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saintanneshs
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Okay, my turn for "confessions of an OCD mom"...
(BTW, thanks for the nod in your original post, Elizabeth...at least I'm assuming you meant me...if not, the shoe certainly fits!!)
I feel like a chameleon when it comes to schedules. I can write 'em up with the best of 'em (after-effect of 1st daughter syndrome) and I can throw them right out the window just as fast (what was the word? gypsy?) So pitiful...I've read MOTH too and am always more impressed with the idea of maintaining the schedule than creating one. (For me the maintenance is the hard part). For this reason, the conclusions I've come to cling to are these:
Scheduling helps me put the things on my heart in order in my mind. Once I write them down, I don't have to look at the written schedule too often because I remember what was most important (what I felt was lacking before) and I work harder to keep that up for however long I need to so it becomes a habit. I guess I'm a slow learner so sometimes I can go for months concentrating on building a new habit, despite the fact that I've read it only takes a month or so to form new habits (maybe that's for fast learners!)
When I feel like I'm not "disciplined enough" to stick to the ins and outs of what I've concocted for our family on a day-to-day basis, I remind myself of all that my children will remember about their lives with me, should I die (isn't it funny how we all think alike?) Will they remember that the laundry was always folded and put away before Daddy got home ('cause I stuck to the schedule!) or will they remember how Mommy snuggled up with me after nap for those few extra minutes while everyone else was still sleeping? You can't schedule stuff like that and that's the stuff that makes it so hard to "stay" on schedule. Like everyone else, I live for the moments that throw us off of our charts.
To keep some sanity, I stick to a "routine" (love this much more than "schedule" even though I have both) which consists of the basics (much like what has already been written by you wonderful moms who have contributed to this thread). I have the things that make the "managing" part of my job easier and also enable me to delegate should I have morning sickness or a sick child or newborn or whatever. This includes a chore chart for each child (which for now mostly consists of personal hygiene for my little guys and things like bringing Mommy the laundry baskets in the morning) and a planned menu. Then there are the things that are important to me, the things I want my kids to remember about their childhood...one-on-one reading time just before nap, daily rosary (or at least a decade before bed--our current "habit" in formation), "Kids Night" once a week, nightly family prayer time and Mommy singing to and rocking whoever wants to be held before bed (yeah, long and lengthy but luckily farm kids usually get an early start on bedtime).
A few months ago I thought we needed a tighter schedule and I tried to plan one for weeks and kept getting stumped. Thankfully dh wiped my tears and reminded me that as long as the kids were fed and cleaned and loved, he would be happy and would help me with all of the rest. Of course the bills still needed to get paid on time and groceries bought, but I think just the relief that came from knowing he understood my pressures was all I needed to put things into focus again. Dhs are good about that, aren't they? Needless to say the schedule was written and is now posted inside one of my kitchen cabinets (hidden away as a quiet reminder and not a task-master).
My 2 favorite verses (which also, ironically, can be applied to scheduling) are from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 and Philippians 4:13. I seek these 2 out when I feel overwhelmed but the "should-haves."
Right now I'm spending part of my morning devotional time (which is on my schedule but doesn't happen EVERY day) reading Michaelann Martin's bible study for married women entitled Woman of Grace, which has a lesson called "Is There Dignity in Doing Dishes?" I can't wait to get to that part!!
These days I'm finding I like to organize and schedule things to avoid chaos when sometimes I think I'd do better just to embrace it!!
Thank you for sharing everyone! Ahhh, confession really is good for the soul....
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Kristine
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Molly Smith
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saintanneshs wrote:
| reading Michaelann Martin's bible study for married women entitled Woman of Grace, which has a lesson called "Is There Dignity in Doing Dishes?" |
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Kristine, I went through this bible study (I think on Lissa's recommendation) last year with two dear friends. It was wonderful! Thanks for bringing it back up in my mind.
Elizabeth, I hope I'm not being contrary or tiresome. You know I'm just trying to get to the nitty gritty and get myself straightened out  . I get what you're saying about the plan being invisible and I appreciate you being so open with me because unless I understand the "why" of the method, the "how" does me no good. Does that make sense? I know that whatever I do will be thoughtfully and prayerfully personalized to my own situation, as you so eloquently expressed earlier, and honestly it all is just stewing in my wee brain and still hasn't made it to paper.
Which leads me to my next question , how best to start getting it paper? Lay out my meal plan, chore chart, lesson plans and activity calendar and just merge? Since I'm not planning to begin our more formal lessons until September, we can spend August refining our chore habits.
(BTW, good morning, Elizabeth, if you're up with me now  !)
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Molly Smith in VA
Mom to seven beautiful children, ages 1-14
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Elizabeth
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Good Morning MOlly!
I started with Kim's skeleton plan and went through and edited to suit me. You've got my plan--you could do it that way. Another thing I've done is just journaled for a couple of days and then thought it through and written in what was missing or what should have happened in a different place.Now, I'm off to load up on water bottles--another scorcher, another soccer tournament.
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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teachingmyown
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I have a child who is very schedule neurotic. If we post a schedule, it becomes her solemn duty in life to enforce it. Unfortunately for her, we tend to be a very laid back family. We need the structure that a schedule can provide, but we do not take well to being told what to do when.
So I need to find a happy medium. I think for us that means larger, more general blocks of time rather than specific, half-hour increments.
If it isn't posted and in my face, though, I forget about it. My brain has trouble processing what comes next. I am highly distractable and could spend my whole day putting out fires.
So I am still listening intently, looking for those tidbits that will fit our family and help us get ready for the new school year.
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Molly
wife to Court & mom to ds '91, dd '96, ds '97, dds '99, '01, '03, '06, and dss '07 and 01/20/11
Remembering Today
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Cay Gibson
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I used to be OCD but it was more of a behavioral trait versus an inherited trait. I was raised with a mother who plans everything. There are not "windows" in her schedule to just live and let live. It's a very military schedule.
In my case, the birth of each child required me to let loose of that schedule a little more. Otherwise, I knew, my schedule and household management would resemble the one I grew up with. You cannot stay-at-home, raise, AND hs 5 dc in a household the same as you can be a career women, raise, and sent 2 dc off to public school.
Don't get me wrong. My mother is WONDERFUL! She's very supportive and is ALWAYS there for us. But I have a more laid-back manner like my dad. Probably why my mom and I get along so well. But I seriously don't think she could live one day under my roof.
Example: my 3 yr old was making her own peanut butter sandwich the other day. Under my mothering skills, this means the child prepares her own sandwich. This is a Montessori hands-on, life skill in my way of thinking. But Oma shows up and says she's getting crumbs all over the floor and aren't I worried that she'll lick the spoon and dip it back in the jar? ( Er, yeah! I know. I've seen her do it.  ) And Oma doesn't do the "masterly inactivity" well at all. I don't think she's familiar with the term. She steps in and takes possession of the whole sandwich.
I grew up thinking everything had to be perfect because my mother always did things perfect. Nothing could be done half-way. It's a stressful way to live.
That's why my "simpler" schedule (though there's really a lot of thought and pondering put in it) is so basic. There are LOTS of windows left open in. Perhaps to the point of too many to fly out of...
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
mom to 5
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mrsgranola
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OH wow.. Cay. Sounds like we have the same mother!
I love her dearly, but she can be very stressed about stuff. My dh and I say that Mama is "in a mood" or "in a tizzy" when she gets like that. Especially when company's coming over...
God bless her, though... I do struggle with trying to please her and I always have. But thankfully I do have good boundaries with her, thanks to our married life and life as parents being in another state for so long before moving back to our home area.
JoAnna
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Leonie
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I am like Cay , in that I aim to keep things simple - simple schedules, simple routines, room for change and for input from the dc - and for serendipity!
I am organised but in a loose fashion, if that makes any sense!
Like Elizabeth, when I am tweaking routines ( because of a move, growth, changes being needed) - well, I start with where we are. I keep a mental journal of what we do and what seems right - we'll keep those routines. And I see where we can add or change things -peg an activity onto something else we already do
( hence my nature/teatime/reading peg before lunch this year - we always eat lunch so this seemed a good place for an add on, before lunch prep begins.)
I don't do set days, although I have at various times in my mothering career. But set days don't work well for us - our routines vary because of term commitments and I want a bit more spontaneity. I do things as they need it - either then and there, or I write it in my diary or on my to do list for another day. So, my cleaning slots are daily around meals and weekly on Saturdays but what gets done depends on need. Same with "lesson time."
I guess, too, that is why I don't write down much - the act of writing everything down often seems to me to take time away from what I should be doing - being with my family. Sure, I have a diary and a to do list and we have a family calendar. I have a homeschool diary and file and a household file and personal diary/nature journal. But I try not to spend too long on plans and on writing down plans because, for me, it can become a way of avoiding that which I should be doing. I know that is not the case for everyone - but it can be a problem for me, so I keep things simple.
Leonie in Sydney
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Leonie
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And here is another way to look at routines and homeschooling in the large family -
Messy Homeschoolers?
Btw, Mary is a Catholic unschooling mother, who used to be on our Catholic Unschooling list.
Leonie in Sydney
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JSchaaf
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Molly Smith wrote:
Which leads me to my next question , how best to start getting it paper? Lay out my meal plan, chore chart, lesson plans and activity calendar and just merge? Since I'm not planning to begin our more formal lessons until September, we can spend August refining our chore habits.
(BTW, good morning, Elizabeth, if you're up with me now !) |
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I found MOTH to be helpful when getting the schedule out of my head and on to paper-the first thing to do is to get a sheet of paper and write down everything you need to do in 24 hours.
Sleep 8 hours
Prayer 30 min
etc etc
Include everything you can think of, meal prep, meals, cleanup, chores, laundry, school, getting kids to sleep at naptime and bedtime, computer time, etc.
Then, before you make a schedule you see how many hours a day you have filled up. If you have anything over 24 you need to start erasing some things (or delegating). THEN you can schedule what's left-and hopefully it will be easier to fit it into a 24 hour day. I'm working on our fall schedule right now-once we figure out when piano lessons will be I can finish it. I'll try and post it, if you'd like.
I would recommend MOTH-but realize that there are some things in there that you won't agree with. Just glean the good and leave the rest.
Jennifer
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Cheryl
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I'm enjoying this thread. I've only homeschooled for a year, but I've been trying to get totally organized since 1998. I think it gets harder with each new baby. I love reading organization books though, I might just find that one new idea.... Has anyone read Help for the Harried Homeschooler, Life Skills for Kids or The Organized Homeschooler? I'm considering getting one of those. Or maybe that Creative Chaos to Livable Learning.
I tried MOTH this year and I agree it's a great way to get everything down on paper. I couldn't stick with it though. It's too hard for me to follow time slots all day. It helped me to get my routines down though. Then I found the Large Family Logistics which I like because it helps me focus on the household tasks. I already had 3 laundry days and a town day, so I added a kitchen day and office day. I like the feeling that on Tuesday (kitchen day) I don't need to think at all about laundry or paper piles and then on Wednesday (laundry day) all that has to get done is laundry. Anything else I do is a bonus. It was working for me, except I do not take the kids shopping with me. Then, I ditched schedules in June and it's been chaos ever since. We went away, had guests, parties, we were sick, beach trips, day trips, we started house hunting, I let the kids stay in pajamas if they want to until we go outside.....
There is clean and dirty laundry all over the house, crumbs on the floor...I think it's time to get back on the beam.
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Lissa
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Elizabeth wrote:
My children know what to expect when but they don't need to see the detail in my plan. The routine gives them security but I need to be careful not to let it dominate the relationship. Those little grids always backfire on me. I wish I could entice Lissa to this thread becuse her comment was made in the midst of other things and I know what she meant but I'm not articulating it well. I think I just need to remind myself that I'm not married to my planner; I'm married to my husband and my planner exists only to help me better serve him and the children we love. |
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Here I am!  I think you've expressed it beautifully!
I think the discussion here has moved on, but since you asked me to clarify what I meant about the schedule being 'hidden,' I'll take a crack at it.
I remember that conversation—we were talking about how I had tried MOTH a couple of years ago, and in some ways it was a disaster for my family, because the schedule made them (mainly my husband) feel boxed in. I didn't schedule HIS time, of course, but he didn't like feeling like he was interrupting something if he popped upstairs for a cup of coffee and lingered to chat. Since he is home all the time and is not a natural clock-watcher, our days have an element of spontaneity. (And then of course there's the spontaneity that our Stevie-boy brings, but that's another story...) I *am* a clock-watcher, but I try not to impose that on him. I realized that much of his joy comes from surprising us. Surprising me by cleaning a bathroom, surprising the girls by bursting in on them when they're reading for a wild squealing tickle game, surprising us all with a suggestion to go to the library. When there was a schedule on the fridge, it killed his freedom to surprise. At least, that's how it seemed to him.
At the same time, I recognized that some order and routine was important to our day...obviously the kids are happier with regular mealtimes, etc, and they like knowing when to count on a trip to the pool. And Stevie's PT, OT, and speech/hearing therapy are fixed appointments in our week. My writing time must be scheduled or it won't happen. And Scott greatly appreciates a smooth, regular bedtime routine for the kids.
So I came to understand that it's my role to make sure the hidden machinery of our lives is humming smoothly. *I* need to know 'what ought to happen when,' but the rest of the family is happier if I don't micro-manage their time. When Elizabeth and I talked about the schedule being hidden, I was saying that my hubby is much happier if he doesn't have to look at how our lives are broken down hour by hour. I give thought to the family routines (which need constant reevaluation as things change), and I consult with him on major changes, but for the most part I'm the only one who is really SEEING the schedule. Our routines are the bones that give our daily life support, but I'm the only one with the x-ray machine. This wouldn't necessarily be the best arrangement for every family, or every husband, but for my hubby (and therefore, for all of us) a 'hidden' schedule makes for a happier day.
Lissa
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JennGM
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Wow, Lissa, thanks for the explanation. That makes total sense.
Someone sent this site on another list and I thought the planning pages might help get thoughts organized and on paper (before it turns invisible ). Household Planners.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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stefoodie
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Leonie wrote:
And here is another way to look at routines and homeschooling in the large family -
Messy Homeschoolers?
Btw, Mary is a Catholic unschooling mother, who used to be on our Catholic Unschooling list.
Leonie in Sydney |
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oh my gosh. i could have written that. most days anyway. but we keep trying
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stef
mom to five
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Angela F
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Elizabeth wrote:
Good Morning MOlly!
I started with Kim's skeleton plan and went through and edited to suit me. You've got my plan--you could do it that way. |
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Is anyone else asking, "Could we see the skeleton? And Elizabeth's plan?" Or maybe I just missed those from somewhere else?
I'm like so many who have already posted...I've tried the little boxes, and then when we aren't completely within those boxes, I start acting like someone I don't want to be!!!
So, I'd like to study some schedules, re-read the posts here and really improve. We're sort of coasting around here right now
Thanks to all for the peeks inside your schedules and your thoughts on this....
God bless,
Angela
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St. Josemaria Escriva
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cathhomeschool
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Angela,
I think that Kim's skeleton is basically the Large Family Logistics type schedule. The website give a step-by-step approach to making a schedule. It's like Flylady suited to homeschoolers. I think that Elizabeth's plan is based on the same thing, with Bravewriter reminders thrown in (Julie sends daily reminders for those of us using The Writer's Jungle. Reminders to freewrite, nature journal, have teatime, movie night, etc.) and the day's meal menus added.
I've been thinking about *why* I feel the need to schedule things, and I've come to the conclusion that it actually helps me relax. Some moms scrapbook or go for a mom's night out to relax. Creating a schedule for our family is that "mom time" for me. It helps me reflect and re-focus on what's important, and gives me the peace of mind that I'm not trying to cram too much into a day. (Or if I am, it gives me the opportunity to scratch things before burnout and stress take over!) It helps me dream about what I want the year to look like. Once I get it all down on paper, I don't usually follow it, but at least it's there to refer to when I get caught up in the unimportant stuff and need a gentle reminder. Some moms are more naturally laid back and don't need these reminders. They can go with the flow, knowing that the truly important stuff will happen. Unfortunately, I tend to be a clean freak and a neat freak (while no one else in my family is), and need to be reminded on occasion that nature study, celebrating feast days, field trips and just plain free-time-fun with the kids are ALL more important than the weekly running of a household. I guess that seems kind of backwards. It should be that the more scheduled things are, the less spontaneous and fun life can be. In our house, I allow myself to relax and be more spontaneous if I have a plan on paper. As I said, I don't usually follow the plan exactly, and may not refer to it often, but it's there to remind me to MAKE time for the truly important things. Alas, I wish that I did not need these reminders. I hope that someday I won't!
This year I'm going to take the advice of others here and not give chore charts/schedules to the kids. They'll still have their weekly school sheets listing unit study details and math lesson. They know their chores anyway and when to do them. On my schedule, I've reminded myself to check on their chores. Hopefully the "schedule" will be transparent, as Lissa said. I've attached the tenative file in case anyone is interested. I copied and pasted art from Mary Engelbreit's site (borders at the top and bottom of the pages, and at the side, a girl holding a tray of cookies) to make the schedule inspiring to look at (another reminder of what's important -- finding beauty in each day) but didn't include it in the uploaded file since I'm sure it's copyrighted. The times in the schedule are general reminders to me. I've cushioned the time blocks to allow for plenty of interruption (religion and most other things won't take as long as listed), but even so we are usually behind, and that's fine. Without the reminder, I'd be tempted to piddle until lunch time and then rush to get things done. Next week, we'll start "school" again so that I can see if the schedule is realistic or not before music lessons, etc start up.
2005-07-27_114234_SmithPlan.doc
I do have a master grocery and Sams list (otherwise I don't think of things like sugar and ketchup). I also have a master menu list. I actually planned out meals for each day of the week, but never used the menus this way. Instead, I looked down the list and decided what I wanted to make that day. The list has main dish, starch, and side dishes/vegetables for each meal, so I didn't have to think about what sides I could make with each main dish. It includes meatless meals and seafood, which I wouldn't make much without the reminders. This year I hope to rely on the lists a little more regularly so that I can have leftovers for the weekend and we're not stuck eating pizza pockets because I didn't *plan* and used all the leftovers during the week.
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Janette (4 boys - 22, 21, 15, 14)
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Elizabeth
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My schedule helps me sleep at night. Many nights (and days) I'm the only one in charge, the only adult making sure the things that need to happen, do happen. If I can look at it ALL written down and run through the list, I can at least be sure I did the necessary and the house will still be standing and the children well in the morning. For instance, yesterday, the Covenants Commitee representative for our neighborhood "reminded" me that I am expected to put away all outdoor toys, bikes, and other signs of children when they are not in use. I am also not to leave my garage door open during the day. After having a bit of a good cry over her reminder (she picked a bad day to add another "must do" to my life  ), I added it to my list. It's one more thing to remember, but now that it's in its place, it doesn't quite overwhelm me the way it did yesterday.
My schedule is sketched out for the fall but it will change considerably when I add in all those outside things that still don't have an assigned day yet. And then I'll also make my menus work with my days.
2005-07-27_123855_wholeweek.doc
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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JSchaaf
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Oh, Elizabeth. Did she really use the term "other signs of children"?  Hope today is better.
Jennifer
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Meredith
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Wow, Elizabeth, this is very awe inspiring. (I can't believe your neighbor used the term "other signs of children" either, how rude) Perhaps she need to be reading The Hidden Power of Kindness herself.
Anyway, back to the topic of your elaborate schedule which is stellar, I'm intrigued by a few things that you have included in your schedule. If I may be so bold and ask about them:
What do you do for *Mama Time* with each child (I love this by the way) and does it defeat the purpose if the new baby has to be included during this time with each child?
How long do you have the kids do nature study/journals outside and do you do this WITH them or is it during your email check time?
What is the put away *clutter basket* chore?
During walk and pray time in the afternoon, is that everyone or just you?
I hope you don't mind me being so inquisitive, your schedule is just super and I may want to incorporate some of your wonderful ideas into ours. Thanks for sharing, it's nice to see how your day flows 
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Meredith
Mom of 4 Sweeties
Sweetness and Light
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Angela F
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Just a few moments here...sick kids today Thanks sooo much Janette and Elizabeth and everyone who's posted on this. It's very encouraging to me, and once I get a little more rest  I plan to put some time and thought into it. It never seems to be as easy to do as I'd like it to be...
Sometimes I can bemoan the fact that I live out in the country - 20 minutes from town, so it's hard to exercise, get to the library, hard to set a schedule etc., etc.....sorry to whine...I just wanted you all to know that this thread has been a help to me.
God bless,
Angela
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Mom to 7 blessings - welcome to Hanna Clare 1/19/10
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St. Josemaria Escriva
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JennGM
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| Posted: July 28 2005 at 6:45pm | IP Logged
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cathhomeschool wrote:
| This year I'm going to take the advice of others here and not give chore charts/schedules to the kids. They'll still have their weekly school sheets listing unit study details and math lesson. They know their chores anyway and when to do them. On my schedule, I've reminded myself to check on their chores. Hopefully the "schedule" will be transparent, as Lissa said. |
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I may just be dense here, but I don't see that chore charts are the same as schedules.
It seems more freedom for a child to have their list of chores posted for their own gentle reminders than for Mom to nag, in my way of thinking. Just having chores marked for "morning" and "afternoon" or even just "daily" wouldn't be putting kids in a box. They don't necessarily need to be on full display, but somewhere posted inside a cabinet or something.
I'm remembering how it was in my family and seeing it in my sister's family (as my child isn't old enough yet). Both younger children and older children tended to get lazy or sloppy. Rather having Mom going behind and "reminding" the child, he had his own visual reminders. I understand that you have to check on whether the job was done properly or not (learning from Elizabeth's experience in the basement)...maybe my siblings never got to the point of "knowing" their chores so that it just flowed like you're talking about.
And what about larger families with rotation of job assignments? Seems that needs to be posted, too.
I have a habit of thinking of myself as a "large family" -- even though I only have one so far. I think it's because I'm the oldest of 7. I'm still thinking I'll be filling up my roost, although time is running short. Poor ds...it still hasn't hit his mother that he's an only child.
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: routines
