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countrymom
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| Posted: June 08 2015 at 2:32pm | IP Logged
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it seems to go in spurts. I get inspired and the next layer gets shed. It has been a good 3 years as well for me. Different things inspire me. Re-reading good books on holy poverty, getting overwhelmed before baby arrives, kicking around piles of toys and getting exasperated, ect.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 09 2015 at 7:30am | IP Logged
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OK- that makes me feel better.
Also- at times I feel like I am running in place with this. I come from a shopping family, and one thing my mother and sisters like to do is find bargains, buy them, and give them to me or my dc.
In the last couple of weeks, one sister gave me three (!) photo albums, a huge pad of scrapbooking paper (I don't scrapbook) and several packages of stickers. My mother bought two sparkly headbands for dd (who just gave away about 5 because she doesn't wear them) and two packs of what she thought were Star Wars stickers for the kids, but these turned out to be fabric stickers (not sure what to do with them- came with no directions... iron on?)
Another sister gave dd a bag of dress up clothes from the thrift store as well as several necklaces and bracelets that she no longer wants.
So, while I appreciate their generosity and thoughtfulness, I feel frustrated at times. I know they love the kids and want to buy them things, but it gets to be overwhelming. 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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ekbell
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| Posted: June 09 2015 at 10:45am | IP Logged
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I have relatives who also declutter by giving away what they don't want/need and my Oma was a garage sale bargain hunter as well.
I've found that most of the time those who pass things along don't show any signs of noticing what isn't used. If my MIL gives one of my dds a bag of clothes and she only wears half of it - it's the half that is worn not the half that was given away that is noticed. With toys and books it's even more true.
So, ideally, I thank the givers and keep what will be used and enjoyed and donate what will just add to the clutter (granted this means I need a place to put items to donate and to add a routine stop to our local second-hand store). And for stuff such as dress-up clothes there's thinning out old stuff when new stuff comes in.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 09 2015 at 11:12am | IP Logged
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ekbell wrote:
So, ideally, I thank the givers and keep what will be used and enjoyed and donate what will just add to the clutter (granted this means I need a place to put items to donate and to add a routine stop to our local second-hand store). And for stuff such as dress-up clothes there's thinning out old stuff when new stuff comes in. |
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I do the same- keep what we'll use and donate the rest. I know that the givers get much joy from the shopping and the giving, which might be the main purpose of this stuff. I am not ungrateful, just overwhelmed at times by it all.
Thankfully I don't have any hawk-type relatives who are watching to make sure that everything is used, worn, etc. That must be hard!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Erin
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 7:19am | IP Logged
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Countrymom,
Congratulations!!! 
I've been thinking and thinking about this conversation and I've come to the conclusion I'm the 'different one' here  
Whilst I'm often culling, sorting through ratty clothing, unused etc. Constantly culling paperwork, artwork etc and I'd like my house to be not too visually overwhelming, in an ideal world I'd love to be a minimalist of a kind...my life really isn't.
My reality is...I share a home with 10 children, aged 21 to 1, plus my husband. We have varied interests and varied needs. This makes for a whole lot of 'stuff'.
Recently a family member visited and made a 'comment' on the amount of toys our children have. I genuinely puzzled and quizzed myself, "Should/could I cull more?" But all toys are used, all toys are 'evergreens', wooden blocks, k'nex, legos etc no plastic bits and bobs. There are five children under 10 which equals to more items needed than for a family of say two children. when my children play lego they all play lego, it's how we roll, so we have two huge tubs of lego and it's not unknown to have the older teens join in too. So my lifestyle, needs are different to perhaps other families.
I always love hearing about other people's decluttering and it's still one of my favourite occupations, but I've had to accept I can't be a minimalist..yet
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JennGM
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SeaStar wrote:
Nice opener
But seriously (and sadly), twice in the past year here good Catholic homeschooling moms have passed away, and the families have given away or sold the bulk of their libraries and homeschooling books/supplies.
All the collections, saints books, etc... apparently these were of no real lasting or sentimental value to anyone except the mothers who collected them. They were good for teaching children in the moment, but no one wanted to hang on to them.
This has me seriously wondering: am I hanging on to too many books and other items thinking that someday my family will be glad? Or will it all be a burden to them eventually... as in "Mom loved this... should we keep it?"
I didn't know where to put this conversation, but it has been on my mind.
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I read this OP a while ago, and have been chatting with family members all about this. In my own family, my husband said it wouldn't be a burden to have the books once I died. Although he complains and ribs me about them, he also brags to other people about the great books we have.
My own sons want them. They are young yet, but they are already wanting their own copies.
And I'm the oldest of 7. We haven't been able to split up Mom's library, because we all want the books. So many of us have been searching for books that we had growing up and making our own library.
So my first reading made me panicked, because I thought maybe I've had a warped view of my books, but after discussing with so many, I don't feel like it's a bad thing to have.
Of course I always need to cull and purge periodically. And I hope I can get them more organized before I die.
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Jennifer G. Miller
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SallyT
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 10:47am | IP Logged
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Yes, Jenn -- in fact, my oldest daughter has just been packing to move, and I'm kind of afraid some books I don't want to lose are in her boxes! Oh, well . . . if I really want them, I'll either get them back from her or buy new copies. Such is life. i'm not so attached (even, gulp, to my vintage copy of In This House of Brede) that I'm about to go ripping through her packed boxes to look for anything.
Meanwhile, a good bit of furniture I've kept is going with her as well. It was hand-me-down furniture to me, and I'm not sorry to have hung onto it -- good, basic pieces like a drop-leaf maple table I don't have room for in our current house. I just couldn't make myself sell it. And now I'm glad I have it to give away. She can set herself up without an enormous outlay of money for basic furniture that she'll probably use for years to come.
Meanwhile, I frankly am perfectly fine with not being a minimalist. I'm fairly sure I'm *not* a hoarder, though the closets do need purging from time to time. My house would probably look cluttered to a Japanese person, but not to, say, a Cambridge academic, or a rather traditional Southerner. Having *things* is just the reality of my life. I'm also, much as I love St. Francis, not remotely tempted to be a Franciscan. My charisms are far more tilted toward St. Benedict in many ways -- not that St. Benedict is the patron saint of clutter or hoarders, but he is the patron saint of Europe/Western Civilization, which was preserved by the maintenance of -- books. I'm on board with that. I want my home to say, "This Family Reads." And if good books are safely on my shelves, then they're not, at least on my watch, in a landfill.
I haven't talked about this with my husband, but I can guess that if I raised it, he would look at me like I was nuts. He has more books than I do. And if he goes first, I will have his theological library to dispose of, which is far larger than my own library. I guess it never occurred to me to think of this as especially a problem, or a burden. It's just a fact of life.
I do live by the "a place for everything" rule. If I have more things than places for them, then something does have to go. That seems reasonable and consistent with having a comfortable, livable, relatively attractive home. And of course nothing should become an idol. If I can't bear the thought of losing something if the house burned down, or because a child broke it, then I'm probably too attached to it and should go to confession and then discern what to do next, which might or might not mean getting rid of that thing.
It seems to me that this is enough to worry about -- let the day's worry be sufficient for the day. It's enough to worry about my own spiritual life and my attachments, today. I could stay up all night being anxious about what my family will do after I die -- on every level -- but it seems better just to trust God with that, and do the best I can with what I have, here in the present.
Sally
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 11:35am | IP Logged
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I have come up with some book guidelines to help myself determine what to keep and what goes:
Books that I have read half or part of but have never bothered to finish obviously are not that important to me and can go. I've had a few of these in the house for years.
Books that were recommended to me (for school or personal reading) that we didn't like or just didn't work for us are going.
Books that have outdated pictures inside or on the cover (think kids in 80's clothing) are going.
Books that are not a pleasure to look at, hold and read are going. That includes books with yellow, brittle pages, mold spots, illustrations I don't like, etc. I have one saint book that, while I love the idea of it and the story, the pictures creep me out a little. It's going.
Books that we used for school but no one is particularly attached to and we are done with are going.
Books that were given to me as a gift that I don't want or like are going.
I read a post recently about a woman whose mother kept all of their homeschooling items. The daughter who inherited it all did not keep any
curricula-type items at all. She wanted to plan and choose her own curriculum. She was thankful for some of the readers and other books, but that was all she wanted.
Everyone is different. It's funny how what one person values so intensely is nothing to the next person.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 12:38pm | IP Logged
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Also not keeping books that were super cheap or free (yard sale) or bought on a whim for super cheap that no one has taken any particular shine to...
those are fun in the moment, but they tend to build up and clutter the shelves.
I have only tackled a few shelves so far, but I am liking that the ones I have done are full of books that make me smile when I see them. 
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Erin
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 4:25pm | IP Logged
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SeaStar wrote:
I read a post recently about a woman whose mother kept all of their homeschooling items. The daughter who inherited it all did not keep any
curricula-type items at all. She wanted to plan and choose her own curriculum. She was thankful for some of the readers and other books, but that was all she wanted.
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Well actually this was my experience too.
A few years after life circumstances forced my mum to give up homeschooling, as the oldest I inherited all the books. Imagine 9 plus bookcases, I felt as if I was the custodian and took by role seriously, I had a huge job, culling, sorting, deciding what to do with all these books. Many, many were treasures, some were not. Imagine me driving up to homeschool days in the park with a trailer, opening the tarp and saying, "Go for it ladies" that's what I did.
But what about the homeschooling texts, Mum homeschooled in the 80s and 90s, Amish texts we had plenty of and A Beka, Bob Jones, Seton (from the 80s) and a whole heap of others. At that stage I was more influence by literature based education and Charlotte Mason and unschooling and liberal arts etc, a heavy text book education was not for me. So..believing myself to be the custodian for the future nieces and nephews I stored all books that I didn't want/use but that I thought had potential in my shipping container for years.
Fast forward and my oldest nephews are in school and other siblings are not talking about homeschooling (I only hold out hope that one other of the 8 of us will). So I went through them again, kept a few select for myself in the case of possibility, such as the Australian old school texts and gave the rest to a Mennonite friend. She's ecstatic and I'm free.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 6:39pm | IP Logged
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Wow- Erin, what a responsibility! Sounds like you did a great job with it all, and the ladies must have loved, loved, loved you when you rolled up with the trailer. Very generous 
I am stymied by the fact that I have always tried to build up a library that my kids would enjoy and that would encourage them to read. But I have not been able to (or just have not done a very good job) of predicting what they would like. When they have a preference, I always pictured myself running to the book cases and saying, "Hot dog! I have just the book for you."
In reality, that has just not happened very often. They have strong likes and dislikes, and I have to let them be who they are. In the meantime, I have to make room for the books they do love and read.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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Erin
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| Posted: June 11 2015 at 6:52pm | IP Logged
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Melinda
I do understand some of my loves not one of my children do, oh maybe the oldest, she's usually open to loving anything in print But many of my children's favourite books I would never have given a second look at if they hadn't 'encouraged' me too For example our oldest son's favourite genre is fantasy, not my genre at all but lots of discussion and stretching all round and the face of our reading changed forever.
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SeaStar
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| Posted: June 12 2015 at 6:14am | IP Logged
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Erin wrote:
Melinda
I do understand some of my loves not one of my children do, oh maybe the oldest, she's usually open to loving anything in print But many of my children's favourite books I would never have given a second look at if they hadn't 'encouraged' me too For example our oldest son's favourite genre is fantasy, not my genre at all but lots of discussion and stretching all round and the face of our reading changed forever. |
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Erin- this exactly! I could never have predicted how auditory my son is. Give him The Secret Garden in regular book form, and he won't even glance at it. But give him the audiobook, and he is enthralled. I should have put my energy into building up a quality audio library for him
(But, of course, audiobooks are much more expensive- rarely found for free or a few cents).
I would never have predicted he would love comics so much, and historical graphic novels, or his love of nonfiction. So essentially I have a library of many wonderful books that he is not going to read in their current form.
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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SallyT
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Yes to all of this. Melinda, I really like your guidelines.
And in general, I would think that textbooks and curriculum, as opposed to literature, would have far less lasting value than any literature. Yes, there are books my kids like more than others, and books which sit unread right now. If they're classic literature, I will keep them -- if they've had value over generations, they will continue to have value, in terms of readability, even if one or another of my particular kids don't read them.
One thing I think about is how stuffed with books my paternal grandparents' house was. I have lots of those books now. And as a child, going to visit, I read them. There was nothing else to do out in the country, and we got sent to bed before Johnny Carson came on.
So I want to have shelves worth exploring. And I'm trying to generate a lot of boredom this summer, so that people here now will do that. (AND I'm enforcing summer reading, with selections by me, so some things are getting read regardless of what people would choose. Thus far, the complaints have not lasted past the first chapter).
Meanwhile, I'm purging curriculum. It gets dated, and updated, and is geared to one philosophy or another, most of which aren't mine. That I have no problem letting go of, and I can be fairly sure no one will want it. I hope some of my children will choose to homeschool their own children, but I'm not going to bank on it or keep homeschooling-specific items against that day which may never come. Even if they don't homeschool, however, I hope they'll value good books and want their kids to have them. (Again, I think a lot of my books from upstairs are probably moving to San Antonio with a person who has imbibed the book culture pretty fully. I'm trying not to wonder what's in those boxes, or to say, "Mine!").
That, again, despite my general desire to be surrounded by books, I have no problem doing.
In the one instance of massive-book-overload that I've read about recently, the deceased mom had a homeschool-book buy-sell business -- and she bought more than she could sell. She had overloaded on inventory and then either was too ill or too out of it to move it along. So that was what the elderly dad and adult children had to contend with -- a real hoarding situation (or at least, a massive inventory overload). I have done a little buy-sell, picking up thrift-store copies of books I know will sell and reselling them, but I'm aware of needing to pace myself -- I won't buy anything new, for example, until I've unloaded what's currently stacked under my desk. And I think I"ll tell my husband that if I start to lose my mind, he should not under any circumstances let me go to the thrift store alone!
Sally
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SeaStar
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LOL, Sally- you crack me up.
The other thing I am realizing is that some books don't last, especially paperbacks.
Spines age and dry out, pages loosen, etc.
It is a huge pain and no fun to have books that are taped together with another page falling out daily or every time it is read.
I am afraid I have to add that to my list: any book with an iffy spine goes!
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Melinda, mom to ds ('02) and dd ('04)
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SallyT
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| Posted: June 13 2015 at 6:09am | IP Logged
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Yeah, if the pages are falling out, I think that's a good sign that it's outlived its useful existence. :)
Sally
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: If you died...
