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Donna
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 5:23am | IP Logged
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I'm looking for answers to my dear friend's questions regarding the loss of her baby. We've spent several hours talking and I don't feel like I had the answers for her that she was looking for.
She lost her baby 3 weeks ago at 14 weeks, and says she can't receive Holy Communion because of her inner feelings. She's angry,confused, and feeling as though God has abandoned her. She does not want to receive unworthily. My feeling is that she needs to receive Holy Communion and that it will help her through. She has been to Confession twice since she lost the baby, yet feels her emotions are keeping her from receiving.
My heart aches for her. I know that feeling of abandonment, that feeling of being in a dark pit after losing a child, and I want to help her through it. It can be a very lonely place.
Does anyone have any thoughts that I can pass along?
__________________
Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
Grandbabies Leigha and Elsie
Moments Like These
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Bridget
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 7:09am | IP Logged
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There may be nothing you can say. You well know the combination of grief and hormones after a loss.
Maybe this . When we make a difficult decision, and say 'no' to one of our children, they are hurt and angry for a time. But we are patient and loving as they work through it. We don't abandon them but try to offer comfort and help. How much more patient and loving God must be with us!
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God Bless,
Bridget, happily married to Kevin, mom to 8 on earth and a small army in heaven
Our Magnum Opus
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Donna
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 7:29am | IP Logged
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Thank you, Bridget. What about her not wanting to receive Communion? Should I encourage her to? She feels unworthy.
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Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
Grandbabies Leigha and Elsie
Moments Like These
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Becky Parker
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 10:28am | IP Logged
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After I had my first miscarriage I was very angry as well. We had waited so long to become pregnant. One day I was driving in the car and my arms literally ached because I wanted to hold the baby (we named her Hannah) so much. I was really crying to the point I thought I was going to have to pull over. But then a thought came to mind, it was almost as if Jesus was speaking to me and said, I am holding your baby now and she is perfect. Then I started crying all over again as I pictured Him holding her. I feel like some children are conceived to be with God in Heaven immediately. These are the little ones that are miscarried. I don't know if that is correct but it has given me peace. (We have had 3 miscarriages). They are our saints in Heaven and we ask for their intersession.
I will pray for your friend. The unworthy feeling is probably coming from Satan. The Lord is sure to understand her anguish at this loss. If she has been to confession she can go to communion. Perhaps that is exactly what she needs, and Satan would like her to stay away from Our Lord.
Becky
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: June 12 2006 at 10:49am | IP Logged
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You could gently remind her that in truth, none of us is worthy.
"Lord I am unworthy to recieve you, but only say the word and I shall be healed"
But this is why we need Him so much.
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Dawnie
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Donna,
I've struggled with discerning whether or not I can receive Communion, too, although not over the issue of miscarriage. My priest told me that only mortal sin prevents us from receiving Communion. You may want to remind your friend of the conditions for being in mortal sin: 1. It must invole a grave matter 2. The person must have knowledge that what he is doing is wrong 3. The person must freely choose to do it.
Emotions by themselves are not sinful. It is what we *do* with our emotions that can be sinful. Here is a personal example. I have struggled with postpartum depression. At times I felt extremely anxious, angry, and/or sad. While feeling this way by itself was not sinful, it *was* sinful if I allowed my emotions to influence me to sin. So, if I lost my temper with my children b/c of angry and anxious feelings, that would be a sin. Simply feeling angry and anxious is not, though.
It also might help your friend to differentiate between temptations and desires. At times we can be tempted to do things, but if we do not *desire* to commit the sin, then there is no sin. I think the devil sometimes torments people with negative thoughts.
Finally, my priest has also told me that receiving Holy Communion cleanses us of venial sin. So, if we are struggling in an area, but not in a state of mortal sin, then receiving Communion can actually help us to overcome that imperfection.
I hope this helps.
Dawn
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Mom to Mary Beth (99), Anna (02), Lucia (04), Clara (06), and Adelaide Victoria (2/28/09)
Visit my blog!Water Into Wine:Vino Per Tutto!
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Donna
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 4:40am | IP Logged
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Thankyou, ladies, for your help...Alot of good things for me to say.
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Donna
DH, Keven
Jason, Stevie, Marie, Jackson, Clara, and Aaron
Jacob, Sam, and Regina with God
Grandbabies Leigha and Elsie
Moments Like These
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krgammel
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| Posted: June 13 2006 at 1:20pm | IP Logged
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There are many of us who share her pain.
The anger takes time...
Here is a prayer that brought me comfort A Grieving Parent’s Prayer , maybe it would be a start for your friend as well.
+Kristen
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4Real Forums : Domestic Church
Topic: What to say to a dear friend
