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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: July 22 2007 at 9:02pm | IP Logged
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I considered posting this on More the Merrier but I'm hoping to hear from lots of moms with high schoolers as well as littles, so I decided to post here.
I've been thinking lately about how my own hs is changing as my family grows bigger and older. Its becoming harder for me to meet those desires that aren't quite needs but are more important than mere wants.
I want to make sure everyone has time to rest and climb trees. I want to make sure everyone has something to do, something to think about and something to love. I want to finish our schooling and take afternoons and summers off. I want to have some extracurricular things in our lives but I don't want them to overtake our lives. I want to cook great meals, get the laundry done regularly, and have the house at least picked up if not necessarily as clean as I'd like.
I have come to the conclusion that I cannot do it all...not anymore. I could when I was only teaching up through about 5th grade or when I had less children. I could when I was 5 years younger/less tired and could stay up past midnight to clean or get planning and laundry done.
So something needs to change, because I am committed to continuing to hs for the longterm.
I think maybe I am not the only one (this post is actually a result of a conversation with a 4RL member so I know I am one of at least 2!). We talked about trade offs. I'd like to know what kind of trade offs you've made, which ones have been successful and which ones turned out terribly.
Have you moved from volunteering to lead activities that are low cost to paying for private sports?
Have coops and homeschool groups simplified or made things harder for you?
Have you put some children into brick and mortar schools in order to focus on other children who need more attention?
Have you dropped field trips in favor of weekly scheduled activities that you can plan around?
Have you decided you are willing to drive further than you prefer?
Have you decided that children are just fine with none of the extras and just work to make your home a lot more fun?
Are you an extravert who enjoys being busy or are you more of a homebody who finds a lot of driving and activities wearisome?
And do you live far from your goups and activities or is everything just around the corner?
I need some Titus II wisdom. I'm looking at mothering a 9th grader a 5th grader, a 2nd grader, a 5 yr old, a 2.5 year old and a newborn by Christmastime. I want to make sure that the tradeoffs I make now will be ones I won't regret when my kids are old and gone and I have all grey hair and no teeth left! I know some of you have graduated healthy, God fearing children and are still happily living this lifestyle. Please share???
Thank you so much.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
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Bridget
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Books, I don't have experience behind me, I'm at the same point you are with a 9th grader at the top this year.
Our trade off is that we are enrolling our 3 oldest in a Catholic, classical homeschool tutorial program. Two days a week they will attend classes, the other 3 days they do the assignments at home.
My children are extraordinarily well read, as are many hs'ed children. At this point they need some guidance in putting information in context. They need to organize their thinking and be challenged. They need more discussion than me asking if they read the book I asked them to read last week and how was it.
I think they will get that from the tutorial. It is a fabulous program. I wish I was doing it myself with them. I can't. While I won't be uninvolved, I won't be steering the ship. Thats my trade off.
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
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Lisbet
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Well, I'm not quite where you are yet. (I don't have a teen yet, he's 12, but I browse here often!) I have lots of children smashed together in age.
My trade off this year has been to enroll 3 of our children in the full Seton program. It's not at all what I envisioned homeschooling to be, but I need to be realistic and see that we need help. I will have a 7th, 5th, 3rd, 2nd and K'er, plus 4 under 4 in a months time.
I 'traded off' many extra things long ago. I used to buy into the mindset that the children needed to be involved in many things outside the home, for the 'socialization'. Now we are very discerning when it comes to our outside commitments. Sometimes this is harder for me, as I tend to feel very isolated. We do live in town, close to all that is happening, but I often feel that no matter where we go, I am uncomfortable with some aspect of it. Unfortunetly, I often feel this way at home too, esp. during the summer months when kids and neighbors are out more. During the winter, we are much more content to stay cozied up at home, reading, cooking, and enjoying our time together. Having 6 boys though, I worry about the toll it's taking on them.
Sometimes I think something would be good for one child (or two) but the getting there and doing is not good for the rest of the family, so that tells me that it's really not good for that child afterall. I hope that made sense, I have a hard time with it, but I trust God knew what he was doing placing each child in this family where they are.
I don't know what the answer is here. I'm sorry if I have rambled. But, I do know you are not alone.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: July 23 2007 at 6:50am | IP Logged
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Bridget wrote:
Books, I don't have experience behind me, I'm at the same point you are with a 9th grader at the top this year.
Our trade off is that we are enrolling our 3 oldest in a Catholic, classical homeschool tutorial program. Two days a week they will attend classes, the other 3 days they do the assignments at home.
...I think they will get that from the tutorial. It is a fabulous program. I wish I was doing it myself with them. I can't. While I won't be uninvolved, I won't be steering the ship. Thats my trade off. |
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Is this online or something local, Bridget? Do you have other outside activities?
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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Lisbet wrote:
Sometimes I think something would be good for one child (or two) but the getting there and doing is not good for the rest of the family, so that tells me that it's really not good for that child afterall. |
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This is an intriguing thought. I've taken a middle road on this position more often than not. Something like, "If its good for 2 or more and isn't too disruptive to our schedule, then others can sacrifice for their siblings." And sometimes I make extra allowances for an older child or one who is the opposite gender from his or her siblings. But I do draw the line if everyone else is stressed by the amount of sacrifice.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Becky Parker
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Our biggest trade off has been enrolling the children in MODG. Last year I enrolled, knowing that I needed some help to stay on track. I hate to admit it, but I think I need the accountability that comes with enrollment. It has been a good thing though, and we are continuing our enrollment for the coming year.
Another trade off that I have planned for this year is school on Fridays. Doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but my kids will think otherwise. Friday has normally been our free day as far as school work goes, but I just can't seem to fit everything in in four days now. I'm not sure what long term affects this will have.
Last year, we gave up our practice of the weekly nature hike, because, well, I'm not sure why. It just got "lost in the shuffle". This was a bad thing. Our nature hikes have always been good for us as a family. When the kids are bickering, nothing is a better cure than a hike! We're certainly going to fit them back into our schedule this year, I'm just not sure when.
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Becky
Wife to Wes, Mom to 6 wonderful kids on Earth and 4 in Heaven!
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LLMom
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One thing I have done is to try to do as many family activities as possible to minimize trips out. As a family, we have done Scottish country dancing and 4-H. We don't do many fieldtrips excepts those as a family on Sunday afternoons. We have done a 4 day school week many years and use the 5th day as a errand/cleaning day. Last year, we did a homeschool co-op so my 11th grader could take chemistry. It was hard on us but we endured it for her sake. Maybe relaxing you expectations for the number of activities/fieldtrips they need and how clean your house must be. Focus on the most important things which to me are our spiritual life, building relationships with our children and learning some things. We moms can't do it all.
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Lisa
For veteran & former homeschool moms
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time4tea
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I, too, will have a 9th grader at the top this year, with a 7th, 2nd, K and newborn. The 9th and 2nd graders are both mildly dyslexic, which has added its own twist to our hs. In order to stay accountable and oraganized, I had wanted to register at least our oldest dc with Seton Special Services, but we just can't swing it financially at the moment, so I bought MODG syllabi instead and will use that. Also, instead of field trips, co-ops, etc., I haev opted for regular, scheduled activities. Each child may choose one thing (in addition to taking part in our regular activities at our parish, of course), and it has to be relatively close by (within about 10 miles of home). If it begins to get to be too much, it gets dropped in favor of something that fits our schedule better. I'll admit I feel like a bit of an outsider in the Catholic hs group that I am in, but quite honestly, I just can't see getting the needed schoolwork done and taking part in all of the social/co-oop/field trip and other activities. There is only so much time, energy, and money to go around.
God bless!
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Blessings to you!
~Tea
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Bookswithtea
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Becky Parker wrote:
Our biggest trade off has been enrolling the children in MODG. Last year I enrolled, knowing that I needed some help to stay on track. I hate to admit it, but I think I need the accountability that comes with enrollment. It has been a good thing though, and we are continuing our enrollment for the coming year.
Another trade off that I have planned for this year is school on Fridays. Doesn't sound like a big deal, I know, but my kids will think otherwise. Friday has normally been our free day as far as school work goes, but I just can't seem to fit everything in in four days now. I'm not sure what long term affects this will have.
Last year, we gave up our practice of the weekly nature hike, because, well, I'm not sure why. It just got "lost in the shuffle". This was a bad thing. Our nature hikes have always been good for us as a family. When the kids are bickering, nothing is a better cure than a hike! We're certainly going to fit them back into our schedule this year, I'm just not sure when. |
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I signed up with a program too. I went with NARS and so far, so good. They are happy to let me do all my CMish alternative grading methods. It has been a tradeoff in that I can't just skip chapters I think are stupid or finish only 3/4 of a program, but I'm grateful for something that ds sees as a bit more legitimate than just mom grades.
I'm wondering how much longer I can get away with 4 day schoolweeks myself! lol
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Bookswithtea
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LLMom wrote:
| Maybe relaxing you expectations for the number of activities/fieldtrips they need and how clean your house must be. Focus on the most important things which to me are our spiritual life, building relationships with our children and learning some things. We moms can't do it all. |
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See, the thing is I have not pursued much in the way of activities. We were always content with park days and the occasional field trip. I've had kids in scouts/girls clubs on and off, but they've been very low stress groups. No team sports or anything overwhelming. Until now. My 9th grader is heavily involved in scouting and I'm ok with it. Its not particularly hard on the rest of the family as its very close to home. Because its boy run, there isn't too much pressure for me to be involved, either.
But my girls are wanting something. I'm trying to decide between the tradeoff of doing the work for a less expensive and closer to home activity (read: lots of mom planning and involvement) or being willing to drive and pay a lot of money for something that requires nothing of me other than $$ and getting them there on time.
And the more I allow this kind of stuff, the less we will be able to do field trips. I've also noticed that when we coop, we don't do as many family or group field trips.
The kids look forward to the weekly activity, but we lose some of that fun element that field trips and hs events add to our home. 
And I confess, I am a nap nazi, and I like my kids in bed on time after eating dinner together and doing their chores and having baths. I don't like being out late and then falling into bed and waking up later than usual the next day, throwing off the routine even more. We relax this during the summer, but during the school year, I don't know how to stay faithful to learning if we are always running. Plus, the late night running is really hard on babies and toddlers.
A friend thinks I am crazy for trying to maintain a routine like I do in the face of my children getting older. I always thought children with regular flexible routines and a steady lifestyle thrive. Other than a bit of boredom on occasion, they seem to be doing well to me. But now I don't know what to think.
Sigh...I fear there is no perfect solution.
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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Barb.b
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Books,
Well, I only have 3 kids (14, 09 and 4) but I can relate. People think were wierd because we don't do much in the way of activities. Only the olderst plays baseball and that is in a rec. not select. And truthfully I and the other 2 kids don't make it to every game. People (even those we hardly know) love to ask my other kids what sports they are in and why aren't they in a sport. This drives me nuts. Sports is so out of control these days - I think kids are better off out of them (just my 2 cents). Also people ask if I am in a home school group. Again no because that is another thing to take us away from home and learning. . . It is enough what we do outside of the home: the 2 oldest go to a weekly science class (one Monday and the other wednesday for 90 minutes each.) Also the oldest has a weekly 1/2 guitar lesson.
Frankly I find these activities more then enough. I don't like to phrase "car schooling"! Maybe it works for others but I like the word home in homeschool.
Barb
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ALmom
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Books:
When I have more time, I'm printing your post and pondering. You express exactly what we have been trying to juggle over the years.
I have a 19 yo who is now in college (so some of our trade-offs occured when she started high school).
I am very much a stay at home person. Too much transportation, time in the car, etc. stresses me no end. My oldest was very, very needy in terms of peer contact and being busy. Some of my other children are stay at home and stress about anything away from home.
We assess everything bit by bit, child by child in light of the whole family situation.
We ask things like: how much of a need is this for this child, what benefit does it offer to the whole family, what challenges or crosses does it give to others in the family. What is the environment, how much will it help in the moral, spiritual and other aspects. Does it pose any dangers - exactly what are these....
With our first, we assessed a serious and desperate need for some outside the home activity. We wanted her not to feel isolated, to be working with peers in something constructive and tapped into music love. She was busy, busy, busy and the family sacrificed for her to do this. It was a good decision in so much as our assessment of the critical point, her passion for music and her future goals in those lines. She did chip in to do extra chores, etc to try and make the tradeoff a bit more tolerable for the rest of the family. I took all siblings with me to concerts, etc. and counted it as music appreciation and felt there was some benefit for us all. We drove to bookoodles of lessons for 1 year (this was extremely hard on all of us but the one dd) but this we knew was short term until she had her license. I still drove her to orchestra and evening events - my dh used that time to focus time with the others. There were real sacrifices here. THe short term sacrifices were necessary. However, it was hard not to seem to preoccupied with this dd as she thrives on being busy. One sign that this was good for her was : she was truely happier than ever before, she actually improved and increased her prayer life, she became more efficient and better able to do her academics the busier she got. Now this is not at all what I would have expected based on my own comfort level and the number of chamber, performances and competetions and music jobs she scheduled into her life made me stressed. It seemed to relax her. Now, the first year, we obviously had to be a bit more careful. When she could drive, she could do more. We intentionally made sure we only had the "family" car and did not get an extra one. This way she always had to coordinate with us for the car.
We moved closer to her activities and began carpooling to ease some of the strain and she began driving to most. Now that she is in college, I don't drag all the dc with me to her concerts and sometimes have to miss some. When we do, we ask her to purchase the college CD of them and watch it together at home when she is home (we pay for the CD since she is paying for college ).
dd2 doesn't have the social needs and is content at home. She has one really good friend and we will drive 45 minutes or arrange halfway points to exchange children so they have some time together. We will take her to drama practices with this friend. They call each other on the phone once per week for 30 minutes and we will even excuse her from dinner a bit early for this- normally this is hallowed time and never interrupted. She needs more one on one time with me and finds it hard to verbalize. I need to speak to dh about maybe having a mother/daughter outing at the bookstore. The little guys just never give us enough time for her to put her thoughts together to tell me. Academics have been a strain this year. I am currently trying to assess how much of this is due to study skills (she always works hard but doesn't seem to just know how to decide what is most important and just focus on it). She spent the entire year reading the Iliad and part of the Odyssey, is still at the very beginning of Biology and Algebra but she is a quick reader and very bright so something else bogged her down and I need to connect with her. She is not lazy and has been working steadily so that is not it. In general, I do send my olders off to do school with a lesson plan and expect them to come to me when they need me. This worked great with my older dd. It seems like this dd will still need some more guidance to keep on track. I'm having to go back and think through time sharing to make sure I'll have a lot more time with this dd for both school and just talking about other stuff. She wants daily plans - not just weekly, so I will be working on that. I'm thinking that with her I need to spell out the exact purpose of what we are doing so that she will spend the appropriate time - learn some time management. I want a summer next year, she needs down time. She has tremendous observations and insights into things (both her reading and family things) but she is not a child that will share easily when she is hurting so I'll have to be on top of that.
We have a toddler that needs more of my attention too - so we have gone to Montessori as a way to make sure he isn't left out or pushed off.
I have my nephew coming to our house - and am still agonizing over the tradeoffs - his need, my children's needs and the limits of my time. I don't want to be selfish, but ... I'm thinking this will require someone outside the family to help me sort it out. Perhaps a good priest - confessor. I'll need to make time for that.
One thing that has suffered as if it didn't matter was my health - stay up late for my down time and lesson planning and stuff (but then am up till 4 AM and not getting sleep). I also found myself being pulled one way or another - kids fed, but I forgot to eat. Something has to change here. Also my dh and I need time together.
At one time we let some of our youngers did outside stuff. Their need wasn't great but oldest was playing ball anyways - well we decided that while ball did get everyone physically active and it did give them some teamwork (not much in the boys cause our rec league turned out to be way to competitive and...). Anyways, based on family needs, the late nights (7 yo still playing at 10PM) and other negatives, physical exercise,and team sports would have to be a more informal arrangement at our house. We were relieved to let all of those go - and our boys were just as happy. Actually the experience was so bad for one of our boys, that he still suffers from it some. (He had vision problems we were unaware of at the time and basically the coach and team ignored him because he couldn't hit the baseball). Eating a family dinner was more important than this craziness.
We have a few boys that wanted music and we did allow - but it is close to home, short duration and once per week. They are not doing orchestra or any other thing right now. They haven't even expressed interest.
I'm in the middle of trying to figure out how to balance life between older and youngers - both in terms of private time just talking to mom and time with mom over academic questions. We do not compromise on family dinner.
I do find it harder for me to help with my highschoolers and ideally we would hire tutors for most subjects (but the fee for this is beyond anyones means - so we have to pick the things I feel would suffer most if they were bumbing trying to teach themselves and which I am totally unable to help with- like Latin).
Well dh came home and needs me so gotta go. Good thread.
Janet
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Bookswithtea
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Great thoughts, Janet. I appreciate your honesty and how sometimes it was really hard on other family members. But also that you work to maintain some sense of order. I also really know what you mean about sacrificing your own meal times and sleep for the benefit of certain children. I wonder if this is a good move in the end, but I don't know even one mother who doesn't do it.
I don't like being in the car all week, like Barb mentioned. Car schooling is definitely not my thing. And I always feel terrible about how hard it is on the littles who need to have lots of free time at home. At the same time, no one gets to do the activities they love if I don't drive. Its so frustrating!
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Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and due 9/10
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sewcrazy
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We struggled this past year with many things andmade some radical changes.
The biggest: our oldest is going to a boys Benedictine high school. The level of tension between numbers 1 and 2 became so bad it stresses everyone out. We tried many things to smooth things out between them, to no avail. Unfortunately the conclusion we came to was to remove one from the house the majority of the time.  Also number 2 needs a lot of mommy time and I was just getting spread to thin.
Next: we enrolled the others in a co-op that will cover art, music, Latin, Spanish, gym class, basket ball for the boys, ballet for my dd, swim lessons, and science labs. It is all day on Mondays. But we will no longer be running for lessons the rest of the week. This is all the sports they will be in.
Also: The oldest may only have 2 evening activities per week. He belongs to several clubs and organizations, and will have to learn to schedule his activities as I am longer running around every night.
We are going back to a preset schedule with some flex time built in. I found I need things spelled out. If I don't have a firm plan written down we found nothing was done well.
We parred back the subjects we are doing. I found we were doing many things, but none of them well.
Hopefully things be better this year. (For all of us)
LeeAnn
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Karen E.
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I'm reading this thread with interest. Even though I have only three girls, the struggles seem universal. Mine are 13, 11 and 5, and there are different needs, personalities and desires, and every year I seek a different balance. Mulling over all that everyone has said ....
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Karen E.
mom to three on earth, and several souls in God's care
Visit my blog, with its shockingly clever title, "Karen Edmisten."
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ALmom
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Here are some other thoughts I didn't have time to put down -
my personal experience with group field trips - they were a waste of time. Mine couldn't concentrate in the crowd. Now if there is something we want to do in a field tripish sort of way, we simply do it as a family and invite one other family to go with us. This way it is scheduled to our convenience and arranged so that it becomes a play date and a field trip and with children my children want to get together with or with someone new that we want to get to know better. Also it is extremely hard to find a field trip that covers the range of ages in my household - a 9th grader is stressing over wasting time at a fire station and 4 yo is in the way and creating distraction at a more academic field trip (or sometimes they aren't even allowed). Occassionally some of my olders have attended something when another mom has volunteered to take them - so the 15 yo went to a Shakespeare play at the university with another girl and her mother. Even nature hikes are overwhelming with too many people - you scare all the wildlife away  . We have 8 in our family so that already can be a crowd and if I go somewhere with one other family we easily end up with almost 20. Almost everything you can do field trip wise, you can do individually - so if we want to visit the fire station, we call and go ourselves - maybe when dad has a day off so the youngers can go with dad and I stay home with the olders.
Co-ops can be great or they can be a real stress - a lot depends on the charity of the moms involved, whether or not the activities are there for all your children or just some or whether or not what you will be required to do is really doable. Last year the co-op was worth it for us (it was 1/2 day for 1 day a week and offered Latin (for high school and a class of kids from 7 - whoever wasn't in the high school class), writing (2 classes - 1 older and 1 younger), science lab (again broken down into a high school lab, a middle group and younger group), drama (olders only for half the year) and robotics, math tutoring, P.E. (offered several times a day and roughly divided by age - they did physical fitness training) and "classes" were scheduled for everyone under school age who were not reading well yet (this worked for my 4 yo and 6 yo). Now this group had storytime, outside playtime, music with left-right type games plus Catholic hymns, craft, snack, PE in the gym and a game/playtime (alternated bringing puzzles, legos, learning games) and for the older youngers who seemed to get bored, one mom stepped in and did a sign language class that my 6 yo really enjoyed. It worked because the classes just happened to be in things I really needed help with for my olders (Biology lab and Latin) and I was thrilled to let someone else try awakening some writing attempts in my 10 and 13 yo (the mom who did this was quite successful and got us over a hump) and the left-right music games were perfect supplement to some of the left-right things we were trying to work on. The moms were all charitable and when someone got sick, a mom stepped forward and pitched in. The PE and Latin I was really desperate for help in. I don't have any group teaching abilities and this stresses me no end so I volunteered to do story hour and help out with the youngers - basically followed my 4 yo all day but I had other moms with littles that were with me outside and a mom who actually led crafts, etc. My other duty was hiring and making sure the high school Latin teacher got paid. I would have been doing this whether we were in the co-op or not as I was NOT teaching Latin.
At the end of the year, we assessed some things - the length of the day was too long for the littles and they peetered out - next year the co-op will end earlier. Some of the younger non -readers developed halfway through the year and were no longer real thrilled with the offerings so we had to readjust quickly in an attempt to keep things from chaos. I only had to drive about 20 minute.
OOps gotta go again.
Janet
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Barb.b
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| Posted: July 24 2007 at 7:56am | IP Logged
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What a great topic. One of my thoughts is this - as moms we want to be perfect. Do everything right for all. And it is hard to face that we can't. Now this is o.k. For instance - my high schooler has learned to do more independant work while still knowing he is accountable. This is good preparation for college when we might not be right there (I'll be honest - I do hope mine stay home and commute to college that first year. . ) Maybe I am using excuses here. But it appears that some things we think are negative just aren't. Another example is my youngest (4 years) - it seems he is able to play on his more own for a while (more then my others at his age). I also realize that I can't do the same things with my 4 year old that I did with my oldest when he was 4! But I love this topic because it shows me I'm not the only one to stress and spend time pondering these things discussed here. My DH doesn't do this and really is not too patient in listing to my ponderings!
Barb
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LisaR
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| Posted: July 24 2007 at 8:43am | IP Logged
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Hi Books! I think I owe you an email from waaayyy back!
I think I am right with you as far as ages of our kids. (although I am not expecting )
Some of the adjustments and tradeoffs we have made are similar to all the above mentioned by others.
I enrolled oldest ds in Seton last year as an 8th grader. Our first time enrolled. BOY was it HARD!! It was not my style, and it certanily did not fit his. However, we both grew so much from the experience and I am proud of us all for sticking it through.
We did enroll him in the Catholic High school, (2.8 miles door to door, I measured this am, lol!) and that is something I was staunchly against doing until fairly recently. We are very involved in Boy Scouts (dh is co Scout Master)and also sports, neither of which are homeschool family centered. This then limits our time to participate in homeschool activities such as field trips, park days, and so on. Honestly, I have yet to go on a homeschool fieldtrip and walk away feeling like we learned something and were all well behaved, kwim? I'm always stressed about the behaviour of our group, or my dc, and just going alone as a family seems to work best for my kids.
We are continuing our involvement with a cooperative.
It is kind of a mourning period that I went through when I very concretely realized I could not do it all, and our days of all snuggled around Sonlight books were over.
I cannot maintain the routine you speak of, with naptimes and bedtimes, chores and meals all falling in the same time slot. This ended when my oldest was around 11 or so.
We DO have family breakfast now as our meal together. I see too many benefits of sports for my very active boys to give that up.
The main period of time that is "sacred" in our home is the 7am-12 noon time slot- M-F.
I will not go on playdates, meetings, anything social during that time. I usually do sneak out to walk before then. We all breakfast together and really try to get a good solid kick off to our school day. no phones, computer, etc either.
After Noon, every day is different. 12:10 pm Mass with dad downtown, coop, scout meetings, sports practices, iceskating hoemschool days, all occur in the afternoon.
Evenings can be equally varied.
oops, have to run, but I hope this coversation continues for a long time ! 
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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LisaR
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| Posted: July 24 2007 at 8:49am | IP Logged
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quick PS- a major trade off we have noticed is that we are "split up" alot more. With two old enough to baby sit in the house, and more than one activity going on some evenings, we tend to not bring the littles out if we can avoid it. So ds 14 might be home putting two to bed while I am at Soccer with the 8 y/o and Tim is at Scouts with the 11 y/o.
I also felt emboldened (Is this a word?) by Elizabeth Foss years ago that I could try to send my dc with other families to tournaments and so on (dh works every Sat), as she does. So far my fears have proven unfounded and I am more confident now to ask for help from other trusted families.
__________________
Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
Paul 14
Thomas 11
Dominic 8
Maria Gianna 5
Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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guitarnan
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| Posted: July 24 2007 at 8:52am | IP Logged
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This is a great topic. I have only two dc, but they are almost six years apart and so we have to juggle entirely conflicting interests and schedules. This year my son took up bicycling in a serious way and that meant many hours of driving to drop him off, pick him up, buy bike gear, etc. It was well worth the time, but sometimes dd and I spent quite a while waiting at pickup points...when the weather cools down and he and dh start cycling again, we'll have to figure some good use of that waiting time.
Dd is now dancing seriously and will be doing some competitions on weekends now and then (on Sundays, grrr). This will involve more driving time; I think I've got a system worked out for handling the competition preparation.
One of my key issues is keeping myself at a tolerable stress level. This sometimes means the dc can't do a particular desired activity. I've found that I can't handle too many evening activities. I turned down an invitation to a local co-op because it didn't cover my son's age group, and I didn't want to be gone all day every Wed. with co-op and Girl Scouts. This was, apparently, the right choice, because I recently received info about another all-Catholic co-op that does have high school students.
I'm a firm believer in unstructured time for everyone (to read, relax, play with friends, sleep, whatever); kids who are overprogrammed often can't take charge of their own time when they don't have a set activity to attend. Adults need some time, too, to pursue their interests (I know, it's very hard!).
When my children were younger I could combine more activities, but it's almost impossible now. I just have to keep everything balanced out so that I can handle it all. (Dh works at the Pentagon and is often away...and when he's home, he's pretty stressed and tired, so I plan all activities so I can drive to them all, without his help.)
Having read this thread carefully, I think I'm in good company here. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and suggestions...and will be praying about them as I set our fall schedule. Thanks!
__________________
Nancy in MD. Mom of ds (24) & dd (18); 31-year Navy wife, move coordinator and keeper of home fires. Writer and dance mom.
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: the trade offs we make
