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3ringcircus
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| Posted: Feb 06 2015 at 9:42pm | IP Logged
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Have you done this?
For what reason?
Did you find it effective?
How did your child react?
I'm asking this because although my older two are quite smart, they aren't racing to the top in terms of skills. In fact, the older one in particular is likely a grade behind in reading. He is in 3rd grade and still can't read independently. He now has a tutor and has just had a jump in level, but that may not be enough we have been ready to start LD testing for a while. Also, I haven't introduced either of them to the math topics their regular schooled peers already know (we do Life of Fred and Math Mammoth, but I've not pushed much for arithmetic fundamentals). I'm comfortable with their pacing, and considering just adding a year to their education so there's less stress. Neither of them are very independent, and next year I'll be starting K with my youngest, so that will divide my working time even further (grades K, 2, & 4). We are talking a house full of boys here, who can manage to take a lesson that should be 15 min. and turn it into 45. Every. day. That's with every sensory trick in the book, a special diet, and exercise before studying.
From what I can tell, the only place it might make a difference for them is for my eldest among his cub scout friends and his cousin who is in the same grade. For the rest of the people they are around, grades aren't even discussed.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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mamaslearning
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| Posted: Feb 07 2015 at 10:16am | IP Logged
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I just keep mine in their grade based on age for purposes outside the home, but in schooling they are all over the board. My third grade is reading at second grade, but okay on math. My fifth grade is behind in math by about a year. My first grade is more like a K. I figure we will work on areas of delayed learning, and my goal is for them to be doing high school work by the time they get to high school. If they are still "behind", then we'll look at what's to be done then in terms of what grade they are placed. We will do math year round to help my struggling one, and my reluctant reader is finally maturing into reading at age 8.
So, for scouts they stay with their age group regardless of what level they are in for curriculum purposes. We will have a 6th, 4th, 2nd, and K next year, but I'm going to start referring to anything before 4th as primary because it's really all about those essential skills like reading.
I hope this makes sense. I'm on kindle and the format is hard for me to type.
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Lara
DD 11, DS 8, DS 6, DS 4
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SallyT
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| Posted: Feb 07 2015 at 11:41am | IP Logged
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I do basically what Lara describes. "6th grade" at my house is whatever that child needs "6th grade" to be. Or "4th grade," or whatever. By middle school I am thinking about what we need to do to be able to call a child a 9th grader/in high school -- that is when distinctions start to matter more, because there's the question of when graduation will happen.
I have seen children who were "behind" in late elementary school make quantum leaps forward as they matured, so that even if their "4th grade" was kind of remedial, by 7th grade they're at a place of being able to take on "grade-level appropriate" work, and to learn things that formerly were roadblocks quickly and automatically.
Sally
PS: I did start my second son, now 12, in kindergarten when he was 6, not 5. He has a summer birthday, and he was an immature 5 -- bright, but not about to sit and learn with me at that stage. That year's delay did make all the difference -- though now he wants to argue with me when I call him a 6th grader. "7th!" But really, this is still 6th grade -- or else he'll have a 3-year "high-school prep" program. Or blow me away with his algebra readiness, but I'm not seeing it right now.
High school math, especially is when these things start to matter more -- getting in reasonable graduation requirements (3-4 years of upper-level math for a college-bound student) takes some planning for, I have found, which is what prevents my just going, "OK, fine, you're a 7th grader."
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Kristie 4
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I start around middle school looking at the actual grade- with my youngest who is a late November child I have always told him a year behind. For my daughter we figured it out starting in 8th when we called that 8/9 and 9 was 9/10 and then we just moved right into 11th!
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Kristie in Canada
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kbfsc
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I have a son that also has a late summer birthday and, after lots of discussion and prayer, we "kept him back" for K. It was my gut, but the final affirmation came from a friend who is a therapist. She said that there are children that can move ahead even when they are younger than their peers, and many do very well. Some don't. On the other hand, she said she has never known a child that was "held back" that suffered any negative effects. To me, especially for boys, as some of them need a little extra time to mature, it just made sense. My son occasionally complains, and he was sad when some of his friends received their First Communion before him! But otherwise it's been good. I'm glad he has an advantage instead of always playing catch-up.
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Kiera
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Trill
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My oldest son will be five in September. I think we will not call him kindergarten this year, but wait until he is six. I'm glad to hear that it works for others to make each grade what it needs to be in the early years and worry about grade level work when we get closer to high school.
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Michelle
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3ringcircus
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| Posted: Feb 10 2015 at 11:24pm | IP Logged
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Sorry if I was unclear. I guess I should have said "stayed back"? My DB & SIL have waited to start each of their kids in public school, and I think they are happy abut it. For me, it didn't make sense with two Jan. birthdays. They seemed plenty "old enough" to be in the grade they are in.
At this point, I would be dealing with their reactions when they stayed in their respective grades for 2 years. I could probably get around it and protect their feelings somewhat, but it would take some thought and strategizing on my part. My IL's have been expressing concern to DH over homeschooling in general, and I don't want to add fuel to the fire. We are already on a restrictive diet and just plain strange to them. They are nice, loving grandparents, but sometimes I'm glad they don't speak English and my Spanish isn't quite fluent. 
Soo, I guess I could just leave things as-is and make a more formal decision when they are approaching the end of middle school. That's a great suggestion. At that point, I could even involve them in the discussion and ask if they'd like to work harder and be done sooner or have more learning time, but more years of schooling.
Meanwhile, my 4yo preschooler is learning how to read & trying to do math, and enjoying himself immensely. He begs me for "paperwork". Oye!
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
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SallyT
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Yes, you could always stretch middle school an extra year if you needed to (call it "high school prep" or, "8th grade transition," or something). And typically the reason would be math readiness, I think. At the end of the day, math is what you have to strategize about -- at what stage are they going to move into algebra (and beyond), and how will you make enough time to get in three or four years of college-preparatory math, if that's your aim? Otherwise, if you need to, much work at that stage could be called either middle- or high-school work, depending on your needs.
Case in point: this is the reverse of what you're asking about, but it might help. My 17yo son asked to graduate early (this year instead of next), and for a variety of reasons we have agreed. For transcript purposes, I went back and renamed his 8th-grade year "9th grade," and so on -- which I was able to do pretty easily because he'd done algebra I in 8th, plus a first year in foreign language. Typically by 8th grade (whenever that is for a given child), that child is doing at least some work that could theoretically be counted on a high-school transcript, so even if you're taking an extra year before your "official" 9th-grade year, you can think of it as a high-school "transition" year, in which your child is earning some credits for his transcript. That might make it seem less like holding someone back, if you find that you are going to want that extra time at that stage.
I don't know if that makes sense or not! But "grade levels" can be pretty fluid things, even up to the last minute (as I have learned . . . ). Meanwhile, my child whom I held back on the front end is surging ahead now -- they do go through cognitive and maturational growth spurts as well as physical ones. I still don't know that I'll be okay with his starting high school year after next, instead of year after year after next, but I'm trying to plan his work, especially in math, with that possibility in mind.
Again, I hope this is relevant and helpful.
Sally
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amarytbc
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Older mom here suggesting you make the change now.
We have gone through this with two children. With the October baby that started early we gave a bonus year after second grade because she just wasn't where we thought she should be. A few years later she developed a great love of study and by 6th grade she had completed so much that we registered her homeschooling 7th/8th the next year. She did do math over the summer, but other than that she was fine and went on to get scholarships. She really needed that time of no pressure.
The second child was a May baby and she was on the younger side when she started. Same problems as you mentioned including have a cousin the same age, friends in the homeschool group the same age/grade. We went back and forth on the peer pressure etc. and decided to just keep her in the grade she was in and use easier material for awhile. Big problem. She has always felt stressed, ended up doing the lower grade work anyway and then felt guilty because she was registered for a higher grade. She will start college next year when she is just 18 and I don't have the confidence about her that I did with the others. She's still not a great student.
As time went on, I rethought giving her a bonus year, but always decided against it. I so regret that now and wish I had just done it when she was young. Everyone would have forgotten what grade she was originally in and it wouldn't have mattered.
One thing to factor in is the maturity of the child. This "May baby" is very bright and was always a year or two advanced in math, but she's high strung and easily annoyed plus a perfectionist. Those things worked against her when it came to frustration with studying challenging material.
Saying a prayer you find your solution.
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folklaur
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| Posted: May 01 2015 at 7:14pm | IP Logged
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We do "do" grades in our homeschool, for the most part. One of the perks of homeschooling.
With my youngest, who is an early June (like the 3rd) baby, we have her a grade behind what she would be in if at public school on their schedule. (She is going to be 13 in a few weeks, and would be just finishing up 7th if in school.) One of her close friends up the street has an April Birthday, so they are barely two months apart...however, friend is the oldest of five, whereas my dd is the "baby" of the family. In many ways, it shows, iykwim.
However, we will play with grade placement on outside things at our discretion. 
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CrunchyMom
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I decided last year to "hold back" my two June birthdays, but I didn't really choose their curriculum based on that. I felt less worried about math because of it, and when I went to register, our state had added general categories as options rather than specific grades, so I have them both in "elementary" or whatever they called it. It makes a lot more sense to me to think in terms of elementary, prep for high school, and then when they officially start high school. I just like the flexibility this affords where I don't have to nail down a grade right now.
One reason I chose to hold them back is because we have often discussed with them the option of attending trade school in high school in dual enrollment. This way, they can enter a trade professionally or have real skills to find a job as they work in college, making a lot more than they could in a work study or typical part-time job. Having them graduate on the older side gives us a little more time, should they decide to do this.
Fortunately, I am in a state that does not require any records, testing, etc... I only have to submit attendance.
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Lindsay
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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Martha
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I don't hold back or keep grades. They are where they are and I can't place them anywhere but where they are. Sure I can put an artificial number on it, but that doesn't change their reality.
My oldest graduated at 19, which is not outside the normal as the typical span is 17-19, with most falling in the 18 age and many still falling in 17 or 19. I have no regrets for that and neither does he.
I would ignore the grade level issue and just focus on building their skills. If you can't ignore it bc of some regulation issue that you don't control, then I would not hesitate to extend their time in whatever grade they need to be in. (I hate the term "holding back". It sounds like keeping them from doing something rather than making it easier for them to do it.)
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jawgee
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Martha wrote:
I don't hold back or keep grades. They are where they are and I can't place them anywhere but where they are. Sure I can put an artificial number on it, but that doesn't change their reality.
My oldest graduated at 19, which is not outside the normal as the typical span is 17-19, with most falling in the 18 age and many still falling in 17 or 19. I have no regrets for that and neither does he.
I would ignore the grade level issue and just focus on building their skills. If you can't ignore it bc of some regulation issue that you don't control, then I would not hesitate to extend their time in whatever grade they need to be in. (I hate the term "holding back". It sounds like keeping them from doing something rather than making it easier for them to do it.) |
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I like this.
My 9YO is in third grade, does second-grade grammar, fifth-grade math, loves science and can communicate about it at a middle-school level, and hates history and won't even discuss it. What type of number would I assign there?! 
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CrunchyMom
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jawgee wrote:
Martha wrote:
I don't hold back or keep grades. They are where they are and I can't place them anywhere but where they are. Sure I can put an artificial number on it, but that doesn't change their reality.
My oldest graduated at 19, which is not outside the normal as the typical span is 17-19, with most falling in the 18 age and many still falling in 17 or 19. I have no regrets for that and neither does he.
I would ignore the grade level issue and just focus on building their skills. If you can't ignore it bc of some regulation issue that you don't control, then I would not hesitate to extend their time in whatever grade they need to be in. (I hate the term "holding back". It sounds like keeping them from doing something rather than making it easier for them to do it.) |
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I like this.
My 9YO is in third grade, does second-grade grammar, fifth-grade math, loves science and can communicate about it at a middle-school level, and hates history and won't even discuss it. What type of number would I assign there?! |
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Exactly! I was so grateful when the option came along that didn't make me choose one arbitrarily, even for purely clerical reasons.
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Lindsay
Five Boys(6/04) (6/06) (9/08)(3/11),(7/13), and 1 girl (5/16)
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[URL=http://mysymphonygarden.blogspot.com/]Lost in the Cosmos[/UR
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rose gardens
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"we have been ready to start LD testing for a while"
If you suspect a learning disability, please check that out before you tell the child you're holding him back.
I have a child with dyslexia. We don't need to report what grade our children are in, but standardized testing is mandatory. He repeated third grade testing. That grade was also the year we recognized his learning disability. He reading was not good <--understatement! He was able to progress to the next level of math, but not in language arts. We called him either grade, depending on the activity, but he liked to go by the grade level on his math book. Except for math, his education materials were based on ability level, not a specific grade number, and I made sure to pick things that didn't have "grade level __" posted on their cover. We found some excellent materials to remediate his reading. (Barton Reading and Spelling) He worked hard. In a couple of years, I moved him back to doing standardized testing in the grade that he would have been in.
He tests above grade level in reading now, but he still has dyslexia. His dyslexia shows up now just in his writing that his reading is remediated.
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3ringcircus
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He does indeed have dyslexia, or at least he tested w/ quite a few deficiencies on the CTOPP (the combined score was irregular because he had mastered some areas already). He is being tutored using the Barton system, and after 4 months he is already reading better.
I decided to talk to my eldest and ask him what he thought about the matter. I said that in 4th grade, kids typically do more reading and writing, which isn't the level he is working at now (even using audiobooks, which we often do). I said that he could probably stay in 4th like his cousin, but that he'd have to work really hard. Or, he could take the year and stay in 3rd and spend lots of time working on improving his reading w/ the tutor, and continuing w/ me for other subjects at a relaxed and steady pace. Luckily, I could tell him that both my DH and my brother repeated a grade and are successful in their careers. I also mentioned that he'd be on the same "track" as his other cousins who started K a year older than their peers.
He decided to continue w/ 3rd this year and seems pretty chill about it. I'm a lot more content, too. I know he will become a good reader with the right instruction because he's interested in books and stories. And, we get to continue on our normal pace without me having that nagging feeling that the other kids have learned things we (rightfully) haven't approached yet. I am excited that he will have that bonus year.
My middle son will get the bonus year too (2yrs of first grade), although he doesn't know it yet. He is also working with a reading tutor and she and I agree that he acts more first-grader-ish; which is hard to describe but he doesn't have the settled quality that I used to see in 2nd graders when I was in public schools. I see that he is so much more competent with math concepts than he was last year. Plus, he needs an additional year to have time for his projects (currently working on DJ lighting). Who wants to waste time learning academic skills when you have to figure out how the motors and lights and rigging and computer setup happens?
My youngest is easily doing 1st grade work at age 5, but won't skip any grades. He'll just get more time to focus on creativity and individual project work.
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful responses. It was helpful to hear all sides, and when the Spirit led me to discuss things with my son, I was more calm and open.
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Christine
Mom to my circus of boys: G-1/06, D-1/04, S-4/10
Started HS in Fall'12
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SallyT
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So glad you found a solution that brings you all peace. Your approach sounds fantastic and so well thought out -- and your kids sound pretty great, too.
Sally
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: Deciding to "hold back" a child/children
