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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Jan 30 2006 at 6:28pm | IP Logged
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I am noticing something as my 5 children get older...the older ones seem to influence the younger ones and they are growing up faster than I would like.
Its not that they are hearing or learning "Bad" things. It just seems like they have older interests than they ought to have.
I should say that one of the main reasons I homeschool is to allow my children to be "children" as long as they want to be.
My oldest dd (9) recently got some toenail polish for her birthday (toes only is the house rule). Before that, there was no nailpolish in the house but mine (which I very rarely wear). Now my 3 and 6 yr olds regularly have shiney pink toes because the oldest painted them for her sisters!
My oldest, ds12 is now listening to harder Christian rock (mainly Switchfoot and a few others like it). When he was 9 he liked smooth Jazz and classical. When he was 6 or 7 he was still listening to story tapes and classical kids CD's.
My current 9 yr old (dd) thinks she is too old for all of these wonderful things ds did at her age, and wants to listen to "Zoe Girl." (chick Christian music I am grudgingly tolerating).
My 6 yr old recently handed me the Madeline and Jesus song cd's that her older sister listened to at 6 and walks around singing Zoegirl songs! Arrrgggg!
My 3 1/2 yr old recently asked for "Rebecca St. James" in the car instead of the usual, Thomas the Tank Engine. 
At that point, I blew. I told my oldest dd that she was not to listen to any contemporary Christian rock when her 3 yr old sister was in the room, and she needed to at least listen to more of a variety of story tapes, Christian kids music, and her girl band music so that the 6yr old would still listen to them.
Is this just inevitable? Is there any hope that my youngest, a boy (9 mo old), will ever get to "like" Barney and Bob the Builder before the kids influence him?
I am afraid my younger ones are going to have a rushed childhood, exactly the thing I was trying to avoid.
What do I do?
~Books
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lapazfarm
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I have the same issue here. The youngers really look up to the olders and want so much to be just like them. This is good and bad and ultimately, I think, inevitable.
I can't offer any help, but just wanted to let you know I'm right there with you.Let me know if you come up with any strategies.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Mary G
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Yep, I have the same problem here. One of the reasons 16yos is now home from "real school". He wsa bringing hom esuch attitude and peer "junk" that it was virtually scandalizing my little ones....
But this is part of God's plan and as Theresa mentioned -- there are some good influences too so we just keep watching and jumping in when necessary.
I know that's not much help -- but at least you know you're not alone!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Bookswithtea
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| Posted: Jan 31 2006 at 2:41pm | IP Logged
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Sigh...It makes me sad. I can't decide if this is a bad thing or just part of life.
Are there skills that later kids have because of their early exposure to "older kid stuff?"
Is there any way to look at this in a positive light, besides the way later children pick up the good things about their older siblings? That's all good, of course.
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lapazfarm
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Well, they can also learn from their older sibs mistakes. My oldest dd is the queen of poor choices. With two children out of wedlock at the age of 21, she is not exactly held up as a standard of virtue to her younger sibs. To her benefit, she is at least taking responsibility for her choices and caring for her 2 beautiful boys. My 2nd dd (16) however, has a very real example of what can happen when we make poor choices and she is determined not to make the same mistakes.
Another positive note is that the imitation by younger sibs is easy for the olders to see and a real opportunity to point out to them their responsibility as role models.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Mary G
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And, when you think about it -- God gave us a free will and sometimes the younger ones need to see just how poor choices can lead to good things -- I know my sister's OoW son (who is a graduate of Dartmouth now) brought her back to the Church when she wanted to send him to parochial rather than public school. God truly works in mysterious ways!
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Mary G
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Also, on the positive side:
my 3 yos KNOWS his colors because my 6 and 7 yo kids quiz him all the time....of course, he's not potty-trained yet 
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MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Elizabeth
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I recently chatted with my pastor about homeschooled kids and socialization. He told me that the kids who turn out best are the younger kids in big homeschooled families. They get just enough positive big kid influence without getting too much worldly influence. They benefit from having more experienced parents than most kids (I'd never even considered that angle of extended childbearing). While they may be exposed to some things earlier, they hardly have "rushed" childhoods. All kids imitate mommy and daddy. These little ones imitate older brothers and sisters who are their real-life heroes. Mostly, they just benefit from good examples. The trick is to ensure the first ones ARE indeed good examples. Squelch bad attitudes and bad behavior immediately and call it such within earshot of the littles. And praise the virtues of those big ones for everyone to hear!
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Elizabeth
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Mary G. wrote:
Also, on the positive side:
my 3 yos KNOWS his colors because my 6 and 7 yo kids quiz him all the time....of course, he's not potty-trained yet |
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My kids begged me for a dog. Two years ago, when I was pregnant but before the kids knew, I promised we'd get a dog when no one was in diapers. I figured that with a new baby nine months away, I was good for at least three years. I miscarried and the big kids trained the baby before she was two. We now have an 80 pound labradoodle named Frodo !
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Elizabeth Foss is no longer a member of this forum. Discussions now reflect the current management & are not necessarily expressions of her book, *Real Learning*, her current work, or her philosophy. (posted by E. Foss, Jan 2011)
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Bookswithtea
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Ok. I'm starting to feel better about it now. I guess God knew that this would happen anyway, huh?
I've asked my older two to not make fun of younger kid programs or music, but to let their siblings enjoy it like they did. They seem to "get" what I am talking about.
And I'm absolutely positive that someone besides me taught my 3 yr old to count!
~Books
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Mary G
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Books -- it may be an age thing that they'll grow out of in another couple of months. All of a sudden the older ones seem to have a knack for being accommodating of the littles -- but remember to give them some time to be big -- stay up later, hang with Mom and Dad more, etc.
Praying ALWAYS helps!
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MaryG
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Servant2theKing
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We've had our share of "negative" influence from older, now adult, children coming up the ranks before the younger ones. But, we've also witnessed the "positive peer pressure" that olders can exert in a family. Emphasis placed on the awesome duty and privilege of influencing one another toward good can be an important and valuable element of our homeschooling. Where else in your childrens' lives can they experience such constant opportunities to see "grace in action" than through the daily witness of parents and older siblings! Even when mistakes are made, younger ones ALSO have the privilege of witnessing MERCY in action, as it flows out in their family! Through various trials and errors in our family we have learned the immense value of MERCY firsthand!
One way to handle requests made by older siblings for various privileges is to ask them how they think it might effect their younger brothers and sisters and also have them consider how they might have been influenced by exposure to such things at the ages their siblings are currently at. Our olders have actually become more protective of the youngers through the years, not wanting them to experience things that they found negative, harmful or less than beneficial.
It's okay to develop family rules and standards that everyone adheres to in your household. If certain music or other media, dress, behavior, etc. seems to reflect the world's negative ways, it can be mutually agreed, and understood, that it doesn't belong in your home. Consecrate your family to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary and focus on living more as they would!
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All for Christ, our Saviour and King, servant
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JennGM
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Darn if I lost my original post. Growing up there were seven of us ranging with 15 years difference from oldest to youngest. This was one of my mother's biggest laments, that her younger ones were losing their innocence and getting bad influence from their older siblings. She did try to enforce the rules, particularly on music and computer, but some rules did bend or change over time. We homeschooled on and off over the years...the middle ones went to a real school more than the littles, and all (except me) had their high school in a real school.
I have to say the two youngest in my family, brother and sister, stayed sweet and innocent for a long time. My mom did an excellent job. Perhaps it is temperament, but they are still sweet and loving (and, yes innocent, not naive), now at the ages of 26 and 23.
But I did see positives...for both the older and younger. The olders had to take care of the littles, whereever we were...sports functions, etc. We had to keep an eye out for them. We learned about sacrifice. We got a little taste of parenting. We brought our friends and dates home, and we had little chaperones  who wanted to see and hear everything...so that helped us keep it all above board. They were also our litmus test for picking future spouses and solid friends -- if someone couldn't tolerate or be themselves and friendly with the kids, we didn't bother!
Of course, there was the imitation factor of the littles. But with the "bad influence" they also picked up the good influence. They learned from our successes and mistakes. They saw us apply ourselves to gain goals and also saw us lose privileges by being bad. They saw our enthusiasm for life, our faith, reading, music, art, dancing, old movies...
The homeschool environment helped keep our relationships alive with the younger siblings....and we have things in common. Going to school separates the children and their interests. There isn't a great divide between the younger kids and older kids now that we are all married and with children. My sisters are my best friends, and I can relate to my youngest sister, who is 13 years younger, as well as my sister who is 14 months younger, as well as the ones that are 5 years younger and 8 years younger. We've read the same books, heard the same music, watched the same movies, knew my boyfriends...They know me!
Of course, this is the perspective of an oldest child...some of my siblings might have a different take. Just waxing sentimental this morning..... 
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Jennifer G. Miller
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Bookswithtea
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Thank you all so much. I'm feeling much better about this. I guess I need to just "work with it" rather than against it.
Blessings to you all,
~Books
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momwise
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Servant2theKing wrote:
| One way to handle requests made by older siblings for various privileges is to ask them how they think it might effect their younger brothers and sisters and also have them consider how they might have been influenced by exposure to such things at the ages their siblings are currently at. |
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Yes books...with 7 kids from 1 to 24 there is no question I've experienced what you're talking about and I really mourned about it in the beginning.
So many of the posts here have mentioned the positive aspects of good, healthy relationships between the older and younger homeschooled kids. That certainly is a consolation!
Our two oldest made some really bad decisions too and I agree with everyone that it can be used very effectively to point out what the consequences are like.
Also, what Servant said is basically what I've begun saying recently. I might phrase it as a solemn responsibility to the older child and remind them why God made them older (to help the younger get to Heaven). Or I might remind them that their practice in modeling virtue begins here at home and will eventually become something they do in the world.
If it's really bad behavior on the part of the older, it's a good time to break out the CCC and read about giving scandal.
Ahhhhhhh....there's never a dull moment.
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Gwen...wife for 30 years, mom of 7, grandma of 3.....
"If you want equal justice for all and true freedom and lasting peace, then America, defend life." JPII
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JennGM
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momwise wrote:
Also, what Servant said is basically what I've begun saying recently. I might phrase it as a solemn responsibility to the older child and remind them why God made them older (to help the younger get to Heaven). Or I might remind them that their practice in modeling virtue begins here at home and will eventually become something they do in the world.
If it's really bad behavior on the part of the older, it's a good time to break out the CCC and read about giving scandal. |
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Gwen...so true. That is what my mother did...and it was a responsibility that I did not hold lightly. I did fail a few times, though. 
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Jennifer G. Miller
Wife to & ds1 '03 & ds2 '07
Family in Feast and Feria
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Cay Gibson
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Bookswithtea wrote:
My oldest dd (9) recently got some toenail polish for her birthday (toes only is the house rule). Before that, there was no nailpolish in the house but mine (which I very rarely wear). Now my 3 and 6 yr olds regularly have shiney pink toes because the oldest painted them for her sisters!
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Books,
My girls are 15 1/2, 8 and 4.
I often walk past my oldest dd's bedroom door and find the two younger ones in her room getting their toes polished or their hair fixed and braided.
Due to the age difference, the younger two look up to Kayleigh and idolize her. I'm grateful they idolize their sister and not some other entity. To me it's time well spent and the influence beats anything they would see on TV.
Also, due to the age difference, I was worried that my younger girls wouldn't have much in common with their older sister. To me these are memories in the making. A bonding ritual is going on here and I don't dare mess with it. Sometimes I even join them. 
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Cay Gibson
"There are 49 states, then there is Louisiana." ~ Chef Emeril
wife to Mark '86
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Cajun Cottage Under the Oaks
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4Real Forums : Mothering and Family Life
Topic: Older kids influencing younger ones...
