4Real Forums: Hi, My Name is Chari......

Oh, Dearest Mother, Sweetest Virgin of Altagracia, our Patroness. You are our Advocate and to you we recommend our needs. You are our Teacher and like disciples we come to learn from the example of your holy life. You are our Mother, and like children, we come to offer you all of the love of our hearts. Receive, dearest Mother, our offerings and listen attentively to our supplications. Amen.

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St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40
4Real Forums : St. Anne's Tearoom: Growing in Wisdom over 40

Topic: Hi, My Name is Chari......

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Willa
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Posted: Sept 03 2007 at 11:04pm \| IP Logged

ALmom wrote:

I grieve the "ideal" homeschool of my mind and am dealing with reality here in my home. I grieve that it doesn't look like God plans to send more babies and am trying to move on.

I could have quoted almost all of what you said, Janet...beautiful post. I guess it is a combination of things that seem to hit during these years. And I too have noticed grieving for the "ideal" homeschool in my mind. I am grateful for what we do have but know that some of what I originally hoped for is taking a different shape or not happening at all.

On the other hand, some of my earlier worries just never took actual shape, so I guess it's a trade-off.

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Willa
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Chari
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Posted: Sept 04 2007 at 12:03am \| IP Logged

hugs, Janet! I wished we lived near each other. Much of your story is mine, too (leave out vision problems). I am SO glad you shared. You can make that TWO souls.

Raw is right, Nina......I guess that is really where we must go, to find the way to approach this "new" situation.

Janet, I have so much to respond to you post, and I pray that I am able. I have got to get past this exhaustion, first.

And, while I am ETERNALLY thankful for this wonderful group of ladies.......it would be SO nice to have someone RIGHT HERE IN MY OWN BACKYARD to talk to with immediate feedback, laughter, tears, hugs, encouragement......even Willa is too far away with that phone........though, dear friend, spring break is looking mighty fine (and too far away

) these past few days.

I love all of you for sharing......night!

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Chari...Take Up & Read
Dh Marty 27yrs...3 lovely maidens: Anne 24, Sarah 20 & Maddelyn 17 and 3 chivalrous sons: Matthew 22, Garrett 16 & Malachy 11

ALmom
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Posted: Sept 05 2007 at 3:45pm \| IP Logged

Hugs to you Chari - and I second the wish that we were all close enough to actually have a cup of tea in each others living room and cry on each other's shoulders. Thank you for taking the time to post. Everyone has been so encouraging. Now I'm off to bogging through Biology some more - but it is a little easier now because of all you ladies!

Janet

StephanieA
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Posted: Sept 05 2007 at 5:12pm \| IP Logged

This year I have had to be serious with myself about what I can do. I once thought that if I just got MORE organized I could pull off schooling 5-6 kids at a time. I looked around at other larger homeschooling families and then realized that most, if not, all were subletting subjects, especially in high school. With the added expense of music lessons, we can't financially add online classes or tutors. I have worked with the 9th grader so much for the past 2 years, so many hours of the day, almost to the detriment of the other kids. This year, I can't do it. I need a break from the ADHD problems and hand-holding. It will be an unschooling year for him.
Would I really like to admit this? Heavens, no, but while so many are being honest here....this is the only way for me to function, keep sane, and my marriage viable. Otherwise, I was SO stressed by the end of the day, I was an utter basketcase for my husband and not so good mother for the other kids.
I have assigned various things for him to do, but I am not grading so much of it. He won't have a computer to mess around with, so he'll be "stuck" with good books, his drawing materials, and music.
I thought I was doing such a poor job, but when my 12th grader asked an "A" student from our local Catholic HS who was taking AP American history which side Robert E. Lee fought on in the Civil War and she answered, "Umm, the North, I think. I don't really remember since we've passed that section already" I had a different take on how wonderful these AP courses are.

Blessings,
Stephanie

BrendaPeter
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Posted: Sept 07 2007 at 8:43pm \| IP Logged

ALmom wrote:

I think there is a certain amount of grieving that occurs - lost dreams - life took its own turns but not necessarily what we thought it would (doesn't mean it was bad or that we aren't grateful but still there is some grieving in letting go of what was not meant to be), children who are leaving the nest, fading fertility ... all of these tire, take the zest away for a time. At some point in the 40s we are experiencing some grieving and have to work through it like any other grief.

I wanted to quote the whole post. How true. Thank you for sharing.

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Brenda (mom to 6)

BrendaPeter
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Posted: Sept 08 2007 at 6:41am \| IP Logged

StephanieA wrote:

God does have a plan, and I feel a little like a detective at times, trying to figure it out. But he does provide for our emotional lows IF we align ourselves with what He wants and what is possible

How beautiful! Isn't that the key?

How blessed we are to have our precious Catholic faith, and most particularly, our Blessed Mother who so understands all the discouragement, lack of enthusiam, learning disabilities, imperfections, unrealized dreams...

I love what Willa wrote about praying for joy. (I'm sorry - I still don't know how to double quote). This is such an important thing that I'm trying to remember to do more often. I went to confession yesterday & the priest told me to pray for joy IN THE MIDST of trials knowing that the trials will come.

This is a quote from a priest I know that I hope can help us all:

"Catholicism is infinitely more than a vast penitentiary. We sometimes view it as a place of penance because we don�t understand. It is the source of all wonder, all poetry and all beauty of life."

Let's pray that we will be able to consistently apply that to all aspects of our lives!

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Brenda (mom to 6)

Angie Mc
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Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 6:18pm \| IP Logged

BrendaPeter wrote:

I love what Willa wrote about praying for joy. (I'm sorry - I still don't know how to double quote). This is such an important thing that I'm trying to remember to do more often. I went to confession yesterday & the priest told me to pray for joy IN THE MIDST of trials knowing that the trials will come.

Wow, me too!

BTW, the way I double quote is I have two 4Real windows open at the same time and I cut and paste from one to the other...does that make sense? Maybe there is a more direct way that I haven't figured out.

Love,

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Nina Murphy
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Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 6:43pm \| IP Logged

How is everyone doing?

I have to confess after only one week, I feel very dry and am sad. The books, the puzzles, the solid lessons on the Faith, the trips to the park....I've done them, but I have felt: nothing. I have had no joy in it. It has been an act of the will. I realize I am in a precarious time-- my body is spent, I am retching and in pain; and I suspect I am influenced heavily by the supplemental progesterone which is a "slow-downer" and making everything sluggish.

But I CAN'T feel this way ALREADY. I KNOW I must stick with it, but I fear right now....I fear giving up.....WAAAAAY too soon. Usually we have at least a few weeks of homeschooling adrenaline! And the fear over whether the baby will make it or not....oh I know: it's totally irrational and I must surrender to a Lord who knows better than I.

But isn't it complicated being women, with all of the ups and down of our feminine systems and reproductive lives, being mothers---all that is pressing on our hearts, concerns over having the strength to build up and meet our husband's needs.....and then: the wrestling and wrangling over disciplined schedules and routines and practicalities of homeschooling. Don't even consider or add in any community or world affairs!

I just don't feel up to everything anymore...I feel OLD. My body feels broken down. And yet I must pull it together and press forward! There IS no choice.

Oh---I WANT the zest and zeal back!!! But it's not about what I *want*, is it? I know you all would remind me of that.
------------------------------------------

I know this is rambling and emotional and stream-of-consciousness....I'm sorry. I needed to touch base with you other women who are living the same life, reach out and feel our unity and feel that I was connecting.

Anyway, how is everyone else doing, finding the zest and zeal and joy? Willa: any nuggets of wisdom discovered? Chari, how's the exhaustion?

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~~Nina
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and 2 yet-to-be-met

Angie Mc
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Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 6:58pm \| IP Logged

Hey Nina, I've missed you while I was away:). How am I doing? I'm working on my diet, trying to keep my blood sugar level through healthy snacking, lots of protein and water, and other changes (I have hypoglycemic tendencies and I've noticed that I don't have the type of "cushion" of diet mediocrity that I used to have - or took advantage of...

I'm exercising (Hi, Leonie!) with my dd and doing some posture exercises (I'll post more on that at the posture thread if I get time.)

I'm working on my own personal virtue...sheesh...you think I'd be a little further along than I am already!

I'm going easier on myself...figured I'd give it a try since I'm inclined to be tough on myself. My dh is encouraging me to rest more and relax more...God bless him.

I've been thinking about the good ole Serenity Prayer in a modified form...

Grant me the serenity to accept Your will, Lord, the courage to pull my right load, and the wisdom to know the difference. Isn't that the crux (sp?) of the problem...figuring out what His will is? Whether I should do more, less, or something different? Whether I should accept my changes gracefully or fight a bit harder?

I actually like some of this blah thing. I mean...I'm mature enough to not need to "feel" a certain way if I "know" I'm doing right, right? Maybe it is a reframing thing...I'm not blah, I'm just mellowing out

. Ah...I gotta go...and just when I was getting all philosophical

.

Love,

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BrendaPeter
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Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 8:44pm \| IP Logged

Angie Mc wrote:

I'm working on my diet, trying to keep my blood sugar level through healthy snacking, lots of protein and water, and other changes

I'm exercising (Hi, Leonie!) with my dd and doing some posture exercises (I'll post more on that at the posture thread if I get time.)

I'm working on my own personal virtue...sheesh...you think I'd be a little further along than I am already!

I'm going easier on myself...figured I'd give it a try since I'm inclined to be tough on myself. My dh is encouraging me to rest more and relax more...God bless him.

Dear Angie, Your dh is certainly a man of wisdom!

I quoted all the things you're doing to take care of yourself & find joy. "If mommy's happy..." It makes sense.

This is the 1st school year that I've made my prayer life a priority. (Yes, I'm slow

). Between the office, daily rosary, spiritual reading & personal prayer it seems like alot but at this point it flows with the rhythm of our daily schedule. It must be helping because on the days that are crazy & I don't have much prayer time, I notice a difference.

Hopefully better eating habits & exercise are just around the corner!

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Brenda (mom to 6)

Diane
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Posted: Sept 14 2007 at 11:37pm \| IP Logged

Oh, Nina, I wish I could come over and give you a real hug.

You have so much weighing on you, and it is just plain HARD to carry. There is no easy way around it. I know the feeling.

Please know that I am praying for you, that our Lord may lighten your burden and our Lady may offer you motherly moments of respite and joy.

You are loved!

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Diane
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The Journey of a Mother's Heart

Willa
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Posted: Sept 15 2007 at 12:49am \| IP Logged

Nina, hang in there!

You may look back on this present trial you are undergoing -- and count it as one of the more precious times in your life. That has happened before to me -- when I was pregnant with Paddy and felt like I just couldn't keep going, day after day -- now I look back and see the equivalent of God's footprints in the sand -- if you know that old story.

It was still plain HARD -- but acquired a brilliancy in retrospect -- like a gem. Or like the verse in Scripture about how a woman weeps in labor, but rejoices and forgets her pain when she holds the little one in her arms. You remember the pain less, and treasure what came out of it. Sorry, this all sounds so trite -- and I am sure it will fly out the window next time I am truly under fire again -- anyway,

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Willa
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Bridget
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Posted: Sept 15 2007 at 6:22am \| IP Logged

Nina Murphy wrote:

Oh---I WANT the zest and zeal back!!! But it's not about what I *want*, is it?

Some of the zest will probably come back when your out of the first trimester. No one, under the best of circumstances, has much zip and zest then.

Just keep smiling. It sets the tone for everything else going on in your household.

I sure wish I could pick up one of end of your cross and carry it with you, but I'm praying. For all of us.

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Nina Murphy
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Posted: Sept 16 2007 at 12:04pm \| IP Logged

Diane, Willa, Bridget: Thank you for your love! And you are sooooo wise. I'm doing better (now that I've had a weekend!!!) And I haven't been as nauseous.....

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Cheryl M.
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Posted: Sept 19 2007 at 8:25pm \| IP Logged

Hi, My name is Cheryl. I am 46 and very tired of homeschooling. I don't want to do it anymore. I'm tired teaching this stuff...spending my days doing the same stuff for the past 13 years. My body is not tired...I have tons of energy I want to use on other "stuff"...."stuff" *I* want to do....not on Saxon Math or English or history....but then I look into my beautiful daughter's brown eyes and see that she really appreciates me using my time helping her...teaching her...being with her. The thought of putting her in school, even Catholic school hurts my heart.

This child of mine would like to go to school...she's the last child at home and at 12 years old, I think she's feeling isolated from friends. I am trying to make this a very good year for both of us in case it's our last.

I've been praying a lot...for her and me!

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madre.magu
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Posted: Dec 27 2007 at 11:15pm \| IP Logged

Hello. I write by way of introduction, really. I joined 4Real and gravitated to this forum. My name is Mary Anne. I'm 53 and the mother of a 3 1/2 year old and, due home within a few months, a now 7-month old. I have been married 23 years and God chose to give us these children only now.
This thread scares me. I want to homeschool, have no idea how other than I want to. And now I'm reading about the ladies 10 years younger who feel old and tired doing it. Well, just thought I'd introduce myself.
Are there any other exceptionally old mothers of small children here?

Mary Anne

Chari
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Posted: Dec 28 2007 at 12:51am \| IP Logged

Oh, Mary Anne,

PLEASE do not let this thread scare you! I do not think it is the age.........as much as having lived in at my day job for almost 20 yrs!!

Most of us on this thread have been homeschooling for over ten yrs........not every year is wonderful. The longer you do something, the more likely you are going to have an off-year. It is just the probability. It is so wonderful we have each other to talk to about this, isn't it? We find we are not alone..........

.....and, if this thread scares you, how encouraged are you by the fact that we all shared, but we keep at it? This IS encouraging.

The benefits of homeschooling far outweigh the discomfort of an off-year. BY FAR!

One of the main reasons I LOVE homeschooling, is the fact that my kids are together most of the time, forging relationships, with me, their father, and each other.

I bet you will love that, too. Especially with your children arriving so late in your marriage....you will have a wonderful opportunity to spend precious time with your precious children. So irreplaceable.

I am so glad that you had the courage to post here. Thank you for doing so. I am also glad that you found the boards, esp while your children are still yet young. This is such a wonderful time to homeschool, so much support, than there was even 10 yrs ago. In fact, that may contribute a bit to this discussion, as some of us have been homeschooling since way back when there wasn't even any internet or support, or more than a few "methods" of homeschooling.

These boards are a wonderful place to get your feet wet and learn about homschooling, and life in general in a Catholic family. Please feel free to post any questions you have, or send a pm (private message).

Welcome

for you!

By the way, you may want to post your last question in its own thread, in this forum. Let me know if you would like me to do it for you,

God bless you,

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Kathryn UK
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Posted: Dec 28 2007 at 9:01am \| IP Logged

Hello Mary Anne,

I am 47 with an 18 month old daughter, so not so very far behind you - I will be 50 by the time she reaches school age. I also have two older daughters and homeschooled them for eight years until they started attending school this year.

I can second what Chari says. Age is not the problem, so much as the time spent homeschooling. After a while many (most?) people will have "down" years where their energy and enthusiasm are low. It also gets harder when you are juggling homeschooling many children or a wide age range. I can honestly say I'm looking forward to starting home education again with my little one, even if I will be over 50

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SallyT
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Posted: Dec 28 2007 at 5:40pm \| IP Logged

Mary Anne, I'm so glad that Chari and Kathryn answered you -- I had read your post and wanted to say the same thing, though I felt I wasn't quite in the position to speak for all these ladies, having not quite hit the burnout phase yet! We have been homeschooling not quite five years, with an almost-14yo, a 10yo, a 5yo and a 4yo, and although, as I say, I haven't hit the "tired" stage yet, homeschooling a high-schooler and littles simultaneously has made me see very clearly how it can happen. With multiple people with different needs all demanding time and attention, one can begin to feel spread very thin!

At the same time, I would venture to say that hitting the wall this way could be a productive thing, ultimately. Accepting one's very real limits can mean, among other things, shifting more responsibility for learning to at least some of the children, which can be a very good experience, especially for, say, mid-elementary children who are used to having their hands held, but really need more independence (thinking of one of my own children as I write this). Hitting the wall in any area of life is also the kind of experience which teaches us the extent to which God is really in control. It's not fun to be pushed to let go one's own sense of control over things -- now speaking from experience here -- but ultimately it's more good than otherwise. I think maybe this is a conversation about being in the thick of that "dark wood," in a very central area of many people's lives.

My $.02, anyway. Just wanted to chime in and say that we love homeschooling and only wish that we had begun from the beginning. That doesn't mean all our days are sunshine and roses, but even the not-so-sunshiny days are better than many of the days we spent when the older children did go to school. Yes, I'm ten years younger than you are, and I get tired! But God takes over where my strength leaves off.

And now I've got to go finish making spinach soup.

Welcome to the forums!

Sally

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glinNC
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Posted: March 24 2008 at 9:32am \| IP Logged

I've been feeling the same way ... I'm 44 and have been home schooling for 13 years technically ... my first born graduates this year, which is bittersweet. In fact, I should be doing lessons with the youngest right now but am here instead!

(It was a busy and tiring Holy Week off from lessons!)

I would NEVER stop home schooling ... I'm in it till the end ... another 12 years!

But, it is God's calling for me ... part of my vocation ... and I must obey His will and trust in Him to move on. I also get motivated from reading posts on this forum and am blessed by the wisdom and sharing of all of you!

Prayers for all of us to be rejuvenated this Holy Easter Season!

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