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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 1:37pm | IP Logged
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Everyone always cringes when we hear those stories of female infanticide, neglect, and abuse in third-world countries. We wonder how they can put such an extreme value on boys over girls. My husband and I were discussing last night how this still seems to happen to a lesser extent here in the U.S.
See, we're just now starting to announce that we're expecting our third child. The first thing most people, male and female, remark after "Congratulations" is "So you think you'll finally get a boy this time?" There's kind of this intimation that we failed somehow by having two girls. And I keep getting comments about about how teenage boys are easier to deal with then teenage girls. When my husband and I say that we really don't care if it's a boy or girl as long as it's healthy, people seem really surprised.
It has really got my husband and I thinking, and I wonder if this is because boys are more valued or because of the stereotype that the "perfect family" has one boy and one girl. What about those of you with a long (or short) of string of boys? Do you experience the same thing? And do you feel that people think that you just had one more child because you weren't satisfied with the sex of your previous children?
I will admit that my husband used to long for a boy, but our oldest daughter couldn't be more like him in personality and temperament if she were a boy. She's his little buddy. We just want healthy, and we look forward to the unique personality, needs, and challenges of each child no matter what their sex is.
Oh, and some of our friends have commented that "we're really starting to look like a Catholic family". This is extremely funny to me considering that my husband isn't even Catholic and will never be Catholic and this is only our third child. I feel like saying, "If you want to see some real Catholic families you should check out this forum I go to." 
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Martha
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We had four boys before having our girl and we heard the exact same thing for every baby after that first boy, "Do you think this one will be your girl?"
Most people seem to have a stereotype of the family as 1 boy and 1 girl and I guess they figure you must really want whatever one you don't have.
My dh really wanted a daughter. Don't get me wrong he loves these boys, but I thought the poor fella was going to cry when that 4th baby ultrasound showed another boy.
Me? I love them all, but I do think boys are easier. At least at this point I think that. My girls are so hormonal! Er I mean emotional. Er I mean sensitive. Drives me nutty some days.
Okay scratch all of that. Truth is I'm love the whole crazy lot of them in all their individual weirdness. 
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Martha
mama to 7 boys & 4 girls
Yes, they're all ours!
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Lisbet
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We have 6 boys and 3 girls. The girls are all 5 years apart in age with boys smashed closely in the middle. I am ALWAYS hearing from people how I must hope for a girl when I'm pregnant.
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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SuzanneG
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 2:03pm | IP Logged
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We get this ALL THE TIME! Everyone feels SO SORRY for dh with FOUR GIRLS!!!!! And, OF COURSE, everyone assumes we "want" a boy this time around. We don't nec WANT a boy (we're quite indifferent about the matter and just assume it's a girl )...and that's not why we keep having babes. But, of course, no one believes it.
Of course, dh would like to have a son, just to do all those boy things with him, but having a crew of girls is fine too.
I also keep thinking that if we DO have a boy this time and no more children after that....people will always assume that we just wanted "our boy" and that would really bug me.
The other thing that totally cracks us up is all the comments about how expensive all the weddings are going to be. Ha! "how are you going to afford all those weddings?" Grrrrrr....cuz, ya know EVERYONE needs to spend the average $26k on a wedding!  Give me a break!
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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amyable
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SuzanneG wrote:
We get this ALL THE TIME! Everyone feels SO SORRY for dh with FOUR GIRLS!!!!! And, OF COURSE, everyone assumes we "want" a boy this time around. We don't nec WANT a boy (we're quite indifferent about the matter and just assume it's a girl )...and that's not why we keep having babes. But, of course, no one believes it.
Of course, dh would like to have a son, just to do all those boy things with him, but having a crew of girls is fine too.
I also keep thinking that if we DO have a boy this time and no more children after that....people will always assume that we just wanted "our boy" and that would really bug me.
The other thing that totally cracks us up is all the comments about how expensive all the weddings are going to be. Ha! "how are you going to afford all those weddings?" Grrrrrr....cuz, ya know EVERYONE needs to spend the average $26k on a wedding! Give me a break!
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What she said, word for word.
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Amy
mom of 5, ages 6-16, and happy wife of 
The Highly Sensitive Homeschooler
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Barbara C.
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 2:14pm | IP Logged
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Well, other than sports my husband is not into the "boy things" like car maintenance, home repair, etc. All of that falls on me. Our girls love to wrestle with him and play football and baseball (sometimes in their ballet slippers and tutus). We had to make older daughter her own APBA game (a baseball simulation game) because she wants to be just like her daddy. Although, she doesn't want to go to a baseball game unless there are mascots involved. She is only four. So I don't think he really has missed having a boy too much.
Thankfully, I haven't heard any of the wedding stuff yet!
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Maryan
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 2:49pm | IP Logged
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Barbara -- just sounding in that like the other moms with boys -- we get the same for every pregnancy: "going for the girl?"
So I think it's true about the boy and girl thing -- I think Americans think every family should at least have one of each.
Otherwise most Americans seem to offer me their condolences and think having soon-to-be five boys is insane.  Well... we are a little nutty!
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Maryan
Mom to 6 boys & 1 girl: JP('01), B ('03), M('05), L('06), Ph ('08), M ('10), James born 5/1/12
A Lee in the Woudes
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Cheryl
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I think people are just making small talk. They say these cliche kinds of things. When I had 2 boys, I kept hearing, are you going for a girl? When we had the girl I'd hear, are you trying to balance it out? Now we've balanced it out and I'm not pregnant, so I hear, are you going to have any more?
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Cheryl
Wife to Bob ('97)
Mom to Matthew 13, Joseph 11, Sarah 10, Rachel 6, Hannah almost 4 and Mary 1
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SuzanneG
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I truly don't feel like our society places more "value" on boys than girls. I think the questions and astonishment are the same for "all boys" as for "all girls", just for different reasons. (does that make sense?) It's just the "have to have a boy AND a girl mentality" that is out there, not one gender is better than the other. At least, I don't feel that.
In our society there really isn't a valid point to boys having more value than girls anymore, is there?
Most of us don't live on family farms that we are concerned about handing down, wanting to stay in the family.
"Muscle-power" isn't nec a factor for survival or jobs anymore.
There is no "dowry".
Hmmmm....what else?
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Suzanne in ID
Wife to Pete
Mom of 7 (Girls - 14, 12, 11, 9, 7 and Boys - 4, 1)
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Lisbet
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Just a funny side bar. There is an elderly widow that lives a few doors down from me. She and her husband had 11 children. The first 10 were boys, the 11th was a girl. She says they got this ALL the time. I can only imagine! When their 11th was born everyone said "so you finally got your girl." She's like "Yeah, we really just kept having kids till we had a girl... 
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Lisa, wife to Tony,
Mama to:
Nick, 17
Abby, 15
Gabe, 13
Isaac, 11
Mary, 10
Sam, 9
Henry, 7
Molly, 6
Mark, 5
Greta, 3
Cecilia born 10.29.10
Josephine born 6.11.12
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hylabrook1
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My 6 dc are 5 girls and one boy. Everyone, of course, comments on the imbalance. I remind them of a family in my neighborhood growing up. Their first 6 were in the same order as mine -- 3 girls, one boy, 2 girls. BUT their next 6 were 5 boys then one girl, for a final outcome of 6 of each. I just tell people I haven't ever gotten around to my second set of 6! (And at my age, I certainly won't, as sad as that makes me).
Peace,
Nancy
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Mary Chris
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| Posted: Oct 12 2007 at 4:30pm | IP Logged
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Maryan wrote:
So I think it's true about the boy and girl thing -- I think Americans think every family should at least have one of each.
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Cheryl wrote:
| I think people are just making small talk. They say these cliche kinds of things. When I had 2 boys, I kept hearing, are you going for a girl? When we had the girl I'd hear, are you trying to balance it out? Now we've balanced it out and I'm not pregnant, so I hear, are you going to have any more? |
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I was going to say what they said.
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Blessings, Mary Chris Beardsley
mom to MacKenzie3/95, Carter 12/97 Ronan 3/00 and wife to Jim since 1/92
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graciefaith
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We get this and im only on my 3rd baby. I have 2 girls and this baby that will hopefully be born soon is another girl. At first, dh was a little sad b/c he wanted a boy, but he realized that our girls are absolutely perfect and he'd never want to change that. Besides, the girls are in love with anything dh is into. They love football, transformers and gundams(yes, he's a big kid at heart, lol) etc. Would this be our last child if it was a boy? No way. Dh wants more and so do I. That's definitely up to God. I'm pretty young so i have many more years of fertility ahead of me.
eta: I've been told that when you have 1 boy and 1 girl, you have "a million dollar family."
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Macmom
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1) I think Suzanne is right- when you see a family of all one gender, you just hope they get to experience all sides. Its fun to have boys AND girls, and see how different they are. We have 3 girls and 6 boys- and it amazes us that, having raised them in parity- the boys still prefer masculine interests and the girls like to be feminine!
2) Your dh will NEVER be Catholic? Do you have a crystal ball? Life is long, you know... many things can happen. Stranger things HAVE happened. Don't stop praying for his conversion. (My dh was raised a staunch atheist- he's an on-fire Catholic now! My father was a cafeteria Catholic, not interested in religion, until he was in his 50s... but he got hit upside the head by God and he is a deacon now!)
3) "As long as the baby is healthy." I USED to say this, until I heard a talk by Kimberly Hahn where she refutes this idea of only "healthy" babies are welcome. Its also a slap in the face to parents who a) chose to adopt a special needs child or b) under great pressure, chose for life when everyone told them the health problems of the fetus warranted "termination." I just say "This baby was planned by God- we'll love him (her) no matter what!" Healthy is a relative term- and there is no sickness or deformity in eternal life!
Enjoy this baby! :-)
Peace,
Macmom
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Angie Mc
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Mary Chris wrote:
Maryan wrote:
So I think it's true about the boy and girl thing -- I think Americans think every family should at least have one of each.
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Cheryl wrote:
| I think people are just making small talk. They say these cliche kinds of things. When I had 2 boys, I kept hearing, are you going for a girl? When we had the girl I'd hear, are you trying to balance it out? Now we've balanced it out and I'm not pregnant, so I hear, are you going to have any more? |
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I was going to say what they said. |
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Yep...sorta like when my children ask, "Mom, why does everyone ask me how old I am and what grade I'm in?" Small talk...
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Angie Mc
Maimeo to Henry! Dave's wife, mom to Mrs. Devin+Michael Pope, Aiden 20,Ian 17,John Paul 11,Catherine (heaven 6/07)
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kingvozzo
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graciefaith wrote:
| eta: I've been told that when you have 1 boy and 1 girl, you have "a million dollar family." |
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Ugh, we were so sick of those types of comments after our daughter was born. We were supposed to be done then, because it was just right!
I'm glad I have both, but I would dearly love for my daughter to have a sister. She's already praying for one  I guess we'll have to keep trying.
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Noreen
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Mom to 4 great kids and 10 sweet ones in Our Lady's arms
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graciefaith
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| Posted: Oct 13 2007 at 5:40am | IP Logged
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I think it's true that some just say these things for small talk. But, what i get when i tell everyone that my 3rd one, who is due next week, is a girl, is the "awww, you must be disappointed" or "i feel sorry for you" attitude, which just plain bothers me. Why should i feel sorry b/c i'll have 3 girls? Children are blessings, no matter what sex they are or however healthy they might be. If my 4th is a girl, i'll just be as happy and so on and so on. I have had people sincerely tell me how wonderful it will be having 3 girls etc. and i appreciate those comments.
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LisaR
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I think for the most part it is small talk- but it sure is a great springboard for talking up a large family, etc. hey- they "asked" for it, right!!??
I come from a family of all girls. As the oldest especially I got SO TIRED of the jokes we all got- my poor dad, etc.
Then, I myself had 4 boys in a row. I could send all my kids to college if I had a dollar for every "bet you were hoping THAT one had been a girl, right??"
Now, we have a daughter, and I am facing very severe health issues. It is heartbreaking to have comments thrown around like well, at least you "got" your girl! and so on.
But who said this life was supposed to be all rosey and Catholic pro-life friendly?? It is good for me and keeps me on my toes in prayer and action when the comments start up.
Again, on the positive side, I think since people bring these things up they must deep down want to "dailogue" about kids- I usually ask- "how many boys/girls were in your family growing up?" or- "do you know anyone else around here with lots of boys? my friend has SIX in a row!", and so on...
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Lisa
dh Tim '92
Joseph 17
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Isaac Vincent 9/21/10! and...
many little saints in heaven!
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Dawnie
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Yeah, small talk, although, it does get old, especially when one is pregnant!
I'm kinda thinking out loud here, but, I think that us having 4 girls kind of protects me from the more rude, intrusive kinds of comments, like "don't you know what causes that??" Perhaps people just assume that we're just trying to have our boy, so they don't say some of the ruder things that might be said to a mom with a more mixed crowd? Or maybe we just live in a more large-family-friendly area?
Almost all of my friends are faithful Catholics. Dh and I have created a supportive network for ourselves, so I very rarely hear negative comments. Dh, however, often has to "explain" our lifestyle to his co-workers. I have been shocked to hear the kinds of questions and comments he gets at work and I'm thankful that I'm not the one who has to deal with it! I'm not sure I would be able to be as charitable in my response as he is! Which is why I'm glad God has protected me from negativity regarding our family size!
Dawn
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missionfamily
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i have five boys and people are always telling me how sorry they are and asking if we're going to try for a girl...i've started responding, "well, that's what we've been doing and it didn't seem to work, i think we'll start trying for boys!" i'm so tired of people telling me what a "poor dear" i am for having five boys  in front of them no less!
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Colleen
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4Real Forums : Tea and Conversation
Topic: Value of boys over girls?
