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GraceandCoffee
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Ok, I grew up in a family which was very outdoorsy. We were involved in scouting and camped at a minimum of once a month during my elementary and jr high years. I loved it. I could build a campfire from collected firewood when I was 8 AND cook a meal over it. We hiked and backpaked and white=water-rafted.
SOMETHING HAS CHANGED!  I despise spiders. I despise spiders with every fiber of my being! They're horrible, nightmarish creepy crawly HORRORS! The only GOOD spider is a  dead spider, I always say! SO we have had several of the minature monsters crowding around the perimeter of our house over the past year. In the first 6 months after we moved in, we counted 32 black widow spiders residing around our foundation, hiding out in items in our garage, under the basketball goal, and even.... gasp! in the kids' toys! Outside toys.  One even ran across my bare foot as I was sweeping the back porch one day. ew. 2 of these were more than 3 inches accross. Apparently LSU would have been interested in seeing those.
We've within 2 days recently we had 2 4 inch funnel weavers in the house. ANd the horror of all horrors.... this:
It's not spikey. This is a mother wolf spider carrying babies.
And we lost it. We don't know where it went. Every time I walk outside, I can't help but look for this thing even though I really don't want to see it. And when we drive into the driveway at night, I am always looking for "eyeshine" which wolf spiders like this one have in their 2 rows of 4 eyeballs.
And last night we finally saw the big huge funnel weaver who is residing above our back door. I hate walking out there. Since it came out from under the siding, I haven't gone back there. It used to be that we could just see this horrible tell-tale pair of legs sticking out.
Not only do I hate spiders, I also hate swamps, snakes, alligators, slime (algae), roaches, and all the other creepy wildlife native to our area.
Here's where I discovered my problem:
Yesterday, we took our kids out to a loca nature preserve and discovered that it has some hiking trails we didn't know about before. we started off, and right at the entrance to the trail we chose there were 3 huge banana spider-type spiders at face level. So we ducked and ran under. All except my oldest. He was terrified. He's turning 6 this month. He's heard me despising spiders and I think he's picked up on my fear. As we stood there coaxing our terrified child to just run under them, we started to notice 2 things: one, there were many more ahead of us on the trail at face level and along the sides and above our heads. the other thing I noticed was that when we turned the other way, they were *perfectly* camouflaged. I began to agree with my son. My 2 middle kids were standing on the trail as adorable like Hansel and Gretel, wanting to get on with the nature walk. Then my little girl started being attacked by an ant and screaming, so we all ducked back under and ran out. My dh thinks I am being ridiculous of course. And I agreee, but I am truly terrified.
So, nature lovers, how do I overcome this fear in order to do nature study with my kids? My kids are little, so I figure I don't have to start by venturing into the jungles of the Amazon. But i am even ashamed of my fear. Help me find ways of seeing this stuff in an unfearful way! I need to repair the damage I think I've done my son too, while still instilling in him an awareness of poisonous animals.
We do enjoy studying the beautiful little green treefrogs whick adhere themselves to our back window every night and dine on our insect population. And the fairy ring of giant white mushrooms outside in our front lawn was also quite beautiful. SO I do appreciate some things, but this terror of stuff has me paralyzed.
I'm seeing myself donning something like a beekeeper's suit to go out with my kids....
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Cay Gibson
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GraceandCoffee wrote:
So, nature lovers, how do I overcome this fear in order to do nature study with my kids?
I'm seeing myself donning something like a beekeeper's suit to go out with my kids.... |
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Well, for starters, we can discuss it this coming weekend at the Abbeville retreat.  I'm sure there are other moms who share your feelings. 
I hope to see you 4Real without the beekeeper's suit though. But it is an interesting option for nature study.
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Cay Gibson
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folklaur
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I hope you get some good advice - maybe it will help me too! I hate all things crawly - even the picture you posted could give me nightmares !
EEWWWW!
My dh grew up in Colorado, and is totally outdoorsy. I grew up in NJ, and I am NOT. At. All.
I appreciate nature, but NOT crawling in my house. Or too very close to it. Horrible, I know.
My fear of spiders especially comes from my mom, I am sure. When she was a teenager in florida, she got bitten by a spider, and it made her very, even deathly, sick. SO she never, ever, ever liked spiders. I don't either.
When there is a spider in my house, if it is an "okay" one - is there such a thing???!!! - dh won't squish it, he just lets it go!!!! I stood amazed the first time I saw him do this. Doesn't he know that one of the "Husband Jobs" is spider-killing? Not "catching" - KILLING. 
He will kill poisonous ones though.
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lapazfarm
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Wow, Grace. It really does sound like your fear of spiders and other creatures has you paralyzed. At least you realize that the fear is irrational (other than the black widows, all of the spiders you mention are harmless) and that your children are feeding off of this fear. But living in the deep south I do not see a way of avoiding contact with them and the other animals you mention.
The fact that you will not go on your porch, you seek them in fear every time you go out (the headlight example you gave), that you are obsessing over the mama wolf spider, and that your fear extends to snakes, swamps, algae, aligators, roaches, etc, and that your fears seem to be escalating over time concerns me greatly.
I hope you do not take offense if I suggest that you seek the counsel of a trusted professional. Us nature-loving homeschooling moms can and do support each other. And I have helped a few folks get over their more modest fear of spiders and insects before. But I am afraid what you describe is beyond anything I know how to help. I would be cautious in your case of suggesting things that might do more harm than good.
I will pray for your peace of mind and that you find the help that you need to get over these feelings.
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lapazfarm
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For the black widows I do suggest you get a pest control person out. They can be quite dangerous to small children. Also avoid leaving toys and things outside and clear any yard waste (old logs, brush piles, etc) where they might be tempted to build a nest.
Do you live in a place where you can keep chickens or guineas? They are great at pest control.
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alicegunther
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I second the suggestion to get a pest control person out to control the black widows. I love getting out in nature, but that would rattle me too!
I sometimes think fear is escalated when we become mothers. We go into overdrive protecting our children, and suddenly we notice dangers more acutely.
This happened to me too, only my big fear is flying, something that never bothered me before I had children.
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Becky Parker
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Mine big fear was wasps. When we moved into this house, with a front porch made of wood, I literally ran out the door and down the walk to the car - every time. The wasps really liked the wood and would make their nests in it. We tried spraying, but it seems we always missed one or two. I finally started praying about it. My kids would just casually walk out the door, even stop on the porch for one thing or another and it didn't faze them. I'm glad they didn't pick up on my fear. I just wanted to say the praying part worked. I realized a couple of years ago, that I really wasn't so afraid any more. I don't run off the porch, and the only time I've "freaked" about a wasp is when it landed on my ds. I think the prayers are working, either that or I am just getting used to them. I do wonder why God made wasps though!!
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GraceandCoffee
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alicegunther wrote:
I second the suggestion to get a pest control person out to control the black widows. I love getting out in nature, but that would rattle me too!
I sometimes think fear is escalated when we become mothers. We go into overdrive protecting our children, and suddenly we notice dangers more acutely.
This happened to me too, only my big fear is flying, something that never bothered me before I had children. |
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Yes, my fears have all escalated with having children. Interestingly, this fear issue seems to be the theme God's been working with me on this year. I've had to lay aside fear and trust in God in order to have a natural birth this year, and in order to decide to homeschool this year, and this fear issue just seems to come up in lots of little areas like this one for me. It's like God is weeding fear out of my life! And I didn't even consider it an issue before. But I now realize I've been living in fear in many areas. I think it's been a hanger-on from my few years of post-partum depression.
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Tami
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Grace, first of all, 32 black widow spiders would make me a nervous wreck too!  Especially as a mother!! And as far as spiders are concerned, well, I've never cared for anything that has more legs than I have kids.
So I think the suggestion of an exterminator is a good one. It's vital to feel safe in and around your home! Even if some of the species are harmless.
That said, I notice too that you have a 5 month old. I'm wondering if some of this reaction could be hormonally-based. I've seen similar 'irrational' types of fears in women when they're in a state of hormonal flux, both younger and older. So you might want to take that into consideration. Hormones are powerful agents of change!
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Tami
When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot think of the wine we will become. (Nouwen)
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GraceandCoffee
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Aha! I hadn't considered the hormone possibility! That would explain alot! I am by far more protective, nervous, stick close to home, etc. when I have a helpless baby in the household. And it tends to get gradually better as the baby gets older.
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lapazfarm
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Tami wrote:
That said, I notice too that you have a 5 month old. I'm wondering if some of this reaction could be hormonally-based. I've seen similar 'irrational' types of fears in women when they're in a state of hormonal flux, both younger and older. So you might want to take that into consideration. Hormones are powerful agents of change! |
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That is an excellent point. Especially considering you say you have suffered from PPD before.
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chicken lady
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Grace I hear your fear! Spiders don't bother me, but I spent all last winter fearing the spring as I knew it would bring out the snakes!!!! My fear is irrational! I don't care if they are harmless, good for the mice control etc. I think there is a reason they have been used as the symbol of satan for centuries.
Now you are dealing with Black Widows, that kind of fear is good! Mine is not based on a real harm and I don't have hormones to blame it on Of course I may try that one
For nature hikes, my dc walk in front of me, they think snakes are cool and they know mom is unstable if I were to run into one. Probably not much help, but I want you to know you are not alone.
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GraceandCoffee
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Ok, I must confess, I have never seen a snake in nature without being inside the car. I do not look forward to the experience. I have no idea how I have made it through so many years of life this way....
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Erica Sanchez
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I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in your fears. I've outgrown most of my spider fears, though large ones would completely freak me out and I live in a tad bit of fear of Cash someday bringing home a tarantula just for fun. :) I used to be paralazed at the site of small house spiders, but learned to kill them (I'm sorry you spider lovers!!!) with a broom, then could grab them with a napkin, and now, most times, can just let them go or get them outside with a dustpan or the like.
You've received good advice, espcially spraying for the black widows. Can you get your husband to help at least remove them from the house and around your doors and patio? Cash will clear the largish orb spiders and webs that show up here in the fall from the back patio and driveway and front porch...wherever we have to walk or get the the car. That gives some of peace of mind.
Learning just how important spiders are for our yards and gardens was also a big help to me. I'd still prefer to never run into some of the large spiders you're describing, but I hope you'll have a bit of hope that you can overcome at least some or many of your fears of these critters.
And, having your husband swear, double-swear, swear-upon-his-life that he will never, ever think it's O.K. or funny to bring a tarantula home.......yeah, that helps, too! :)
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GraceandCoffee
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Please tell me your husband did not bring a tarantula home.
No, my husband wouldn't do that, but they don't seem to bother him that much.
And he did kill all the black widows with poison as they appeared.
I like the idea of at least moving the giant "good" spiders away from area where we walk.
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~Rachel~
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Perhaps you could go for a nature walk 'armed' with something to knock the spider's webs out of the way?
Then make a joke of your fear to you kids ("isn't Mama silly... look how much bigger than the spider she is...") and ask for their 'help'
FWIW, I feel your pain... coming from the mild English climate to the HOT Virginian climate... where there are poisonous snakes and spiders and GIANT slugs, was a BIG culture shock.
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Erica Sanchez
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GraceandCoffee wrote:
| Please tell me your husband did not bring a tarantula home. |
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Not yet...he just kids...and I just threaten with 'if you ever'.... :)
He occassionaly sees them when he mountain bikes and when he is driving back and forth to work through the desert.
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vmalott
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I'm with Rachel...go out hiking with at stick. That way, you can gently sweep any cobwebs and their inhabitants aside so you won't walk into them.
I HATE walking into cobwebs (does anyone actually enjoy that?). It happened nearly on a daily basis when I was young. These spideys would have their stringy webs crossing the walkway, spanning from one hemlock to another. ::sigh:: I developed the posture of walking with my hands in front of my face to get down to the driveway.
Anyway, for the time being, maybe just stick to investigating more open spaces with the kids until your hormones settle down a bit.
Valerie
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GraceandCoffee
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So perhaps if I tread very roughly and carry a big stick? Sounds more practical than a beekeepers' suit.
So Rachel- are you saying there not such horrors in England? This would explain CM's advice to keep kids out of doors for 4-6 hours a day and to send them off by themselves to find things. Let's all move to the lake district!!!
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~Rachel~
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GraceandCoffee wrote:
So Rachel- are you saying there not such horrors in England? This would explain CM's advice to keep kids out of doors for 4-6 hours a day and to send them off by themselves to find things. Let's all move to the lake district!!! |
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Not exactly... there are horrors. Just, not so big/ferocious/poisonous/hot/cold etc. etc.
It is much more extreme over here... and YES, CM was not dealing with American weather! The lake district never sees triple digits, nor does it tend to dip below 0 degrees C much. It IS wet there though... but not in torrential downpour style as a summer thunderstorm here will do.
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4Real Forums : Exploring God's Creation in Nature and Science
Topic: Help! Fear of the outdoors!
