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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 10 2011 at 1:27pm | IP Logged
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First, let me confess that I've always been a worrier, anxiety prone, tempermental.  I say that knowing that may be these issues are just heightened b/c of life and kids and homeschool and who knows but I need some help and not sure how to proceed.
I am in a constant state of anxiety; frustrated, irritated, annoyed etc. etc. And of course the people most likely to deal w/ the fallout unfortunately is DH and kids. I'm not sure if I'm dealing w/ postpartum issues although baby is 4 1/2 months or hormone issues (no menstrual cycle yet) b/c of that and/or breastfeeding or the fact that baby still nurses 3-4 hrs a day...round the clock so although I may end up w/ 6-7 hrs of sleep each night it's certainly not ever in a row but how many moms here get good stretches of sleep so I should be able to cope w/ that. ? Also, I've posted before about my DS's learning issues and some days they're just magnified and I can't stand it (or him  ). May be then w/ DD 3's back-to-back illnesses running for 6 weeks, it was so concerning and it strained my nerves. Not sure how many remember but I did have Shingles too at Christmas...how many people asked "are you stressed?" I didn't think so but I guess so.
May be it's winter blues although we get a lot of sunshine in TX, we were iced in for 4 days last week and that threw everything completely out of whack w/ all the neighbor kids in and out all week long although I tried to keep us schooling. Then we were iced again most of yesterday and I was just done!
I guess I know...exercise, sleep, time...I suppose I know the answers but anything else you have to offer? May be just prayers...may be that's where I should have posted this. I better click send before I chicken out of posting but I'm tired of feeling this way.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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JodieLyn
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| Posted: Feb 10 2011 at 1:33pm | IP Logged
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Yes exercise, yes sleep, yes time BUT also vitamins and possibly some herbs like red raspberry leaf helps normalize hormones so it'll help with pms and such.
BUT post partum depression does tend to hit later in women who nurse and up to about a year after the birth is still considered post partum depression
AND if you're really struggling with day to day life, it may be a good idea to go and talk to a doctor and possibly get some anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medicine. It's likely only for a time.
I would try the vitamins and such but if you're not getting some pretty immediate results, then going the medical route could be a huge benefit to you and your family.
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Jodie, wife to Dave
G-18, B-17, G-15, G-14, B-13, B-11, G-9, B-7, B-5, B-4
All men who have turned out worth anything have had the chief hand in their own education.
-Sir Walter Scott
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kristinannie
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| Posted: Feb 10 2011 at 1:57pm | IP Logged
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I was just where you were at a couple of months ago. I was on edge and just couldn't stand to be around anyone. I was about 6 months postpartum when it hit and we had been sick for about 6 weeks and we had tons of snow so we were stuck inside. Here is how I dealt with it:
First of all, I talked to DH about how I was feeling. I told him that he hadn't done anything wrong, but that there was a mix of hormones and stress that was making me crazy. I asked him to give me 30 minutes a day for "me time." I would take a bath or paint my toenails or take a nap.
Secondly, cut yourself some slack! Hormones after birth (especially while breastfeeding) are sometimes just as bad as while you are pregnant! Be nice to yourself and don't expect too much.
I was very lucky that my babies have all been great sleepers so that wasn't an issue for me. I would say that, if at all possible, take a nap whenever your husband is home and you can fit it in. Sleep is so necessary! Is it possible to pump some milk and have DH do a middle of the night feeding?
I also prayed a lot about it. One day I just decided that I was going to stop being anxious. I know that sounds crazy, but I asked God to take that from me. I have suffered from anxiety my whole life. I know that Joyce Meyer isn't Catholic, but I find a lot of her teaching helpful. I read her books "Anxious for Nothing" and "Enjoying Where You Are on the Way to Where you are Going." They really shed some light on things for me. Whenever I feel anxiety creeping back in, I just tell it to get out of head and ask God to take it from me. It really does work for me...even though it sounds crazy!
I will keep you in my prayers. I know exactly how you feel and I was there really recently. As a last resort, I would go into my garage and she scream as loud as I could. Sometimes that just got all of it out of me for awhile! HUGS!
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Feb 10 2011 at 2:58pm | IP Logged
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Kathryn, I feel ya! 
There's probably physical issues at play - hormones, lack of sunlight, vitamin deficiency, mineral (esp. magnesium) deficiency, illness, and sleep issues. Also, my doctor told me that a nursing mother's hormones do not normalize for up to two years after birth (no wonder I'm always prone to craziness the first two years). 
I take a multi-vitamin (still taking a pre-natal for extra iron), drink lots of water especially on waking, make sure I have a fair amount of protein at breakfast and I also take a tincture of herbs for anxiety/stress (similar to Rescue Remedy but more customized).
Guidance - either from your Priest, a psychologist , a doctor or all three is very helpful if this is affecting your daily living. I used all three of these to battle my recent debilitating post-partum issues. I also prayed constantly. My favorite prayer, and one I still pray every morning is "Dear Lord, I pray you take away this suffering and heal me. If that is not your will, please give me the strength to bear my cross and grace to trust in your plan. I offer up my suffering for my husband, so that he will become a saint."
Also, I limited my exposure to the outside world for awhile to alleviate any stressors that I wasn't aware of like the daily news, violent or depressing television shows, and even people that caused me stress. I guess we sort of cocooned ourselves for a few months while I worked through my anxiety.
I am sending you lots of hugs and lots of prayer  . You are not alone in this and don't be afraid to talk to your husband about all of this. My hubby was my rock and really helped me to gain perspective and suprised me by how tender he was as I suffered through this process.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 10 2011 at 10:00pm | IP Logged
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JodieLyn wrote:
| Yes exercise, yes sleep, yes time BUT also vitamins and possibly some herbs like red raspberry leaf helps normalize hormones so it'll help with pms and such. |
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Which vitamins in particular? Where do you buy red raspberry leaf? Is that a pill, tea?
kristinannie wrote:
| I would say that, if at all possible, take a nap whenever your husband is home and you can fit it in. Sleep is so necessary! Is it possible to pump some milk and have DH do a middle of the night feeding? |
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I've always hated pumping and haven't much w/ this baby at all. He actually gives her one bottle of formula at around 8ish in the evening to help me so I can help other ones get ready for bed etc. Asking him to help in the night just doesn't help. Unless things are over the top then I'll ask. I didn't think I was that tired but I laid down w/ the 3 yo to try and get her to nap yesterday and I fell asleep so may be I am running low.
kristinannie wrote:
I also prayed a lot about it. One day I just decided that I was going to stop being anxious. I know that sounds crazy, but I asked God to take that from me. I have suffered from anxiety my whole life. I know that Joyce Meyer isn't Catholic, but I find a lot of her teaching helpful. I read her books "Anxious for Nothing" and "Enjoying Where You Are on the Way to Where you are Going."
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Oh gosh...I pray allllll the time...constantly. I will have to check out those books though and continue praying and be even more specific.
mamaslearning wrote:
I take a multi-vitamin (still taking a pre-natal for extra iron), drink lots of water especially on waking, make sure I have a fair amount of protein at breakfast and I also take a tincture of herbs for anxiety/stress (similar to Rescue Remedy but more customized). |
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I do most of this...I could prob. up the water. What's the Rescue Remedy? I used to take the OTC nerve tonic I think is same company that makes the baby teething tablets but I didn't know about taking anything while nursing. I was low on iron during pregnancy but stopped taking the Slow-FE after birth. I haven't noticed the extreme fatigue like during pregnancy so figured I was fine.
I did talk to DH tonight and I do think I need some extra guidance on daily coping skills. I'm going to look into that. He said he thinks I have too much on my plate (in particular homeschooling) but sending big kids back to school esp. DS is just not an option. This is me lately  
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 6:17am | IP Logged
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Rescue Remedy - It's a flower essence tincture, but you can also get them in a non-alcoholic form. My local health food store carries them in several forms. What I take is from Good Herbs. Inc and is a custom blend (my neighbor is a distributor). I found the most relief when I take them on a daily basis and not just on an as needed basis. Maybe it's a placebo effect, but it's working for now so I don't care.  If you have questions on taking anything while nursing call LLL or search at Dr. Hale's site.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. Talking with a psychologist REALLY helped me move through the anxiety/panic. I learned some great coping skills and was able to spill all my worries and fears on her without hurting any feelings (with DH I always worried about that). With the combination of therapy, praying, priestly guidance, and sacraments my outlook is changing which is alleviating the anxiety that has hung around my head these last 6 months. I tried the antidepressants, but they did not work for me. I know they work for some people, and I wanted them to work, but it was not to be.
It's also okay to take a break for a month from schooling to get yourself some help. That's the beauty of educating your children at home!
Hugs!
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
St. Francis de Sales Homeschool
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Servant2theKing
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Kathryn,
You have my prayers and deepest empathy. I've struggled with anxiety off and on for many years...mostly related to hormone changes, also related to endocrine issues, possibly exacerbated by ongoing episodes of Shingles. I echo what Jodie said about trying exercise, rest, vitamins, herbs and such; then following up with good medical care if those aren't doing the job. In my case, no amount of prayer or trying to talk myself out of the anxiety helped. My greatest degree of anxiety began around age 35, when I developed hypothyroidism, in the midst of experiencing three births and 1 miscarriage, after more than a decade of secondary infertility. In hindsight, I now realize that much unnecessary stress and strife resulted from not knowing how badly imbalanced my endocrine system had become. Later, when I experienced peri-menopause, the anxiety worsened. I needed, and still need, medication. There is no shame in needing to go that route. Our minds and bodies are finely and intricately interwoven. When any part of that equation is out of kilter, God has blessed us, through medical science, with proper medications to help stabilize things. Just, as I would never avoid taking insulin if I were diabetic, I cannot avoid taking prescribed medications my body needs to level out my anxiety and also help with other health issues, such as my thyroid, insomnia and RLS. Hormone changes can play a serious part in mood fluctuations, as can thyroid or adrenal imbalance. Praying you'll be able to find a good doctor, who can guide you through this difficult time. FWIW, I've found that female doctors sometimes seem to understand the intricate balance of women's concerns a little better than male doctors. If at all possible, it's also helpful to find a Catholic or Christian doctor, who will treat you in accord with your faith.
I also echo the idea of taking a break from schooling, if it would help you and dc. We continually revel in "the beauty of homeschooling" and the blessing of being able to "intuitively" discern the ebb and flow of our own unique family life. One of the worst things we did, during our most turbulent years, was use a packaged curriculum, which demanded oodles of paperwork and sending assigned work and grades to the curriculum provider. In our case, especially with dc who have ADD, and with my heightened anxiety, it only worsened things. Over the past 20 years God has graciously guided us to a much more appropriate means of educating within our family. I write our own lesson plans and dc have eased into a very comfortable pattern of studying, which we can easily adjust as life demands.
May God bless you with wisdom in seeking help with your anxiety, and may you and your loved ones find new graces and blessings in your family life and homeschooling. May our Lord bring you immense comfort, profound peace, newfound joy and renewed serenity, along with a true sense of His Sacred Presence in your life. He is right there with you in the midst of any of your struggles...truly He IS there, to help carry your burdens...He waits day and night to carry you through these difficult times. May God be with you, uphold you, strengthen and enlighten your heart, mind and soul in all things!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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Taffy
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My littlest one is about 7 and a half months old now and I was in a similar position not so long ago. Plus I was dealing with cabin fever due to very cold temperatures which made going outside very tough, especially with the baby. (I live in Alberta, Canada where winter can be very harsh.)
About 6 weeks ago, I started giving our dog a walk by myself every night after my husband got home. Even though it was dark out and I often had to wear so much outerwear that I felt like an astronaut, the daily walks have done wonders for my mental health. Even though sleep is still hard to come by with a baby who still night nurses, I make it an absolute priority now to get out for my nightly walk. I'll feed the baby then head out the door. My husband has been very supportive of this so it must be making me easier to live with! 
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Susan
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Susan's Soliloquy
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 4:34pm | IP Logged
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Taffy wrote:
| I started giving our dog a walk by myself every night after my husband got home. |
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A dog and a walk...that could do wonders! We lost our beloved dog 5 years ago and have never gotten another one. I would love a dog but feel like it's one more thing to take care of. May be I'll start w/ the walks. We've talked about a dog, I think it would be a good thing for us all...
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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Kathryn
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| Posted: Feb 11 2011 at 4:40pm | IP Logged
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To Lara and Servant,
I think the hard part about taking a break from schooling is then it will seem even more chaotic as the oldest 2 (well, esp. the DS) then has NOTHING specific to do. It's almost better to at least have something for him to accomplish. I've cut my expectations back soooo much but at least he's occupying his time in healthy ways if I keep some semblance of schooling. Today I gave him a Draw Write Now book and said to pick anything and draw a picture. Of course he said "why?" Well, I didn't say "because I said so!" but instead just said it would help his handwriting and be able to pay attention better. He seemed content with that and off he went for 30 MINUTES!! (unheard of for him!) and drew one of his best pictures yet! He used about 3 different images throughout the book to create his own picture. It's now hanging on the wall and his dad just got home and I showed him and he couldn't believe it either.
The hard part about anxiety is that it ebbs and flows. I wish there was something to take or do on the days that it's hardest when I'm biting everyone's head off or feeling my knee move 100 mph. Today has been a pretty good day...must be the prayers from you all.
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Kathryn in TX
(dd 16, ds 15, dd 8, dd 5)
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Help me get a grip!
