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mumofsix
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| Posted: May 09 2006 at 5:57am | IP Logged
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I have greatly enjoyed reading the lastest post in Every Waking Hour about the Gestapo Homeschooling Mom in our own hearts. (The Gestapo Homeschooling Mom is a reference to another blog, referenced by Willa in her post, which brilliantly describes that type of mother who knows how to do it and is determined that you will too, by her example/coercion. Here in England we do not have the Gestapo Homeschooling Mom, we have the KGB Mum, a more subtle though no less grim creature. Thank goodness I have only ever met one of her type, all the others I have met being humble and supportive.)
Willa puts an interesting twist on this though, by pondering that Gestapo Homeschooling Mom/KGB Mum in one's own heart, who constantly judges herself and assumes that everything is down to ME. I think that is a real temptation to us independent homeschooling types, very well expressed by Willa.
I have found it very liberating to let go of my devotion to a mythical (and heretical) Mother of Perpetual Responsibility. Asking my brother recently, "Where have I gone wrong?" in relation to problems with ds 18, he said, "Parents always think it is all their fault. It isn't." The corollary of-course, is that it is not all our own doing when things go well, either. It is easy to see boasting about homeschooling success as a matter of pride, but so is despairing about perceived failures too. Everything depends upon grace.
Does this impact on homeschooling choices? I think it does. I am not going to say here that some form of unschooling is THE way to go, obviously. But I have found that thinking more carefully about my children's interests and abilities, tailoring what we do to that, asking them what THEY want to do and observing them carefully to find out what it is that they need, all this has improved our homeschooling radically in the past few months. I used to think that unschooling would amount to a dereliction of my duty to provide a good education, given the children's immaturity, but it doesn't. I look to the children's interests, but of-course I also communicate my own. (One of my great loves is the classical languages, so there you go, classical unschooling!  ) So does my husband: he is a scientist who loves maths. (I think the same could apply to a couple with little formal education yet with a willingness and eagerness to learn themselves and share that with their children.)
I don't know how successful or unsuccessful we will be in the world's eyes in the end (we are doing quite well at the moment) but we are enjoying the now. God's grace moment by moment is sufficient.
Jane.
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Mary G
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| Posted: May 09 2006 at 7:02am | IP Logged
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Jane,
This is a wonderful post! Thanks for linking to Willa's blog -- which I will print and peruse later. But I really love your take on all this. Particularly your mention about your brother's comment.
I know I take too much on myself -- "if they don't excel it's my fault" syndrome. This is definitely a culture here in America -- blame the parents when things go wrong, but take all the credit when I do well.
Thanks to your pithy comments, I feel better about trying to unschool with my kids and give my kids the tools to learn and then "get out of the way" !
__________________
MaryG
3 boys (22, 12, 8)2 girls (20, 11)
my website that combines my schooling, hand-knits work, writing and everything else in one spot!
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Leonie
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| Posted: May 10 2006 at 12:49am | IP Logged
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mumofsix wrote:
| I am not going to say here that some form of unschooling is THE way to go, obviously. But I have found that thinking more carefully about my children's interests and abilities, tailoring what we do to that, asking them what THEY want to do and observing them carefully to find out what it is that they need, all this has improved our homeschooling radically in the past few months. I used to think that unschooling would amount to a dereliction of my duty to provide a good education, given the children's immaturity, but it doesn't. I look to the children's interests, but of-course I also communicate my own. (One of my great loves is the classical languages, so there you go, classical unschooling! ) |
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Jane, Thank you for writing this.
I agree that unschooly-ness doesn not have to mean hands off - the children and dh and I communicate and we as parents listen to the hearts of our dc but also bring in our own thoughts.
For example, university study is importnat to dh and I and this gets reflecetd in our choices and discussions with the dc.
It is sort of a family centred Catholic education, in a way, isn't it?
I try hard not be the Gestapo in our home!
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Leonie in Sydney
Living Without School
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Rebecca
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| Posted: May 10 2006 at 8:20am | IP Logged
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mumofsix wrote:
| Asking my brother recently, "Where have I gone wrong?" in relation to problems with ds 18, he said, "Parents always think it is all their fault. It isn't." The corollary of-course, is that it is not all our own doing when things go well, either. It is easy to see boasting about homeschooling success as a matter of pride, but so is despairing about perceived failures too. Everything depends upon grace. |
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Jane, I really needed to hear this today. I certainly have struggled with beating myself up about "what we covered" this year. I found myself muttering "I am a failure" at the table yesterday when I could not illuminate long division for my oldest son. He has struggled with much of his work this year, attitudes have changed and he is not as excited about learning as he once was. Instead of tailoring learning to his needs, I kept plugging away, "You need to get that math page DONE. You need to stick that person on the timeline and get going on your language arts." I realized about a month ago that this is occurring because I am prideful and want to "appear" to be doing the right things to those close to us who are watching me with their magnifying glasses, waiting for me to fail so they can say, "I told you homeschooling was a bad idea!"
I do believe that I will be taking a different approach next school year, leaning more towards unschooling for the first time ever, involving the kids in their learning, with hopes of gaining cooperation and rekindling their spark for learning.
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lapazfarm
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| Posted: May 10 2006 at 6:30pm | IP Logged
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Rebecca wrote:
I realized about a month ago that this is occuring because I am prideful and want to "appear" to be doing the right things to those close to us who are watching me with their magnifying glasses, waiting for me to fail so they can say, "I told you homeschooling was a bad idea!"
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This is a realization I had awhile back, too. Pride is such an obstacle for me. I am finally getting over it and getting to a place where the curriculum truly is driven by the needs and talents of ds, rather than my ideas about what his education should look like. And that includes discovering that total unschooling doesn't work for him or for me. It is a very good feeling right now, to be in that happy place of balance. I am sure you find it, too. Keep on plugging on!
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Theresa
us-schooling in beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska.
LaPaz Home Learning
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Willa
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| Posted: May 11 2006 at 10:23am | IP Logged
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mumofsix wrote:
I have found it very liberating to let go of my devotion to a mythical (and heretical) Mother of Perpetual Responsibility. |
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LOL Jane! I love that and will remember it!
Quote:
| Does this impact on homeschooling choices? I think it does. I am not going to say here that some form of unschooling is THE way to go, obviously. But I have found that thinking more carefully about my children's interests and abilities, tailoring what we do to that, asking them what THEY want to do and observing them carefully to find out what it is that they need, all this has improved our homeschooling radically in the past few months. I used to think that unschooling would amount to a dereliction of my duty to provide a good education, given the children's immaturity, but it doesn't. |
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This has been exactly my thought process too.
Why is some form of unschooling NOT necessarily a dereliction of duty? That was a stumbling block to me, too -- it seemed like it ought to be, but isn't. A long time ago I wrote on my blog that unschooling was like Strider -- "looks foul, feels fair". It SEEMED like dereliction but didn't ACT that way when I tried it.
I think it is because it helps me at least remove the inner GHM from the equation and just focus on the child and what I can give him. That is not a dereliction of my own responsibility, it's an acknowledgement of it, not relying on some formula or "system" to do what I need to be doing myself.
Looking back on our homeschool years I see that the most learning took place when I was learning to be what would most help my kids, and when my kids were learning to be more like me and DH (in a good way, not the negative ways). This is an intimate, grace-filled interaction. I wish I had been more conscious of that aspect and less conscious of the books to get through and what we "should" be doing..... following this or that recipe for the perfect homeschool.
I think many of you do this natural stuff "naturally" LOL and I had to go about it the "hard way" -- reasoning it out and so arriving there by a side door. I have such high aspirations for education and that is OK! But where I go wrong is when I use the aspirations reductively -- micromanaging.
In some ways I was thinking that the things I said about the GHM vs the mentor apply to my homeschooling too. I seem to do best teaching my children when I acknowledge I'm on the same path and try to help/guide/encourage in that light.
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AMDG
Willa
hsing boys ages 11, 14, almost 18 (+ 4 homeschool grads ages 20 to 27)
Take Up and Read
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4Real Forums : Living Learning
Topic: The gestapo homeschooling mom in us.
