| Author | |
Bookswithtea
Forum All-Star
Joined: July 07 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 8:21am | IP Logged
|
 |
|
I always want to encourage moms with only one or two. And I don't want my kids to hear me being snotty (though let me tell you, I think it in my heart EVERY time!). I usually say,
"Oh, the first two are always the hardest. After that it gets easier!" With a big smile, of course.
The thing I don't know how to handle is how people say these horrible things in the hearing of my children. I always want to say something to my children when we walk away, but I never know what to say. I fear sometimes for what my children are thinking...
__________________
Blessings,
~Books
mothering ds'93 dd'97 dd'99 dd'02 ds'05 ds'07 and  due 9/10
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Maryan
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 02 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 3145
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 8:35am | IP Logged
|
|
|
SeventhHeaven wrote:
| Also, I think sometimes we make other women feel guilty that they willfully chose to stop having children. (Not women who cannot have children through no fault of their own obviously.) So, I would just feel sorry for their genuine ignorance of your blessing. |
|
|
Kim -- It does seem like this is true. Comments like thee are usually made in conjunction with their justification of why they could only "handle" one or two...
__________________
Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MarieC
Forum All-Star
Joined: Oct 19 2005
Location: Ohio
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1011
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 8:54am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Becky Parker wrote:
| Just from a different angle, it is comments like these that make me sensitive to those I see with many children. I usually try to smile and say something like "you have a beautiful family!". This happened to me once in the grocery store. |
|
|
Something similar happened to me as well....and I was so humbled. We were standing in line and the kids were good but being kids and with several it gets kind of noisy. The lady ahead of me gave me a few looks and I was getting fairly nasty in my heart  . She checked out and left and so did we. As I was in the parking lot loading up the van she pulls up (and I'm thinking...."oh, here we go...") and says "you have a beautiful family....you remind me of myself years ago." Turns out she was the mom of 11! The oldest were grown and the youngest was 6. If only I didn't jump to conclusions so quickly!
__________________
Marie
mom to 6
dds-98, 00, 02 and 09 & dss-03 and 06
Out in the Orchard
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 11:48am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Rachel,
Congratulations on the news of twins!!!! I have twin girls, aged 15 months, and ironically, one is named Sophia just like your other daughter!!!! You are in for fun, fun!! 
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
mary theresa
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 08 2006
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 766
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 12:02pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Bookswithtea wrote:
I fear sometimes for what my children are thinking... |
|
|
I am the oldest of 9 and it's funny because I have very vivid memories of the feelings I had when people said this to my mom when we were all out together. I guess i was a pretty sensitive kid, but I remember feelings of shame and embarassment and confusion. I think it's hard for kids to understand why someone would say that, and where that attitude is coming from. I remember wondering if we really WERE weird and there WERE too many of us. I just didn't understand why ppl would say that all the time if there wasn't a reason. And I also remember feeling so bad for my mom and embarassed for her when she flushed. But I was pretty quiet, so I never asked my mom WHY ppl. would say this. So, for a time i never wanted to go anywhere with all my siblings for fear of what people were thinking.
It's just so awful that these misguided people put this confusion into kids heads! The memories that I have make me really aware that if one day I have lots of kids (hopefully!  ), and esp any sensitive ones, I need to talk to them about why people say this and ask the kids how they are feeling about what just happened. I think children really internalize such remarks and the rejection that the comments imply.
__________________
Mary Theresa
mother to 3 little girls --March '06, Dec '07 and Jan '10
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JodieLyn
Forum Moderator
Joined: Sept 06 2006
Location: Oregon
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 12234
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 1:04pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
We've gotten very few negative remarks.. and my kids seem to thrive on the attention we garner (so far) And I've managed to twist some of the most hurtful/confusing things into a joke the kids could understand. Like when my dh was being told he'd have to get a second job (like he has time) and I grinned at my kids and said "nope, we'll just make the kids get jobs". They could understand that as a joke.  And I got quite the glare for twisting that comment into a joke but  save it until it's not in front of the kids!!
Anyway, I think telling the children the same sort of thing we used with family who were living immorally would work.
"It's so sad that they don't understand the blessings of children. We should pray for them."
__________________
Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
juststartn
Forum All-Star
Joined: Jan 17 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1321
|
| Posted: March 27 2007 at 7:41pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Jodie, that is what I have had to tell my dc. It is sad, because they have heard these comments from my FAMILY. LOUDLY.
We've gotten more negative comments from my own mom and one of my sisters, than I've heard from anyone in the general public....
Rachel (only on babies #4&5, but still getting comments)
__________________
Married DH 4/1/95
Lily 3/11/00
Helena(Layna) 5/23/02
Sophia 4/19/04
John 5/7/07
David 5/7/07
Ava Maria, in the arms of Jesus, 9/5/08
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Alice R
Forum Pro
Joined: May 28 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 169
|
| Posted: March 30 2007 at 4:43pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have four but in this area, four is considered a pretty large family.
When people say "oh, better you than me" or "I couldn't handle all that" "i'd shoot myself"
I say, in a really nice tone of voice:
"Nah, children are a blessing from the Lord"
I makes my kids feel good and gives glory to God. 
__________________
Mom to Nathaniel (10), Noah (8) Alise (6) Rebekah (3)and expecting another blessing Faith, Grace and Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Waverley
Forum Pro
Joined: Nov 12 2006
Location: Minnesota
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 476
|
| Posted: March 30 2007 at 5:13pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agee with all the comments posted. My standard responses are:
"We feel so blessed."
"I assure you I have recieved far more than I have given." Because, really, haven't we as mothers recieved more pure unconditional love than we have given. We give and it comes back 10 fold.
Waverley
wife to 1, mom to 5
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
|
|
4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: I am so sorry to hear that...
