| Author | |
Fuzzy
Forum Pro
Joined: March 07 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 393
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 4:36pm | IP Logged
|
 |
|
See? I told you she would be much better!  
__________________
 Fuzzy
Mom to DS 12, DD 10, DS 7, and DS 4, and DD 1!
Fuzzy Memories
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
JennGM
Forum Moderator
Joined: Feb 07 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 17702
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 4:40pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Fuzzy wrote:
| See? I told you she would be much better! |
|
|
Not better...just adding some sisterly collaboration and conversation. 
__________________
Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to  & ds1  '03 & ds2  '07
Family in Feast and Feria
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 5:12pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
You two are so blessed as sisters to be sharing this Forum together---to both want to participate in something this *holy*!!!
Calling you Fuzzy almost kills me, by the way. I have a HUGE smile on my face as I am typing....
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Fuzzy
Forum Pro
Joined: March 07 2007
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 393
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 5:26pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I wondered why you had the LOL symbol earlier! If you saw me, or heard me for that matter, the voice matches the name!
__________________
Fuzzy
Mom to DS 12, DD 10, DS 7, and DS 4, and DD 1!
Fuzzy Memories
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
esperanza
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 855
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 5:53pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
1) Are your mothers Catholic (and raised in a practicing Catholic family)?
~mother became Catholic at 16...she and my dad were sweethearts since she was 13 (dad was raised Catholic)
2) Were they open to life and a large family themselves?
~no...a priest told dad it was fine to have a vas.  I have a younger sis and brother.
3) Were they divorced? Remarried?
~ separated for less than a yr when I was 11yr.
My parents are pro-life...but don't understand not having a contraceptive mentality...especially why we were open during the time we were carrying heavy crosses. I guess they see burden ...not joy.
My favorite announcement of a new child was my last. My parents and my sister (she has 4 dc) were visiting and they were cooing and loving up my new granddaughter...well I just blurted out "while you're enjoying that baby I thought its a good time to tell you I'm pregnant! No negative comment
The comment that I am annoyed with is "Don't you ever want to have a life of your own?"
I love my mom and appreciate her more and more ...I don't have the relationship I wish I had ...but ...it is what it is... and I pray for her to see the joys in each of my dc ...its not my job to judge her...just love her anyway.
.....and praise God for providing like minded friends to rejoice with
__________________
In His Peace,
Tammy Gonzalez in VA
dh-Johnny
mom to Tara-'85, Noelle-'88, Jeremy-'91, Elizabeth-'93, Emma-'96, Dominic-'99, Gabriel-'01, Elijah-03
and Jacinta-06
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Ruth
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 04 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5007
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 6:25pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Nina, I'm so glad you started this thread. I was wondering the same thing. You are all so amazing. What a great witness to life.
Here are my answers:
1) Are your mothers Catholic (and raised in a practicing Catholic family)?
My mom was Catholic when she was young, but as long as I can remember, she has not practiced the Faith. I don't think she was raised in a practicing Catholic family. Her mother died when she very young, and her father drank a lot, so she probably was not well formed in the Faith.
2) Were they open to life and a large family themselves?
No. My mom had her tubes tied after #3. I'm the middle child with 2 brothers, who both got a vas.  My mother had 9 brothers and sisters.
3) Were they divorced? Remarried?
My parents divorced after their 24th wedding anniversary, after my little brother turned 18 and moved out. My father drank all day, every day until his death 4 years ago  She waited until my youngets brother could live on his own. My mother remarried a wonderful man 10 years ago. He is 30 years younger 
My family thinks we are being very selfish for having more than 2 children. They claim we are depriving the two oldest of the things they need.
After my husband told my in-laws we were expecting #5, they suggested he have a vas.  After that, we chose not tell them about any future children. When we were expecting #6, we never told them. I avoided every family gatherings, and finally, when I was 8 months pregnant I let them see me and I was given the most hateful look ever. We didn't tell them she was born until about a week later.
__________________
Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 6:34pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Glad to hear your story, Ruth. Thank you so much. So much pain, yes? I am so sorry....
It makes your offering to God all the more beautiful.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Alice R
Forum Pro
Joined: May 28 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 169
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 7:07pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My mother is deceased so I can't tell you what she has said. She was always a big supporter of me and I can't imagine her being mad. I would think she would say "well, if you can handle it, then that's great"  I'm an only child-not by choice. My parents separated but did not divorce...they just lived separately. Neither one believed in divorce but clearly my father was dangerous to live with and I think he even knew it. My father was mentally ill and a drinker. My mom would've like more children. She LOVED kids and thought a big family would be nice. My mom was a devout Christian-not Catholic
I'm not Catholic, BTW. (Other groups also don't use birth control...we would be one of them.)
My MIL is Catholic and seems to dislike anything to do with traditional families and children. She had two children way back when she was 18 and then my husband came along 20 years later.  Her motto is "the less kids the better" Every time I mention more children she says "God forbid" which REALLY annoys me...why are we using God's name in such an ugly way about such a nice topic????? They had an unhappy marriage and did not divorce.
I don't see her much. She doesn't drive an lives in NYC and we are out in NJ and she cannot be bothered to see the kids. Whatever. God has blessed me with a good family. I'm sorry that she does not want to share it with us but that is her choice, not ours. We have offered many times and it's just not her thing. She is an odd person, BTW.
I left off an interestin piece about my MIL. She herself is adopted and very pro-life. I guess not when it comes to her children???? I told you she was odd.
Interesting question, Nina.
__________________
Mom to Nathaniel (10), Noah (8) Alise (6) Rebekah (3)and expecting another blessing Faith, Grace and Family
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
10 Bright Stars
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 16 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 728
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 7:50pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Nina,
My mother has been negative with me when I have announced that I am expecting again. I am a mom of 7 children, with #8 due in August. I didn't tell her for 4 months this time because I figured she would be negative. (Strangely, she didn't say much this time around.) My relatives on my mother's side are always asking me if "I am done yet?" My Grandmother, whom I love dearly and with whom I lived for many years as a child, has suggested I have my husband "fixed". I don't think they realize what they are saying. If they did really think about what they were saying, they would not say it!
Anyway to answer your questions specifically....
1. No, my mother is not Catholic, nor was she raised Catholic. I am a convert to the Faith, and the only Catholic in my whole family.
2. No, my mother was not open to life, and does not have a large family of her own. I know for a fact that my mother used BC. She has three children of her own.
3. Yes, my mother is divorced and remarried. Most of my family is divorced. She comes from a family of 4 sisters. Only one sister is still married to the same husband. Each of these sisters only has two or less children. My mother had two children before her divorce, of which I am one, and one child after remarriage.
So, interesting to know what the final tally will be on WHY moms get upset. My Mom always tells me that she wants me to take better care of myself, and that so many pregnancies are hard on me. Also, she doesn't think that I can give everyone all the love he or she needs since there are so many. (7) She LOVES and spoils all the children once they are here and she can SEE them. It is only when I FIRST tell her ()and right after I give birth) that she acts strange, and then I notice that others around her often say more than she will, which leads me to believe it may be a topic of conversation in my absence. (Siblings both only have 2 children each. One plans on having no more due to surgical means that have already taken place, and the other is considering not having any more due to career.)
__________________
Kim married to Bob (22y)
Mom of 11 blessings:
Bobby 19, David 17, Noah 14,
Mary 12, Gracie 10,
Isabelle and Sophia 8,
Gabrielle 6,
William Anthony 4, Joseph 3 and Luisa Marie - born in M
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Sarah
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 17 2005
Location: N/A
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1624
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 7:58pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My mother is a source of pain with this topic:
1- a Catholic Convert
2-VERY Liberal
3-has had a bad reaction with every pregnancy from #3 on.
It has been very hard.
__________________
Six boys ages 16, 14, 11, 7, 5, 2 and one girl age 9
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Celeste
Forum Pro
Joined: April 03 2006
Location: Nebraska
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 263
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 9:17pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
I have to jump in here with Jenn and Fuzzy in praise of our mother! Without her I don't know where I'd be faithwise. She did so much to make the culture and doctrines of the faith part of living and breathing. And because of her I have four wonderful, faithful sisters who are better than best friends. (Oh, and two very nice brothers.) Take Jenn, for example: She's like those librarians in the movie "The Desk Set." If she doesn't have the information on the tip of her tongue, she knows what book to find it in. 
Celeste
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Cheryl
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 20 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 978
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 9:37pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My mother always says congratulations when I get pregnant, but she does seem to worry a bit about my health.
1. She's Catholic and from a Catholic home.
2. She had a hysterectomy at 27 after 3 children.
3. She's divorced and remarried.
__________________
Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 9:57pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
Thank you Kim (we're so much alike), Sarah, Celeste (wow---you guys are blessed!), and Cheryl.
So have appreciated this---thank you so much again.
It's good to know you have soul sisters who understand.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
KC in TX
Forum All-Star
Joined: Aug 05 2005
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2621
|
| Posted: March 20 2007 at 10:12pm | IP Logged
|
|
|
My mother is Catholic; my grandmother converted from Buddhism after she was married. When she converted, my mom was baptized (not sure what age). My grandfather and aunt did not, but my aunt does attend a Catholic church now.
My mother is open to life but doesn't think I should have any more. She thinks I should focus my attention on my oldest (he's autistic) and the other three. Also, she believes I need to have my own life. I sort of know where she's coming from because her life has not been easy and she feels she didn't do anything great in life--I think she's raised 5 children who are living decent lives. Her biggest regret is that I'm the only faithful Catholic of the 5. Unfortunately, she did not do anything to foster our faith.
My parents have been married for 39 years (some very rocky). My dad converted when I was 10.
She does mention to me that she hopes I'm not pregnant when I say I'm tired.
I look at the example my grandmother set because she was such a devout lady. She had many children but only two survived to adulthood. I believe she had 10. She had a hard cross to bear but was certainly very devout.
__________________
KC,
wife to Ben (10/94),
Mama to LB ('98)
Michaela ('01)
Emma ('03)
Jordan ('05)
And, my 2 angels, Rose ('08) and Mark ('09)
The Cabbage Patch
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
aussieannie
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 21 2006
Location: Australia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 7251
|
| Posted: March 21 2007 at 4:50am | IP Logged
|
|
|
This thread has been an amazing read - heartbreaking, mostly... but beautiful.
We know why it is heartbreaking ....but it IS beautiful, because all you ladies are truly the 'White Martyrs' for the culture of life, living in a culture of death - there has probably never been a time in history like it - there is something beautiful and touching in all that raw pain (especially when it involves those closest to us) and I am sure the suffering will increase the blessing and joy your children will be to all of you and hopefully be a grace that will be waiting at the deathbed of many who offend life.
You really know it is a culture of death when the loved ones who live fairly normal, respectable lives can have such a deep animosity to new life - an immortal soul.
__________________
Under Her Starry Mantle
Spiritual Motherhood for Priests
Blessed with 3 boys & 3 girls!
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Ruth
Forum All-Star
Joined: Nov 04 2006
Location: Virginia
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 5007
|
| Posted: March 21 2007 at 7:06am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Yes, this has been very heartbreaking to read. I wonder how we were able to escape the culture of death, in which we were raised. I'm sure, by the grace of God.
My husband told me last night he is so happy I have found wonderful women who can understand and comfort me when no one in my family does. Thank you, dear sisters in Christ.
__________________
Ruth
mom to 7 miracles
My family blog
Loreto Rosaries
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
rivendellmom
Forum Pro
Joined: Feb 15 2005
Location: Illinois
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 171
|
| Posted: March 21 2007 at 8:09am | IP Logged
|
|
|
1. She's a cafeteria Catholic convert. Her favorite priest is Fr. Greeley.
2. She had a tubal at 29 after 3 children.
3. She's divorced.
My Mom is cautiously supportive- she did encourage me to get a tubal after my last one, and has mentioned that she hopes we are done now. I think she has more trouble with accepting suffering than with havin g more grandchildren. She just thinks that there is no reason to sacrifice or live with less than people in our neighborhood. I think she'd prefer me to have 2 children, a job, and a nice car. :(
__________________
Jen in suburban Chicagoland Mom to Connor(91), Garrett(93), Reilly (95), Mary Katherine (98), Declan (05), Ronan in ^i^ 6/28/08
visit our new blog: http://recreationalscholar.blogspot.com/
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
MicheleQ
Forum All-Star
Joined: Feb 23 2005
Location: Pennsylvania
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 2193
|
| Posted: March 21 2007 at 8:10am | IP Logged
|
|
|
Quote:
| 1) Are your mothers Catholic (and raised in a practicing Catholic family)? |
|
|
My mother is Catholic but nominal at best -she's not liberal just lukewarm. She wasn't raised Catholic but converted when she married my step-dad.
Quote:
| 2) Were they open to life and a large family themselves? |
|
|
In all fairness I don't really know. My mom has had a tough life. Her mother died when she was 6 weeks old (TB) and she was shuffled from place to place. At 19 she was forced to give her first baby up for adoption (long story - very sad) and then had 3 children to a man she didn't love who abused her and was an alcoholic.
I always knew she loved me but in so many ways she was not an effective mother. Still, given her circumstances at the time I can't imagine how hard it was and she's actually a pretty great mom now.
Quote:
| 3) Were they divorced? Remarried? |
|
|
Yes, divorced when I was 11. Honestly as awful as divorce is, I was relieved when my parents split. The fighting had gotten SO bad and I just wanted to be away from it. My mom got an annulment and married a really wonderful Catholic man.
I will tell you that my mom has gotten much better about me having more babies over the last few years. She no longer says anything negative and is very supportive. I learned recently that apparently my family has a "pool" going on how many kids I will have. That's a big change of attitude from a few years ago let me tell you.
I have gotten comments in the past like "God will understand if you use birth control" to which I reply "why would I want to participate in something that is intrinsically evil to possibly avoid the good of another child?" And " No, participating in evil is NOT OK with God." It's actually led to some good conversations and understanding.
Praying for you Ruth!
__________________
Michele Quigley
wife to my prince charming and mom of 10 in Lancaster County, PA USA
http://michelequigley.com
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
extremeknitter
Forum Rookie
Joined: March 08 2007
Location: Texas
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 71
|
| Posted: March 21 2007 at 8:35am | IP Logged
|
|
|
My mom was raised Catholic in a very small town in Iowa. She is the only daughter in a family of 4 children. Her mother abandoned the family when her younger brother was a toddler. Grandpa was sent reeling after this. Apparently he drank too much and was abusive in some manner. I never saw this... he was always my gentle giant. Her Catholic upbringing was the "iron fist" type... I don't know if they ever knew the joy of being Catholic. We were not given much more (regarding the faith) than they were, but 2 of my siblings are out of the church and the other is a cafeteria Catholic.
(here's a little "shout out" for my sainted Grams... she was my biological grandmother's best friend. When my biological grandmother abandoned the family, Grams moved in to raise the children. It was a great scandal in this small town of fewer than 400 people. They lived a chaste relationship, but you can imagine how people talked. Because my grandpa had been married in the Church [and it took 25 - 30 years for the annulment to be declared] my Grams never married and never had children of her own. She sacrificed all of that to raise my mother & her brothers.)
My dad was Lutheran & "converted" to marry my mom. My parents have been married 43 years.
They were sort of open to life. There are 4 of us. My mom had a tubal ligation done, at the recommendation of her doctor, after a difficult birth and hemorrhaging with my youngest sister.
My mom has never said anything negative about our pregnancies ~ but that doesn't mean she doesn't think we're nuts. My dad was not thrilled with our last announcement, though. I was 40 and our youngest was 6.5. 4 years prior they attended the funeral of our stillborn daughter, Mary Clare. I think it seemed too much for him to see me "go through" this. He asked me if we were "surprised" (we were... we were surprised we made it far enough into the pregnancy to announce it!) and said, "well, I guess if you're happy that's all that matters." In his defense, though, he did not know that we'd not stopped being open to life after we lost Mary Clare and had miscarried 5 babies before our John-Paul came. It must have seemed a bit out of the blue to him.
We've not had terrible experiences with our family, but we definitely find much more joy from our friends who value each precious soul as we do.
__________________
blessings and peace,
~knitter
mom to 6 terrific kids (ages 21 down to 1) and 10 little saints
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
Nina Murphy
Forum All-Star
Joined: May 18 2006
Location: California
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1546
|
| Posted: March 21 2007 at 10:03am | IP Logged
|
|
|
I agree with Anne---this has been so bittersweet to read. Some amazing stories, in there, though, of how God works to bring about good from all things and transforms even sin and suffering. A couple who remarried after divorcing and marrying another! Wow---isn't that every child's secret dream? (--except for some exception, like Michele's ) And mothers who *have* grown and come around....
Thank you again to everyone for sharing your lives with me...with us.
__________________
God bless,
~~Nina
mother of 9 on earth,
and 2 yet-to-be-met
|
| Back to Top |
|
| |
4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Based on Ruth's thread---mother reactions
