". She talks about Peter as if he is in our backyard . . .). I also bought several of the Scholastic "books on tape" videos and she loves the Eric Carle and Chicka Boom Boom ones. I use videos more than I did with the first two (who always took long naps!), but I have tried to be very very picky about the videos.
We can have a bad day and then she can be soooooo sweet, and I feel guilty! But my husband does give me quite a few breaks. I am sure that is what keeps me as sane as I have been able to be , dealing with some heavy duty emotional issues the past few years.
And I've decided to start praying in an intentional way for the "fruit of the spirit" in my love--especially peace and patience. I cannot "make" myself produce fruit--somehow Jesus does this in us and it is a bit mysterious. That is the kind of person and mother I want to be.
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Angela Nelson
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Angie Mc
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| Posted: Oct 27 2007 at 12:34pm | IP Logged
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Sarah wrote:
Don't be hard on yourself for trying an anti-depressant. They say if its chemical then its gives you a boost to really be YOU (not "you on drugs"), but rather YOU how you are supposed to be-just like a person taking a medication for high blood pressure.
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I appreciate your supportive response, Sarah. Mothers need all the support we can get! I did want to clarify the above point, coming from my "wife of a psychologist" perspective.
Equating the use of psychotropic drugs to non-psychotropic drugs is a relatively new perspective (last several years) that originates from pharmaceutical companies and their medical provider allies, and not the field of professional psychology or evidence based on research. The comparison between an anti-depressant and a blood pressure medication breaks down when we look at objective measures. Blood pressure can be measured objectively, depression related to chemical imbalance (to date) can't. Here are two articles from the APA that may be helpful, Depression and How Psychotherapy and Other Treatments Can Help People Recover
and Women and Depression.
Love,
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: I am so tired and discouraged
